Methamphetamine Discussion Thread 3.0

[Bentoboxed]

Oh well yeah of course I'm definitely keeping my job.. I just hate having that thought of going back just so I'm not lethargic. Modafinil isn't working and neither is caffeine. I have Tramadol for pain and that seems to be the only thing that's working somewhat okay.. I mean it used to work great for energy and for pain relief but I guess relapsing for that whole month and a half screwed everything up. And I keep my protein intake high! When I'm at work if I don't have the time to get in a quick meal on my lunch I'll just bring 2 naked juices with me and a banana or an apple or something. And I try to work out 3-4 times a week. Before I was doing 5 times a week. But my whole body is wrecked and I have so many back problems. Yeah I'll keep taking my supps and I'll do more research on the Mucana. I figured 2 weeks would of been enough but if I need to I'll just ask my manager if she could give me a week off because of my back. She's pretty understanding in that sense.. but you gotta make money!! And no.. not to spend on dope lol damn if only it didn't have any side effects and just gave you that nice energy boost and block out physical pain that you deal with.. that's really all I was trying to do was perform better and not feel the pain in my back and legs.

"I figured 2 weeks would of been enough"
I only assume you're saying 2 weeks would have been enough time for your dopamine to restore.
I noticed I didn't actually mention the time period in my previous post but they say anywhere between 6 weeks & 3 months is where you'll notice a difference in yourself.
At about 3 months is when your body has repaired itself etc.
I can't remember the exact wording so don't quote me on this, but I always have that information in the back of my head which tends to keep me off a binge/increasing my use haha

I'm hoping the pain & other issues are tolerable enough for you though.
I've never experienced any of the things you've mentioned, I've only done my own research to know all I can about this stuff as it's beneficial for me in the end.
I wish I could've helped you out further!

 

[Draven26]

"I figured 2 weeks would of been enough"
I only assume you're saying 2 weeks would have been enough time for your dopamine to restore.
I noticed I didn't actually mention the time period in my previous post but they say anywhere between 6 weeks & 3 months is where you'll notice a difference in yourself.
At about 3 months is when your body has repaired itself etc.
I can't remember the exact wording so don't quote me on this, but I always have that information in the back of my head which tends to keep me off a binge/increasing my use haha

I'm hoping the pain & other issues are tolerable enough for you though.
I've never experienced any of the things you've mentioned, I've only done my own research to know all I can about this stuff as it's beneficial for me in the end.
I wish I could've helped you out further!

Well you responded.. so you did help me! It seems like I've been getting ignored a lot but it's no one's fault.. but this is why I try and keep to myself and get away from the world lol I used to have a bunch of friends and now I've got my wife.. and we both work like crazy so we barely see each other.. but lately I just haven't been giving a shit about anything. And it is because of the relapse. I should of never gone back. Even though it was only a month and a half it still did damage and I'm more pissed at the fact that I was clean and sober for almost 5 years so I just have a lot of anger and I can't quit my job.. but I am working like crazy this week and a part of me is saying, "Fuck it.. just go back and if you end up dying of a heart attack.. then it will all be over!" Only problem is I don't want to go to hell. It's one thing if I didn't believe there was a hell but.. I really don't want to burn in hell for my sins. I know I'm not perfect but I feel like I'm letting God down. I just don't know what to do =/ I'll just ask my boss for a week off because of my back because that's not a lie.. my back has gotten worse since getting this job and I could only imagine what they're going to find if I get an MRI done. So the Mucana Pruriens.. that's pointless to buy, right? It won't help much in restoring Dopamine?

