Medley of drugs/frustration and confusion

[deidara]

Hey ozekat, I've been trying to PM you back but I can only send one message every 180 min since I'm a greenlighter... Ha so Im trying to post a lot to get my bluelighter status

 

[missmeyet?]

That crap happens to me all the time! Freaking hate it. And there's no way to get the exact thoughts back and I end up not even responding. Glad it's not just me.

Not to get off the subject but that also JUST happened to me! So now might as well wait a bit before trying again (though it won't be bear as good as what I had)

OP...I just had a few supportive things to say. I will regroup and post again later tonight.

In the meantime, just know that so many of us have been in similar situations
and really do care and will be here for you. It really does make you feel better when people respond in a caring way and to know you reallyare not alone, doesn't it?

So just hang in there!

 

[Ozekat]

Not to get off the subject but that also JUST happened to me! So now might as well wait a bit before trying again (though it won't be bear as good as what I had)

OP...I just had a few supportive things to say. I will regroup and post again later tonight.

In the meantime, just know that so many of us have been in similar situations
and really do care and will be here for you. It really does make you feel better when people respond in a caring way and to know you reallyare not alone, doesn't it?

So just hang in there!

Thanks, missmeyet?. Yeah bluelight does help, I'm really glad I started getting on these sober living threads, I used to frequent TDS, but this is where its at.

Now that I have money again, the real test starts......

 

[placid space]

hey, Im taking this from the other thread and putting it here so we dont use Alien's thread

What do you mean OT? When I use H the next day as I'm coming off it my throat closes up and the only way I can get to sleep is propped up because I can't breathe right laying down. Wheezing, coughing and coughing up thick brown/green mucuous....lol even though its only been a little while (3 weeks) since I last used H I'm glad I'm not still playing this game. Now I'm trying to confront oxy addiction and get off those.

hope that is more clear.

And when I use H I have only ever used very small amounts of it.

OT = off topic.
Yes, It is very clear. I actually posted a thread years ago, maybe been pruned maybe not, asking about the same thing. I started getting this cough and breathing problems after some time of constant use. What I noticed was, that it was at its worst when I was a certain type of morphine pills. Wheezing, barely getting up the stairs etc.. then I stopped, it went away after a few days. I know others who have this problem. What its scary for me is that doctors are mostly unaware of this. Imagine being in the hospital incapacitated, unable to communicate and they give you this sh*t. I would freakin die, If I lie on my back with that sh*t in me, I wouldnt be able to breathe and would die. And their conclusion would be a complication or some stupid BS diagnosis. Most doctors are completely f*cking unaware of this. The longer you use the longer it stays, be careful not to cause permanent damage. Funnily enough, Morph. sulphate on the other hand (ER, the one with wax), was fine for me. Maybe a tiny bit of wheezing but not a big problem.

Heroin on the other hand is tricky. It depends on the batch. Sometimes it floored me with these symptoms to the extent I was afraid to quit because as H causes it H also relieves the cough and wheezing. Other times perfectly fine, certain batches (and its not low quality stuff so it would bw without any morph.) would not cause this. Maybe after a long binge. I think it may depend on the way its produced. It is annoying not knowing. I would appreaciate it greatly If you let me know if you find out anything.

Also I remember reading a paper on lung problems of junkies and experiences of people dealing with them. The manner of administration does not matter at all, smoke it, Iv it etc... It seems heroin(morph?) eventually causes lung problems for some reason. And since its not due to smoking and because pills also cause this, it would seem it also has nothing or little to do with impurities.

So anyway, Im not sure if people like us are really alergic per se, I think we are just more succeptible to its side effects. I dont know. If you have any thoughts I would appreciate your opinion.

Oh yeah, oxy was not a problem for me too. At least I dont remember, though I did not use it that much ever. Neither was fentanyl but again, not great deal of exp.

 

[Ozekat]

hey, Im taking this from the other thread and putting it here so we dont use Alien's thread





OT = off topic.
Yes, It is very clear. I actually posted a thread years ago, maybe been pruned maybe not, asking about the same thing. I started getting this cough and breathing problems after some time of constant use. What I noticed was, that it was at its worst when I was a certain type of morphine pills. Wheezing, barely getting up the stairs etc.. then I stopped, it went away after a few days. I know others who have this problem. What its scary for me is that doctors are mostly unaware of this. Imagine being in the hospital incapacitated, unable to communicate and they give you this sh*t. I would freakin die, If I lie on my back with that sh*t in me, I wouldnt be able to breathe and would die. And their conclusion would be a complication or some stupid BS diagnosis. Most doctors are completely f*cking unaware of this. The longer you use the longer it stays, be careful not to cause permanent damage. Funnily enough, Morph. sulphate on the other hand (ER, the one with wax), was fine for me. Maybe a tiny bit of wheezing but not a big problem.

