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Meds and spirituality

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Klaydo68

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Joined
Sep 15, 2014
Messages
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Hi guys I've been struggling lately first a little background info about me I'm a 33 yr old male who has always been an athlete I put myself through college playing football until I blew my knee out I've had 3 knee reconstructions! since then I've fought mma, been a competitive bodybuilder/strongman/power lifter, etc ! Here's the kicker, I'm also a drug addict and a very spiritual person at the same time! I believe religion is for people who are scared of going to hell, spirituality is for people who have already been there. I truly believe in my heart that Jesus died for my sins and was resurrected. I preach this to people everywhere I go while also including my testimony. There is sooooo much to more story so; short version, I obviously have a lot of chronic pain for which I take subtext. I also have adhd and take addeall. I have a counseling degree and used to work as a counselor for abused children. After work one day, a man tried to rob me with a tire tool. He swung it at me, I ducked and punched him one time in the face. This blow resulted in reconstructive surgery for him and a felony malicious wounding charge for me! Since there is no self-defense law in the commonwealth of va I did 3 yrs in prison. While incarcerated, I told myself God put me there to protect the weak. In the process of doing this i pissed some evil, powerful ppl off. As a result, I was gang-raped by 6 guys to "put me in my place." This has lead to extreme nightmares and anxiety for which I'm given Xanax. The meds help but, by taking them am I really doing God's will and glorifying Him while trying to lead a somewhat normal life; or am I being a hypocrite and feeding my addiction. I'm struggling so very much with this!!! I have a beautiful wife and 1-yr old daughter whom I would lay down and die for. I want the best for my family, I want a relationship with God for us all. I want to be the husband and father I'm called (by God) to be!! Any opinions are greatly appreciated. God bless
 
I meant to post this in spirituality section I dunno how to move it if someone could help it'd b greatly appreciated
 
Really messed up that you did time for such self defense. Very sorry about that.

I'm not sure about your spirituality, or how you are a hypocrite, or why you ask if you are for taking xanax. But I understand. I would say though, Xanax I don't feel is good long term. I think that God- (and) your higher self would benefit from a clearer and more natural head. This is not to say I think what you are doing is wrong. At all. I can't judge you for that. But I would say, perhaps, keep it up. Try other things. Use the Xanax as a crutch, but aim to get off the crutch. See a counselor. Have a MDMA trip with trusted people- its too bad we don't have MDMA psychotherapy in this country yet. Live. Forgive.

I don't know ultimately. I've never experienced such a thing. Let go, give it to God.
 
Thank you so much for your input you hit the nail on the head I want to be of sober mind to get what God has for me and I don't wanna preach the word turn around and live in sin maybe I'll try klonopin
The incarceration incident was messed up bra as I sed I was counseling children who had been sexually abused at the time and when that happened I lost hope for a while prison changes a person but I guess it is part of my journey and testimony ☺️ I'd love to talk more at your convenience I've never done mdma but am open to any thing that may benefit thanks again and be blessed I hope to hear from u again
 
Definetly talk to your doc.
I believe there is a good thread here about
(Edit: its called succubus-night entities)
"Entities" manipulating you.
I posted about them.
Reading thread may help.

I understand how you feel.
I , as many have, believe that methadone/ drugs directly blocked me from the spirit ( whatever one chooses to call it)
Once I got clean ( which took me to the gates of hell) the line was opened back up and and was full of unchecked messages!
But its been a great reunion. I feel like the prodigal son returning home as far as the wisdom/truth I have recieved.

As I posted in the thread I mentioned,
these demons love using guilt/trauma.
And anger is like a wrecking ball for them.
I have an injury myself. Fortunately, I dont have to take anything right now. If I ever do, you can bet you sweet as I will be taking bear minimum and have someone else hold on to it.
One day, one hour, one second at a time,
Whatever it takes.......
 
