I've been talking to my therapist every week, but my anxiety is not subsiding, I don't think it's working, I don't like talking on the phone either really.
Are we Chemically imbalanced or something? I never use to be this bad, now I wake up anxious and feel like I'll never feel normal around people.
I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling better yet. Maybe you just need some more time before you start seeing improvement? I know it's frustrating to not see improvement, but maybe you will after some more time.
And well, the cause is different for each person. For some people anxiety and depression is triggered by external factors, like the death of a loved one, living in poverty or experiencing a traumatic event. Luckily for these people, they can recover by different methods depending on what was causing it. On the other hand, for other people their brain itself is what's not working correctly. They could literally have an amazing, perfect life and they would still feel anxious or depressed because no matter how good their life is, their brain just won't let them feel the pleasure and happiness that a normal brain would feel in their situation. Unfortunately for these people, successful treatment is much more difficult. I can't speak for anyone else here, but for me I fall into the second category. To clarify for those who don't already know, my depression is caused by bipolar disorder, so instead of only experiencing depression, sometimes I experience mania instead, although it's been many weeks since I have. But since bipolar disorder is caused by physiological changes in the brain, there's no way to ever fully recover and the best I can do is take medicine for the rest of my life to try and be as stable as possible.
Also, something that's really been bothering me a lot lately...no one in my family understands mental illness...like at all. Well, the exception is my aunt since she's a therapist, the thing is I don't feel comfortable at all talking about anything personal with her because she's one of those really prudish Christian and she's also extremely nosy and loves to gossip. Anyway, it's incredibly frustrating dealing with my family when it comes to mental illness. For example, my grandma says I have no reason to be depressed because I'm young and healthy, my mom says that all I need is to exercise and sleep more, and no matter how much I try explaining she just doesn't grasp the concept of me not having the energy to exercise and difficulty sleeping because they are symptoms of depression rather than the other way around. My other aunt once told me I didn't have a mental illness and all I needed was to have discipline beaten into me. I'm not going to lie, that one really stung. And then there's my brother who is autistic and can't speak full coherent sentences. Unlike with me they're always trying to learn more about autism and they're always making accommodations for him. Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad that they're accepting and supportive of him, but it just bothers me so much that they think that everyone who has a mental illness can't "act normal".
On a more uplifting note though, I met a small twitch streamer in an online game and he invited me to play some matches with him and some of his followers. They were really chill and I had a lot of fun playing with them. It's amazing how much more enjoyable this game is when you're playing with people you already know instead of getting matched up with random people who you're not even going to communicate with during the entire match. He also invited me to his Discord server so I can talk with him and his followers even when he's not streaming. I'm hopeful that maybe I'll become friends with them and play some more matches together in the future.
It fucking suuuucks. But there will always be those types of opportunistic narcissists (the con artists) who take advantage of hard workers (like you) in order to get ahead of them.
info guys. I've been lacking energy and focus since I had to cut out caffeine completely and I love lemon flavour so I'm going to the shop to stock up on some for my morning fix of water before I have to start dehydrating myself. Hopefully I'll feel more energetic and have some benefits on my heart and energy levels etc. Cheers.
rip. That must have been really difficult for your friend and their families but also extremely difficult for you. I hope you can continue to find a way to navigate through the pain and be able to grieve in the healthiest way possible for you and show yourself the compassion you deserve 
