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Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only

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I know its not much progress for me(if any) , but i've switched my meth habit to a benzo and opiate habit. It's a terrible way to keep the cravings away , but it works alot for me. I dont think about meth at all unless a friend brings it over well then my instinct takes over and theres no stopping me. I hate sitting in bed at night having dreams about getting high. Not to mention the things you do when your gack'd out are a lot worse than sitting around in a chill mood(lost everyone when on meth). The drugs i do now don't have that effect which is nice. I somehow manage to function. Now if i can just get off everything all together!
 
Shnargoff said:
I know its not much progress for me(if any) , but i've switched my meth habit to a benzo and opiate habit. It's a terrible way to keep the cravings away , but it works alot for me. I dont think about meth at all unless a friend brings it over well then my instinct takes over and theres no stopping me. I hate sitting in bed at night having dreams about getting high. Not to mention the things you do when your gack'd out are a lot worse than sitting around in a chill mood(lost everyone when on meth). The drugs i do now don't have that effect which is nice. I somehow manage to function. Now if i can just get off everything all together!
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Careful with the benzos, they are a bitch to come off.
 
im rx'd 60 mg adderall per day
2 mg of klonopin (i don't even take it that much)

and finally:) quit suboxone ~!!! yaya!

anyway, The adderall is bad enough, I maintain weight at 170-175 lbs, (im 6 ft)

Never had the desire or need to use speed again.

I feel a lot more "normal" - - Tweak is just horrible honestly, that chemical feeling, but its true you get way way higher off the meth. I just can't live my life like that.

Provided I take breaks, adderall feels fine.

When my neck tension gets real bad, ill take 2mg klonopin before bed.

Im done with hard drugs for good
 
I guess I can't NOT abuse adderall. After ramping up my tolerance to four times as much (in one week) and snorting my pills... I'm very disappointed in myself. I need a week to detox completely, stay in bed most of the time, but my life is such that it's impossible to even take one day off. Unless I throw away my future... I can't do that. I see myself getting a second job to pay for all the adderall I'm going to end up buying off friends, because my prescription is going to run out two weeks early. Trying to taper but it's going badly.. Well, that just sucks.
 
Hi all. I've been reading this thread for a few days now, just finished up. I've been clean from meth for about three and a half years. I still crave the escape and reading this has been helpful. I think I'll stick around.
 
wingnutlives said:
I guess I can't NOT abuse adderall. After ramping up my tolerance to four times as much (in one week) and snorting my pills... I'm very disappointed in myself. I need a week to detox completely, stay in bed most of the time, but my life is such that it's impossible to even take one day off. Unless I throw away my future... I can't do that. I see myself getting a second job to pay for all the adderall I'm going to end up buying off friends, because my prescription is going to run out two weeks early. Trying to taper but it's going badly.. Well, that just sucks.
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I hate to see my favorite BLers having a hard time. Hang in there. I've never had to deal with detox really other than sleeping a bit more than usual and being depressed. I'm sure it sucks something horrible. I'm always just a PM or IM away :)
 
ShroomBoom321 said:
I was just asking a question about the two drugs in comparison.
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no but mia is right - this isnt the right thread for questions such as this
remember - this is a thread for addicts and ex-addicts to share advice/support and for a meth addict, yes a question like the one u asked cud b triggering

thats how addictive a drug it is

a better forum to go to to ask questions such as how various amphetamines compare, go to 'other drugs' or 'drug culture' perhaps

if ur not sure where ur question will fit in, ur best to put it in the homeless threads section

out of respect for mia and anyone else suffering due to finding ur question triggering, i will edit it out - this is not to b insulting, rather to protect the ppl who come here cos its their safehaven
 
drug_wench said:
no but mia is right - this isnt the right thread for questions such as this
remember - this is a thread for addicts and ex-addicts to share advice/support and for a meth addict, yes a question like the one u asked cud b triggering

thats how addictive a drug it is

a better forum to go to to ask questions such as how various amphetamines compare, go to 'other drugs' or 'drug culture' perhaps

if ur not sure where ur question will fit in, ur best to put it in the homeless threads section

out of respect for mia and anyone else suffering due to finding ur question triggering, i will edit it out - this is not to b insulting, rather to protect the ppl who come here cos its their safehaven
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<3.
 
much luv back mia, hun

wingnut - hope u got my PM on some ideas for detoxing (sometimes weve got to do wat weve got to do......its never impossible!)

