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Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread

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Skylight dont give in dude fuck meth that shit is retarted as fuck. Smoke a shit load of weed n get the munchies play a videogame watch a movie have a kid something dont turn back to drugs man it makes me sad to see alot of my family n peoplehumans go down tht road. Its.horrible love yourself man be happy. Fuck what people think you are who you choose to be. Dont be a pheen again theres no happiness in that none. Your on the charriot to endless miserory. No one cares about you bro but i do man. Godbless you man suceed nd achieve to continue to be drug free you gone this far dont give up some girl will love you one day and admire you as if nothing.else mattered dont continue man dont
 
tripnotyzm said:
It can take various amounts of time for your brain to function at its peak once again, everybody is different.
I would suggest trying to expand your social skills wherever possible. Have some good talks to your friends, family and co-workers..
Eventually you will get the hang of it :)
Day 32, that's really cool.
By the time you double that figure, i reckon you'll feel a lot greater =D
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Trip thnks bro ican only hope nd watch. Have you delt with an experience makeing you feel not the same for a long time ?
 
yeah. i still want to get high real bad. but the comedowns last week sucked, now i know why i used to just smoke and smoke for days till i passed out. of course staying up for days is what caused the schizo/paranoia to come out. that was awful. i don't have enough xanax to help me comfortably come down every time i decide i want to get high. i have notes to myself, "no more dope, all you do is pointlessly tweak!" that i wrote in the peak of my tweak. yet still i fiend.
 
Adrian310 (and everyone else drug-free right now) YOU ROCK!!! Sounds like you're on the right track...doing "normal things" and being around family. 35 years ago I used crystal (we didn't call it meth back then) for 13 years along with anything else I could get my hands on. Then I got pregnant and quit everything. It wasn't actually that difficult to quit since I had fucked up hormones to deal with and was afraid of having a baby adversely affected by my drug abuse. Everyone is different, but for me, it took several years before I really felt mentally "right". That being said, I don't think my memory function ever fully returned to pre-drug times. BTW I stupidly started using again a few years ago, hence my presence here.

I can tell you that worrying about your mental health will not help it get better. That's much easier said than done but if you can keep your mind and body busy with positive, productive activities it will improve. Drug-free time is your best friend right now and just like the length of time it takes us to travel down the road of drugs and despair, it seems to take an exponential amount of time to return to the real you completely.

Stay positive. Keep doing what you're doing. Be patient. Exercise your mind...read, do crosswords, word puzzles, take online quizzes (about anything), just keep your brain working on normal things. If you work it as hard as you did getting dope, being paranoid, and worrying about getting busted, you'll be exhausted (the good way) at the end of the day and hungry for more the next!!! It will happen...in time. And don't forget to give yourself a big ass pat on the back for having the courage and strength to get where you are today! Congrats!
 
Skylight123 eventually the craving will decrease and possibly disappear forever. Maybe not, but it will decrease. Time and filling the void that was the all-consuming finding/doing/tweaking/worrying/crashing will take some effort but will really help alleviate the overwhelming fiend. Alone with your thoughts is probably not the safest place at this point in your recovery. Surround yourself with drug free friends and family along with activities totally not associated with tweaking. It's lame but at least legal, try an OTC sleep medication like Tylenol PM, Exederine(sp?) PM, meds like those to help. Maybe alternate using something OTC and ur Xanax and see if that helps. Keep your mind and body busy.

YOU ROCK and will keep rocking! You've taken the first two steps, deciding to quit and actually quitting. Now the hard part begins...but YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!! Fuck the dope! You're better than that shit. You are in control of your life not some nasty ass chemical! Remember to give yourself KUDOS and don't minimize how far you've already come. Congrats!!!
 
So i gave in last night.
Had a long night of work to get through, plus a lot of side projects that i have been lagging behind with.
At this current stage my feelings towards amphetamines are somewhat neutral..
Due to my past addictions, it now feels like i am taking a much larger risk when i decide to use.
I must be careful and certain not to fall back in to the loop, and know that i am strong enough to remain in control.
 
Listen to Accidents Can Happen by Sixx AM (The Heroin Diaries) please. I'm a firm believer that part of the real recovery process is to giving in perhaps a few times or more! Don't beat yourself up, don't accept that you can't quit forever, and don't quit quitting! I don't know you're past history but for most of us, we can quit for years and start back up again like we hadn't missed a day and put our bodies (and minds) through Hell and then some. You ARE strong enough to remain in control. Shit happens. We all fuck up. Just don't give up. It takes a while. It's alright, you're not alone...
 