 

[Bentoboxed]

Well you responded.. so you did help me! It seems like I've been getting ignored a lot but it's no one's fault.. but this is why I try and keep to myself and get away from the world lol I used to have a bunch of friends and now I've got my wife.. and we both work like crazy so we barely see each other.. but lately I just haven't been giving a shit about anything. And it is because of the relapse. I should of never gone back. Even though it was only a month and a half it still did damage and I'm more pissed at the fact that I was clean and sober for almost 5 years so I just have a lot of anger and I can't quit my job.. but I am working like crazy this week and a part of me is saying, "Fuck it.. just go back and if you end up dying of a heart attack.. then it will all be over!" Only problem is I don't want to go to hell. It's one thing if I didn't believe there was a hell but.. I really don't want to burn in hell for my sins. I know I'm not perfect but I feel like I'm letting God down. I just don't know what to do =/ I'll just ask my boss for a week off because of my back because that's not a lie.. my back has gotten worse since getting this job and I could only imagine what they're going to find if I get an MRI done. So the Mucana Pruriens.. that's pointless to buy, right? It won't help much in restoring Dopamine?

Sorry, bit of a late reply - been busy with work and rather exhausted haha

I think I know how you feel there but ice gone and fucked up. Like you said you haven't been giving a shit lately, nor have I.
My girlfriend if 2 years (not wife or anything serious but 2 years is a long time for me) is in Bali and has been for 4 days. I've been sleeping with 2 different girls these last four nights (alternating of course I'm not that lucky) so here's me knowing I have to tell my girlfriend but what the fuck do I say? its a shitty feeling and I also think it's due to my lack of dopamine and hence my lack of caring. I don't even feel guilty.

Onto the next part of your post, I hate seeing people type/talk/feel like that. I've always felt the need to jump & offer my help to them.
So if you ever feel like you need someone to chat to etc. or whatever you need let me know & I'll give you my email or whatever you use.
Always here to listen and help out where I can, I know how much it can help as I've been there before.
I truly hope you're feeling better after these last few days, and with more time you'll notice differences in your day to day life. Stay strong out there

With my understanding it's not worth it, but there's no harm in trying right?

 

[Draven26]

Sorry, bit of a late reply - been busy with work and rather exhausted haha

I think I know how you feel there but ice gone and fucked up. Like you said you haven't been giving a shit lately, nor have I.
My girlfriend if 2 years (not wife or anything serious but 2 years is a long time for me) is in Bali and has been for 4 days. I've been sleeping with 2 different girls these last four nights (alternating of course I'm not that lucky) so here's me knowing I have to tell my girlfriend but what the fuck do I say? its a shitty feeling and I also think it's due to my lack of dopamine and hence my lack of caring. I don't even feel guilty.

Onto the next part of your post, I hate seeing people type/talk/feel like that. I've always felt the need to jump & offer my help to them.
So if you ever feel like you need someone to chat to etc. or whatever you need let me know & I'll give you my email or whatever you use.
Always here to listen and help out where I can, I know how much it can help as I've been there before.
I truly hope you're feeling better after these last few days, and with more time you'll notice differences in your day to day life. Stay strong out there

With my understanding it's not worth it, but there's no harm in trying right?

Yeah like sometimes I have no emotions at all and sometimes I randomly just cry. I'll purposely watch a depressing movie just so I can cry my eyes out. I guess it's nice to let it out once in a while. I mean I'm already an emotional person but over the years with life and just in general I've grown to be angry.. and for a while there I was chill.. no problems at all. And with this relapse it seems like everything's gone dark so I don't know. I feel like I should just go back to using and wait for that heart attack that I deserve or just order the Mucana Pruriens and see if it'll help with restoring my dopamine levels. I mean I've been sleeping a lot but I'm still so damn tired for work and caffeine, preworkouts, ephedra, kratom, modafinil.. you name it.. nothing is working. But if I wasn't working and I could sleep for months on end just till I feel better then cool. Why the hell does meth have to take so long to recover from!

 

[Bentoboxed]

Yeah like sometimes I have no emotions at all and sometimes I randomly just cry. I'll purposely watch a depressing movie just so I can cry my eyes out. I guess it's nice to let it out once in a while. I mean I'm already an emotional person but over the years with life and just in general I've grown to be angry.. and for a while there I was chill.. no problems at all. And with this relapse it seems like everything's gone dark so I don't know. I feel like I should just go back to using and wait for that heart attack that I deserve or just order the Mucana Pruriens and see if it'll help with restoring my dopamine levels. I mean I've been sleeping a lot but I'm still so damn tired for work and caffeine, preworkouts, ephedra, kratom, modafinil.. you name it.. nothing is working. But if I wasn't working and I could sleep for months on end just till I feel better then cool. Why the hell does meth have to take so long to recover from!

