Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only

[mrs_mia_wallace]

^me too, we have so many of the same insecurities and problems, I've noticed it in several threads

my take is just that to still be able to see any resemblance of pure beauty in this drug is to not have experienced it's full wrath.... I have loved it and continue to love it because it makes me think it is beautiful and helping me, but all it does is trick me and while I'm so distracted in the areas I think it's improving, it's simultaneously killing me in all these other areas, and slowly the good gets smaller and smaller and I'm just holding on to something that isn't even there because it never was... fuck methamphetmine is has the deepest claws of any other drug, I have such love and hatred for it I don't know they simultaneously exist.

 

[kcfaerydust]

hey, im sorry this post is so late....

i sent a pm to drug wench. i wanted to apologize for going off on a rant like 3 pages ago. i was tired, crabby and had a lot going on. i didn't mean to be rude and i know everyone here is really supportive to each other. i apolgize for calling dw judgemental. i hope those of you who read my post accept my apology and if you don't know what im talking about, well lets keep it that way.

im sorry!

kc

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

^ who are you?

and don't you think it's a little late to be complaining about stuff like five pages back?

 

[eon_blue]

^ who are you?

lol

I really feel for you guys and gals battling the meth monster. I think I mentioned it in a few pages back or in another thread, but I had a short-lived dance with that drug that came to an abrupt halt once I discovered heroin.

In some ways I think to myself that maybe heroin "saved" me from methamphetamine, but then I realize that heroin has me by the balls and is systematically destroying my life, too

 

[claire22]

In some ways I think to myself that maybe heroin "saved" me from methamphetamine, but then I realize that heroin has me by the balls and is systematically destroying my life, too

They're both very sneaky drugs aren't they? I am really grateful that meth doesn't have excruciating withdrawals like heroin. That'd definitely be a hard reason to give up H. They're both so different but so similar.

 

[footscrazy]

Well just got back from the psych - I was looking into methylphenidate (specfically concerta) because I've read some promising studies about it's use in recovering meth users. She thought that at this time it was best for me to just have no chemicals/medicines at all and give my brain a chance to recover. Suprisingly I'm happy with and agree with that at 2.5 weeks clean. Hitting the two week mark for me has always been when I feel myself coming back (ie - I can acually get off the couch ) but it also brings new challenges. Mainly because I've also gotten distance from the negative emotions from using too, money is starting to build up again, and it just doesn't seem so bad to get on again right now.
Oh...and she reckons my brain will have recovered in 10 years...

 

[drug_wench]

kcfaerydust - ill check my PMs
i never hold a grudge hun - i sure know wat its like to b in a shit of a mood
thats why i havnt bn seen round BL as much lately.....im taking a little break for a couple of weeks due to a few issues in my own life (that doesnt mean im not going to check in each day, just not acting so much as a mod)

anyway dont feel bad about calling me judgmental - i realise how posts can b misinterpreted....thats the only problem with msg boards/forums
anyway ill PM u back - hope ur doing better

mia - something u said in one of ur posts struck me as something ive always felt about methamphetamine and my addiction to it
i always say 'i love to hate P (meth, watever u want to call it) but i hate to love P.....unfortunately i still do (love it)'

 

[GoddessLSD-XTC]

My memory is so fried from so many yrs of this shit, my body is fucked, my mental stability is down the drain.

Damn, Claire . . . I saw a pic of U in the nudie thread several months ago and thought U were one of the best (if not the best). When I posted a link to my first experience with meth in this trhead a few pages ago, I was surprised to see U in this thread . . . I remember reading that U spend a lot of $$$ on this drug.

For awhile I was kinda suicidal (doin' lotsa Coke, drinking, smoking cigs), depressed about how effed-up this world is. Then, after my first experience with Meth a week ago, my life has changed . . . I wanna quit smoking and start running 4-miles/day like I used to, half-marathons up a mountain.

I keep saying to my best friend . . . "Oh, my poor little heart!" 'Cause the Meth caused a masssive heart flutter. The only other drug that did that to me was amanita muscaria but the Meth was much worse, like a 10, whereas the mushroom was a 3.

Claire, Ur suicidal . . . why U wanna die?

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

eon blue-- same thing happened to me, and I know drug wench also has experience with heroin addiction. I started doing heroin and fucking LOVED that drug more than an anything...I had been on meth for three 1/2 years when I tried it and within a couple weeks my meth addiction was replaced with heroin addiction.. for almost a year I didn't touch meth (longest clean time from it) and had no desire for it (only time since I started on it 5 1/2 years ago), but I was compeltely addicted and daily using H.... but for me the damage heroin did was obvious and fast, and it made me unable to function. I feel like methamphetmine is so fucking sneaky in it's destruction and addiction, you don't realize it until it's too late, and even then it doesn't feel so obvious that it's the meth... I don't know I'm rambling.

claire- meth withdrawl > heroin withdrawl IMO. heroin kicks your ass physically but meth does mentally... would take going trhough heroin withdrawl again over meth withdrawl any day.

drug wench-- yeah, it's ironic isn't it?

