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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

Best of wishes to you fairy life struggles are hard especially withdrawing off benzos i had short stint with them once and it was the worse of any drug i had done to come off use to steal alot of shit on xannax aswell.

Having that social circle that will be there for you when you decide to go out and understand when you want to be alone is what helped me aswell, feel happy for a night then bad days later. Depression and anxiety is such a a beast to deal with it. I still suffer anxiety and depression comes and goes have to battle every day when it is there and whenever it takes months or years to feel a short cycle of freedom of depression i try soak in and appericate the days i can feel and enjoy life.
 
Awww thankyou @TripSitterNZ you're very sweet, I'm going to chill and listen to music as it does help sometimes to just listen to your favourite tunes, yeah don't start getting into benzos, what starts off as here and there for comedowns or sleeping after uppers becomes daily for comedowns that drag on, and nightly as you end up with insomnia once your brain expects its benzo or zopiclone etc to get to sleep
 
Anxious and nervous. Awaiting phone call from the police. I hate phone calls and I don't really like the police either ugh.
Apart from this im trying to be a little more positive and have been trying to get into meditation again. Slowly though but its better then nothing atleast
 
Flynnal said:
I absolutely can see how PTSD could have been caused by the lockdown - the isolation, the unemployment, the loss of opportunities and the general inability to feel well has definitely contributed to what I've been experiencing. I believe my PTSD was caused by something else that I also discussed in The Dark Side, but I know that a lot of underlying stuff like mental illness made things much worse and made it much harder to cope with.

I see you're taking mirtazapine. That's the same stuff I'm on, and I was wondering how you were coping on that? It's a pretty heavy duty sedative, and it didn't even help me sleep during the recent trauma, but I will report that I'm sleeping much better the last couple of days, but emotionally I'm still not where I want to be.

Are you considering coming off the mirtazapine? I can't stop using it, as I won't be able to sleep at all. Believe me, I've tried a couple of times with near tragic results. It's something I'm afraid I'm stuck on...and I hope it is always available.
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Hello I hate being on any pharmaceutical. I was using mirtazepine with another drug years ago, and came off them both. This was after 5 singing bowl classes in Kennington Park in London. This was a group class. I originally went on mirtazepine for insomnia due to tinnitus. I managed to quit it in 2014 in several weeks. To be honest my sleep problem might have resolved underneath the drug.

I believe with mdma assisted psychotherapy, and other psychological techniques, I could come off mirtazepine again in 6 weeks. I feel disgusted i need a psychotropic in general. I used to work in pharmacy in Britain, this was enough.

I was tried on sertraline in April. I tapered off in late June.
 
jyoti said:
I believe with mdma assisted psychotherapy, and other psychological techniques, I could come off mirtazepine again in 6 weeks. I feel disgusted i need a psychotropic in general. I used to work in pharmacy in Britain, this was enough.

I was tried on sertraline in April. I tapered off in late June.
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Sertraline is an SSRI type medication with side effects that I could not deal with - but it obliterated any anxiety.

Not sure about MDMA theory, it's not legal in Australia at this stage which is a shame.
 
They were not sure they had found the right video. Im going to a new police hearing next week. Also have to find a job due to some circumstances. Not the best timing. 2000 $ in debt. '2 computers and 1 ipad died in 48 hours also so had to borrow even more money for a new computer. Relapsed with the self harm thingy like a stupid 14 year old emo yesterday also. This is ridicolous.

It could be worse though. Still trying to stay positive. Im also kinda in the process if figuring out what life really is, my whole vewing point of the world/universe our existance has kinda changed. Feels like im on the right path in someway, tiny tiny baby steps atleast.
Stay positive blue friends <3
 
Getting more stressed out each day. Not looking forward to the police hearing but atleast I have 1 mg xanax to take before going in. Just want it to be over ugh
 
Some good news regarding the case. Still as nervous about friday.
Keeping my head up though. Gonna smoke a big joint and watch some joe rogan podcast to celebrate the good news.
Hope you are all doing well.
 
Having a good day so far. I had clonidine left over so i have been taking it when I get overwhelmed and benzos are not enough.
This whole sober thing is best for me but I think i have PAWS.
I am very emotional but this is the first time I've been sober in years
 
Well, I don't really have anyone who I can talk about these kinds of things to so I guess I'll just ramble about it here...