May I ask how often you were using during this relapse? Just to get a better understanding and try to help you out further.

 

[smokedup]

This is by far the most lingering and sinister WD(in a sense, more just really, really wanting it) i have been through. It seems that when you cease 3 day bender a week use, you just turn bat shit crazy.

Emotionally, i feel as strong as a 6 yr old, and will swing from highs and lows like a yoyo. I am so balls deep, that this attachment will stick with me till the end of days. Fuck, what an emotional crutch this thing plays on you. Its like my eyes have been opened to my inescapable problems, along with sweaty nightmares and insomnia. All this energy is there ready to charge for days. But wait, no gear? uh oh.

Im left drinking wine and beer after excruciating workouts, and still, no sleepy feeling. I knew this would be the ultimate task, ceasing use of heroic amounts of methamphetamine.

Stay strong, cause oh those heights... Those intoxicating, seductive heights. No sober person will ever encapsulate their senses in those heights. Anyone who has ever watched Montana Meth, with the blonde girl in the car, who looks like trinity from the matrix, will understand what i just said. FUCK me i crave those astranonomic heights.

 

[spacejunk]

Dude, now is the time to look after your health, so you can heal.
Hydration is really important - as is sleep.
Drinking after a workout is going to dehydrate you further, and can cause sleep problems as well.

With time, you can recover from this, you just gotta stick with it and try to keep your mind occupied.
Not always easy, i know, because ceasing amphetamine can really leave you feeling lethargic.

Healthy food, good amounts of sleep and hydration are key, i think.
It's a tough - but certainly not impossible - thing to overcome.

Give it some time, you'll get there eventually. Good to have a way of reminding yourself why you're putting yourself through the ordeal of quitting. I'm sure you have plenty of reasons.

All the best - how long has it been since you last got on?

 

[Draven26]

May I ask how often you were using during this relapse? Just to get a better understanding and try to help you out further.

Oh every single day for those 3 months.. when I use I don't take breaks. I mean I slept a few hours every night or tried to and I ate.. so

 

[Draven26]

Dude, now is the time to look after your health, so you can heal.
Hydration is really important - as is sleep.
Drinking after a workout is going to dehydrate you further, and can cause sleep problems as well.

With time, you can recover from this, you just gotta stick with it and try to keep your mind occupied.
Not always easy, i know, because ceasing amphetamine can really leave you feeling lethargic.

Healthy food, good amounts of sleep and hydration are key, i think.
It's a tough - but certainly not impossible - thing to overcome.

Give it some time, you'll get there eventually. Good to have a way of reminding yourself why you're putting yourself through the ordeal of quitting. I'm sure you have plenty of reasons.

All the best - how long has it been since you last got on?

Almost 3 weeks.. but I feel like going back because I don't want to get fired! =/ I'm stuck

 

[Draven26]

What about my throat? I still have a scratchy throat and I always have to clear it. I tried halls and drinking tea but still.. it's annoying. And I never smoked it just ate the damn thing and sometimes did lines. So any way I can clear my damn lungs/throat?

 

[smokedup]

Dude, now is the time to look after your health, so you can heal.
Hydration is really important - as is sleep.
Drinking after a workout is going to dehydrate you further, and can cause sleep problems as well.

With time, you can recover from this, you just gotta stick with it and try to keep your mind occupied.
Not always easy, i know, because ceasing amphetamine can really leave you feeling lethargic.

Healthy food, good amounts of sleep and hydration are key, i think.
It's a tough - but certainly not impossible - thing to overcome.

Give it some time, you'll get there eventually. Good to have a way of reminding yourself why you're putting yourself through the ordeal of quitting. I'm sure you have plenty of reasons.

All the best - how long has it been since you last got on?

The dehydration is probably the major culprit in me not getting proper duration of sleep. Your right. It doesnt help ive stopped smoking pot every day too at the same time. Although, usually when i cease use of weed, my sleep is pretty much back to normal after a few days. This isnt changing as quick so i think its my mind really missing something from my weekly schedule. Sorta like when you pace around your room ruminating over something, exept this is happening in my head when i lay down.

