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Message of Hope

TheTwighlight

TheTwighlight

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 2, 2006
Messages
2,019
Location
Beyond the beyond.
This is a message of hope to all who know me around here. Some may remember me saying many times over the years that I would never be sober, fuck that, I will never do it. I was completely strung out and suicidally dependant on many different drugs. I have overdosed near-fatally several times, maybe more than I can remember or care to. A little over a month ago, my little brother and I moved out of our town without telling anyone, (so-called) friends, dealers, no one. We barely packed a damn thing and went to a friends house to detox and then moved into a sober house.

This is the first sincere attempt at sobriety I have ever made; I've tried before but couldn't do it. I was still miserable because I wasn't doing it for myself. I can honestly say that I am now - and that I had reached my own personal hopeless state of mind. That state of mind is a blessing for any of us junkies. I want to live, and I want to live to help others. I wish that everyone could see this light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't think there was one.

For anyone who has ever been, or currently is, completely hopeless, and does not believe that true happiness is real, and that life is misery: you are wonderfully wrong! Anyone who wants to talk can hit me up on here with a private message, and I would love to give my 2 cents on this thing.

I just got my 30-day chip on Monday, and I couldn't believe it. I got up, and walked to the front, with a crowd of people cheering for me. I nearly cried. I'm nearly crying writing this, because I want so much for anyone who is hurting to get better. It's not worth losing your life over; it's not worth losing friends and family over. When someone dies a needless death from drugs and/or alcohol, it kills me inside, I hurt so much I cannot explain it.

To anyone out there who is ready to stare death in the face, like I was, this is a message of belief, and of hope.

There is an answer. There is true life, and there is happiness.
 
Congrats! That's a great accomplishment. It does get a lot easier when you feel like you've hit rock bottom huh?
 
Well, I don't think I hit rock bottom, I definitely did; and it happened years ago. I just kept trying to get back up, but only by trying new drug combos and putting a half-assed attempt into changing my life. But it didn't happen. It couldn't happen. I had to say "fuck this bullshit" and do something. So I moved 7 hours away from my hometown without telling ANYONE. I've since found out that there are alot of very angry people back home, and I'm not going back to visit...at least not for a long time, and not to visit those people for sure. I really didn't think that I could ever enjoy music, movies, video games, NATURE, or anything ever again, yet here I am, having a blast with life in general.

17 years of fucked-up living, goodbye. I'm glad to see you go.
 
Thanks, guys, so much, you have no idea what it means to me to have your support. I love bluelight and it has been a great dwelling area for me in the past, not always healthy but still a wonderful place with tons of genuinely good people.

However, I must stress that this message and my sobriety is not for me, but for others who need strength and hope to make it through this horrible disease and affliction that so many of us were born with.

Love, Hope, & Peace to you all.
 
I agree about having a good time being sober. Ever since I got outta high school I thought I would never enjoy the "little things" like other people do. I thought being sober was just boring as hell. However, I do enjoy the little things now.. Reading, working out, visiting friends while staying sober. It's all good. So yeah, you are right, it is possible!
 
I've been sober a few times and felt the same happiness you are feeling right now. I'm really happy for you. Dont go home.
 
TheTwighlight said:
I hope that more than 2 people read this. I need service work. :)
Click to expand...

LOL! Don't worry people are reading. I dig the fact that you value service. I've found that it helps me learn a lot about myself while applying effort to help others.

The drag about things is that many folks look for reasons to disqualify themselves from getting clean. Some consider themselves hopeless and unable to be helped or help themselves. I was like that as well. Getting clean is difficult and requires a lot of work. For the longest time this knowledge kept me getting high until the pain became the ultimate motivator.

Congrats again, man!
 
renee82 - I won't go home. Hey, you live near by my home - Tyler. Fuck that place. I'm in Kerrville now. It's the most awesome place I've ever been, there is recovery everywhere for anyone who wants/needs it.