 

[drug_wench]

meth withdrawl > heroin withdrawl IMO. heroin kicks your ass physically but meth does mentally... would take going trhough heroin withdrawl again over meth withdrawl any day.

QFT - actually tho the reason i went on maintenance this time round (suboxone but thats not working for me for a number of reasons so im changing to methadone after my counsellors and doctor hav had a little pow-wow) is the crippling depression i always go thru for months and months after opiate withdrawal

i wud still rate that depression as nowhere near as depressing as the meth PAWS which also last a lot longer

my addiction to heroin came about originally partly cos my beloved bf had just died and i just wanted to b numb - meth was no longer numbing me enough (plus i was already into morphine and homebake in a big way)
but i turned to opiates to help me come down from meth - i stayed addicted to meth while i was on opiates and evry time i relapsed on meth opiates wud follow not far behind

i found out the other day wen i used (straight after taking my dose) that suboxone seems to enhance methamphetamine, and since then hav bn hanging out to play around with the 2
one of the many reasons im switching to MMT

surprising number of ppl who either cross-addict from meth to opiates (or vice-versa) or pick up both habits in the end.....same with meth and benzos

 

[CoyotesAintUgly]

At work I cant concentrate, Im either too happy and not being able to be serious or very glum.

Something is wrong, it could be the Effexor though. Im seeding my doc at the end of the month. If he just bumps me up a dose I think Im going to have to refuse. I still have very bad social phobia, still have audible hallucinations, not seeing anything weird though that I know is a hallucination for real.

All I know is- this is not me. There is something that has not returned about me that I had before I went into addiction. Its like Im just playing along in some fictional story instead of just living normally.

I dont think my problems are drug related much anymore having had this time off it. And that is scary.

Zephyr... Reading your post and some of the symptoms you talk about I was thinking how closely I could relate to this in my past experience. The inability to fully control your moods the something about you that hasn't returned and feeling a kind of lack of connection with your life as you live through it day to day... like a player in a story. Then I realized why I was relating so strongly. You said you were on Effexor. Shit! My doctor put me on Effexor for depression related to Meth withdrawal (which I was attempting unsuccessfully at the time).
After taking it a few weeks I realized that I was no longer slipping into those deep helpless depressions and thought... cool. Then I realized all of my other emotions were becoming flattened as well. I really was no longer truly in touch with anything that happened to me, good or bad. I felt like a Zombie... not cool.
I told my doc my concerns but he didn't think zombieness was reason enough to take me off the Effexor so I decided to do it myself. What a nightmare! after three days I could barely walk 10 feet without grabbing something for support. My equilibrium, sight, balance and hearing were totally fucked up. I had my son do a search for Effexor withdrawal on Google (I couldn't read my monitor long enough or concentrate well enough to do it myself). I sure wish I would have done a little research on this shit before I let the good doc prescribe it. The information (a ton of it) I picked up from the results was almost unanimous: "If your life has become less enjoyable on Effexor. Try quitting and you will go from less enjoyable to unlivable" I have gone through opiate, speed and alcohol withdrawal and except for alcohol Effexor withdrawal kicks the shit out of all of them (and alcohol is perhaps a draw). It is a very long process and you have to taper off slowly (you'll still the symptoms) but when you no longer have that constant buzzing in your head or get "brain zaps" (which you have to experience to understand) and have finally freed yourself of this shit you will have learned a lesson about researching your drugs that will stick with you for life.

Keep in mind I may be way off base and you and Effexor get along just fine BUT I can promise you the withdrawals are very serious and you should make sure your doctor goes through it with you.

I honestly hope you are having a decent if not wonderful day.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

QFT - actually tho the reason i went on maintenance this time round (suboxone but thats not working for me for a number of reasons so im changing to methadone after my counsellors and doctor hav had a little pow-wow) is the crippling depression i always go thru for months and months after opiate withdrawal

i wud still rate that depression as nowhere near as depressing as the meth PAWS which also last a lot longer

my addiction to heroin came about originally partly cos my beloved bf had just died and i just wanted to b numb - meth was no longer numbing me enough (plus i was already into morphine and homebake in a big way)
but i turned to opiates to help me come down from meth - i stayed addicted to meth while i was on opiates and evry time i relapsed on meth opiates wud follow not far behind

i found out the other day wen i used (straight after taking my dose) that suboxone seems to enhance methamphetamine, and since then hav bn hanging out to play around with the 2
one of the many reasons im switching to MMT

surprising number of ppl who either cross-addict from meth to opiates (or vice-versa) or pick up both habits in the end.....same with meth and benzos

I tried heroin "just to try it" and it got me hooked... it wasn't until I started trying to detox that I started using meth again, hoping it would help me function. But same as you, heroin made me numb and let me completely escape life... meth just helps me deal with it.

