thanks you for a great reply Christ!.
iv told dad to do his own research, and he did, coming back to me the next time we chatted with alot of info, some i knew and some i didnt, which is great that he showed interest. i didnt tell him i had the MXE or tried it untill after we talked aobut everything so he didnt 'jump the gun' and just try it for the sake of.
i think he learnt alot about me from the chat, indirectly? he seemed supprised i knew so much about anti depressants, chemicals, reactions in the brain, illicit drugs etc etc.
he decided its worth trying at minimal doses, after seeing the all the topics about it related to recreational use i thought hed be put off, but there are ALOT related to anit depression.
he was supprised when i pulled out the scales... like 'oh, youve got scales have you??' so i didnt pull out the capsules [for mushrooms, i cant stand the taste!] and just got out tin foil instead.... i reckon he knows i do use drugs, but we dont talk about it. i want to, i feel like this might help break that barrier. id rather he knows, than find out the hard way one day... i want to trip with him, but i doubt i we ever will.
he tried 0.01g, in water and drank it at night. said he had a mild high for 30minutes, none of the other effects i told him i had off 0.006g.
said the next day that he felt wonderful, and while he thinks its the MXE, we're going to wait a week or 2, see what happens, how he feels etc etc. [im honestly happy just to hear his say he felt wonderful depression wise, its been a tough way to live with dad like this...]
then, repeat the dose and make sure the results are the same. maybe its the MXE, maybe a coincidence or even placebo? we figure this would be the best way to gauge results.
hes also still taking all his other medications as per normal, which i will find out the names for everyones referance.
on another note. i felt like i was on the verge of a mental breakdown [maybe?] today, iv got so much going on, and a few people relying on me heavily for various reasons. got some bad news and about 30minutes later i felt sick, diaoreaha, head spins and aches, hot flushes etc etc... i couldnt handle it, so chilled in the toilet, controlled my breathing, went back out and played the ps3 till the person left [ignored them, focused on the ps3 and they got the idea]. started listening to some dubstep on youtube. thought fuck it, and weighed up 0.01g, and nosed that. i know... reckless or what...
i feel calm now, just chilling, not happy but at least im not stressing our like before.
even feeling like i gotta dance [bassnectar's new album blasting] and fuck, i cant dance let alone pop n lock, but i tried lol, so i feel more 'free' with myself, because id never try normally. even if i was by myself...
i think iv gotta make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow...