Marchgambino
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2018
- Messages
- 3
Hello, I did first LSD trip with my boyfriend couple days ago.
I will tell about myself first. I am 23 years old. I did small amount of mdma once at concert. It feels fun! I like it.
I never feel I can't control things in life before. Example: If i am drunk I still know how to control myself.
I am not a person who thinks about commit suicide before/never ever.
When I am mad about stuff I try to think different perspective finding reason why this happen? and It heals me to not sad and easier find way to fix it.
I don't have knowledge on LSD that much. I thought I will see something different / curve. just that ..... Let's see what happened to me.
I took only 150mg of lsd. I am staying in my boyfriend condo I am always be there. We set environment with cool music, drawing stuff, food etc.
During 2-3 hours. I feel so happy with music and everything I see different. Glitter purple glass change and move like curve. We laugh about every single stuff
I saw.
After that my boyfriend takes me to laydown talking about love. he said I started horny but I am not sure If I am.
But I read on reddit before take it that sex is amazing when you do acid so I was wondering. but he don't need sex and he said this is why bad trip start.
While I am hug him on bed. I feel super nice and I went to the light/peaceful place. I never feel like that in my entire life.
I always wonder what is love? and I always think love is just emotion that happen and gone. But on that time (while hug him), I feel/see the love I think he shows me what love is. There is no worried there is just peaceful place.
Then, I stuck in a routine loop. I feel it quick/repeat routine loop. (wake up, cooking, check the phone and work) I also wonder what time is it? where am i? Worried about family is texted me. Have to go out on the evening. It was run on my brain those time all the time.
I really want to pee and he said I already in toilet many times and I did pee. I trusted him. He said it time is infinities and then I feel nice and back to peace again. I start can't control myself. I pee on the floor and started super worried. He said okay no worried let's shower.
after I touch water, smell something good, saw flower birthday card that I gave to him. Everything made me go to peaceful place again and again.
I thought the peaceful I feel/see is reality and I thought I am dreaming when I saw his room. ( I have no idea why my brian think like that)
I am looking for light, color or food to taste. I grab something that have color I throw it away. I put crazy things(tissue) in my mouth. Loop and loop start.
I tried so hard to get there again. and he tried to stop/help me, tried to change my mood, asked me to do others things but I don't listen to him anymore.
I start kick him/ scream / said rude word to him so loud. I don't say it much in real life. I threw dishes on the floor, Ran around, saw the light on the window and want to go there. ( we are in 7 floor ) and he stop me to go closer to window ( thank you so much ) I grab a piece of the broken dish to cut my arm. I grab everything I like and I break it. I have no fear. I flight with my fear. I don't know why I did. Just thought his room is not real, didn't think that is him or me at all. just need to back to peaceful.
He help me so much. he called his friend that I know before. but I stuck in the memories/old days. Those day, He wanted me to talk with his friend because she can tell me about his relationship with another girl that he dated with while he left me. He left me for couple month and promises to come back.
It was hurt me that I see dated with others. but I do love him anyways we back. I stuck on those day, I though he gave me to talk with her from those day. I asked her question that I felt fear to know before. I didn't scream or hurt him that time at all and after she answered positive stuff and I feel nice.
After that, I see what I did to him. He has red scar from my nails on his chest and its breathing. I am back now. I said to him.
I know what I did now. This is reality not the past/future. I saw the mass I did on his room. I am more sad and sadddd and guilty. I did not want to do that. I feel so sorry to him. I am 100% don't want to hurt him never ever. I completely love him. I never said love to any boyfriend. he is my first boyfriend. not just a guy who I date with.
and my question is
- What does it mean? What's wrong with me? Why did this happen to me?
- Do I really have evil inside of me? Really? I just chased the light and happiness. but whyy?
- How can I heal his soul? I don't want to make that long-term pain. after I did I just want to escape mylife/him. I never did something bad like this in my life.
I told him the truth of everything but on his eyes seem still wondering why I hurt him.
I feel better now but worried about him what I did to him is way too painful. I want him to understand. he said doesn't mad at me but you know I feel sad it is guilty.
