Had the usual morning fight with my husband. According to him im blaiming every thing I don't want to do on my PTSD.
Yesterday I showed him this video about ptsd and stress response/anxiety in rats where they explained conditioning. My ex used to have these like 5 hours sessions where I had to account for something I did like every detail, and I could not even just say what was true because he just would not believe me and would keep me there until I had answered everything "right". That happened loads of times.
Tried to explain to my husband that that's why I get all quiet and can't really answer him properly when we have a discussion/argument. For me every "serious" conversation is super stressful. But my husband don't seem to get that it's not just me wanting to get out of an uncomfortable situation. It's like literally hell for me. Especially now with the police hearings and having to think about all this shit again
Sorry blue friends rambling here again as asual
Sounds like you have bad problem, but I think relationships need to be micromanaged in the small level all the time with small corrections, so the problems don't get big.
There has been studies that if there isn't enough negative interactions in relationship, the relationship doesn't last. It was like 4 positive interactions for 1 bad ratio, which would make relationship work.
Some psychiatrist even have this saying of "4 fucks per 1 fight".
I think you should solve your problems with therapist or something.
Standing up with your shoulders straight, facing the problem and learning how to deal with it is mature.
It's extremely immature to avoid serious talk.
I have been in relationships where the girl would try to avoid the serious talk all the time and the thing is, the little things I wanted to talk about just grew inside me to big things and then I started snapping from little shit, because there was so much unsolved shit which I wanted to solve, but it was impossible because only one party wanted it.
And the girl had same kind of excuse as you "My family used to fight so I can't handle these situations."
You have to realize that your husband isn't your ex.
If your ex is affecting your relationship still, after all these years, it's really bad thing and you should get it solved.
Get out of your comfort zone and learn.
I'm not being mean here, but if my fiancee's ex was affecting my current relationship as badly as they do in your relationship, I couldn't handle it.
Try to get in his position and think about these things.
He isn't your ex.
What I have understood about him is that he's hardworking and great guy.
You are in home getting high all the time and he's the one bringing the food to the table.
He should get some points from that and I think he feels like he deserves you at least making an effort to solve your problems.
I get that mental issues can be overwhelming, but he isn't your therapist. He's your man.
You should get help, really.
Seems like you have these walls inside your head which make it impossible for you to do normal things and it's time to start tearing them down, specially now as your situation has gotten better in the ex-department.
I'm not being mean, but I'm not here to give empathy.
I'm here to give advice and if you want a healthy and functioning relationship, you should be able to talk with your man.