Ekstasis-//7
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2005
- Messages
- 665
Hi guys,
It's been a long time since I've taken the time to write a trip report. I think this is probably the first really profound trip experience I've had in a number of years. To me it seems to be a ++++ (plus 4) in the Shulgin scale but how does one really know how mystical and profound the experience is until some time down the road that you can look back and see the impact on your life?!? Hopefully writing this experience down will help me to understand the experience as well as (hopefully) being interesting to read for others.
For those unfamiliar with my posts I'd say I'm a fairly well seasoned user, both in the conventional mind altering substances and also the unconventional. I do feel that looking back on my life some of these experiences have benefited significantly and a few have even changed what I would think the direction my life. Some also have been less than beneficial and usually when used in excess but I've always tried to exercise caution and cut down use when I see this pattern coming up.
Well that's enough ranting out of the way. So my night started with a quite a few drinks, a movie and socialising with some friends. At the end of the night I made the long journey home. Unfortunately it would seem I'm unfamiliar with the late night bus route (or it went a different way) so by the time I realised I was well past my house, I had more than 1hr walk home. My frequent use of alcohol means my tolerance is quite high and I metabolise it quite quickly. I felt completely sober by the time I was home and in no need to subject myself to any more of the drug. I did feel quite depressed and troubled however. I had been more depressed and troubled recently than usual, it had really been disrupting my sleep and my overall ability to function day to day. I pondered as to whether or not I take some more useful drugs to see if it offered any assistance to my state. Who knows maybe it would just make things worse? 8) I decide what the hell lets go for it and I dive in.
I only have 168mg of bk-MDMA left. Being well experienced with it I decide it's too little to take orally as I'd prefer. So I snort it all. Of course the drip is well nasty. The burn is uncomfortable and it really makes my nose run. Yuck this is why I always try to avoid this substance nasally! 10-15mins and the effects are kicking in. I feel some MDMA like warmth and empathy towards myself however there are the usual side effects I really have not liked with this batch of bk-MDMA. I get slightly feverish. Athough the night is hot I feeling cold although I know I am warm enough and my head feel like it's running a slight temperature. I know I don't need any extra clothing or warmth depite my body telling me otherwise. Although the compound was a nice white colour, sparkly and reagent tested fine I notice like all batches I've had over the last year or more there is a very speedy feeling especially straight after the peak wares off that lasts for hours and really leads to a bad comedown. I wonder if it is cut with some MDPV or 4-MMC (which would not show up on reagent testing).
My heart rate is 110-112 BPM. Depite feeling speedy and agitated the bk-MDMA empathy & euphoria lets me enjoy some tasks I've not done for ages like drawing and listening to music. Soon enough though I feel just too edgy/speedy to be able to draw or stick to listening to the same music or really any one task. Anxiety builds. Maybe an hour or hour and a half has passed, maybe less. I decide the benefits of the bk-MDMA are over and the speedy comedown is kicking in. I am not liking speedy/anxiety at all. I become aware that my head is feeling hot and I no longer feel like I need to put on more warm clothes. I have quite a hot (cooked feeling) headache. This could well be a combination of dehydration from the alcohol consumed earlier in the night. I drink water and take 400mg of ibuprofen for the headache.
I decide to take some MXE. Now I had not planned on writing a report so please forgive me as apart from times not being recorded the dosage of MXE wasn't either. I am fairly familiar with taking MXE, around a dozen or so times the highest dose being a little over 100mg spaced over a couple of hours. I start with say roughly 40-50mg. I rail it up (the nose). Effects kick in in 10-15mins and I enjoy some new music from the net. My vision progressively gets worse and reading things of the screen become more difficult. My vision is quite distored much like a decent dose of K as is my balance and body load. My frame of mind and short term memory however is much much clearer than K. I do like this about MXE but I digress.