I will tell about myself first. I am 23 years old. I did small amount of mdma once at concert. It feels fun! I like it.
I never feel I can't control things in life before. Example: If i am drunk I still know how to control myself.
I am not a person who thinks about commit suicide before/never ever.
When I am mad about stuff I try to think different perspective finding reason why this happen? and It heals me to not sad and easier find way to fix it.
I don't have knowledge on LSD that much. I thought I will see something different / curve. just that ..... Let's see what happened to me.
I took only 150mg of lsd. I am staying in my boyfriend condo I am always be there. We set environment with cool music, drawing stuff, food etc.
During 2-3 hours. I feel so happy with music and everything I see different. Glitter purple glass change and move like curve. We laugh about every single stuff
I saw.
After that my boyfriend takes me to laydown talking about love. he said I started horny but I am not sure If I am.
But I read on reddit before take it that sex is amazing when you do acid so I was wondering. but he don't need sex and he said this is why bad trip start.
While I am hug him on bed. I feel super nice and I went to the light/peaceful place. I never feel like that in my entire life.
I always wonder what is love? and I always think love is just emotion that happen and gone. But on that time (while hug him), I feel/see the love I think he shows me what love is. There is no worried there is just peaceful place.
Then, I stuck in a routine loop. I feel it quick/repeat routine loop. (wake up, cooking, check the phone and work) I also wonder what time is it? where am i? Worried about family is texted me. Have to go out on the evening. It was run on my brain those time all the time.
I really want to pee and he said I already in toilet many times and I did pee. I trusted him. He said it time is infinities and then I feel nice and back to peace again. I start can't control myself. I pee on the floor and started super worried. He said okay no worried let's shower.
after I touch water, smell something good, saw flower birthday card that I gave to him. Everything made me go to peaceful place again and again.
I thought the peaceful I feel/see is reality and I thought I am dreaming when I saw his room. ( I have no idea why my brian think like that)
I am looking for light, color or food to taste. I grab something that have color I throw it away. I put crazy things(tissue) in my mouth. Loop and loop start.
I tried so hard to get there again. and he tried to stop/help me, tried to change my mood, asked me to do others things but I don't listen to him anymore.
I start kick him/ scream / said rude word to him so loud. I don't say it much in real life. I threw dishes on the floor, Ran around, saw the light on the window and want to go there. ( we are in 7 floor ) and he stop me to go closer to window ( thank you so much ) I grab a piece of the broken dish to cut my arm. I grab everything I like and I break it. I have no fear. I flight with my fear. I don't know why I did. Just thought his room is not real, didn't think that is him or me at all. just need to back to peaceful.
He help me so much. he called his friend that I know before. but I stuck in the memories/old days. Those day, He wanted me to talk with his friend because she can tell me about his relationship with another girl that he dated with while he left me. He left me for couple month and promises to come back.
It was hurt me that I see dated with others. but I do love him anyways we back. I stuck on those day, I though he gave me to talk with her from those day. I asked her question that I felt fear to know before. I didn't scream or hurt him that time at all and after she answered positive stuff and I feel nice.
After that, I see what I did to him. He has red scar from my nails on his chest and its breathing. I am back now. I said to him.
I know what I did now. This is reality not the past/future. I saw the mass I did on his room. I am more sad and sadddd and guilty. I did not want to do that. I feel so sorry to him. I am 100% don't want to hurt him never ever. I completely love him. I never said love to any boyfriend. he is my first boyfriend. not just a guy who I date with.
and my question is
- What does it mean? What's wrong with me? Why did this happen to me?
- Do I really have evil inside of me? Really? I just chased the light and happiness. but whyy?
- How can I heal his soul? I don't want to make that long-term pain. after I did I just want to escape mylife/him. I never did something bad like this in my life.
I told him the truth of everything but on his eyes seem still wondering why I hurt him.
I feel better now but worried about him what I did to him is way too painful. I want him to understand. he said doesn't mad at me but you know I feel sad it is guilty.