Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

[Jabberwocky]

I'm acknowledging that I have been in an ongoing episode of treatment resistent low key mania for the last several months but am not quite at the point where I can own up to the full reality of it with my psychiatrist or family. ECT once fixed it but I lost a lot of memory in the attempt. The anti-psychotics just seemed to have quit working. Not quite sure what the best course of action is.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

@on.my.way🌿 - cool username BTW.

So whats going on if you don't mind i ask? Anxiety i understand is quite a bitch. It passes though. What do you do for fun?

@Atelier3 - I too have been (hypo)manic recently. Are you in good contact with your doctor? My AP, Vraylar, works great for me. But my lamictal is a killer of depression and still lets me get hypo.

Is your mania being destructive? Even if it isn't yet, you know it could.

I'd let your doctor know and TBH meth might just perpetuate it.

 

[Jabberwocky]

[

@Atelier3 - I too have been (hypo)manic recently. Are you in good contact with your doctor? My AP, Vraylar, works great for me. But my lamictal is a killer of depression and still lets me get hypo.

Is your mania being destructive? Even if it isn't yet, you know it could.

I'd let your doctor know and TBH meth might just perpetuate it.

It is starting to be destructive. I stopped my Abilify and went manic almost immediately and the mania led to taking meth which obviously just keeps the whole ball of craziness rolling along. There is no real damage to my life yet but I’m on the brink of fucking up my work and I’ve spent a lot of money I can’t afford on meth as the price as skyrocketed and then on hookers and party girls as the meth/mania hyper sexuality kicks in. I need to get a grip in the next week or two or it will be a serious problem.

I just don’t want to tell my psych about the meth in case he cuts me off other drugs I need when I’m stable and I don’t want to go back on Abilify and lose half my emotional range and a good part of my personality. But I need something to rein in the mania that’s for sure.

Thanks for checking in.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

I hear you.

I too wouldn't mention the meth TBH. It sucks because most APs do make you groggy etc.

It's still in your control though. For now. Do what you can and keep in contact with your doctor and us at BL if you need to talk.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I hear you.

I too wouldn't mention the meth TBH. It sucks because most APs do make you groggy etc.

It's still in your control though. For now. Do what you can and keep in contact with your doctor and us at BL if you need to talk.

Thanks man, I really appreciate the care and support.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

I’ve spent a lot of money I can’t afford

Ha! I am with ya on that so you do not have to feel alone, bro. Money went to powder yay and a little h. Now I am siting here for days feeling a bit down and anxious but stopping also has the snowballing effect iirc. One day... two. Ok, three. Four? A week? Let's see how far we can go. I get stronger every time I push something off even for a few seconds (could be the same thing 1000 times in a day). It'll all repeat but it appears I am gaining an edge and am broke maybe 10-15% of the time instead of 100%.
I had/have to fucking stop for a minute to get a toe-hold instead of sliding deeper into that desperation and destruction. Not the easiest part of dealing with shit for me as I do not wanna face what I am doing on top of all the other shit going on that makes me go cookoo for cocoa-puffs.
IMO, just acknowledging a potential issue is a great start to fixin' it.
Love and best wishes, brother.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Ha! I am with ya on that so you do not have to feel alone, bro. Money went to powder yay and a little h. Now I am siting here for days feeling a bit down and anxious but stopping also has the snowballing effect iirc. One day... two. Ok, three. Four? A week? Let's see how far we can go. I get stronger every time I push something off even for a few seconds (could be the same thing 1000 times in a day). It'll all repeat but it appears I am gaining an edge and am broke maybe 10-15% of the time instead of 100%.
I had/have to fucking stop for a minute to get a toe-hold instead of sliding deeper into that desperation and destruction. Not the easiest part of dealing with shit for me as I do not wanna face what I am doing on top of all the other shit going on that makes me go cookoo for cocoa-puffs.
IMO, just acknowledging a potential issue is a great start to fixin' it.
Love and best wishes, brother.

Thanks man. Nice to know I’m not travelling alone although it is sad to think of other people going through the same shit. Hang in there. You are right about putting things off. Keep the negative things at arm’s length and seize the good things with arms wide open.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

... it is sad to think of other people going through the same shit.

Yep. I do this; thinking of the plight of others - a great deal. Just don't want to admit it. Causes too much static and I find it harder to focus on my domain.
Probably most here are in a state of desperation. It is sad. I wish I could make everything *right and wipe all tears away, but, alas....
We will make it, surely. I do not think many of us like being controlled by anything or anybody. We go far. Sometimes too far.
I see myself in a lot of posts here at BL. Sometimes it can be unnerving as it is like looking into my own eyes and seeing myself. I do not mind this as it helps me *grow but damn where the hell'd this place come from? lol

 

[Sirena Oscura]

Reminds me of "group check in", who's got a Feeling Wheel???