I was hypomanic for the past 2 weeks. I made a couple of impulsive decisions and didn't sleep as much as I should have but at least I was energetic, productive and in a good mood on most days, even in the face of stress. I knew it wasn't going to last forever but the sudden crash into deep depression is so intense and really caught me off guard. I'm so exhausted and it doesn't matter because everything feels pointless anyway. I feel so fucking lonely right now. My self esteem is obliterated and replaced with the constant reminder of what a big failure I am. Food, music, tv, video games, drawing, reading? It's all shitty and unenjoyable. Life itself feels so damn pointless and it feels like the only reason to stay alive is so I don't hurt anyone around me. And of course I had to blow through my entire drug stash while hypomanic so now I have nothing to help ease the pain.

And last but not least the start of this depressive episode had terrible timing. I'm suppose to finish packing up a few things and start moving but now I can barely even function. But whatever, I guess that's enough rambling from me for today.
 
madness00 said:
Hi all,

This thread should be a safe haven for those with MI, where we can chat with each other and talk about how we are feeling for the day.

I have Bipolar Disorder, and today i feel pretty stable. I've been sober for a week now because i have a probation piss test coming up, but will soon do some meth. The thing is, i stay up all night when on it, so it could quite possibly make me hypomanic.

But what's wrong with a little hypomania when your on Lithium, Lamictal and Vraylar? Can't be that bad of a crash. I mean, i've done meth before on these meds and i was fine.. I obviously don't recommend it but self medication is such a big part of my life, unfortunately.

Anyway, hopefully i can get to know some of you and we can talk about problems, successes, and just anything that's on your mind.

:D
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How do I feel?
Like caca.
 
@SAT4N_420

Part of feeling hopeless is the come down from hypomania. It will get better in time, until it comes back, unfortunately. I've been there before too.

Medications saved my life.

It sucks that it came at a really bad time.

Do you have any thing you like to do to to pass the time?

Because it will get better. Distractions can help pass the time.

No shame in going to the hospital too if needed.
 
madness00 said:
@SAT4N_420

Part of feeling hopeless is the come down from hypomania. It will get better in time, until it comes back, unfortunately. I've been there before too.

Medications saved my life.

It sucks that it came at a really bad time.

Do you have any thing you like to do to to pass the time?

Because it will get better. Distractions can help pass the time.

No shame in going to the hospital too if needed.
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Well, I ended up crying myself to sleep and now I don't really feel despair and doom but still really depressed.

I'm currently still in the process of trying to find the right medications. Currently I'm on bupropion, lamotrigine, hydroxizine and self medicating with clonazepam when needed and so far I've only had small improvements.

As for distractions I was working on a drawing right before I crashed and now that I look at it while depressed it looks terrible. Maybe I can still try to get myself to finish it because I'm tired of sketching something out only to give up on it. I find that games are great at making time fly but I'm currently limited to what's on my phone since my computer is all packed. I've never been a big fan of tv and movies for some reason but there are a few that are entertaining enough to distract me.

Also, I don't have anything against hospitals but right now seems like a bad time to go to one, I don't really feel comfortable putting more preassure on the health care system right now with all the covid patients they have to deal with.

Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and stop rambling now. It's just that at this rate it feels like I'll never be able to live a decent life...
 
I feel fantastic. I just rode my new bike along 10 km of high elevation single track mountain trail and feel a bigger sense of achievement than I have in years. It took 90 minutes, I pushed it up the really steep bits, and got yelled at by punk kids trying to speed past on the downhill but I made the distance without injury and only puked right at the finish.

I’m 51 and a month ago my life was nothing but mainlining meth and banging Asian hookers. This is way better, despite the total body ache and the high potential for sudden cardiac arrest.
 
Had the usual morning fight with my husband. According to him im blaiming every thing I don't want to do on my PTSD.
Yesterday I showed him this video about ptsd and stress response/anxiety in rats where they explained conditioning. My ex used to have these like 5 hours sessions where I had to account for something I did like every detail, and I could not even just say what was true because he just would not believe me and would keep me there until I had answered everything "right". That happened loads of times.

Tried to explain to my husband that that's why I get all quiet and can't really answer him properly when we have a discussion/argument. For me every "serious" conversation is super stressful. But my husband don't seem to get that it's not just me wanting to get out of an uncomfortable situation. It's like literally hell for me. Especially now with the police hearings and having to think about all this shit again

Sorry blue friends rambling here again as asual
 
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