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Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread

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I am very new here on the forums, browsing and reading to self educate myself in areas of interest. However, I too have been addicted to meth, but I have made it 4 years away and it was not easy. If you are here, you came to read and post for a reason and you should already pat yourself on the back. Life cannot change if you don't want it to.

My experiences started when I was 14 and lasted until I was 21 - 2 stints in rehab, 1 ER visit, and constant paranoia contributed to my decision to finally stop. I did meet my wife while I used and even encouraged it in our early months of dating, I would feel guilt every day but if she didn't experience this, she couldn't of ever understood me - even to this day. Life isn't what most consider normal, but what is normal? My nerves are a constant problem, I am easily overwhelmed and suffer from anxiety. I have nervous habits I can't prevent and I worry a lot.

Everyone has the ability to beat the addictive cycle but you have got to remove yourself from those that will bring you down. I had one relapse when I was 23, already married and had my toddler. I rarely even thought about spinning, much less than in my initial 12-18 months. My neighbor smoked pot and asked if I wanted to come by. We did this and then he asked if I wanted to smoke meth. Completely startled, quickly said hell no. 4 hours later I was knocking on the door asking if he had more - I spent hours pacing and acting weird at home completely oblivious to my family before going back. One hit and I went straight home, confessed, cried and we picked the pieces up - I barely tasted it, but it was as if I set myself back years.

Nothing will replace your drug of choice, and it's not just the drug, it's the lifestyle. Do all you can to separate yourself, if your "friends" understand, they will back you, if they don't then they are not a friend. Everyone on here seems very supportive - reach out to people important to you, you may of lost relationships but you can build more and rebuild broken. Don't expect people to understand what you are going through, it can be just as difficult from the outside looking in. Be strong and keep smiling.
 
i was kicked out of my mothers house at 17 due to my meth use, reluctantly my gma let me move in with her. my meth addiction spiraled out of control at 19 when i started IV'ing. i came across it and was curious..i was hooked. its been almost 5 months of pretty much daily use. (sleeping every so often and eating and hydrating myself regularly) its got to a point now that from sun up to sun my mind has no other capacity but meth. im slowly losing it and dont what to do.

i've been to rehab once and was succesfully sober for almost 3 months and whats driving me crazy is how i've been to rehab (before IV was intrtoduced to me) and how someone goes straight to what i consider morally the worst of the worst. i'm constantly in limbo between using and looking for treatment/counceling. the meth has consumed my mind, body, and soul. i want recovery, but dont know where to start. psychosis is setting in, im feeling the symptoms worse everyday and my guilty concience is wearing me down in every way.

im here looking for support/advice and am new to posting. forgive me if my etiquette is off..

-KING
 
^ I know how you feel. Meth consumed my mind, body and soul for years... it was the center of my whole existence. Has treatment and counseling worked for you in the past? It might be worth having another go at counseling or even going into rehab if you think it's necessary. I found quitting meth also requires huge changes in our social circles. I had to stop hanging out with people who use it, delete contacts from my cell phone, and so on.

Today I've been having bad cravings for meth... they had been getting better since I quit the drug several months ago, but today they've returned with a vengeance. I'm trying to talk myself outta scoring, by reminding myself that all my good contacts have gone, and the only ones I still know sell shitty stuff that isn't worth the money or the trouble.
 
I connect to this, met relaxes me to actually sit, I suffer bipolar mania, pacing and concentration is a big problem for me, i feel dead. I also take meds, but meth evens me out, i do my things that i want to be doing and i am articulate and people like me, i mean, i am not weird uncomfortable. It like mellows me out, to focus. I once asked a doctor who asked me do i do drugs i said yes meth, she said do you see that as a problem, i said well I'm doing it behind my back but it makes me function as a normal person, she said, so why is that a problemm? it was weird. I have just had a thirteen day streak, the whole time i felt like shit, dying. i got some, i felt immediately like a human. WHY!
 
I would keep using drugs, if i knew that i wasn't in denial, because they help me function as a walking person, but i know they will make me more mental in the end, I got a prescription to adderall hoping it would help me ween off. adderall doesn't make me feel anything.
 
^ I know how you feel. Meth consumed my mind, body and soul for years... it was the center of my whole existence. Has treatment and counseling worked for you in the past? It might be worth having another go at counseling or even going into rehab if you think it's necessary. I found quitting meth also requires huge changes in our social circles. I had to stop hanging out with people who use it, delete contacts from my cell phone, and so on.

Today I've been having bad cravings for meth... they had been getting better since I quit the drug several months ago, but today they've returned with a vengeance. I'm trying to talk myself outta scoring, by reminding myself that all my good contacts have gone, and the only ones I still know sell shitty stuff that isn't worth the money or the trouble.

counceling has worked in the past sweet p. and im actually tapering/lowering dosage and seeing a councelor and psychologist as of yesterday. the first step in a long, long, road as i see it.. the psychological adddiction and routine of use i've got accustomed to is insane..i've met life-time users who ofter say things like "damn youngster sure you can handle that?" yeah, sad huh?

also sorry i posted here twice and was a lil, well...crazy..i cant explain my own actions sometimes..my heart carries the pain of a brain i cant explain...

-KING :sus:
 
you know, after suffering from a year long oxycodone/heroin/alcohol dependency about a year ago, I feel an addictive quality from the past is coming back. Recently, I've gotten into meth. Well, kind of re-introduced to it. Before that, the last time I did meth was the last time I did heroin, before I got my car taken away from my dad for not paying for a long time.(which i didn't have a meth addiction during that time. I had a heroin addiction to maintain, but I was often starting to combine meth and heroin in a rig quite often.) When originally, I was going to use it for productivity.

I feel old habits came back quick. From smoking it, to leading me back to the use of IV in a destructive manner; just like how I did with my heroin use, but this addiction feels so different from my old opiate use. I can't explain it. Well, I guess it's obvious because one's a powerful opiate and the other's a psychostimulant.

The only thing that scares me is the school that I go to and the limited amount of work I have because of it; struggling to pay bills and whatnot. I'm afraid that I won't get much work accomplished or oversleep due to a lack of sleep. I have stopped the use of IV though, due to old horrible memories of being a heroin addict and the money spent on it. I've stuck to oral dosing of meth and even bought a bag to split into separate doses for each day of the week; however, I still find myself staying up for hours and find myself compulsively insuffulating bumps or smoking it. I've gotten to the point where I can take powernaps on it, eat small meals, take multivitamins and stopped my jaw clenching, however, it's a sign of tolerance and tolerance to me, means that I've started to adapt to this lifestyle of "semi charmed life". Every grain of salt I see, every dried piece of rice I find, every broken piece of glass I look at reminds me of methamphetamine. I'm just shocked how it's been 2 1/2 months and how I have so many empty bags laying around. Well, it was the same for heroin for me. It just seems so hard to crash and heal with such limited time.

I was forced to work cold turkey on heroin because I needed to pay bills, despite the abdominal pains, the watery eyes, the stuffy nose, the restless and painful legs, and the anxiety and depression associated with it, but inside, I felt good for feeling that way. It was almost an easy exit for me(really thanks to loperamide, ibuprofen, and heavy drinking. This eventually led me to be a heavy drinker, often smelling like alcohol every morning and night), but on this, I don't want to do anything. I don't care for anything. It's like the apathy on lots of heroin except there's pain rather than analgesia, and there's anhedonia rather than euphoria. Almost feels like I have parkinson's. Also the compulsive tendency to look in keyboards and carpets for meth. I always tell myself that there isn't a significant amount of meth in the carpet to feel even the slightest bit of stimulation and on the contrary, I don't ever recall dropping a shard. EVER. Though, I always tell this simple logic to myself, I still find myself searching in the carpet for another 20-30minutes.

This current problem, makes me rather be a heroin addict again(not really going to pursue it though, just a random lighthearted thought) Truth be told, I've worked hard to get back into school, but I feel like I don't know where I'm going in life anymore. I don't know, I should really stop rambling under the influence and start thinking of a strategy.

I've been holding these thoughts back, and just thought I'd share with my current scenario. Thank y'all for listening and/or understanding. :)
 
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†∆†;8900239 said:
I am a shell of myself without amphetamines. Even after the initial withdrawl period has ended, I still don't feel like I'm myself, or even a real person


qtf .... amphetamine,... well dextroamph tabs have their devils claw in my soul.... rxed 80mg now take up to 150-200mg in a 24 hour then i lose count... i hit 50-60mg the start then 3-5 3 times prior a day.... without it i am nothing, just a shell... someone with no emotions, besides negative ones, all the drug does now is make me feel good, tingly and normal.... able to get tasks done, see thru and understand shit easier than i normally would have.... but shortly after the comeup for 4-6-7 hours im just not happy not sad just a robotic shell.... its fucked up...s

8yrs on, 2 month and a occassional dry spell... dependent on 4mg kpin or any benzo from the anxiety ultimately caused from amphetamine misuse, and binging... i have a script in the mail.... enough to buyy the shit too.... 240...... i just went thru 120 in a week 10mg tabs... gave 5 away.... i started at 17 im 25 now... quickly fell in <3 with polydrug combinations to synergize or get AS fucked up as posssible or to raise my speed dose... the star of the show for me.... all i do on it it think about it and shit... wacked out clean im done no libido like before.... unless like last month a 38 yr old girl knocked on my motel door... let her in shhe came back and i was her rebound for her husband fucking with her life.... idk hope im clean now lol....


again being on speed well... i felt the bonding toward her and just said fuck it.... of course something to watch for... i just needed pussy lol... 4 yrs first time in a while eh? I have drugs to shove my cock in but they just "like the pills in your hand, they never let you down" its true... those are song lyrics.. from the alkaline trio...
'and like the bugs in my bed devouring all thats left of me"..... i got myself some alright, woke up on my floor in my room in the morning we both blacked out....fucked her n felt bad i left i was so fucked up she gave me so many ativans a beer and i had valium.... well end of a speed binge.........
 
