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Most bizarre/fucked up/hilarious sex situations you've been in.

when i was on dope i would have a hard time bustin a nut

when i didnt bust my girl would make me feel bad that i used to much and put using above all else

well one time i faked it, we were doing it doggy style n i faked it n pulled out n to "cum" on her back i spit on her back

i totally thought i got away with it, she said nothing, didnt seem upset or anything

then like a year later she was talking about how a friend of hers was telling her a story about how she walked out on a dude after he spit on her twice (different scenario tho) and i was like i cant believe he just spit at her

and then she was like its not like youve never spit on me, ... ya da ya da ya da she ended up telling me she turned her head n saw what i did way back when but just didnt know how to react n never said anything she totally knew i faked it to avoid an arguement/fight over my usage n that i spit on her

we ended up laughing our asses off bout the whole thing
 
I had been up for days on mdpv, and I had my gf tied down on my bed. She really hated like um gooey stuff...the way it felt. So, I put on my trollface and get up and go the kitchen, grab a jar of mayonnaise, come back and I slather it all over her. I rub it into her vag and all. like a 750ml jar of it. I leave her tied to enjoy the texture and smell for like an hour. She almost killed me, but it was worth it for the Lulz.
 
I lost my virginity in a muddy forest with this girl I'd met twice; so we get down and I'm that nervous and opiated I completely miss the vagina and just start aimlessly jabbing at whatever my dick touches. Literally 15 minutes later I finally get it in and start going just before the heavens above opened up and we got pelted by rain. The floor beneath us is fast becoming just muddy water, clothes ruined, freezing cold and soaking I just look up to my left to realise there is a fucking main road less than 10 feet away with a clear view at us. Bad times. What made it worse was when some guy had to stop at the traffic lights, leant out of the window and shouted in a solid Mancunian accent 'fucking get in there lad!'.

--__--


And just as an extra, I once cockslapped the same girl with a little more force than intended leaving her with a rather large bruise near her eye, no biggie, right? Wrong. She left her phone at my house, so she arrived home with bedraggled hair, a black eye and no phone, having to explain to her mother that she had not been mugged.
 
I had been up for days on mdpv, and I had my gf tied down on my bed. She really hated like um gooey stuff...the way it felt. So, I put on my trollface and get up and go the kitchen, grab a jar of mayonnaise, come back and I slather it all over her. I rub it into her vag and all. like a 750ml jar of it. I leave her tied to enjoy the texture and smell for like an hour. She almost killed me, but it was worth it for the Lulz.
Click to expand...

...woah. Me gusta.
 
A while back at my friends birthday party I was shitfaced. I had probably a twelve pack if out of state beer (I live in Utah where our beer is 3.2 percent) I was talking with this cute redhead and towards the end of the night the friend she came with left with my friend and they go into a bedroom. I asked if she wanted to smoke a cig because I did. She said no, but she would join me outside. We start kissing and somehow my hand ends up in her pants. She was ok with it, so I didn't stop. She had an orgasm in the hammock we were sitting in and it wasn't quiet. After a few days of talking she tells me she's married but still wants to see me. WTF?! After a couple "dates" she takes me to her friends house and we drink our faces off. At the end of the night she tries to fuck me in her friends backyard! In my head I was thinking "my first time can't be here." I ask if she wants to go back to my place which is right up the street. We get there and she stumbles in the door, knocks all kinds of shit over. We get downstairs and clothes come off. I hear pounding like the five oh want in.. Open my door and my sister has her hand cocked back ready to blast me in the face. After some sober-ish explanation she goes back upstairs and I went back into my room and lost my virginity with a married woman. I've had hip problems ever since..
 
The first time I ate out a girl, man, she queefed in my face and it scared the ever-living piss out of me. Like, I jumped to the other end of the bed.
 
^ same thing happened to me. Scared the hell out of me. I was fingering her ass while going down on her and i thought she was gonna shit on me.
 
Wow, there have been some AWESOME threads on BL recently. This one has been making me laugh the whole time.
I will probably be here a few times with stories, but this one in particular for me just stands out.
I was getting head in the car with the girl I am still seeing, this was about 4 years ago. I don't have the hugest dick in the world, but by no means is it small. She had little experience at all with cock, and she was trying to "impress" me with her "skills." Mind you, we weren't drunk only had smoked a blunt. This is a VERY shy reserved girl, so this happening was probably her worst experience as well... So, she's giving me a mighty fine blow job, she tries to deep throat *uh oh* goes too far down YACK. All over my crotch my pants boxers she got me good. I honestly wasn't even mad, I just started busted up laughing.. She had the absolute most scared embarrassed look you can imagine on a cute girls face. But I would say that is a pretty fucked up situation hahaha.
 