I kind of wish i just had like a couple of weeks worth of low dose valium just to take the edge off. Especially with my bodybuilding-style training,(im natty though, just am a genetic freak-got the German genes lol) it keeps you wired for ages after training. Thank god for the endorphins i rape at the gym each day haha, saved me from dependence on opiates before. This for me is purely a mental game, but geez its one hell of a beast.

Thanks for giving me a bit of guidance. I really dont like burdening my family or closer friends with this shit cause it gets way too deep and worries everyone around me. This is a fight i know i can win, or at least tame. The wine and beer need to be gradually tapered i guess. Really love a nice Aussie shiraz with my dinner, but it should stop there.

 

[infectedmushroom]

Can someone describe to me the different types of meth? IIRC there are two primary isomers? I tried meth for the first time a month ago and got the type that just keeps you up forever, highly stimulated, but not much euphoria.

I snorted it btw.

 

[andyturbo]

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders mate.

If you stop doing it around him he will notice and prolly whinge but its not bloody free ffs. Having a seagull around waiting for a freebie is annoying at best.

Mate that is the most true and regular thing I recon most bluelighters would agree. I always share/shout my close circle of friends (family they are too me, blood makes you related loyalty makes you family in my eyes)

We often joked about printing off a sign and having it thickly laminated stuck next to the frount door saying NO SEAGULL AREA with a seagull ø under it. My mate did a good job designing it he took an image if a seagull pecking at something I think chips, and photo shopped it with a bag of shards, his good at visual design it turned out looking Bette than it sounds. Didn't get around to printing it ever lol. Probably s good thing.

A.T

 

[andyturbo]

Its really to broad to give a specific answer. Saying d-Methylamphetamine and racmic ect hardly matters in the world of street drugs. Some fantastic well cooked D- could get jumped on with a shit load of cutters that these days are very undetectable unless u really know your shit and it may be much worse but better looking than same R spec that's had not Healy the ammount of cutter and probably looks worse.

Then going deeper theres difference within the effects from the various options of presercures and methods used to synth that same type (D-meth aka) but will stop at that as synthesis discussions arnt allowed on BL. Best bet if you want further info is just google around a bit
Cheers

A.T

 

[Bentoboxed]

Oh every single day for those 3 months.. when I use I don't take breaks. I mean I slept a few hours every night or tried to and I ate.. so

Right.. That explains why I've not felt what you've been describing to the extent you have been.

All I can say is time is the only thing that will help. As long as you keep your head in the right place in regards to not turning back - you'll keep taking steps forward.
Stay strong my man, you'll only be more upset if you use it again to remedy your current situation. Easier said than done I know, but I have 100% faith that you can do it

What about my throat? I still have a scratchy throat and I always have to clear it. I tried halls and drinking tea but still.. it's annoying. And I never smoked it just ate the damn thing and sometimes did lines. So any way I can clear my damn lungs/throat?

In reply to this - I use once a week, 2 or three days depending on how am I feeling, usually two days though.
I know exactly the feeling you're describing and while it's annoying, it's something again only time will fix.
It doesn't really bother me to much but just a quick question for you (and anyone else reading). I've noticed since regular use my nose tends to run down the back of my throat, it's not blocked or runny at all, the 'snot' just seems to fall down my throat randomly on a daily basis. My preferred method is the pipe, and on occasions the bong, so it's not as if I'm putting it up my nose. Does this happen to you (anyone else)?

 

[Bentoboxed]

I apologise for the double post guys.

Mate that is the most true and regular thing I recon most bluelighters would agree. I always share/shout my close circle of friends (family they are too me, blood makes you related loyalty makes you family in my eyes)

We often joked about printing off a sign and having it thickly laminated stuck next to the frount door saying NO SEAGULL AREA with a seagull ø under it. My mate did a good job designing it he took an image if a seagull pecking at something I think chips, and photo shopped it with a bag of shards, his good at visual design it turned out looking Bette than it sounds. Didn't get around to printing it ever lol. Probably s good thing.

