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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

schizopath said:
Naa, its not your fault. It is what it is 😣
I dont currently have a psychiatrist, but Im going to see my drug councelor tomorrow and the "drug psychiatrist" next month.
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I don't like you sad. However you get your meds, is there a way to get them sooner? Like make an emergency appointment? Next month is a long time to wait while you're in bipolar depression.
 
Haha thanks :\
I legit live in a village so the drug psychiatrist only comes here every two months. I got antipsychotics now and I think take the edge off. I also seems to have some kind of weird bipolar with cyclothymia.
You eagerly waiting for the kratom?
 
schizopath said:
Haha thanks :\
I legit live in a village so the drug psychiatrist only comes here every two months. I got antipsychotics now and I think take the edge off. I also seems to have some kind of weird bipolar with cyclothymia.
You eagerly waiting for the kratom?
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Now that I know it's coming today, my mind is at ease. Kratom does help to put me in a better mood.

I'm more concerned about you though. Feel better hun. *HUGS*
 
Does anybody feel weird once depression/dysthymia lifts?
I've noticed in the last days that I haven't been too anxious and that what I'd begun to suspect to be dysthymia has somewhat lifted. I've had phases like this before, but really more as times of lower, more manageable anxiety without that heavy feeling of being slowed down by dysthymia. But not to this extent I guess. I wouldn't say I'm happy per se (though that's probably not baseline for most people either) but... I don't quite know. I still feel restless, and have a weird feeling that maybe I just can't remember or connect to what I felt before I got a bit unwell.
 
Jack123456 said:
Does anybody feel weird once depression/dysthymia lifts?
I've noticed in the last days that I haven't been too anxious and that what I'd begun to suspect to be dysthymia has somewhat lifted. I've had phases like this before, but really more as times of lower, more manageable anxiety without that heavy feeling of being slowed down by dysthymia. But not to this extent I guess. I wouldn't say I'm happy per se (though that's probably not baseline for most people either) but... I don't quite know. I still feel restless, and have a weird feeling that maybe I just can't remember or connect to what I felt before I got a bit unwell.
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For me personally either I feel horribly depressed/anxious or I just feel completely numb, at least when I'm sober, and there is no middleground. This is why I do drugs in the first place. To make me actually feel things for once that are not depression or anxiety.

I cannot connect to people sober either. I feel no empathy or emotional connection to anyone. On opiates though suddenly I feel "normal." The only times I can remember telling my mother I love her is under the influence of opiates. Of course that's not a long-term solution no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise, it always ends the same way. These days I try to do MDMA every couple months instead which provides those moments of empathy without the addiction potential of opis.

But anyway yeah I feel you. When I come out of depression I just feel numb. It's better than being full on depressed and having panic attacks for no reason but it's still not great. I don't think it's ever been different for me though. I can't remember ever feeling "normal emotions" except when under the influence of drugs.

Even when I do stuff that should make me happy like go see my girlfriend I take drugs to make me "more normal" because I don't want her to feel like I'm cold and distant.

Shit man that got deeper than expected. Ah fuck it this is a mental illness thread.
 
I don't know, I feel more restless than in the last time but a certain degree of heaviness appears to be gone at least temporarily.
 
hydroazuanacaine said:
what are some tricks to stop self hatred or incessant shame?
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I donated bone marrow to a 17 year old with leukemia, when I was preparing to leave for this operation I thought it was going to really help my self-hatred.

It did not.

I avoid talking down to myself, even in my head. That kind of thing is poison to your subconscious. I also have four kids and I am a very involved and accomplished father to them. When I get like that I will remind myself of my dedication to them. They are literally my life.

On the other hand, if they were to suddenly disappear, I would just end my life. So I sometimes wonder if being a father is just a distraction to myself, to not focus on myself.
 
hydroazuanacaine said:
what are some tricks to stop self hatred or incessant shame?
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I'd recommend doing something that takes your focus off of yourself. Reading is good as it also strengthens your cognition. Watching a movie, maybe. Playing video games. I'd write up a good list of ~10 things to do that get yourself out of your head in these circumstances, then pick one when you feel this terrible negativity.

Also, what is at the source? We might be able to give some insight.

We are hardest on ourselves. Maybe think of those who care desperately about your well-being?

A lot of shame can come from unintentional effects of one's action, a good intent that led to a negative result. If this is the case, you don't need to feel like this. You don't deserve to. Life is one big learning experience. The past is the past. It takes a brave person to engage in trial and error.

You mean a lot to us, at least. Me especially. You've been here longer than me, and helped form BL back in the day when I was a kid, which led to my greater harm reduction knowledge. That's a somewhat specific way that you helped me. Thank you for helping form BL.
 
I've been depressed lately as the winter sets in. However, there are many good moments, as I stay healthy and take suboxone/gaba-P. Today, however I have a bad case of FP (food poisoning of course,lol). Anaxarchus, I am curious if you avoid talking to yourself in your own voice, how do you approach daily tasks? Is there dialogue, or do you try to take care of life minus a script?
 
Seriously debating whether or not to order some kratom to self treat chronic depression and anxiety. Trying to tell myself it'll give me a bit of a break to sort out the other aspects of life. It's a habit förmig sub stance too though. I just don't know if I can cope with this long term again completely sober
 
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