I watch some videos of live music. Maybe a couple of hours have passed, give or take. The music has been great! It's much like K and music! I feel like I maybe the emotional effects might have died down slightly. I decide maybe to have some more MXE. When I get up to walk over to get some more ready I realise my body and vision are still quite whacked. I get some more ready anyway, a bit less than last time. Say maybe 20-30mg?!? I snort that up than sit back at the computer. I listen to more live music video performances. I should probably add that I was using earphones as I didn't want to make noise being early in the morning. I also noticed that at times I needed to take out my earphones to do a reality check. Sometimes with the earphones in I could not tell if the "noise" I was hearing was real or not. I would take my earphones out then after a while go yep, that's my housemate, sounds like he's having a conversation on the phone (didn't want to stick my head out to see though as I was way too f*cked up to have a conversation). Another time I took out my earphones and yeah it was definitely a neighbour cutting his lawn and a someone making yelling sounds. So I watch some more music video. It's getting to the point that when I need to change the video it's seriously hard to read numbers or type them to get to the next one! I have been having more and more of a connection to the music and the videos. Things are making sense, moments of feeling I understand things or have empathy to things I see. Shutting my eyes makes me really drawn in to the music.
It feels as though the intensity of the 2nd dose of MXE is still building or going hard. I start having these thoughts and feelings that come into my head that happen to over an amount of time. Thoughts and memories of things people have said years ago and realisations combine that I'd never put together before and definetly not about. I feel totally at ease and feel positive. Now here is the part where I know I'll just need to be hazy on the details. I was having these profound thoughts come into my mind about someone in particular of the opposite sex and about them having some kind of meaning in my life. I don't know this person closely on a personal level. I'd not even really considered the possibility of trying to get to know this person better for the chance to date. The idea would have been absurd to me. Let's just say I've always had issues with a lack of confidence and found dating really difficult. They seem totally out of my ballpark. Now that I'm sober I don't know what the significance of these thoughts and realisations were. Was it just my own thoughts cooking up in my head while high and of no real importance? Was it a realisation that was just in general (rather than about a specific person) that could help me to have more confidence in myself and just in general not be so pessimistic about dating? Or was it really about this person and was it meaning what it seemed to mean? In any case there's no way I'm saying anything about this experience to the person or mentioning the who the person is to anyone, that would only cause a really awkward and embarrassing situation. 8( I'll see if I can maybe gradually get to know this person better and I'll only say or do things within the social norms (ie no mention of this). I guess it'll be obvious soon whether this experience was actually about them or whether about something else in my head. Hey it's already even given me a small confidence boost about myself and dating in general so that gotta be a good thing eh?
Okay so back to the trip. The intensity is still building and not that much time has passed from the 2nd dose. Now the noise thing happens again where I cannot tell if the noise in my head is from the external environment or not so I have to take out my earphones to check. The mild sound of my computer fan and other noises are becoming much louder and more intense. I start getting waves of vibrations or noise that are not from my earphones or from real sounds around me. Now it is not uncommon when I take K and it is just building up or coming on that my ears get turned to this this static frequency for a few seconds and I hear a ringing in my ears that builds up and up and then fades away as the experience starts and as though my hearing shift again out of this frequency. This was somewhat similar to what happened here but yet really different. It was like my whole body was becoming a tuning fork or amplifier. I was so high on MXE it was like I was becoming connected to this intense vibrations and noise coming from the earth. Waves would come and go of "sound" or "noise" from nowhere what would just make me feel like my whole body was shaking or vibrating uncontrollably as it built up. It felt like my body was becoming more and more connected to a force like there was some meaning behind this. Like my body was literally shaking as it connected to the earth or "path", you could call it a spiritual force, destiny, some kind of force of god or something very powerful, very old. I had alterations to my mind or consciousness and I felt connected to some kind or originating power, old and spiritual like a jungle. I felt slightly out of body like I was looking back at myself or rather than looking at myself exactly it was looking at rather something significant like a path or force, the direction or destiny of my life is what I could best put it down and I felt like I was firmly attached to it. There was also fluorescent green colours. Sorry this is really hard to explain! I know I've had a similar kinds of experience of this force a couple of times years ago on high doses of K with very similar imagery and this intense feeling of being attached to this driving spiritual force around my life or it's direction. The last times it happened years ago it was really quite frightening and I didn't like where it was going. I've had a bit similar feelings of this "path" or destiny I'm connected to on very strong salvia extract. It was also in the context of feeling somewhat like a force of the jungle. I've also had a somewhat similar feeling of this "jungle" on a stupidly intense experience on 2C-C when I didn't realise how much more potent doses are when snorted and was close to hospitalising myself. Those experiences were all quite scary and any possible relevance it may have had to insights of my future were things I fought massively against. This time however on MXE apart from being so intense and a little scary like a roller coaster it was also rather much more exciting and I loved the feeling and the direction it was taking me rather than being scared of it. I felt overwhelmed but in a good way. I felt that if this was giving me some insight into my future I was not afraid of it.