Overdone - Thanks for the support, man. It means more than I can tell you. I, also, believed that nothing and no one could help me, that I was hopelessly addicted, and that I would die this way. I was hoping for death. I was planning my suicide before I left...then I found out that my little brother was as well. Now we're both here, working the program, and even though I called bullshit on it for SO FUCKING LONG, it's NOT!!! It really works if you want to escape the misery that was slowly (or quickly for some of us) stealing our lives and souls from us. I hope you are doing well, man. Much love and peace to you.
 
Awesome that you're staying sober man. I need all the inspiration and motivation I can get right now and all these positive success stories are great.
 
Hey, you all are the ones who help keep me sober. I didn't used to think that there were people out there that might ACTUALLY support me in this endeavor. And now I've got 35 days sober, more than I've ever had in my life. I'm not too far out of the woods, but I'm running like a fucking bat out of hell!

Captain Heroin - I'm glad you're doing so well. It's amazing to possess this state of mind. Who woulda thunk it? I've been reading your posts since you joined, and you're a very intelligent guy that can, I believe, do whatever he wants so long as he tries.

Everyone else, your support is truly awesome. I hope that you all keep along the straight path. It's the most difficult but BY FAR the most rewarding.

I will hopefully be able to present you all with my life story for anyone involved within the next few weeks/months. I want to spread hope to all the still-suffering addicts, to keep them from getting to where I did.
 
oh my god. I cried reading your post, it touched me deeply although we have never spoken.
It is truly beautiful that you have succeeded in giving yourself a second chance at just living life.
Congratulations from the bottom of my heart. It's liberating. Wow. This post will stay with me for a long time.

Truly Amazing reading and by far the most influential post I have ever seen on BlueLight.
 
TheTwighlight said:
I want to spread hope to all the still-suffering addicts, to keep them from getting to where I did.
Click to expand...



A couple things to remember on your journey:

1. Dont get worn out
2. Your gonna eventually het hurt, specially dealing with addicts
3. Dont let that stop you, dont get too close to many people in recovery. youll get hurt in the long run
4. Keep your sobriety #1 over everything, Family and friends included
5. Recovery is a very selfish thing, Its gotta be all about you
 
Trancefreak - your post means so much to me, I want others to want this thing as much as I do. I am not lucky to be alive, I am blessed. God (whatever he is to you) could have taken me at any point over the last 7 or 8 years, but he didn't. I don't know what your current status on sobriety is, but if you want to talk to me, just send me a message. I'll even give you my phone number if you need to talk. I am here to help. Keep up faith, believe that there is a force that brings us that are doing the right thing together. God wants us to have fellowship. It's very hard to explain, it's something that is only now becoming clear to me, especially when I'm helping others. When I'm stuck in myself things start to become disasterous, because I am a self-destructive person. You don't have to be fucked up to do terrible things to yourself, that's for sure.

SececaRD - Thanks for the tips, I know you're right about all that shit. ESPECIALLY about sobriety being selfish. I mean, I understand that to perpetuate my recovery I must be helping others, but I have to sometimes be an asshole to others who want me to do something that I know inside I shouldn't. I'm faced with challenges every day, but some of them have been EXTREMELY rough.

I went to an H&I last week and it was incredible. I got to be in a meeting with like 30 people younger than me (ages 17-24) in treatment (I'm 25), and I got to give hope to them, and I said some things that I never thought would come out of my mouth, I can't even articulate them right now. I was like a dream, almost, but it was for real. I even had a migraine during this meeting, and God pulled me through it without getting sick (b/c I was not feeling well, and was noticably shaking and everyone knew something was wrong with me). At least I was sober, you know? Now I can't wait to get to go back and talk to some of these people in treatment again. That H&I was the best meeting I've ever been to, hands down. And I've been to a lot of good meetings in the last 38 days.

Peace, Love, and Hope to you all.
 
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