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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

on.my.way🌿 said:
Im doing ok. On my way to the therapist. It's always harder to find the motivation to go when I haven't been there in a while.
Tried to stop with the weed smoking again, i barely managed a few days. Gonna try again after the trial and all that shit is over.
Haven't been at home for a few days, im visiting my mothers house and hanging out with my brother, smoking and laying puzzles together. It's been nice.
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Kicking it with family sounds nice.

I too find it hard to go to therapy after a while. I've been with my current one for 3 years ever since court. She's really good though and we laugh a lot so i usually feel good by the end of it.
 
madness00 said:
Kicking it with family sounds nice.

I too find it hard to go to therapy after a while. I've been with my current one for 3 years ever since court. She's really good though and we laugh a lot so i usually feel good by the end of it.
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Yeah, actually spent the whole day at my mothers office after the therapy appointment, eating lunch with her collegues and stuff. Im so tired now though, usually I don't do this much in a day lol.

It's like taking a walk or a shower, you aleays feel good afterwards. I wish I could continue to have there "normal" therapy talks with her, but she's an EMDR-therapist (for trauma/ptsd) so after the trial with my ex is over we are going to start the "real" treatment and im not looking forward to that ugh.

How are you doing nowadays?
 
on.my.way🌿 said:
Yeah, actually spent the whole day at my mothers office after the therapy appointment, eating lunch with her collegues and stuff. Im so tired now though, usually I don't do this much in a day lol.

It's like taking a walk or a shower, you aleays feel good afterwards. I wish I could continue to have there "normal" therapy talks with her, but she's an EMDR-therapist (for trauma/ptsd) so after the trial with my ex is over we are going to start the "real" treatment and im not looking forward to that ugh.

How are you doing nowadays?
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Right IDK about you but too much socialization and im ready for a nap in reply to feeling exhausted but its nice to get out and do stuff.

The "real" treatment might be relieving and cathartic who knows.

I'm doing fine - better about not using and soon getting affordable housing. Also a special person reappeared in my life.

Thanks for asking. I hope the treatment is less stressful.
 
Hey everyone.. I’m anxious and worried. I have panic disorder and had quit heroin and meth june 2019. I fucked up and smoked speed for the last 4 days and now I’m worried about the anxiety I will feel tomorrow when I start to have withdrawals. I’m also worried I’ve been misusing my benzos (that are not prescribed because I can’t find a psychiatrist that will prescribe benzos to an addict). My plan was to have 10 benzos around in case my panic gets so bad I want to kill myself again. I’m on suboxone so I can’t go and get instant opiate relief. I’ve been taking 2-4 mgs of klonopin in the last 5 weeks once or twice a week thinking I’ll avoid addiction if I spread them out. I also alternate monthly Xanax, Ativan so im
Not taking the same benzo every month. I just found out that klonopin has a long half life and that’s why I was probably experiencing anxiety why 4-5th day after use ans I might already be at risk of benzo withdrawals. If that’s the case I’m just going back to heroin. I’ll stop taking my subs and start taking small doses of heroin as it leaves my system so I don’t get sick. Opiate have been the only thing that have allowed me to live a panic free life. I guess I’m feeling defeated and very worried I won’t make it and my family will have to watch me crash and burn.
 
So I've finally been formally diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type.

I'm not sure what to think about it, but I guess it's accurate enough.

Luckily I got some state insurance and I'm back on my psych meds. I feel pretty stable overall and haven't had a real mood swing in a little while.
 
PTSD and stress has been kinda overwhelming the last week.. It takes like hours to mentally preper just to go buy cigarettes or take the bus.. The weed is not making it better either I guess.
 
on.my.way🌿 said:
PTSD and stress has been kinda overwhelming the last week.. It takes like hours to mentally preper just to go buy cigarettes or take the bus.. The weed is not making it better either I guess.
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I suffer with this also. It takes a lot of energy just to food shop and I have to go at 10pm at night which also is difficult. My PTSD was activated by many traumas this year. The weed used to help calm me but also would make the anxiety worse. It was weird so I stopped smoking it. I started a strict diet which helps a lot.
 
PaintTheTown said:
I suffer with this also. It takes a lot of energy just to food shop and I have to go at 10pm at night which also is difficult. My PTSD was activated by many traumas this year. The weed used to help calm me but also would make the anxiety worse. It was weird so I stopped smoking it. I started a strict diet which helps a lot.
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Iv'e tried to stop a few times the last months but it's so hard ughh. Im gonna give it another chance when the trial against my stalker ex is over. Hopefully in a month. Gonna go back to school at the same time i think since I get so incredibly bored/restless just sitting at home while quitting but I hate people bow o it quite a challenge.
What diet is it? Ketogenic maybe?
Have you ever tried microdosing psychedelics btw?
 