Depression from heroin was fucking horrible though I agree.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

I went to see my guy today to get my shit-- he gave me a bunch of free xanax along with it, told me I'm looking sick and too thin again and told me to eat and come down for a few days.

Really depressing coming from a dealer... so I'm going to do everything in my power to not use tomorrow, I'm going on 12 days this is going to suck. But my body feels like it's going to break and I've decided if I'm not going to detox for good period I need to at least stop going for 3 or 4 weeks of using everyday...

I made up a food plan because that seems to be one of the worst things for the comedown for me. And I'm going to force myself to go to work and whatnot in hopes that will prove to be better than staying home... and I've got tons of fucking xanax on hand...

It's been seven hours and I'm already feeling it. Oh fuck I don't want to do this.

 

[Crankinit]

I went to see my guy today to get my shit-- he gave me a bunch of free xanax along with it, told me I'm looking sick and too thin again and told me to eat and come down for a few days.

That's when you know you have a problem

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

Yep.

I've had a few dealers in the past who stopped selling to me because of the weight issue. It's really a "wow this is bad" moment when your dealer doesn't even want to make $...

He was talking to me about this girl we both know who likes him and telling me she looks way too twacked out and said something like "I wouldn't want to date a girl on this shit who looks like that... but really I wouldn't want to date a girl that does this shit period." Ridiculously hypocritical as he was hitting a pipe at the moment but it just sort of re-inforced the "oh fuck" feeling...

 

[danalprazolam]

It took me getting burnt out on dexedrine, then withdrawling from suboxone at the same time. Brutal shit....Then I had dreams that I had some, doesn't make sense. Comming off suboxone and dexedrine at the same time was AHH.

Now hopefully working out will help make me normal again, now I just have to figure out klonopin.

 

[rangrz]

lolwut...why would you try two WD's at once?... but good job on toughing thought it.

 

[footscrazy]

I am really really upset.
I made it nearly 3 weeks off meth but yesterday and today I went a bit nuts and smoked/snorted about 3 grams in the space of a few hours. Even when I'm using daily that would prob be too much for me but it definitely was with my lowered tolerance. Near the end I snorted a big half gram line and when that hit about 15mins later I knew I'd gone too far. I become so lethargic and drowsy and I couldn't even think let alone move. My face was twitching unintentionally! My body was filled with adrenaline and I think I would have panicked if my mind was capable of doing that
I was waiting on my friends for a life home but when we went outside to walk to the car the driver said 'oh sorry I don't have enough petrol to drive you home, I'll take you to the train station.' This train station being a million miles from my house! And I was so unbelievably upset and frustrated, and I said 'why the fuck wouldn't you have told me this 5 hours ago so I could have ordered a taxi or got someone else to give me a lift!' Because not that anyone had noticed but I had been curled up in a ball on the couch mentally falling apart for the last day waiting for this stupid lift. And at the train station I just decided there is no fucking way I am sitting on a fucking train scattered as fuck for 2 hours, so I went to the bottle o and bought some drinks and then spent $50 on a fucking taxi home. I am just so upset, I feel like I never want to speak to my 'friends' again. I am so scattered and sad and mentally hardly here. I want to call a friend and just get so upset and cry to them but I feel like I can't as they told me not to do drugs yesterday but I woldn't listen. So I feel like they wouldn't be too sympathetic. I am so sad, tomorrow I will get myself out of this funk but for the moment I'm going to sit alone and drink and feel sorry for myself, but not sleep, because I'm too fucking scared to sleep.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

Damn girl be careful there! A half a gram line?? I don't know what's wrong with me but I have never and could never do 3 grams in one day, I would literally have to be rushed to the hospital...

I fucking hate unreliable friends at those times... my ex best friend and I used to crash at one of dealer's houses for a few days at a time and just binge our asses off with him and his friends (she was also sleeping with one of his friends). I rememeber once we had been at the house for about three days and I really wanted to get the fuck out of there. I can only really be high for a couple days when smoking this shit and then I start coming down no matter what and just vomitting and feeling naeseous as hell. I started to get sick on the third nigth and was just lying on his couch with my head next to a bowl waiting to vomit... she was the only one of us who knew public transport and promised we would leave in the morning but the morning came and she wanted to stay with the guy... I was pissed and decided to just leave but me not knowing public transporation on Oakland got soooo fucking lost and San Francisco rain started and it took me about six hours to get home, I kept getting lost and vomitting it was one of my top worst meth experiences...

Anyway I am glad you are home and safe.... take it easy on the drinking there... and you can get back on track, don't let this slip up throw you off and set you back in the spiral

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

I did way too much today, was about two steps away from driving myself to the hospital. It has been a horribble and scary late afternoon/evening, I hate this fucking drug.