A.T

This weekend just gone I used the seagull term on him & he was NOT impressed hahaha!

I caught him lining up a few for himself and a friend of his, of my shit so I wasn't impressed. Haven't spoken since but the poor guy was humiliated as he had been acting 'cool' and obviously told said friend that it was his.

Is it bad that I do not feel at all guilty?

 

[Draven26]

Right.. That explains why I've not felt what you've been describing to the extent you have been.

All I can say is time is the only thing that will help. As long as you keep your head in the right place in regards to not turning back - you'll keep taking steps forward.
Stay strong my man, you'll only be more upset if you use it again to remedy your current situation. Easier said than done I know, but I have 100% faith that you can do it



In reply to this - I use once a week, 2 or three days depending on how am I feeling, usually two days though.
I know exactly the feeling you're describing and while it's annoying, it's something again only time will fix.
It doesn't really bother me to much but just a quick question for you (and anyone else reading). I've noticed since regular use my nose tends to run down the back of my throat, it's not blocked or runny at all, the 'snot' just seems to fall down my throat randomly on a daily basis. My preferred method is the pipe, and on occasions the bong, so it's not as if I'm putting it up my nose. Does this happen to you (anyone else)?

No my nose either gets runny or stuffy. And when I used to use before I used to love slamming.. that was my preferred method. But this time around when I relapsed I wouldn't allow myself to inject. It's not like I would of gotten that great of a rush. Guilt can fuck up any high.. especially for me. Meth is something I could eat like candy and on the second or third day my tolerance would grow quickly because I eat it like it's nothing. I'm a naturally tired person anyways so this is to me is like coffee to everyone else in this world. It's something to take to get up in the morning and get ready for the day whether it's work or running errands. It's a fucked up situation I got myself back into and I am afraid I'm just going to go back so nobody around me knows I'm going through withdrawals because I can't keep telling my boss I'm moving like a sloth because I'm "sick" but then again I can't keep relapsing and finding myself somewhere in the gutter or staring in the mirror knowing I'm going to blow my brains out because I lost my perfect smile.. fuck I hate drugs!

And what does meth do to the body exactly that is causing me to have a difficult time with my testosterone therapy injections? Before the needle would just slide in like nothing and now everytime I inject my Test Cyp on monday mornings the needle doesn't want to go in and everytime it does and it comes out I see a tiny bit of oil wanting to leak down my legs. I mean even after being clean for 3 weeks this shit keeps happening to me and it's annoying because I added Deca into the mix and I'm trying to bulk up.. I'm pissed and I'm honestly just ready to give up and call it quits with life.. fuck it! I'm not missing out on anything. I'm a fucking loser still doing dumb shit!

 

[andyturbo]

No your not mate.

I know that feeling, many many do on here, never think your alone. I wont write a full D&m here but just some importantant points to remember.
Guilt/Anger needs to leave.
Acceptance, which u have already done that's the main thing. Accepted that this is what's happend, make that the foundation of rebuilding. And some floors might fall it wont be a perfect easy thing to do. But its a step sidewoulds not back. As long as u maintain where you want to end up u can do it. Blue light is the perfect place to talk ur feelings out to others That relate.

Also stop your cycle and if far clomid or whatever your post cycle therapy is. Your liver needs to detox and roids on or just after meth use can absolutely destroy it. Completely detox ur liver and I suggest whole body. High PH foods, Turmeric, and many others.

 

[TheotherGod95]

Power meth wont melt.
So i just moved to canada a couple of months back. Well i moved to oakville(dead city) last week and was looking to find crystal meth. Finally i found a dealer who sold me a gram of powder meth or speed whateverr people call it here.
The problem is i cant melt it down.. When dealing with crystals i know low heat is good to go but nothing melts this powder form.. I called my dealer to make sure maybe he ripped me off..
According to him its meth.

Anyone here can tell me how am i suppose to smoke powder meth(speed) if its not melting with a normal bic lighter..

 

[andyturbo]

He ripped you off. Sorry to say ��