Being alone on my trip I decided it was time to end it. The feelings of literally feeling sound waves that were not existent and feeling I was that closely connected to like a vibration or sound from the energy of earth became enough after a short time. I became a little worried that I might not be able to tell real sound from what was in my head. Or that my body or eardrums would maybe not be able to handle this for too long. Even worse the normal tripper fear of maybe it having some permanent effect and lets face it I'm happy to push the envelope on K but MXE and other chems with such a small history I really don't want to be the one who first hand finds out the dangerous dosages.
I take 1mg of xanax. Unfortunately I grab an old water bottle to down it with and it makes me feel nauseous. I have a dig for my anti-nausia medication but can't find it and am well too f*cked to look harder. I lay down. I'm still tripping wildly even after the xanax kicks in. I have to take 2x 5mg of valium and even then I have to wait a while before the sleep function can work. I remember looking at my phone and the flat screen seemed curved my vision was so distored. The thing that kinda is weird on K or MXE is how out of focus my eyesight is. I've had a few experiences coming down where I worry if my eyesight will return to normal or if I'll wake up with my eyes pushing out different directions coz that's how it feels!
The benzo hangover really takes it out of me and I sleep for at least 12hrs and wake feeling heavy and tired but still good. My eyesight is normal 20/20. And all is okay physically and mentally. Emotionally I'm feeling pretty good but beginning to feel a little strange though. It's weird to go from one of the most mystical/spiritual and connected trips I've had (and at least not had anything close to in years) that seemed to make total sense and answer my deepest and most important questions and emotional needs to now being awake and aware in normal reality and feeling like the trip experience and realisations may well mean nothing or next to nothing or at least something I totally don't understand. How can such a profound experience that seemed have so many interconnected thoughts, memories and realisations that went on for so long mean nothing or make no sense now?!? Hmmm I'm sorry to admit I feel a little flat now. I'll see if anything seems to make any sense from this in the future.
Take care guys
Ekstasis-//7
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mxe
substancecode_achs
substancecode_dissociatives
substancecode_methylone
substancecode_cathinones
substancecode_stimulants
_combo_
explevel_firsttime
exptype_neutral
exptype_bodyload
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
roacode_nasal
It's been a long time since I've taken the time to write a trip report. I think this is probably the first really profound trip experience I've had in a number of years. To me it seems to be a ++++ (plus 4) in the Shulgin scale but how does one really know how mystical and profound the experience is until some time down the road that you can look back and see the impact on your life?!? Hopefully writing this experience down will help me to understand the experience as well as (hopefully) being interesting to read for others.
For those unfamiliar with my posts I'd say I'm a fairly well seasoned user, both in the conventional mind altering substances and also the unconventional. I do feel that looking back on my life some of these experiences have benefited significantly and a few have even changed what I would think the direction my life. Some also have been less than beneficial and usually when used in excess but I've always tried to exercise caution and cut down use when I see this pattern coming up.
Well that's enough ranting out of the way. So my night started with a quite a few drinks, a movie and socialising with some friends. At the end of the night I made the long journey home. Unfortunately it would seem I'm unfamiliar with the late night bus route (or it went a different way) so by the time I realised I was well past my house, I had more than 1hr walk home. My frequent use of alcohol means my tolerance is quite high and I metabolise it quite quickly. I felt completely sober by the time I was home and in no need to subject myself to any more of the drug. I did feel quite depressed and troubled however. I had been more depressed and troubled recently than usual, it had really been disrupting my sleep and my overall ability to function day to day. I pondered as to whether or not I take some more useful drugs to see if it offered any assistance to my state. Who knows maybe it would just make things worse? 8) I decide what the hell lets go for it and I dive in.
I only have 168mg of bk-MDMA left. Being well experienced with it I decide it's too little to take orally as I'd prefer. So I snort it all. Of course the drip is well nasty. The burn is uncomfortable and it really makes my nose run. Yuck this is why I always try to avoid this substance nasally! 10-15mins and the effects are kicking in. I feel some MDMA like warmth and empathy towards myself however there are the usual side effects I really have not liked with this batch of bk-MDMA. I get slightly feverish. Athough the night is hot I feeling cold although I know I am warm enough and my head feel like it's running a slight temperature. I know I don't need any extra clothing or warmth depite my body telling me otherwise. Although the compound was a nice white colour, sparkly and reagent tested fine I notice like all batches I've had over the last year or more there is a very speedy feeling especially straight after the peak wares off that lasts for hours and really leads to a bad comedown. I wonder if it is cut with some MDPV or 4-MMC (which would not show up on reagent testing).
