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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

madness00 said:
Man i think you nailed it when you said you should walk away soon but not crater the.. relationship (didn't want to be too revealing).

People like this, as you mentioned, are often unaware of their own behaviors.

Does part of you feel bad for him?
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Yes, I do. This is part of the problem, for sure, although I'm also aware enough by now of how common this sort of dynamic is between those who are too people pleasing, perhaps (I'd say compassionate, empathic, but that's subjective and could be just my ego), and people who are just fucking demanding. But I am conscious of the fact that I am his oldest friend and even though I'm pretty sure we both walk on eggshells around each other, I know he has a deep fear of abandonment due to childhood issues and obviously the fact that all of our old friends have cut ties. I would be gone too if I hadn't got myself into this tricky situation.

madness00 said:
It's easy to fall victim to such people to the point where it's draining. Maybe if you look at him as a bratty child?
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Yeah... I do. I try to consider it practice for emotional regulation, in many ways. Which it is... but again, it feels dishonest, which it is. On the flipside though, it's also practice for morally dubious situations, where the right course of action is not clear, and the truth will hurt.
 
Feeling fucking worthless.
Probably has to do with WDs of some type (or many), the pretzel crisis and not working for 3+ months.
It's all head shit and know I'll pull through... just wanted to cry to somebody about lifes woes.
Want to numb it all up with substances but need to practice a little. Not the best of times to practice maybe but then it may be the best time... who the fuck knows?
Hey, man: what's a little pain when compared to the gain? Risk assessment....
Thanks for your time and please be safe as possible.
No reaction needed prolly shoulda posted in the moan about something random thread but I saw madness and thought I'd cry on his shoulder for a sec.
Much love and respect.
Peace
 
Hang in their PtahTek, our Bluelight brother (or sister, presumed you are male phenotype but don't actually know you of course 😏). I know it's not my shoulder you intended to cry on but my virtual shoulder is available for such, in fact it's surface area for general lamentations is limited only by one's imagination, if you'll excuse my lapsing into absurd metaphor.

Head shit is all there is really, that's the puzzle of being alive, the brain scrambling for shit to unfuck and sometimes getting itself stuck in a shit maze of it's own making. Don't know your situation of course but I'm sure the metaphor is universal. Life is woeful indeed as much as it's also beautiful, but the beauty is often hard to see.

Numbing with substances is always a tempting option and sometimes it's a path we're bound to. Although when we avoid it we gotta ignore that rope dragging us into immutable destiny and take credit for our struggle in the chaotic ocean of being. When that rope drags us where we don't wanna be... we gotta remember that it's there, and that we didnt choose to be dragged into darkness.

You know it's head shit at least so you're aware of the illusion of mind, of the immutable rope that drags us through the rooms of eternity, the rooms of feeling worthless suck indeed, have stumbled into a few of those, and been damn glad to get out of them.

Savour that worthlessness though, inspect it deeply, dispassionately, for it is not really your own, but a temporary gift offered to you for your amusement. Your are not the being in your memories, you are a timeless denizen of this eternal moment, an observer, and an avatar of the architect of the greater reality that built this illusory world of mind and rooms full of light and darkness, suffering and relief, for reasons hidden from us all, but soon this room will slip back beneath the dark ocean of time, crumbling into the immutable past, freezing solid once more, a mere harmless texture on the surface of the ocean of being, as our ships set sail once more on it's turbulent seas. If you look closely, you'll see that's all it is already. A convincing illusion on the surface of the membrane between worlds.

Excuse my esoteric babblings, I like to try to to distract people from the temporary nature of suffering and in doing so it helps me distract myself, if nothing else I hope you or someone else gets a good laugh out of that poetic nonsense of debatable utility.
 
Vastness said:
Bluelight brother
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Yes, male.
The post is quite beautiful and apropos. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and put a smile on my face. Thanks for the *metaphorical babbling as it is something I can understand as a child of chaos looking for balance.
<3
madness00 said:
I enjoyed it
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Right? Where the hell did it come from, I ask myself.... For me...? Damn, what the fuck did I do to be deserving of this? Makes me feel a little bigger than the world, ATM.
 
Hah, glad to hear it went down well, I am flattered that you both liked it. 😄 I often think abstract philosophy can be a pretty solid cure for psychological ailments, if a temporary one... but my efforts at delivering this have received mixed results. :sneaky:
 
Vastness said:
I often think abstract philosophy can be a pretty solid cure for psychological ailments, if a temporary one... but my efforts at delivering this have received mixed results. :sneaky:
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This is really valuable information. I totally think that an abstract understanding can sometimes far supersede a purely logical one. It's just that, in at least the Western culture, we're taught to apply a rational understanding to anything and everything we experience. I don't think that just an abstract understanding is a long-term cure, as you say, but I think it can be part of one. Parts of the West and parts of the East have been integrated in my recovery.
 