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I've been clean for nearly 5 weeks, or a full 7-8 weeks if you disregard two back to back relapses at the 5 week mark. The only buzz I've obtained in those nearly 2 months(minus the relapse) has been drinking twice. I've been having serious thoughts the past few days about getting a fresh script and a big part of me REALY Lwants to get an Addy refill tomorrow. I've been trying to ignore the urges and have been successful to date, but it only takes one moment of weakness to undo all my work.

The ability to legally obtain speed and start tweeking within a few hours of making a phone call really has been a major downfall in my search for sobriety. Halps me!
 
qtf .... amphetamine,... well dextroamph tabs have their devils claw in my soul.... rxed 80mg now take up to 150-200mg in a 24 hour then i lose count... i hit 50-60mg the start then 3-5 3 times prior a day.... without it i am nothing, just a shell... someone with no emotions, besides negative ones, all the drug does now is make me feel good, tingly and normal.... able to get tasks done, see thru and understand shit easier than i normally would have.... but shortly after the comeup for 4-6-7 hours im just not happy not sad just a robotic shell.... its fucked up...s

8yrs on, 2 month and a occassional dry spell... dependent on 4mg kpin or any benzo from the anxiety ultimately caused from amphetamine misuse, and binging... i have a script in the mail.... enough to buyy the shit too.... 240...... i just went thru 120 in a week 10mg tabs... gave 5 away.... i started at 17 im 25 now... quickly fell in <3 with polydrug combinations to synergize or get AS fucked up as posssible or to raise my speed dose... the star of the show for me.... all i do on it it think about it and shit... wacked out clean im done no libido like before.... unless like last month a 38 yr old girl knocked on my motel door... let her in shhe came back and i was her rebound for her husband fucking with her life.... idk hope im clean now lol....


again being on speed well... i felt the bonding toward her and just said fuck it.... of course something to watch for... i just needed pussy lol... 4 yrs first time in a while eh? I have drugs to shove my cock in but they just "like the pills in your hand, they never let you down" its true... those are song lyrics.. from the alkaline trio...
'and like the bugs in my bed devouring all thats left of me"..... i got myself some alright, woke up on my floor in my room in the morning we both blacked out....fucked her n felt bad i left i was so fucked up she gave me so many ativans a beer and i had valium.... well end of a speed binge.........
How long were you doing dex?
 
I got sucked in to one of my least favourite drugs, methamphetamine. I have a feeling I will be here more often in the near future.. Lets just hope it is near future.
 
Since i gave up my Adderall scripts my life is changed for the better in the following ways


Sense of purpose
I go to bed at the same time every day
Emotional stability
I respect my choices
Ration
No constant sense of guilt
no constant sense of doom

Better than the "good" things in my life, are the things that aren't there. The craving,mental unhappiness,looking like a skeleton
 
I just can't do it......i want to, i need to but every time that scrip comes due..i
just can't not get it.....plus i'm bipolar so when i crash i really crash hard...
I gotta go to my counselor today...of course she doesn't know about it...but
if i don't keep going to her then the doc won't give me my bipolar/depression
drugs......
ugh....i've had abou 3 hours sleep in the last 2 days...
later...
 
I just can't do it......i want to, i need to but every time that scrip comes due..i
just can't not get it.....plus i'm bipolar so when i crash i really crash hard...
I gotta go to my counselor today...of course she doesn't know about it...but
if i don't keep going to her then the doc won't give me my bipolar/depression
drugs......
ugh....i've had abou 3 hours sleep in the last 2 days...
later...

Why don't you politely decline another prescription? It's what I would do in your situation.

You can always say "I want to take some time off from the medication" so as to sound like you're going to try handling your ADD/ADHD (or whatever you are prescribed stimulants for) without medication. :)
 
Been doing well, not completely clean but I've only done about 400 mg in the past 3 months with my only other intoxicant being moderate alcohol intake on 4-5 occasions. I used to take nearly that much in a day so that is a major improvement. I owe most of my success to Wellbutrin.
 
So, I think I got some bad dope or something. Went fucking crazy, got sent to a fucking mental hospital for a day. Was hearing a voice and still have some kind of voice inside of my head but it tells me to read mysticism books. Went into convulsions, like couldn't stop my body from jerking to the left, etc. Been clean off the shit for a week, relapsed today. Wtf is wrong with me.
 
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