My heart rate is 110-112 BPM. Depite feeling speedy and agitated the bk-MDMA empathy & euphoria lets me enjoy some tasks I've not done for ages like drawing and listening to music. Soon enough though I feel just too edgy/speedy to be able to draw or stick to listening to the same music or really any one task. Anxiety builds. Maybe an hour or hour and a half has passed, maybe less. I decide the benefits of the bk-MDMA are over and the speedy comedown is kicking in. I am not liking speedy/anxiety at all. I become aware that my head is feeling hot and I no longer feel like I need to put on more warm clothes. I have quite a hot (cooked feeling) headache. This could well be a combination of dehydration from the alcohol consumed earlier in the night. I drink water and take 400mg of ibuprofen for the headache.
I decide to take some MXE. Now I had not planned on writing a report so please forgive me as apart from times not being recorded the dosage of MXE wasn't either. I am fairly familiar with taking MXE, around a dozen or so times the highest dose being a little over 100mg spaced over a couple of hours. I start with say roughly 40-50mg. I rail it up (the nose). Effects kick in in 10-15mins and I enjoy some new music from the net. My vision progressively gets worse and reading things of the screen become more difficult. My vision is quite distored much like a decent dose of K as is my balance and body load. My frame of mind and short term memory however is much much clearer than K. I do like this about MXE but I digress.
I watch some videos of live music. Maybe a couple of hours have passed, give or take. The music has been great! It's much like K and music! I feel like I maybe the emotional effects might have died down slightly. I decide maybe to have some more MXE. When I get up to walk over to get some more ready I realise my body and vision are still quite whacked. I get some more ready anyway, a bit less than last time. Say maybe 20-30mg?!? I snort that up than sit back at the computer. I listen to more live music video performances. I should probably add that I was using earphones as I didn't want to make noise being early in the morning. I also noticed that at times I needed to take out my earphones to do a reality check. Sometimes with the earphones in I could not tell if the "noise" I was hearing was real or not. I would take my earphones out then after a while go yep, that's my housemate, sounds like he's having a conversation on the phone (didn't want to stick my head out to see though as I was way too f*cked up to have a conversation). Another time I took out my earphones and yeah it was definitely a neighbour cutting his lawn and a someone making yelling sounds. So I watch some more music video. It's getting to the point that when I need to change the video it's seriously hard to read numbers or type them to get to the next one! I have been having more and more of a connection to the music and the videos. Things are making sense, moments of feeling I understand things or have empathy to things I see. Shutting my eyes makes me really drawn in to the music.
It feels as though the intensity of the 2nd dose of MXE is still building or going hard. I start having these thoughts and feelings that come into my head that happen to over an amount of time. Thoughts and memories of things people have said years ago and realisations combine that I'd never put together before and definetly not about. I feel totally at ease and feel positive. Now here is the part where I know I'll just need to be hazy on the details. I was having these profound thoughts come into my mind about someone in particular of the opposite sex and about them having some kind of meaning in my life. I don't know this person closely on a personal level. I'd not even really considered the possibility of trying to get to know this person better for the chance to date. The idea would have been absurd to me. Let's just say I've always had issues with a lack of confidence and found dating really difficult. They seem totally out of my ballpark. Now that I'm sober I don't know what the significance of these thoughts and realisations were. Was it just my own thoughts cooking up in my head while high and of no real importance? Was it a realisation that was just in general (rather than about a specific person) that could help me to have more confidence in myself and just in general not be so pessimistic about dating? Or was it really about this person and was it meaning what it seemed to mean? In any case there's no way I'm saying anything about this experience to the person or mentioning the who the person is to anyone, that would only cause a really awkward and embarrassing situation. 8( I'll see if I can maybe gradually get to know this person better and I'll only say or do things within the social norms (ie no mention of this). I guess it'll be obvious soon whether this experience was actually about them or whether about something else in my head. Hey it's already even given me a small confidence boost about myself and dating in general so that gotta be a good thing eh?