This is tough shit.... I made it to 7 days and got into that "why the hell not?" mindset. That was about a month ago. Took a day and a half off, halfheartedly.

I'm amazed I've allowed something like this to have such pull on my day to day function.
 
iliketoast said:
This is tough shit.... I made it to 7 days and got into that "why the hell not?" mindset. That was about a month ago. Took a day and a half off, halfheartedly.

I'm amazed I've allowed something like this to have such pull on my day to day function.
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That sounds all to familiar, I'm in the UK and we don't get much meth here, it's mainly Amphetamine Sulphate which despite my best intentions I seem to be using more and more. If I carry on on the same path it won't be long before it's everyday, I'm approaching the mark where I'm more days of the week on than off.

At the moment my function is OK, in fact I seem to be coping mentally and physically quite well, I know this is in fact a very bad sign. Even as a write this I know I've convinced myself this is OK, when I know deep down I shouldn't be taking them at all for a whole raft of reasons.

I've been suffering from fatigue and insomnia for so long and amphetamines provide such a relief as well as granting me motivation and some confidence ( see how I'm justifying all this)

I'm going to put this stuff to one side for the next few days, no good trying to think about it whilst up, there lies the madness.

Recording it here is enough for now
 
If my acquaintance hit me back with the stuff, I'd be on it right now.

But he knows about my recovery attempt and is likely bullshitting me.

I'm getting very depressed. Broke my marijuana-free streak at 42 days. Meth's still 46 days or so, but I'm losing count because I don't give a shit. My diet has been poor too. Not working out much either.

I want to get back on track, but at the same time, I don't give a shit. The definition of depression.

I intend to go on a 10-day juice fast soon (as soon as I eat up the cooked food in my house so I don't waste a bunch of money). That, and buying some health supplements I have been diligently saving up all month to buy, are the only things keeping me sane.

Fortunately this recent dip has not harmed me much financially. I was equally disciplined financially as I was with everything else, and so far that financial mentality is the one that's sticking around.
 
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I am so oblivious that it didn't even occur to me that my problem was speed until recently. I knew I was hooked on the opiates due to the withdrawals. I thought I only did speed because it was available and by going around those that had it always led me to the pills ( my main interest). Now that I reflect on the past almost year, it has been an endless cycle of me staying up for days and then crashing hard. The higher I get, the harder I fall. There have been days where I would like nothing more than to be put out of my misery. I know it's the drug. I know that if I continue to redose, day after day, the result will be unbelievable depression. Yet I continue to do it.

In fact, the opiates are less of a problem now. I don't really have the financial luxury to have both all the time so it appears that either the speed is more available or I just want it more. I hate what I'm doing to myself and to my family. They have dealt with enough already. I go to 12 step meetings several times a week. I don't pretend to be sober either. The whole thing is pretty humiliating but I'm hoping one day something will click in my head and I can find God or some power within myself to stop. Sorry to be so negative. It helps to see other people are getting over it and come out being happy.
 
i hate to admit i relapsed again on thursday, after taking a few days off from my last relapse, which ended the previous friday. i call these relapses because i was clean from meth for over two years... so i know it can be done. by me. i know I can do it. i'm just idle right now in my life, and it's been hard for me to get back on track, depression, etc. so i sought it out to relieve some of those doldrums that stem from aimlessness. even though i have a gym membership, a library, all kinds of things i could be doing instead of frying my brain. i am really disappointed in myself, because i don't even like the stuff, past the first day or so. yet i continue to re-dose, like another poster mentioned. i guess that's the psychological monkey brain part of it. "give me my reward, i completed the action of puffing the pipe!" it's completely lame. here i am on the fourth day of my binge (even with sleep in between the days, meth does not get you on that "level" with daily use). so it's completely pointless to keep using. i want to better my life, and i'm aware of the ways to start, like going to AA meetings and exercising a lot. honestly i don't have a lot of sober friends, so i feel pretty alone in this battle.

my body has started to actually gag when i start inhaling meth smoke. it just started today. it's like my body is physically rejecting it, it's trying to save itself, it doesn't want it. same thing happened when i tried heroin a few years ago. got to a point where i'd cook up a shot and just the smell and the reality of what i was about to do to myself made me gag.

i still have probably more than a half gram left of crystal :/ not sure if i should save it or what. when am i going to be ready to quit for good?? i do think i need meetings because i need a social sober group. i've heard some people say to go to AA meetings rather than NA, does anyone have suggestions?
 