My first time getting really drunk, we had driven a few hours away to spend the night at a cheap motel next to a big casino. Anyway, we got there in the afternoon and immediately started drinking. I remember I had a bunch of sake and beer (to this day, I cringe if I see sake) and the room was spinning and I was puking by shortly after dinner. Now my friends had gone out to the casino, but I wanted to stay in the room, as I was in no shape to go anywhere. The motel room next door was playing hip-hop extremely loud and while I usually don't complain to people about loud music, this was a little different. Every single beat felt like a hammer being smashed against my poor head. So I decided that I was going to go knock on the door and ask for the music to be turned down.

:knock knock:

Turns out the room is occupied by four ladies drinking vodka straight out of the bottle. The one who opens the door looks confused for a few seconds, and then her friend screams out "oh hell no...call them and get this straightened out." Confusion on my part followed, but then I figured it out...

Apparently the girls had ordered a male stripper to their motel room, and he was expected to arrive right about the time I came knocking. And they got scrawny 18 year old drunk RL instead. 8o
 
Serotonin101 said:
^ same thing happened to me. Scared the hell out of me. I was fingering her ass while going down on her and i thought she was gonna shit on me.
Click to expand...

Caught me completely by surprise. Like, could not have been any less prepared for it.

Being my first time and all, I was pretty into it, and I thought that I was doing pretty well based upon her reaction to it. Hell, I was damn proud of myself, eating it like a champion... and then, from nowhere, *prrrrrt!* and I damn near jumped out of my skin!

... surprised it didn't traumatize me. lol
 
jib sex

Haha this one time eel my first time having sex on jib me and my ex had been awake for 4 days ad we went sat it once no one aaas around and the while time i hallucinated that i was in this crazy building with sub woofers al around us when we finally finished and i came to i looked at her tod her the story and she said she thought she was in the jungle swing from vines pretty crazy another time after i hadn't slept in bout two an a half weeks i was at this chicks house latin in her bed when i drifted off annd thought i wass walking through a cemetery and then thought i was at work and kept warning her to be careful of the picker arm haha she loved it can't say i was there though deff tripped me out when i blinked and she was laughing an ricin my cock lol
 
my gf at the time was giving me head and i hear her yell "brody no!" and i look up and the dog had licked my cock. i immedietly jumped up, put my pants on yelled at her for not preventing this from happening and went home and ate a pile of pills.
 
Lol just remembered something..

It was a long night of partying and ecstasy, I was about 19. A few of us crashed in my friends room, there was like 7 of us in his room sleeping in the dark. I began to bang some chick, and her friend was right next to us. I remember banging her, and looking up to her friend flashing a picture of my dick on her cell phone lol.. as the chick I was banging lifted the covers up. It was like that was her whole plan all along.. or maybe it was me coming down on X that made me paranoid. I said "Alright, so that's how it's gonna be. You and your friend want to take pictures of my dick? I'm out." I got up, got in my car and drove off into the night lmao. Looking back on the situation, I probably should have asked her friend if she wanted to join us for a threesome, but I was not in my right mind.
 
Been with mý gf about 2 months now. In that time frame I've
had sex in a public park in broad daylight, not in cover of anything.
Had sex in her teachers house (she's 18, I'm 20). Funny thing is there was a party here and we had sex and left a mess on her sofa in the living room. Next day we wake up and look for some coffee in the cupboard and she makes a :o face. I say what's up? And she says - that's the mark scheme for my teacher in school and her name!! Turns out my friends mum was her teacher lol
Had sex on the top bunk of a bunk bed whilst my friend was having sex with a 19 yo virgin in the bottom bunk. The screams were funny...
Had sex in her bedroom under the blankets whilst her 4 year old sister was in the room.
Had many many random blowjobs in the street in plain view and been caught by a few people, one of which was a builder.
Had a 3somme in a public park (2 girls) in the lashing rain at night and somehow ripped my foreskin (healed now)

Probably more but that's enough for now, this is all with the same girl in about 2 months btw

Stories that don't include her...

3somme on xbox live webcam for 4 men we didn't know who were sitting with a case of beer enjoying the show
Sex in a hospital
Got caught giving a girl anal outdoors by the police (they pretended they didn't see anything)
 
i lost my virginity in a one night stand, no rubber, in the chicks' grandmother's house. we boned for quite awhile, actually, and i ended up nutting on her stomach and a little got on the couch cushion. she just turned it over. after, we sat outside and smoked, she told me i couldnt stay the night (it was 3 AM), so i had to call my friend to pick me up. so he came and got me, then we rolled to his place and smoked two joints. woke up the next morning very stoked.
 
^ thats an awesome friend bro. Sounds like when i lost my virginity actually lol.
 
Not too long ago, I was at the lab, and me and this chick wanna bang. So, I need a place to do it right?

Silly me picks the beamline tun nel in an accelerator. I don't wanna get caught, so I don't lock out the power supply or put sign up .We'Re banging away and then I hear -BZZZZZZ WIZZZZZ- transformer humm and capacitor charging up....we RUN like motherfuckers ti get out before beam ontime..we almost wound up as glow in the dark.

And we ran out naked, to the amusment of the other geeks.
 
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