i havnt used for 4 days - last use was for a stupid reason really

i invited my dad back into my life too soon for both of us
basically i know i drive him nuts - it seems like i cant get it right!
wen im nervous (and his presence makes me nervous) i talk too much sometimes, and this annoys him

wen he snarls at me about how i talk too much and 'monopolise the conversation' (remember i hav untreated ADHD as well) i just plain zippit :|
then he snarls about how i dont hav any intrests and just sit there sulking

i dont hav a job (ffs im not exactly well enough for one atm) - oh modding BL doesnt count to him
all im intrested in is animals and 'the bogan culture' (true but all hes intrested in is plants and the 'artsy' culture)
im sloppy
i dress wrong
im too thin....or too fat (depending on which side of 50kg i weigh......im short so this is a reasonable weight but mine fluctuates due to amphetamine-fucked metabolism and frequent bouts of asthma meaning i end up on steroids which put a bit of pork on me, then of course i lose it all again during stressful times cos then i dont feel like eating or i use meth)
my tattoos r 'repulsive'

as ive said many times i hav low self-esteem - i guess partly cos of dads criticism growing up, and partly cos i was ostracised at school due to not fitting into the posh all-girls super-achiever atmosphere there (u can imagine wat thats like for someone with undiagnosed ADHD - i even had a teacher tell me i was destined to b a checkout chick for the rest of my life.....plenty of nice checkout chicks but i know she meant it unkindly)
the only girls i got on with were the other 'bogans' (kind-of a down under term for wat some wud call 'white trash' and others, the car/party/tattoo/metal culture) and we got into drugs together
esp P

anyway this isnt me trying to feel sorry for myself but i guess id bn so long away from dad and his hurtful comments and with that on top of all the other shit thats gone on lately, well i ended up with a needle in my arm on monday

since then ive still had to see my dad until tuesday wen he was carted out of the methadone clinic by security for threatening the receptionist after she wudnt give him info on me (confidential) - he wanted to know wat dose of 'that shit' i was on and whether or not i was still using illicit drugs
he then attacked a friend of mine who was waiting for his dose who said something like 'give it a rest - Lydias about the most honest one of us here, im sure shed tell u the truth' (untrue - id never tell dad i still use P)
he ended up with a black eye just for saying that

he then rang mum and told her its her fault my bro and i r both 'junkies' (actually Liams bn off P for a gd month now and 'junkies' implies opioids, which Liams never tried) and threatened to come after her with an axe

at least im still able to hav contact with my whanau on his side, who ive got to know a bit and love
they, however, sadly hav a warped view on the whole thing and think mum really is the devil dad makes her out to b, 'pushing drugs on us' etc

at least i can say i tried to befriend my dad again - i believe all parents and their fathers shud see each other if poss but its just like i trigger something in him (as do mum and Liam) that no one else does, and were best off without each other

my aunt suggested i write a letter to him but i wudnt even know wat to say - i feel more comfortable talking to her than him, and she knows i still struggle with P yet still luvs me no matter wat

so i used, i feel foul for it, but wats done is done - and ive stacked the weight right back on cos im having one of my cursed bouts of stress-triggered asthma, am eating steroids and going for daily injections (sadly for me IM not IV ;)) of more steroids so im sitting here wolfing down a bowl of ice-cream and hav had 2 bags of chips just to make myself more criticise-worthy of dad (not that thats hard) cos now im sure im 'too fat'
tbh he can shove it up his ass - his problem, not mine

i hate that i let him get to me enough that i had to go and use
 
I am so happy you made it through four days, that's awesome! You should be proud of yourself. You have been dealing with SO MUCH shit and you have made huge strides of success. Slip ups as you have told me many times happen as part of this addiction-- you just have to make them slip ups, not relapses.

You're dad is being an asshole; I understand he's coming from a place of fear and caring about you, and not understanding drug addiction, but he's still being an asshole. Has he ever spoken to an addiction counselor? Sometimes parents need to hear it from someone with "authority" for them to realize, fuck I am going about this the wrong way. In your case, I think this would be extra helpful, because from our PMs I know you have a lot of medical complications involved with tapering off that make it more complicated. I doubt he understands any of that from your post, and it's sad that he hasn't taken it upon himself to try and get the information, but perhaps suggest it to him? Or have you aunt do so?

I think your aunts idea of writing a letter is great one, it's much easier to say in words what you want to say without getting emmotional and feeling weakened by it. You can also say everything you want to say without being interrupted and he has to listen. My advice would be to start writing him the letter, it may take you a long time to write it, day, weeks, months or even a couple years, but it will help you to get it all out and there's no pressure to even send it to him in the end. (I do think you should though, it will be easier for him to process the information in that form as well). However, if you really just want to severe contact, that's up to you, only you know what's best for you. But I think you will feel better to tell him how you feel, even if that's the only contact you want for now.