Flush the rest of it down the toilet, skylight. I'd try both AA and NA meetings and see which works best for YOU. I think it's very important to have sober friends to hang out with right now. I haven't done meth myself in quite some time, but I know that I can't be around it at all still. It's the one drug that I can never say no to no matter how long it's been since I've done it or how much I want to stay off of it. I just avoid it and keep myself away from my old friends who I used it with. You have people you can talk to about this here so you don't really have to go through this completely alone. <3
 
Definitely flush the rest down the toilet.

Try not to beat yourself up too much, because the shame and self-hatred are part of the cycle that keeps you coming back. In the end of it addictions are all about a poor self-image of unworthiness and/or perfectionist tendencies, because when you think about it, we are harming our mind and body, and we wouldn't do that if we truly loved ourselves unconditionally.

I was very close to using again, going so far as to desperately reach out for a connect and searching Bluelight for random methamphetamine threads.

That actually led me to a thread which talked about the damage it does to your brain, which sobered me up and made me think twice.

The fact of the matter is I've already done way too much meth in my life (even if it's not half as much as most users seem to have done). I am getting older (24) and cannot depend on youthful exuberance cushioning me against long-term damage anymore. Frankly, it would be a major upset if there was not already irreversible long-term damage done to my brain.

And when I look at how frustrating being meth-free for 6-7 weeks has been -- the emotional damage, the frustration, the quick-temper, the lack of pleasure (anhedonia has been the major trigger in me wanting to use again) -- I'll just have to go through all of that again, plus some, if I use. Fuck that.

I've smoked a little weed but not even that is satisfying me. That's what keeps ringing out in my head: if I keep using drugs of any kind, I keep delaying my brain's ability to balance dopamine/opiates/serotonin/whatever pleasure chemicals in my brain to feel normal again.

That is a major turning point, because in the past, without exception, every time I would hit a depressive state -- and this has happened like clockwork for me the past 3 years -- I would veg out, smoke tons of tree, watch a ton of porn, and basically thoroughly rape myself in a fit of self-hatred.

So these 6-7 weeks of being very focused and disciplined has helped me tremendously. My brain is changing. My emotional balance can be regained. I am not a victim.

The hardest part of the recovery is learning to dispel these perfectionist tendencies and learn unconditional love.
 
For all of you peeps who have relapsed and are beating yourselves up over it, PLEASE STOP :-) Everyone, I mean EVERYONE, makes mistakes and has setbacks whether they're drug related or not. The problem with us is that meth is such a physically and mentally corrosive and toxic drug quitting forever the first time is nearly impossible. Pick yourselves back up, dust yourselves off, and quit again. And again. And again...as many times as it takes. It was a long, depressing, insidious trip down the road and into the rabbit hole of addiction and it will take ten-fold to get our asses back to right. Never give up on yourselves. Never. You, we, us, them, he, she, I can win this battle and the war for that matter.

Definitely dispose of any and all meth and other drug/alcohol emergency stashes. Clean up/shower, put on some nice clean clothes, do your makeup, hair, and whatever else you do to make yourself look good. You'll feel better inside if you look good outside. Go to AA, NA, whatever you need to be around other chemically-challenged (but chemical free) peeps you're comfortable with. Personally, I don't do 12 step meetings. I think they are depressing and completely unmotivating along with the higher power/God issues I have. The only 12 step program I would consider is DAA-Dumb Asses Anonymous but we don't have any of those where I live. Besides, I think the member base would just get way too fucking big considering all the real dumb asses out there...not all drug users either.

I actually prefer and wanna throw out a suggestion to find meetings that focus on positive group interaction and life style changes more so than meetings that focus on the technicalities that most of us already know about (what drugs/alcohol do to your body and relationships, etc.). Let's focus on how we can change our behaviors and values in a positive way and be able to recognize when we are falling back into our old ways jeopardizing our shit getting together process! I was recently at a court ordered substance abuse group, dreading doing yet another 72 hours of dry, on way communication, reefer madness type class but was pleasantly surprised to find this class was actually a dynamic group with a licensed, ex-iv meth using moderator using self-awareness and improvement based curriculum and discussion. Now at my age and having been through every possible situation and then some, I know myself pretty well. However it was still good for me to hear someone else (respectfully) call me on my bullshit and not let me get away with the usual excuses. Even though I know who, how, what and why I am and do the things I do (poor boundary setter for example) it was really important for me to look at myself again, acknowledge my issues, be given tools to work through and overcome them, and not get driven farther down and away in the process.