After doing a bunch of drinking/smoking/coke on the weekend my mind is broken. I feel its a culmination of other events and stress and being hungover and brain fried. I took 5mg of Valium and it's done nothing. I feel zero pleasure or happiness. I am sporadically crying. The only time i have relief is when im sleeping and even then When i wake up I feel intense anxiety and depression before I even open my eyes.
I need help. My life is so fucked. I need to stop smoking weed. I think im having benzo and weed withdrawals at the exact same time as a manic anxiety episode or something.
 
Coke has a pretty harsh comedown too.

At least we know that this feeling is temporary, caused by drugs. It's a mind fuck. You'll be back to normal soon enough.

Are you trying to cut back on the drugs?

ekuwuy said:
After doing a bunch of drinking/smoking/coke on the weekend my mind is broken. I feel its a culmination of other events and stress and being hungover and brain fried. I took 5mg of Valium and it's done nothing. I feel zero pleasure or happiness. I am sporadically crying. The only time i have relief is when im sleeping and even then When i wake up I feel intense anxiety and depression before I even open my eyes.
I need help. My life is so fucked. I need to stop smoking weed. I think im having benzo and weed withdrawals at the exact same time as a manic anxiety episode or something.
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ekuwuy said:
After doing a bunch of drinking/smoking/coke on the weekend my mind is broken. I feel its a culmination of other events and stress and being hungover and brain fried. I took 5mg of Valium and it's done nothing. I feel zero pleasure or happiness. I am sporadically crying. The only time i have relief is when im sleeping and even then When i wake up I feel intense anxiety and depression before I even open my eyes.
I need help. My life is so fucked. I need to stop smoking weed. I think im having benzo and weed withdrawals at the exact same time as a manic anxiety episode or something.
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Against cocaine (and cocaethylene) and THC, valium won't directly buffer against those. A lot of usage of a hard stimulant and strong cannabis with (likely) alcohol, would produce psychotic effects in many people. Depression and anxiety, too. I think that, combined with benzo withdrawal, this is pretty serious. I mean, it sounds like you've been overrun. And that hurts me, for one. I really do care.

Do you see anyone to talk to and/or a psychiatrist? If so, I'd strongly recommend contacting them about this. If you don't, I'd recommend getting help through other means. A lot of people hate on psych. wards because you're made to be in one place, but they have a 15-day time-limit and are very good for putting people on their feet. Have you thought about this? Maybe it's a good idea to get checked out. You wouldn't necessarily be admitted, but you'd be playing things safe, which is the thing to do in this scenario. Are you having any thoughts of hurting yourself? If yes, it's best to get checked out at your local hospital.

Otherwise, I'd at least call a mental health hotline.
 
Cheers guys. I think it's tobacco withdrawals and weed withdrawals and benzo withdrawals all combined with an anxiety based big event recently, culminating from a build up of stress. It's really fucking hard. Im going to make an appointment with a psychologist. TO compound the problem, I have a bunch of surgeries coming up also, Dam.
 
Fucking ADHD didn’t think it was a major problem when I was young, but it turns out that ADHD turned out to be early signs of schizophrenia
 
My psychosis was not drug induced since I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 6... I was totally smoking weed and snorting rail roads of stimulants at age 6 :ROFLMAO: Any who... at age 19 I was officially diagnosed with Schizophrenia. When I was in the hospital... I asked some guy if he had schizophrenia also he said “Yea I do, how did you know that” me being a smart ass I replied “The voices told me”. He laughed I laughed we both got a kick out that lol (How to make friends for dumbys) -True Story
 
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We're you really blowing clouds of chronic and tooting amphetamines at 6?

Maybe that had to do with something. Man id be such a jaded 19 year old after that.
 
madness00 said:
We're you really blowing clouds of chronic and tooting amphetamines at 6?

Maybe that had to do with something. Man id be such a jaded 19 year old after that.
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In my travels I’ve seen a few 12 and 13 year olds on the pipe. Mostly the kids of addicts who are in prison for a few years. Made me sick to the stomach to see as I could not imagine them ever getting a healthy grip on life and they were lost forever. Also frighteningly amoral little fuckers who would probably shank you for looking sideways at them if you weren’t careful. One actually attacked me with a sword and smashed up my motorbike over some trivial misunderstanding once. Drugs should be left to the grown ups.
 
Not doing great. Crippling anxiety. Thought about self harm for the firs time in a looong time now. Starting to get hooked on xanax again. Can't be sober and I have to take something more than weed everyday now just to deal with life.
 
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