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Thanks for your post that's exactly what I do now with my subutex I take 2 mg Ed and my wife holds onto it I stay on it bcuz it simply makes me feel normal while helping w the pain I feel the Holy Spirit n my heart and my life any other med clouds me with sedation

I do feel tormented most of the time!! I am a Christian so I choose to believe that the devil is playing on my weaknesses but when I take my meds properly I feel in touch w my spirituality and eager to share the word with others idk I just really appreciate your opinion and I feel ur pain on that methadone bra I was on 120 mg/day for a year and came off cold turkey in prison I almost died!!! I'll never touch that shit again
 
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Klaydo68 said:
After work one day, a man tried to rob me with a tire tool. He swung it at me, I ducked and punched him one time in the face. This blow resulted in reconstructive surgery for him and a felony malicious wounding charge for me! Since there is no self-defense law in the commonwealth of va I did 3 yrs in prison.
Click to expand...

You've gotta be holding back details here, cuz that doesn't add up at all..

As far as where god stands on xanax/opiates, i guess i'd consider it the same way he considers drinking alcohol in the bible- if you're using it for intoxication; if using it for required medical usages, i have trouble seeing how anyone, human or deity, could object.
 
Talk to a medical professional about the medications you are on.

If you are addicted and want to stop taking them go to a detox/rehab center, and don't do it on your own as people have died from benzo withdrawals. Good luck.
 
Mdma is good. Xanax and klonopin are bad. And suboxone and adderall are neutral. You sound like you have a very positive attitude despite your past adversities. Keep it up!
 
^how do you view psychedelics? I'd say that any "morality-judging being" would be likely to put such hedonistic drugs as opiates, coca/amph, into the 'unholy' category; I view mdma as halfway between the 'hedonistic' drugs and the psychedelics (for purposes of this thread / 'morality')
So yeah, i feel like mdma would be more moral if psychedelics were moral - but I could certainly see psychedelics being an abomination to most-all structured religions. I'm atheist so take my opinions in that context, i mean i personally feel that most 'hedonistic' usage is bad, i think mdma is great although it feels less pure than psychs to me; psychedelics are the closest to 'godliness' as i understand the word, lol!

[kind of related: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marsh_Chapel_Experiment ]
 
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I don't party at all I take meds strictly to try to function normally hold down a job etc I haven't had a drink of alcohol n 8 yrs and don't get "high"
As far as the incident goes dude was behind me n line at a gas station he saw I had a wallet full of cash so while I was pumpin my gas he took his chances he picked the wrong one lol (there goes my pride) u gotta understand I'm from the hills of wv so drugs r huge in coal mining country crazy redneck hill billies r a different breed is rather deal w a hundred gang members than 10 crazy hillbillies hell oxycodone capital of the world is McDowell co they have the highest overdose rate n the nation
 
It's the communist wealth of Virginia they r only concerned w conviction rates and being reelected
 
bmxxx said:
^how do you view psychedelics? I'd say that any "morality-judging being" would be likely to put such hedonistic drugs as opiates, coca/amph, into the 'unholy' category; I view mdma as halfway between the 'hedonistic' drugs and the psychedelics (for purposes of this thread / 'morality')
So yeah, i feel like mdma would be more moral if psychedelics were moral - but I could certainly see psychedelics being an abomination to most-all structured religions. I'm atheist so take my opinions in that context, i mean i personally feel that most 'hedonistic' usage is bad, i think mdma is great although it feels less pure than psychs to me; psychedelics are the closest to 'godliness' as i understand the word, lol!

[kind of related: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marsh_Chapel_Experiment ]
Click to expand...

I view most tryptamines as basically sacraments, DOx's less so, and MDMA as hedonistic but still good. I don't see anything wrong with taking suboxone or adderall if they help you function better on a day to day basis. To me, that's a medical issue. I even think that methamphetamine binges can bring about revelations of sorts, especially if you take a tryptamine at the tail end of the binge. The meth builds up your ego, the tryptamine breaks down your ego, and then your mind can integrate all that you have experienced once you get some sleep. But maybe I'm a heretic.

