Mother

[EbowTheLetter]

She sits there twisted grotesque and bloated.
Blue eyes gone dull, eyes that once gloated
about her life, about getting away from all the pain,
but she was never smart enough to come in from the rain.

This wreck of humanity is from whence I came
It has crushed me once or twice, her inability to take the blame
for all the torture, for all the things she said and did
to throw her wounded psyche on an eight year old kid

It's a certain rage I feel and it makes my friends think I'm cold
Family is family, blood is blood, and they come first, so I'm told
But when she sits there and cries about how I don't care
I bite my tongue instead of lashing out and telling her what's 'fair'

It comes in waves, this anger that I can't contain
My brother still loves her and when we talk I refrain
from letting my real feelings spill out and be known
for he and I have come too far to let this chance be blown.

I wonder if there's any feeling left in that cold black heart
If you've become any more human in our years apart
Sometimes I think I should just give in and try
but because of you I think every 'I love you' is a lie.

 

[New]

Very rough stuff you have here. I can relate to you on some parts, though.

 

[TheTwighlight]

I'm glad you got this off your chest...it's kinda hard to let people read that kinda stuff sometimes...but hopefully it's another piece to the puzzle. Sometimes after I write something it gives me closure, like a funeral.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I think its interesting that in your imagery some of the descriptions of your mother may be viewed by others as afflictions or something pressed upon her. There is very real depth of emotion here but it also seems as a subtle undertone a hint of understanding and remorse on your part. words are interesting and often times can illuminate thoselost feelings we seek to hide in order to make it easy not right.

 

[exoiced]

These feelings must be difficult because it's clear you love her.
I can relate to the guilt/blame/bite tongue scenario here, these kind of parent child drama's are in my eyes the hardest to get through, they really cut deep. it takes a strong character to deal with these issues without making them worse but the rewards are great.
Excellent that you are getting it out through writing, honesty and sharing. Thankyou for that, the recognition is useful for my own process.