I will say in the Phoenix, Arizona metro area NOVA has greatly improved on their court ordered treatment from what it was 15 years ago! These courses usually don't cost much (although if you're broke and not working any amount is a hardship) but sometimes they'll work with self referrals on cost and payment. I really think this is a better option that the 12 steps (IMHO) because it deals with fixing YOU/ME/US as people. Dealing with our issues is not something any of us are good at, that what the drugs are for, but until we do deal with our demons, falling off for the last time will always be a likely probability with the worst outcome possible.

Let's fix ourselves or at least take some steps in the right direction to make improvements!!!!
 
I have always felt the same way about AA/NA. I wish there was some alternative where I live but so far this site is the closest thing. It's been 2 days now since I've done any meth. I got rid of my rigs but haven't deleted numbers for connects yet. One text me yesterday but I didn't try to get anything. That was hard considering I got paid yesterday. I got some high potency B-12, fish oil, niacin and I have been taking a Multi every day for a while. Yesterday was hell physically but I made myself get out of bed and go to an AA meeting. I called my sponser 2 nights ago. Its been a while since I had my last relapse so she seemed glad I wasn't dead or in jail. She wants me to call her every day which I don't want to commit to because I'm tired of saying I'll do things and not following through so I just told her I would call tomorrow. I feel like a jerk for being resistant to someone who is trying to help and doesn't have to. I just don't want to think too far ahead right now. It stresses me out and seems impossible.

Regardless of how I feel about 12 steps, I want to give it another shot. I don't trust myself to decide what the best method of quitting is. I need serious guidance and that's what's available to me. Skylight123 said AA is preferable to NA when coming off of meth. Can anyone tell me why? I've only been going to AA because the NA meeting I tried to go to rarely can find anyone to chair and most times no one even shows up. My head is mixed up. I don't know how to explain it really. I catch myself staring at nothing for long periods of time, I thought a humming bird was flying around my head the other night but being that it was dark that doesn't seem likely. I saw smoke rising from the trees and when I pointed it out to someone they looked at me strange so I am trying not to talk much to anyone now. It's pretty terrifying. I hope it isn't permanent.

Anyway, glad I have this thread to come to for encouragement. I know addiction is addiction but there are things related to meth that are very unique to any other drug I've experienced. It helps to at least know what's going on with my body and learn how to hold on and push through it. I've lost my job, my kids, house, car and my mind (it appears). I don't want to lose my freedom or my life and that's a very real possibility every time I go back to this shit. Hope you got rid of your stuff, skylight123 and can get back on track. I can't imagine the amount of work it took to go 2 years without it. That's something to be really proud of.
 
Long term amphetamine use

Hey guys, I'm new to this site and have posted a thread but haven't gotten any replies but I could use some feedback from this group. I'll try to keep it short and to the point... I've taken vyvanse and adderall for years. Never considered myself to have add but my GP began prescribing them to me years ago, and now it seems like my tolerance is sky high...I'm always taking more than prescribed and it causes me to be stressed and anxious until I get my rx refilled. My primary reason for continuing to take the medications is just life in general. I work full time in a high stress environment that requires me to think on my feet quickly, and the meds greatly improve my ability to think clearly and remember things better. Also, my husband and I have 3 children and my husband works long hours 5 days/week and 99% of home responsibilities fall on me...I just don't feel like I can do all that is required of me without the help of these meds! Not only do they help me to be motivated to get things done, they improve my mood almost 100%. I am WAY happier when I take them. But I am concerned about my long term use of amphetamines. Can anyone offer any insight into this or maybe some ideas on something else in the family of antidepressants that might do the trick? Btw, I've tried Wellbutrin before and I do not want to take them again. I felt spaced out and loopy on them.
 
I used to use amphétamines to help give me an edge in a very demanding, performance-oriented job. It worked wonders for a while, but eventually it really screwed me because I was expected to perform at that level as my baseline. It made quitting a lot harder than it should have been, and it escalated my use much faster than it would have escalated otherwise. Then there was a smattering of alarming side effects including paranoid delusion, psychosis, social alienation, depression, anxiety, diminished executive function, neuralgia etc. It did not turn out well at all.

This level of use is unsustainable. Clear and simple... The nature of the drug is one of diminishing - and then vanishing - returns.

If you believe you are depressed, your doctor would be able to find one that best suits your situation; bupropion(Wellbutrin) was probably chosen because of its stimulating characteristics, and possibly to help reduce cravings for other stimulants. That one did not work for you at the dosage and formulation you tried, but there are other release mechanism/dose combinations that may have a better side effect profile for you, or even entire classes of antidepressants you have not tried yet.
 
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