Feeling pretty damn good. New ward and specialty rocks so far. Got money to burn. My mental health has taken a turn for the better and I feel like I’m at baseline again. I mean I’ll always have these diagnoses but I survived like 28 years relatively unremarkable until the last two years. Sticking with psychologist and psychiatrists appointments but I don’t feel I really need them anymore. Been off meds a while too and feel good. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Sometimes time is all you need.
 
on.my.way🌿 said:
Iv'e tried to stop a few times the last months but it's so hard ughh. Im gonna give it another chance when the trial against my stalker ex is over. Hopefully in a month. Gonna go back to school at the same time i think since I get so incredibly bored/restless just sitting at home while quitting but I hate people bow o it quite a challenge.
What diet is it? Ketogenic maybe?
Have you ever tried microdosing psychedelics btw?
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Its a strict for of Paleo called the API diet. I also only stick to mostly fish as my protein so pretty strict but helps a lot with all the junk removed. I have not but read about it several times. To afraid of a bad reaction. Going to check out a documentary about Timothy Leary who was an advocate for this treatment. Guess success would mess with big Pharmaceutical profits. I've never seen so many advertisements for medications as I have in the last year. Most likely isolation is taking it's toll. I feel like everyone will have PTSD after this is over. Its going from hand washing to obsessive hand washing and sanitizing for a lot of people. Fear to be outdoors and even eating is affected because people are afraid to buy things out of stores/shop there. If a person already has PTSD the current environment is definitely triggering.
 
^Facts.

I'm feeling a lot better now that it's been two plus weeks of being active through work again and somewhat back to my regular diet after the holiday bacchanal. Also, sobriety in the last 19 days has helped immensely, coupled, of course, with my sleep schedule being normalised....which actually may be the single most important thing for my mental health, I think I'm finally discovering after all these years.

I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve things in life that are neither desirable nor necessary, though they may be beneficial. When I inevitably fail at achieving these pseudo-goals and false ambitions, I'm really hard on myself.

That's part of what triggered my depression a couple of weeks ago...that and loneliness, I think.

I'm so over this fucking plague. I live alone and haven't seen most of my mates in months and can't even see most of my family now. Haven't hugged someone in.......fuck, I don't want to know how long it's been.

Keeping mentally busy battling the 2.5 month sobriety test, whilst I'm sat here on a pile of drugs, staring at them instead of ingesting them.
Not entirely sure if testing myself this hard is beneficial or not. I tend to think it is, but it may just lead to problems related to emotion suppression.

Be well everyone. <3
 
Audiobook said:
I’ve had a realization that I don’t owe anyone anything (for the most part).

I have a history of trauma and abuse and in the past I have stayed in situations because I felt like I needed to for the benefit of the other person.

I am realizing more and more that I don’t need to do that to myself. If I don’t want to continue something with someone else I simply don’t. I don’t owe anyone anything.

The same goes for other people, they don’t owe me anything and if they do not want to talk or anything with me they are free not to. I don’t particularly want to talk to people who don’t wish to speak with me anyways.
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This is actually very, very, very important and brilliant life advice!

Good on ya for taking on this mentality. <3
 
Audiobook said:
Thank you!!
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No, thank you for posting that so others can learn the wisdom.

Remember my response to your question in the squirting thread? You may think I was being facetious, but it was an honest response.

I've been struggling for a very long time with putting the interests of others before my own and it's been very detrimental to my life as a whole, but especially to my mental health.

I learnt the importance of living for myself a long time ago and still struggled for years. Sometimes through very, very, very brutal and abusive relationships such as the one mentioned.

I try my best to live by this idea and give that advice to all and sundry and yet I still struggle with it sometimes! Though, thankfully, I've become very assertive and there's no longer any chance anyone takes advantage of me.

I'm heartened to see someone who's been a victim of abuse and such be able to see it the way you have.

Be well. <3
 
Audiobook said:
Oh I get it!! I just asked bc a lot of the time when someone trashes someone else in a romantic relationship they are also at fault. But sometimes not. Your answer was fine.
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I thought that's what your take on it was.

She was very emotionally and psychologically abusive. A true narcissist and sociopath.

I can take responsibility for my part of the dysfunction in that relationship, but not for all of it as she tried to make me do after we broke up.

I was definitely not good in the relationship because of my drug use which wasn't a problem for me but encouraged her to do things that didn't do her any good. I was too cavalier because I didn't have any problems stemming from it and my consequence-free drug use encouraged hers which wasn't consequence-free.
I should have been more circumspect in that regard and tried living a sober life around her/with her. It wouldn't have helped her much, but it would have been the right thing to do on my part.

Audiobook said:
I have just been trashed before so yea.
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I understand. Happened to me as well in that one experience.

She started going to therapy after we broke up and at one point when I was still in contact with her (another failing on my part, to not have cut off all contact immediately) she tried making me feel bad about myself (yet again) by telling me that she told her therapist all manner of nonsense about what type of person I was and the her therapist agreed that I was a bad person.

It was beyond ridiculous and I knew it was all a lie and yet it still made me feel a bit bad, even though this therapist is no one to me, and not someone I'd ever meet in life anyway.


Sorry, I went off a bit there....I just didn't want you to think I was one of those people.
 
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