However, most importantly my dear do not feel that you are weak-- you are an amazingly strong woman, from the way you have dealt with the problems with you ex you have proved this, I could NEVER be that strong and take care of myself that way. From our PMs I know you are an intelligent and intellectual woman, there is nothing "white trash" about you and you have no business even thinking about settling for being a checkout girl 8) You are kind, caring, and compassionate, and open to recovery and and advice and suggestions concerning it. You have really pushed forward to making a new life for yourself and you have so many months and days of sobriety behind you. His critcisms are shit and untrue; don't let them get to you, but also don't beat yourself up for having a moment of weakness. You are sober now, that is what counts. Focus on that. :)
 
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drug_wench said:
no but mia is right - this isnt the right thread for questions such as this
remember - this is a thread for addicts and ex-addicts to share advice/support and for a meth addict, yes a question like the one u asked cud b triggering

thats how addictive a drug it is

a better forum to go to to ask questions such as how various amphetamines compare, go to 'other drugs' or 'drug culture' perhaps

if ur not sure where ur question will fit in, ur best to put it in the homeless threads section

out of respect for mia and anyone else suffering due to finding ur question triggering, i will edit it out - this is not to b insulting, rather to protect the ppl who come here cos its their safehaven
Click to expand...

Alright sorry about that....and I didn't mean to impose a triggering question for you all. My bad.....:(
 
That's some pretty deep stuff Drug Wench. That's why I think you make a great moderater because your pretty honest with what you write and when you do slip up you tell everyone here and that's cool because when you do slip up it just shows that it's just a small set back and you dust yourself off and give it another shot instead off succumbing to the addiction.

Peace!
 
I'm glad to get an update DW. Some of us have been wondering how things are going. Sorry you are having a hard time. You know you can always PM me if you need to vent. Lol, I say that to a lot of people. I guess its not bad caring about my fellow BLers, although no one takes me up on it.

I think your aunt is right, writing a letter might be helpful. It will allow you to get your feelings out completely without interuption and if it doesn't take you know you gave it all you could.
Personally I don't know how you could be more comfortable talking about "sensitive" things. But I guess everyone is different.

Sorry you are having asthma, I couldn't manage having to feel like I'm going to die and I really seriously could. Panic attacks are enough, my drug counselor once said, I didn't need benzos because "They won't kill you." Yeah well if I hyperventalate and pass out that isn't helpful either. Guess I could hit my head on a table and die, ppl have done that. So there :p
 
crankinit - the worst thing u can do is feel bad, ie. guilt, shame, for using
hell, i got to over a yr of not using anything at all then i started using.....and not just meth, i was on opioids too

to rid myself daily of the guilt/shame as well as the cravings/hangover left from the day befores use, i ended up back where i started - a full-time addict
now i still cant stop using meth altogether, and only reason im not still banging smack is cos im on a fair dose of methadone

if i cud turn back time id say 'so i used - so wat?' and forget about that single slip
dont let one slip become a relapse - only u can prevent this from happening

if ur having overwhelming cravings now uve used, talk to someone
if u cant ring a drug helpline or see a drug counsellor, then PM me......im always here for any of u as ive said time and time again
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Thanks :) and you were definately right. I was feeling pretty shitty for a day or two after, but I just put off any thoughts of the drug and the fact that I used it, and just went on with my week, after a few days the cravings faded away and I just didn't even acknowledge the part of me that wanted to go out and buy more. I know where that would end up and I don't wanna put any more strain on my body when it's still recovering from the fatigue after I got sick last year etc. It was a stupid situation I let myself get into as a combination of not throwing out an old bag of gear I found in my desk a few weeks back and justifying using it by aying 'oh I'm tired and have shit to do.' so more or less a one time thing, I'd hope.
 
I got 60 hours off of it this time before giving in....

That seems to be my breaking point, 60-66 hours and I relapse again.

I make up a million excuses for not getting off this drug, work, school, blah bah, but I have had many opportunities where I could get get off of it and I never take them. I complain that I have no resources for support but all my energy goes into hiding the fact that I'm a meth addict.

Without this drug I simply do not feel alive. I do not feel like living is worth it. I hate this, I hate this drug, I feel like I am eternally interwined with it, some mixture of it not letting me go and my not letting it go..
 
I just dont care that I'm a stim user, and it loosing the guilt, worry and concern, and just enjoying the effect, is better then doing it only to feel bad....all you do is spend money and cause damage to your body to feel bad.

either just enjoy it, or dont do it.
 
no, the drug will fuck with cycles and stuff.

moderation is the key, and that is self discipline. Something alot of people lack, but could muster up if they really really wanted to, or had to.
 
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