As far as Xanax and heroin, if you're blacking out on bars and nodding out on heroin, then that's just escapism and is not good. You're not doing anything constructive to solve your problems. And alcohol is just crude and nasty. LSD can offer some very serious insights, but it's not always fun. It can cut you like a sharp knife if you're not careful.
 
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Klaydo68 said:
I don't party at all I take meds strictly to try to function normally hold down a job etc I haven't had a drink of alcohol n 8 yrs and don't get "high"
As far as the incident goes dude was behind me n line at a gas station he saw I had a wallet full of cash so while I was pumpin my gas he took his chances he picked the wrong one lol (there goes my pride) u gotta understand I'm from the hills of wv so drugs r huge in coal mining country crazy redneck hill billies r a different breed is rather deal w a hundred gang members than 10 crazy hillbillies hell oxycodone capital of the world is McDowell co they have the highest overdose rate n the nation
Click to expand...

I guess i'm just having trouble believing that, due to nothing other than landing a good punch while defending against armed-robbery, you were put in jail. Did the cops play dirty, did witnesses lie, etc etc etc? Or there was a courtroom where the judge said "clearly you punched this man while he was robbing you & armed, so 3yrs seems appropriate"

anyways about the meds, yeah "partying" is what i was getting at. If you took a long-acting psych or opiate (like ur subutex) in a routine manner, that isn't consistent w/ how (i interpret) the bible as considering alcohol/being drunk; if you use you have IR xanax and oxy, and you take them 'as-needed', that becomes harder to classify; if you use benzo's/opiates/amp's and are getting high, i'd say that's a good modern-equivalent to being a drunk in the bible.
 
Dresden said:
I view most tryptamines as basically sacraments, DOx's less so, and MDMA as hedonistic but still good. I don't see anything wrong with taking suboxone or adderall if they help you function better on a day to day basis. To me, that's a medical issue. I even think that methamphetamine binges can bring about revelations of sorts, especially if you take a tryptamine at the tail end of the binge. The meth builds up your ego, the tryptamine breaks down your ego, and then your mind can integrate all that you have experienced once you get some sleep. But maybe I'm a heretic.

As far as Xanax and heroin, if you're blacking out on bars and nodding out on heroin, then that's just escapism and is not good. You're not doing anything constructive to solve your problems. And alcohol is just crude and nasty. LSD can offer some very serious insights, but it's not always fun. It can cut you like a sharp knife if you're not careful.
Click to expand...
My sentiments are almost identical to yours. I also don't see anythign wrong w/ the drugs I mentioned earlier that would likely be 'immoral' in his sense, so long as they're used right, but i just don't think recreational and/or 'biohacking' with pharmas are going to jive with "created in his image" type stuff..
 
Yea none of my use is recreational I consider an extra scoop of preworkout recreational lol I just wanna support my family but I've never tried psychadelics I never nod out or anything and haven't had alcohol n probably 8 yrs
As to the incident there were no witnesses and no proof of any weapon cuz the cops didn't even visit the scene u gotta understand this happened at a gas station n the boon docks at 11 pm
 
I'm fairly convinced medication in general suppresses spirituality and spiritual growth, in different ways, but this is a large and complex subject.

Toxins in the body is a big thing. Toxins or poisons lead to low-vibrational, negative states (The mind/spirit is influenced by the body). And we're overwhelmed by them. Most medications are toxic so being on regular medications would just make this worse. The same thing goes for drugs, even drugs which seemingly seem to make you more spiritual (like opiates or Ecstacy).

In the same way, anti-oxidants are of great value here. That is why large doses of Vitamin-C powder can increase your well-being or drinking a lemon-honey drink every morning can make you feel so good. I'm addicted to at least a litre of fresh, organic fruit juice every day (even though it kills my teeth).
 
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