MMT, dirty UA 's, and custody cases

[Alikat]

Not sure if this is the right forum... But I was an IV heroin addict, I moved outta state n got on MMT. Foolishly my x was trying to take custody n I signed a paper agreeing to random follicle testing. I've had slip ups n refused testing ... Also have had dirty ua's at my clinic .... So now that he's trying for custody again how bad will all this look in court???? I did get 95 days clean tho. Then his stress provoked relapse.... Please help!!! Any advice welcome!!!! Btw kids only wanna b with me. They r 6&9.

 

[T. Calderone]

I imagine they will question why you refused the tests. How many times have you refused? Since it's part of your custody agreement, it's not going to look good. The only thing you can do is comply for here on and do everything the court asks you to do. Believe me, I've gone through this with my ex and it didn't end well. Get a lawyer if you havn't already.

 

[Alikat]

I currently have a lawyer, tho keeping up on payments has been an issue. Unfortunately for me my X has almost unlimited financial resources, making in a week what I make in 3 months:/ I refused the follicle test 2 times, as the agreement is to have it done within a 4hr. time frame, and the facility is about 80 miles away. I cited this as the reason for refusal, and not wanting to lose hair. I was advised by my clinic Dr. to not give hair because it was so soon I would still have heroin leaving my system and I had used as well. My X also had asked for copies of my monthly ua's from my clinic. But he never provides the proper documentation. I have used since starting treatment, but very occasionally not even binjing. This is my first attempt at rehab. Also even during active addiction kids were taken care of n happy, few people including my X were aware I was using.
My other thought is... Can I fight the validity of me signing the agreement ( he decided terms not courts) I was 3 weeks into treatment not on a stable dose n still had heroin in my system. Also still completely in an addict state of mind he threatened me with taking my girls to make me sign. In my cloudy mind set I beloved his threats, not even reading it.
Any ideas how the courts wld look at this idea????
Thanks for any advice!!!!!!

 

[mextex]

Prove the threats hun... and get copys of every clean ua... lol the court won't know uv been tested more than that unless uv told them... also get ur treatment center to get invalved!!! Also I know this isn't what u want but last resort... call cps on ur self... and have ur self investagated by the state... then u get to choose how u tell them and what u tell them... before he dose!!!!!

 

[T. Calderone]

To me the hair test seems ridiculous, also demanding you to do it within 4 hours seems unreasonable. Trouble is, you agreed to his terms when you signed that paper even though it wasn't court ordered. His lawyer can say you are not complying with the agreement and file a motion to have your custody arrangement nullified. I'm not saying the lawyer will definitely do this, but they are sneaky fucks and finding a loophole makes them foam at the mouth.

Perhaps an agreement could be reached if you say that the 80 mile drive is a hardship and there is a closer facility where they do urine tests. Then you can reasonably agree to have the tests done within that 4 hour time frame. Also if they want your u/a tests from the methadone clinic, they should subpoena the clinic itself. This is something your lawyer needs to clarify. What does the paperwork that you signed say as to who is supposed to provide them?

Try and talk with your lawyer to solve this quickly before your ex takes further action. I'm only urging you so strongly because I would hate to see you get screwed like I did. I wasn't even using drugs, my son was and they found me derelict in my duties because I couldn't stop him from getting high. I never thought this would happen to me and I miss him a lot.

 

[missmaryjane1804]

you are a disgusting human being and a failure of a mom. You sound just like my mother, (btw last time i heard from her was when i was 12 or 13 calling and informing me that she was moving out of state, over 10 yrs ago) please for the sake of the children let them live with the person that is actually providing a safe and nurturing environment to grow up in. Just because right now you dont want to 'give up/roll over' to you ex dont hurt your kids in the long run... Its nobodys fault but your own when you relapse,what are you gonna do when the 'stress from the kids' cause you to relapse??? The kids are the victims here not you, they did not ask to be born into an unstable life/ parents. This may sound harsh but parents shape you into who you will be, do you really wanna be responsible for your childrens downfall?

Edit: Im pretty sure you would piss clean after 3 days without use.. pathetic

 

[thesameoldfears]

you are a disgusting human being and a failure of a mom. You sound just like my mother, (btw last time i heard from her was when i was 12 or 13 calling and informing me that she was moving out of state, over 10 yrs ago) please for the sake of the children let them live with the person that is actually providing a safe and nurturing environment to grow up in. Just because right now you dont want to 'give up/roll over' to you ex dont hurt your kids in the long run... Its nobodys fault but your own when you relapse,what are you gonna do when the 'stress from the kids' cause you to relapse??? The kids are the victims here not you, they did not ask to be born into an unstable life/ parents. This may sound harsh but parents shape you into who you will be, do you really wanna be responsible for your childrens downfall?

Edit: Im pretty sure you would piss clean after 3 days without use.. pathetic

Dude you're a fucking asshole. Obviously you've never had a drug problem or even cared to educate yourself about addiction. If it was as simple as just not doing it no one would have an issue quitting. Being an addict doesn't automatically make you a bad mother.

 

[missmaryjane1804]

im not getting into my personal substance problems but im on/found bluelight for a reason man. When someone says ''Then his stress provoked relapse'' you are NOT ready to be a responsible parent , no matter how much you lie to yourself and the court. You say he also makes what you make in 3 months in a week, how do you plan on supporting your kids? No matter if the parent thinks the children are happy and taken care of, that may be the case now but when your kid is old enough to know what you are really doing all of the times you left them behind to score, questioning what you are doing everytime you are in the bathroom, finding an OD'd parent and having to take care of that as a 11 year old. Unless you had an addict for a parent you do not know the pain and hardships it brings.

edit: she is not the victim here, the children are they did not ask to be born and then have the mother remove them from their fathers responsible home just because she doesn't want him to win.

 

[T. Calderone]

This situation is troubling for reasons I already stated. Berating the poster is uncalled for, she needs help not insults. I do get what you're trying to say as far as relapsing goes, when things go wrong or get stressful the reaction is to use again. I'm hopeful that she can keep these urges in check. That's what methadone is supposed to do but we know it doesn't always work as planned.

The OP hasn't updated yet so we don't know what's happened if anything. Drug testing discussion is not permitted here so they may end up closing this thread anyway. I am concerned though of the possibility of her losing custody due to not complying with the agreement. Either way, OP I sincerely wish you the best and please stay strong for your girls!

 

[Mariposa]

Agreed with T.Calderone that it's better, alicat, that you deal with this proactively through your lawyer. CPS/contested custody cases are among the most upsetting and paper-intensive out there. One box ticked incorrectly can make for a nasty surprise in court. More problematic, though, would be the dirty UAs and refusals.

You need to get serious about sobriety and fulfilling all of the conditions to which you agreed now, whether or not you agree with them or think they are fair. I hope everything works out the way you want it to.