 

[nznity]

Not doing great. Crippling anxiety. Thought about self harm for the firs time in a looong time now. Starting to get hooked on xanax again. Can't be sober and I have to take something more than weed everyday now just to deal with life.

Damn, that sucks gurlll. U know the relief from drugs Is just temporary. Just a bandaid, u really Needa get to the root of Ur problems. When u realize that AND come to terms with em. That Will set you free. Trust me u dont know how tjings can turn even uglier from poly substance abuse. Hope y feel better Soo n!

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

benzo withdrawals

That it itself is crippling, IMO/E. How is it going now? Rebound is bad enough... couldn't imaging going through full on benzo withdrawals again. Fu** that. lol

Starting to get hooked on xanax again.

Again... this is a major head-fu** and is not recommended. At least try to stabalize usage and maybe plan a taper if there is enough? Not sure the situation of Rx and really doesn't matter... god the wds from alprazolam are spooky and bring a lot of bs with them.

Feeling Wheel???

Que es?

 

[Sirena Oscura]

@PtahTek It’s one of those insultingly patronising tools that’s actually helpful for people with mental illness who struggle to identify their feelings/emotions/moods. Typically used in therapy, especially group therapy. Like you’re in kindie again.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

No worries, NEM.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Feeling like I now have total clarity on how manic insane I’ve been for the last several months and what needs to be done to rotate back to the real world. Killed my stash and am geared up for staying straight and on top of myself from tomorrow morning.

 

[on.my.way🌿]

@on.my.way🌿 - cool username BTW.

So whats going on if you don't mind i ask? Anxiety i understand is quite a bitch. It passes though. What do you do for fun?

Edit: tmi + too paranoid

For fun I love to read and take care of my nearly 100 houseplants and tomatoe plants. Trying really hard to keep up with those things bc they make me happy, even though they don't right now. And you?

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Holy shit i have a garbage memory @on.my.way🌿 - you definitely told me that before. I think your future self will be proud, all said and done.

I like walking, video games and smoking TBH.

 

[on.my.way🌿]

Aha, and I forgot I told you @madness00 lol

On topic:
Feeling poisoined since yesterdays gabapentin+lyrica binge ugh been feeling this the whole day. I barely felt anything yesterday so kept taking them. think i took 1200 mg lyrica and like 6000 mg gabapentin maybe they don't mix well? idk but this poison feeling can fuck right off now please I feel bad enough without it ughh

 

[Jabberwocky]

Halfway through my first day of recovery with no stimulant in me except coffee and starting to feel like I might be seriously brain-damaged. Can’t remember anything or construct any kind of a complicated thought. I can’t remember if this feeling of cognitive impairment wears off in time or not. Certainly can’t even think about starting anywork yet. Just have to enjoy the sunshine while things evolve as they will.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

I can’t remember if this feeling of cognitive impairment wears off in time or not.

It must or maybe it just became another normal for me. It has been a few decades since heavy use but it seems the brain is doing OK with cognitive behaviours/tasks.
Great job I do hope it is not too bad a comedown. Not sure what to even suggest as benzos would probably get ya in a bigger hole unless only used as necessary.
Rootin' for ya, bro.
1

1200 mg lyrica and like 6000 mg gabapentin maybe they don't mix well?

Fucking hammered those gaba receptors hard as hell, no? lol The 6000mg gabapentin would be sufficient to feel "poisoned" IMO specially if one is not eating with it.
Which brings to topic: Are you eating with the gabas? It would really help a great deal to eat some fats (I do tablespoons of peanut-butter) as it somehow makes it more bio available. It works for me and when I wanna dose high in gabas I stagger the dosses like every hour or two with mo pntbttr.
Hope ya feeling a little better by now. 6000 mg gabap? Yuk, IME. 8(

 

[Jabberwocky]

It must or maybe it just became another normal for me. It has been a few decades since heavy use but it seems the brain is doing OK with cognitive behaviours/tasks.
Great job I do hope it is not too bad a comedown. Not sure what to even suggest as benzos would probably get ya in a bigger hole unless only used as necessary.
Rootin' for ya, bro.
1

Thanks @PtahTek. I won’t take the benzos unless it’s a real crisis. I took some of the anti-psychotic Abilify which I find really really reduces stimulant comedowns - so far I feel pretty level, almost happy in fact. Glad you hear your brain recovered!