My deepest MXE experience

[szamar_madar]

So there I was again, in this room I’ve only remembered from dreams. Or was this reality? The being in front of me seemed terrifying. I’ve remembered his face from my nightmares. There was a joystick-like apparatus in front of me and when I moved it around I felt surges of dopamine in my brain, leaving a metallic taste in my mouth. The surges were intense and I couldn’t resist moving the lever but every time I felt sick for being a lower kind of being, pushing a button to get my kicks for free.

The whole scene felt perverse. How long had I’ve been here? I clearly remembered taking 5 times the recommended dose over a period of maybe 2 hours but I’ve never contemplated the consequences. Am I dead? Or has this substance brought me to a reality I’ve had repressed for several years? My house, my parents, my friends… Were they all confabulations of a sick mind? I remember scenes from earlier hallucinogen-induced states. It seemed like I’ve taken the magic potion witch brought me back from some weak dream state. This must be reality then. What is the meaning. Who is this being in front of me? Laughing psychotically every time I move the joystick around.

After what felt like years, I accepted my fate. I was locked in this room with this demon and there was nothing I could do about it. Once I accepted this reality I no longer felt bad. If this was the way things were, the only option was to keep on executing the task given. As I kept on manipulating the stick in front of me in the manner that felt more natural, a sense of achievement governed my thoughts.

What first seemed like a mental limbo transformed into a testing ground and I was found successful. It felt like the big bang. I was ready for my transformation. My whole body was incorporated into a machine, supercharging me. It felt like everything was spinning. I was proven ready to enter the next dimenution and enter reality.
Where everything seemed a crude drawn sketch before, it felt like I’ve escaped. I was a few molecules in a fast spinning wheel and felt a divine presence. Like I was from metal, magnetism reverses poles and was shot into space. I went from 2 tot 3-d or from 3 to 4-d. The experience was very powerful. This must be what being born feels like. I walked in a very colorful street with what looked like my peers. Also drawn into this paradise and everything felt right. We’ve taken this journey together and now we were up to the predestined fate. Living in harmony in this utopia.

Colors and tastes were more vivid then ever before. I felt myself grow. What first seemed like perverse in the training-ground felt like a necessary step in my growth to the being I now had become.

Since I was clearly in the equivalent of a K-hole and could not redose, the effect weakened. It took another 8 hours of floating between this state and reality before I became worried. What if I never reached baseline again? When I was back to understanding the concept of hours and days again, my movements were still robotic and uncontrolled. 10 hours after my last dose I’ve had enough mental capacity to call a friend, who came and gave me some food and companionship. Finally I came back to my normal state. I slept like a baby and the next day even the biggest challenges in the ‘real world’ seemed like peanuts to what I’ve experienced.

Be careful with this compound.

 

[fridgebuzz]

It had an ominous "you're playing with the big boys now" sort of vibe when I did 200mg over three hours. Somebody here said, "she bites." I can't remember if there was anything special there to be learned, only that I was happy to regain control after an intense blackout period where the general rules of reality changed into the kind that made me question whether I was alive.

 

[szamar_madar]

In moderate quantities I find it to be a really useful compound to re-evaluate certain aspects of your life. It acts like a magnifying glass and gets you to insights you otherwise wouldn't gain.
I wouldn't use it as a purely recreational compound though.

To quote Tom Waits:
-"She makes strong men cry in train stations"

 

[fridgebuzz]

If by not recreational you mean not an active high then I'd agree. It's not a high that makes you feel good and later crash, but rather fixes the issue in the first place. I think short-term MXE is a challenging high that gives a sense of long-term pleasure. For example, instead of a drug that lifts you off your baseline and then slams you back down, with MXE you never actually rise above your baseline because it actually works at raising your base value. Meaning the trip sucks because you don't get a pleasurable short-term high because you never leave the ground, but that the ground rises from beneath you the process of which is a difficult experience.

When we say...that pleasure is the end and aim, we do not mean the pleasures of the prodigal or the pleasures of sensuality, as we are understood to do by some through ignorance, prejudice or wilful misrepresentation. By pleasure we mean the absence of pain in the body and of trouble in the soul. It is not by an unbroken succession of drinking bouts and of revelry, not by sexual lust, nor the enjoyment of fish and other delicacies of a luxurious table, which produce a pleasant life; it is sober reasoning, searching out the grounds of every choice and avoidance, and banishing those beliefs through which the greatest tumults take possession of the soul.