Elkat13
Bluelighter
Hello everyone,
Im in need off support. I've been a meth addict for 3-4 year. I hit rock bottom and then got help. I moved to Mexico about a 1yr and 2 months ago. the last time I had used was the day that I was gonna fly from L.A to Mexico. I stayed clean for 1yr and a month, wich has been the logest ive been off this shit. Like a month a go I told my friend i wanted to get high and i was convinced that I was gonna be able to use it once in a blue moon. it was like that for 2 weeks i would go to her and smoke for like 3 hours then would go home satisfied with out wanting more. about 2 weeks a go i started buying it on my own and havent been able to stop since. i keep saying just this last bowl and just keep buying more. I really dont want to disapoint my parents once again. specially my lil girl that is just 5 years old and here in mexico the rehab center are a shit hole i was in one for 3 months because of depression and heavy drinking adn was the worse ever. they threath u likea piece of shit. i think i cameout more fucken depressed and mentally drained. and Im just alone her in they new fucked up country with no moral support what so ever or without even having someone to go to and tell them whats going on IM SO FUCKEN ALONE AND LOST. I dont want to go through this shit again. Someone please help!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles! I dealt with a very strong meth addiction for about the same about of time post college. It was one of the toughest things quitting and then I was clean from meth for many years. Last year i started using again - thinking that I would be able to use "once in a blue moon" like you said. I shot up on my birthday as a "present" to myself. As soon as I felt that rush - it was all over. Less than one month later I lost my job because I wasn't able to stop again. I'm still struggling, I haven't used in I think 3 weeks. (meth that is - I'm also dealing with a sever dope/opiate addiction as well). I completely understand how you feel and I need the support of bluelighters as well. But I'm determined to get clean. I know the feeling like there is no way you can ever feel as good as you do when you are high. It's life consuming. But I know that is not the truth. I'm in no position to tell anyone what to do or to make judgement/criticism of someone elses use - but I want you know that I am there with you and can support you in your quest for sobriety. We can all do this. I am sure of it. I am starting therapy when I get back from the holiday (I'm visiting family). Please feel free to reach out to me via this thread or PM if you need to talk or companionship in anyway.
I got super down on myself because I was clean off of meth for so long, and then when I relapsed. I went from 0 to 100 in like 2 seconds. It was all to familiar and scarey. And I lost my job because of it. I had learned nothing in my time being meth free. But I realize it was because although I had laid off that specific drug for so long, I had never quit using other drugs and I never addressed my root causes for what was making me need to be constantly high. I wish you all the best in your recovery and journey to freedom. Peace and love