My friend who has casual sex wont have sex with me

[Pretty_Diamonds]

That is so incredibly sexist. This is not how it "SHOULD" be. I can't deny that's how it tends to be but it certainly shouldn't be that way.

Lol, life's tough.

 

[lola]

I'm a woman and I have casual sex with some guys who are fwb.

I've had problems before with other male friends (some attractive, some less so) who seem to have "earmarked" me as a girl who'd want to have casual sex with them, just because I do it with other people. I'm the "fun loving" girl.

But it's not so simple; some guy friends I don't fuck because I know they'd get attached. Some because I worry I might get attached. Others because I find them unattractive, or because they just want to use me as a rebound. I find it offensive when someone just thinks about what they need from me and not taking my well-being into account. I also enjoy having some platonic male friendships.

So basically, just because you're suddenly single and want casual fun, just because he may well be into you physically, just because you've decided he's going to make good fwb material - it doesn't mean this meets his needs. I'd strongly suggest you respect his reasons, not analyse his behaviour, and move on. There are many guys out there who'd be happy to be fwb, but you don't just get to decide unilaterally!

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

The fact that you are talking about "FWB," and in the same post talk about exclusivity, is proof that you don't really know what you want, and the guy is probably somewhat aware of what's going on with you beyond the words you're using. I think a lot of people are having trouble believing that you are really at the stage you say you're at, including this guy of yours.

Also, the fact that you allowed his phone etiquette to get in between you and the sex you say you want probably stuck with him. Guys don't like getting nagged when there hasn't even been an agreed upon commitment yet. It's not about being right or logical, it's about letting people be who they are and if you like it, then befriend and hump it, and if you don't then don't.

If you gotta keep trying this hard, and it's been this long, then you're better off just letting it go. It's not gonna happen, and if it does happen, it's not gonna be as great as you think it is.

I think the whole FWB thing is often just a phrase people use to try and be cool, few people really know what they're doing in that regard. If you want a stable, loving, relationship, why not try and go out and get one?

Just see this situation as an opportunity to learn how to let go of things you want. It's a good skill to have if nothing else.

 

[akautonomics]

^ Lol, well this is common knowledge. Women are suppose to be able to sleep with whomever they choose.

What does that even MEAN?

 

[Issac Sinclair]

^ it means girls can choose who to have sex with.

Guys are made to be rejected.


Even an ugly girl can bed a guy if she just opened up for him. A guy can't really do that, its called rape. When we hear of a female raping a male, most of society tends to reject it.

The OP is sexist, but I'd have to agree. Thats life. Attractive people can have sex with whomever they choose, girls just have more choice and guys less so. If a girl said lets do it and a guy said no... well everyone automatically thinks there is something wrong with him because guys are 'supposed' to be at a girl's beck and call.

I "unfortunately" am haha.

 

[akautonomics]

I dunno man.

I'm a pretty cute girl, (there are pics of me on BL if you wanna see) and well, there are girls who's boxes I want to nom who I have been unable to nom. There are homogay phaggits I'd like to hook up with yet, I remain unfulfilled.

lol. I know you're referring to cis-het guys and cis-het girls, but a) that's not everyone. b) Girls do get turned down by cis-het guys...you know, there are guys who are for e.g. (monogamous)married or in committed relationships who are actually serious about it, and also everyone has diff tastes and standards. My friend, who despite being a forever alone almost virgin at age 26, still turns down girls who don't meet his very specific tastes. So does my fiance, he'd probably turn down playing with me and a chick who fell outside of his scope of interest

 

[Issac Sinclair]

That got me curious but I didn't find pics of you. Once you take into consideration sexual preferences of course you can't gay or ungay others!

When pointing out outliers, you are gonna find evidence contrary to others say, but let me ask, do you agree or disagree with the statement? Take away the outliers, is it true for the most part?

 

[Maya]

He doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

^This - He probably changed his mind about the whole thing and wants to continue the great friendship with you.

 

[akautonomics]

@ Isaac: Here is a pic of me. in the pics of lover thread. I'm the girl. I look a little different now. Short hair, different style, but ya, my pics are up on here, but I am guessing my fiance did not label them with my BL name.

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

He doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

^This - He probably changed his mind about the whole thing and wants to continue the great friendship with you.

This kind of thinking is just silly and juvenile.
There's no way this guy actually considers the OP one of his buddies. If he chased her, then they dated for a month, then he broke up with her, then he clearly isn't thinking along these lines.

You didn't get friend-zoned, you got rejected. I guess there's not much of a difference. IMO it's wishful thinking that the guy isn't just trying to say whatever he can to politely let the girl down. He was/is attracted to you physically, then he realized that you two don't vibe. That's all this is. You probably felt an irrational desire to pursue him once he rejected you that first time, and he was simply playing along and not trying to hurt your feelings. It's how people get into these multi-year clusterfucks where nothing productive happens in the relationship other than off and on and off. Just keep it off...and doesn't the thread title kinda say it all anyway? He has casual sex, but not with you. Take the hint.

OP, imo, you tried, you're not compatible, and there's nothing more worthwhile that you're gonna get out of him. Carelessness and convenience is not the stuff dreams are made of.

 

[ed.ston]

You didn't get friend-zoned, you got rejected. I guess there's not much of a difference. IMO it's wishful thinking that the guy isn't just trying to say whatever he can to politely let the girl down. He was/is attracted to you physically, then he realized that you two don't vibe. That's all this is. You probably felt an irrational desire to pursue him once he rejected you that first time, and he was simply playing along and not trying to hurt your feelings. It's how people get into these multi-year clusterfucks where nothing productive happens in the relationship other than off and on and off. Just keep it off...and doesn't the thread title kinda say it all anyway? He has casual sex, but not with you. Take the hint.

OP, imo, you tried, you're not compatible, and there's nothing more worthwhile that you're gonna get out of him. Carelessness and convenience is not the stuff dreams are made of.

QFT. I couldn't have said it better.