Okay so back to the trip. The intensity is still building and not that much time has passed from the 2nd dose. Now the noise thing happens again where I cannot tell if the noise in my head is from the external environment or not so I have to take out my earphones to check. The mild sound of my computer fan and other noises are becoming much louder and more intense. I start getting waves of vibrations or noise that are not from my earphones or from real sounds around me. Now it is not uncommon when I take K and it is just building up or coming on that my ears get turned to this this static frequency for a few seconds and I hear a ringing in my ears that builds up and up and then fades away as the experience starts and as though my hearing shift again out of this frequency. This was somewhat similar to what happened here but yet really different. It was like my whole body was becoming a tuning fork or amplifier. I was so high on MXE it was like I was becoming connected to this intense vibrations and noise coming from the earth. Waves would come and go of "sound" or "noise" from nowhere what would just make me feel like my whole body was shaking or vibrating uncontrollably as it built up. It felt like my body was becoming more and more connected to a force like there was some meaning behind this. Like my body was literally shaking as it connected to the earth or "path", you could call it a spiritual force, destiny, some kind of force of god or something very powerful, very old. I had alterations to my mind or consciousness and I felt connected to some kind or originating power, old and spiritual like a jungle. I felt slightly out of body like I was looking back at myself or rather than looking at myself exactly it was looking at rather something significant like a path or force, the direction or destiny of my life is what I could best put it down and I felt like I was firmly attached to it. There was also fluorescent green colours. Sorry this is really hard to explain! I know I've had a similar kinds of experience of this force a couple of times years ago on high doses of K with very similar imagery and this intense feeling of being attached to this driving spiritual force around my life or it's direction. The last times it happened years ago it was really quite frightening and I didn't like where it was going. I've had a bit similar feelings of this "path" or destiny I'm connected to on very strong salvia extract. It was also in the context of feeling somewhat like a force of the jungle. I've also had a somewhat similar feeling of this "jungle" on a stupidly intense experience on 2C-C when I didn't realise how much more potent doses are when snorted and was close to hospitalising myself. Those experiences were all quite scary and any possible relevance it may have had to insights of my future were things I fought massively against. This time however on MXE apart from being so intense and a little scary like a roller coaster it was also rather much more exciting and I loved the feeling and the direction it was taking me rather than being scared of it. I felt overwhelmed but in a good way. I felt that if this was giving me some insight into my future I was not afraid of it.
Being alone on my trip I decided it was time to end it. The feelings of literally feeling sound waves that were not existent and feeling I was that closely connected to like a vibration or sound from the energy of earth became enough after a short time. I became a little worried that I might not be able to tell real sound from what was in my head. Or that my body or eardrums would maybe not be able to handle this for too long. Even worse the normal tripper fear of maybe it having some permanent effect and lets face it I'm happy to push the envelope on K but MXE and other chems with such a small history I really don't want to be the one who first hand finds out the dangerous dosages.
I take 1mg of xanax. Unfortunately I grab an old water bottle to down it with and it makes me feel nauseous. I have a dig for my anti-nausia medication but can't find it and am well too f*cked to look harder. I lay down. I'm still tripping wildly even after the xanax kicks in. I have to take 2x 5mg of valium and even then I have to wait a while before the sleep function can work. I remember looking at my phone and the flat screen seemed curved my vision was so distored. The thing that kinda is weird on K or MXE is how out of focus my eyesight is. I've had a few experiences coming down where I worry if my eyesight will return to normal or if I'll wake up with my eyes pushing out different directions coz that's how it feels!
The benzo hangover really takes it out of me and I sleep for at least 12hrs and wake feeling heavy and tired but still good. My eyesight is normal 20/20. And all is okay physically and mentally. Emotionally I'm feeling pretty good but beginning to feel a little strange though. It's weird to go from one of the most mystical/spiritual and connected trips I've had (and at least not had anything close to in years) that seemed to make total sense and answer my deepest and most important questions and emotional needs to now being awake and aware in normal reality and feeling like the trip experience and realisations may well mean nothing or next to nothing or at least something I totally don't understand. How can such a profound experience that seemed have so many interconnected thoughts, memories and realisations that went on for so long mean nothing or make no sense now?!? Hmmm I'm sorry to admit I feel a little flat now. I'll see if anything seems to make any sense from this in the future.
Take care guys
Ekstasis-//7
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mxe
substancecode_achs
substancecode_dissociatives
substancecode_methylone
substancecode_cathinones
substancecode_stimulants
_combo_
explevel_firsttime
exptype_neutral
exptype_bodyload
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
roacode_nasal
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