I want to know why I can't roll hard, especially lately (after using x only 10 times)
Okay, I'm going to start this thread by describing each "roll" I've had. I'm 18 about 145 lbs and 5'10" (added my description to see if there's any correlation between the amount of x I've consumed and my body)
First time, was in March 09 and I only took one (green transformer). Ate it. I rolled, but knowing how rolling "hard" actually feels like now, it was probably the weakest roll I've ever had. no come down
Second time, was a week after my first time and I ate one and a half (red and blue transformers) and I rolled as hard as my first time (still hadn't FULLY experienced extacys magic, just barely, so I decided it wasn't for me) no come down
Third time, was in may 2010, on a Friday of a three day weekend. I got two tabs, blue rhino and a red rhino. Ate them. Didn't roll AT ALL, I just couldn't fall asleep. No come down but irritated that I didn't roll
Fourth time was the sunday of the three day weekend in may 2010, my friends and I werent planning on rolling so we all bought a bar each for the night. Then another friend tags along and convinces us to roll so we do. I took about 4 1/2 various tabs this night. I snorted 1 yellow alien, then after that I cant remember what all tabs i did (because i was barred out) but I know for a fact I snorted 3 1/2 more after the alien. I don't really remember this roll since I was barred out. I only began to remember when the roll was wearing off and I remember having twitchy eyes and a clenched jaw. I assume I rolled hard but I don't know bc of that damn bar. No actual come down, my body just was achy.
The fifth time was the next day (the Monday of the three day weekend) and I chewed a yellow alien and snorted half of a purple hello kitty (couldn't snort the other half bc my nose and brain were fucked from the night before) I rolled probably for ten minutes and that was about it. My head just hurt and My brain felt retarded.
So Yeah i did "roll" 3 times in one weekend, but oddly enough i didn't really experience a true roll bc i was barred out when I THINK I rolled hard and I didn't feel a come down. My body was just TIRED and my brain was in robot mode.
***Sixth time Two weeks after this binge in June 2010 I rolled again. I ate two red maseratis and snorted 1 and this was finally the night that I ACTUALLY experienced and remembered rolling. I was at a rolling party which made it even better. It was amazing it felt as if that was how my first time SHOULD have felt like.***
HOWEVER, I had the WORST come down. I literally was severely depressed for about two weeks after the 6th time. My anxiety after this time was terrible and it hasn't really gone away since. I was still depressed for about two months though and it took 3 months and a lot of pot to feel back to my normal self again.
Seventh time In august 2010 I decided to roll again since I was finally feeling better, I ate 2 1/2 red jordans and it was the worst experience of my life. They were either pipes or pure meth or something because I was literally cracked out for a whole day, I was on the verge of telling my mother about the x and going to the hospital that's how scared I was. My heart was racing and I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack, needless to say I didnt roll at all, I was just suuuuper cracked out for a long time. I didn't get depressed after this time either and my anxiety was about the same, still kind of bad
Eighth time was October 1 2010, I ate ate one and snorted one yellow fuck yous. I was just chillin at a friends house. It was like my sixth time all over again, AMAZING. I took a klonopin as I was coming down so I could fall asleep. However the day after my anxiety/depression was terrible. I felt like I was losing my mind and that I would never feel the same.
I finally told my mom about how i was feeling anxious and depressed and I was scheduled to see a therapist in November.
*Ninth time*A big rave was on October 30 so I decided I would roll there for my last time in a while before I got help. I took a bunk Molly and a yellow fuck you and hardly rolled. I came down after about 3 hours of a weak roll while I was at the rave and my anxiety was horrible. I still felt hope though since I was finally getting to see a therapist.
After seeing my therapist a couple times she said I had depression and anxiety. I went to my doctor and he was iffy about putting me on anti depressants so he prescribed me 1 mg Xanax extended release, for my anxiety because he said anxiety causes depression. It took about a couple weeks to feel "normal" again and the depression was slowly going away however my therapist still thinks I should be put on anti depressants.
I don't think I need to be on them though because I'm A LOT less gloomy, and I use to sleep a lot to get my mind off things but after taking the Xanax, I'm a lot more productive in a way and only take naps every once in a while. I also use to feel hopeless and saw no point in things but those feelings are slowly going away. I personally think I've always had bad anxiety but just didn't know it until extacy made me realize it/worsened it.
In november I had to get my appendix taken out (just throwing that out there because I don't know if it could have anything to do with why I can't roll hard)
**So after being on Xanax for about two months i decided to roll again for Xmas break in december. I had taken my xanax xr at about 11am that day but they only last about 10 hrs so i figured it would have worn off by night time. I went to a club and originally ate 3 purple play boys, but ended up eating another purple playboy and a "Molly" because about 45 min had passed and I thought I wasn't gonna roll. (I was in REALLY cold weather without a jacket right after I ate the 3 playboys so could it have killed some of the roll?) I ended up rolling though, but not as hard as I wanted to. I barely got eye wiggles and my jaw slightly clenched. I also had to sit somewhere in the club and close my eyes and sort of relax for me to even start rolling bc my anxiety was kinda killing it too. It was a cool experience being at the club and all, but I was pretty annoyed that I didn't roll as hard as I wanted to after taking as much tabs/"molly" as I did. THe comedown wasn't too bad since I had Xanax now, but my body was just super sore
Almost two weeks later I bought .45 of actual Molly (it was still solid and it tasted bitter) and went to a club, snorted it, and I BARELY rolled. My head just hurt from snorting it but I had no eye wiggles or euphoria or anything, I was just kind of in a happy mood for about 30 minutes. I also took my Xanax xr at like 6pm and snorted the Molly at like 11:30pm the comedown off this was bad for about 30 minutes because my anxiety was acting up but that's about it
Now my question is, why can't I roll hard like the sixth and eighth time when I ACTUALLY rolled? Is it because I am on Xanax xr now and it kills the roll? Does Xanax xr stay in your system, even when you don't take it for a day, if you've been taking it for a long period of time and is that why I'm not rolling hard? Is it because i got my appendix removed and i only waited about a month to roll? Does the appendix even have anything to do with x? Or is it because I've rolled too much in a short period of time?(I know people who roll a lot more than I do and still roll hard so it doesn't make sense?) Please guys I need your advice! I miss rollin balls even though I've only truely rolled my balls off twice! Lol(SORRY THIS IS A LONG THREAD, I JUST REALLY WANTED TO EXPLAIN MY EXPERIENCES WITH X TO SEE WHAT MY PROBLEM IS)
