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My 1st actual attempt after many thoughts

lemmon said:
We almost have the same number of posts! I know what it's like to O.D, it sucks and no one seems to care, thanks bluelight
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I know how that feels, people can be very ignorant toward depression and don't understand why you can't just "be happy" and snap out of it. It takes time to heal but I'm very glad you survived :)
If you ever need anyone to talk to, this forum helped me greatly and Please don't hesitate to reach out to me as well! The compassion I received was incredible and the support overwhelming, in a good way of course! I think it's also because all of us on here are very like-minded and have been in our shoes so they understand and know how to empathize.
 
Bella P said:
Still ok lovely lady? If my questions are too personal you can tell me to shut up!
Hope you're okay xx
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Oh my gosh, you are so sweet! I would never tell you to shut up! I like that you are engaging and you truly did help me going through that period of my life. Currently, and I know it's only been a few weeks since then, I've had ups and downs. A lot more downs unfortunately but I've been leaving town, seeing old friends and that keeps my mind occupied from all the negative thoughts or the cravings. I'm trying to get back on track, no more relapses which I'm pretty happy to say, I haven't contacted anyone whom I could get anything from. I've been tempted but I'm focused on truly getting better. I do not want to continue the vicious cycle of happy, sad, sad, content, etc. that addiction causes.
thank you so much for caring :)
 
rxqueen,
I just joined this site. If I didn't know any better I'da thought that the post you posted was something I would post right about now in my life. I think that perhaps the most helpful thing any of us can do in order to cope with these these kinds of emotions, or to heal from past pain and experiences, is to talk about it. So your on the right track already. The last two years of my life I have attempted suicide three times. In one year I landed six possession charges, and I became homeless, estranged myself from my family (they think I'm dead honestly), and have done nothing but get fucked up and avoid facing all the trauma that caused me to make all these irrational changes in my life in the first place. So the other night I had an ephifany..... I've dealt with a heroin/crack addiction for 13 + years (on and off), lost my mother, lost my daughter, fought and survived life threatening illness three different times, plenty of various types of abuse, lost myself, ect. ect. (there is a song by rehab..."bartender", there is one line in that song that describes me to a tee) "I pour Kerosene on everything I love and watch it burn."..... So i thought to myself; if I have battled all of these challenges and still kept going how the f*** am I going to let something as minescule as depression take me to my knees and instead of getting up and brushing myself off (like I do), I just lay down, and roll over? I'm not going battle everything I have and then let depression take me down and possibly even take me out! I dunno if this thought is at all helpful to you. I hope so. Just know girlfriend that I feel your pain and if you've fougt addictions for some time in the past then you are strong, you are unbreakable. Otherwise the dope would've broke you a long time ago. Think about all the people in your life that you dope did demolish. I've lost so many friends to drugs. God bless them but, they let the dope win. You haven't and you won't just keep doing whatever it is you've been doing. You know what to do you just have to do it. Good Luck! <3
 
Don't (try to) kill yourself, you think others will regret it, but somehow most people will blame you and move on. Once I tried getting attention by taking a somehow large amount of a toxic substance, and most people at the party just sat there and felt happy about it. On the other hand, I never knew I was about to overdose this year, it just happened so fast. I was unable to move for two hours (alone in the middle of a park) and I still feel pretty stupid for that.
 
Thank you haileebug and lemmon for your responses.
Hailee,
I oftentimes read a lot of posts that I can for sure resonate with. You're so right when you say that if you have battled addiction before, how is depression going to break you. I have relapsed a lot in the past, but we all have, right? I think that's what messed me up a lot too, is not sticking strictly to the straight and narrow, you know. I was just going through a time period that I had gotten extremely ripped off and my dopamine was straight fucked up... I felt like there was nothing to be happy about, I would cry at the littlest of things but I know I've been through worse and I'm mad at myself more than I have sympathy for myself when it comes to doing what I did, about a month ago now. You all really made me feel a lot better about the situation though cuz at that time I needed the sympathy and support. I'm more pissed off at myself, like I said and much like you had stated lemmon, but reading all of your guys' encouragement and stories, has made me try not to be so hard on myself. Though things have not changed much since then, I think every time I hit rock bottom, I go thru that depressive period and then I realize how good I had things and how I NEED to get my shit together. I wish I could go back and not have done that but, it's happened and dwelling is not helping. Hopefully things will start looking up soon.

I really do appreciate everyone's responses, I didn't have anyone at that time so you guys were very helpful. :)
 
steewith2ees said:
I'm glad you have had so many fantastic responses rxqueen02. Hopefully you can stick around and offer folk in similar situations the same should the need arise xxxx
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I absolutely will do so with others on this forum! Everyone is so welcoming. Thank you, I plan to stick around :)
 
I'm new here and I'm also a certified addictions counsellor lol who as my mother said, only u could be an addictions counsellor and then become an addict! For anyone who wants to talk or needs help I have both experience on the text book end and real life addiction side! [email protected] if anyone wants to chat!
 
It canget better! U seem to be a very determined individual! Hit me up we can talk!
 
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