Heroin on the other hand is tricky. It depends on the batch. Sometimes it floored me with these symptoms to the extent I was afraid to quit because as H causes it H also relieves the cough and wheezing. Other times perfectly fine, certain batches (and its not low quality stuff so it would bw without any morph.) would not cause this. Maybe after a long binge. I think it may depend on the way its produced. It is annoying not knowing. I would appreaciate it greatly If you let me know if you find out anything.

Also I remember reading a paper on lung problems of junkies and experiences of people dealing with them. The manner of administration does not matter at all, smoke it, Iv it etc... It seems heroin(morph?) eventually causes lung problems for some reason. And since its not due to smoking and because pills also cause this, it would seem it also has nothing or little to do with impurities.

So anyway, Im not sure if people like us are really alergic per se, I think we are just more succeptible to its side effects. I dont know. If you have any thoughts I would appreciate your opinion.

Oh yeah, oxy was not a problem for me too. At least I dont remember, though I did not use it that much ever. Neither was fentanyl but again, not great deal of exp.

Hey, thanks a lot placidspace! I'm glad someone on here can finally relate, I've just come up against dead ends with everyone else when I bring this up. I think the purity does have something to do with it as I've gotten more side effects (really they are too awful to just call side effects) from some batches than others. I also posted years ago about morphine causing this. Maybe we are just more susceptible to the respiratory depression altogether, and it ends up causing us all this trouble...? I'm not sure, but I still fantasize about getting a bag because I'm so damn sensitive to H still one bag can last me 2 days easily, taking little bumps here and there (I don't IV).

But alas I am on day three and have still not used any opiates. I'm feeling like shit today, but my sense of pride and self esteem is higher than it has been.....I really want to tackle this problem and not let things that "seek to manipulate me" as neversickanymore puts it, I guess my subconscious emotions, to take ahold of me.

Well I am going to go smoke weed now.

 

[Ozekat]

I guess I'm gonna try and revive this thread lol.

I've been off opiates for a solid week now. Like, none at all.

I'm thinking about switching over to kratom but I don't think it is worth it honestly. I think it'll just make me want the real deal and give in eventually.....

What does anyone think? It feels like I'm past the physical side, my aches have been pretty much nonexistent and I can feel my mind calming down just a little bit every day.....

Hope everyone is having a good day ,I sure did. %) :D

 

[neversickanymore]

? one thing to the other



congrats on the opiates!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Ozekat]

dude wtf is that supposed to mean hahahhahaha.....let me try and figure this out.....nope I don't get it. NSA, is this supposed to be one of your inspirational pics? hahhaahhhahaha


thanks man! Yeah its nice to be this clear headed, and sometimes a little scary and unnerving too....but I know its just my mind adjusting back to reality, and not the nowhere-space or deadzone that opiates take us to.

 

[Ozekat]

I'm goin crazy. This insomnia/oversleeping rhythm I have is messin me up......umm yeah I want to cave in really bad today. Argh!


And I've also developed this strange habit of wearing sunglasses at strange times, indoors, at night......LOL Its like I'm trying to get high off sunglasses instead of dope.

 

[Mehm]

In my experience, drug addicts gain very little relief until they abstain from all drugs and find a spiritual program to fill the void.

 

[neversickanymore]

hey ozz how are you sir?

 

[Ozekat]

Hey nsa I'm alright. Still off opiates somehow or another, I will be at 30 days clean starting July. Its cool too because my bday is in july. lol

 

[Stevenski]

The reason she relapsed in the first place was because a few months ago she did something bad and she told her sponsor and her sponsor just dropped her!!! Just cut her out of her life and then told all her friends (we all used to have the same group of friends) not to fuck with her anymore!!!

That so called sponsor needs a beatdown. I come from a different fellowship but the principals & steps are the same. Sponsors are there to provide support & guidance to the sponsee, not drop them like a fucking bad habit! My sponsor has one successful (not relapsed yet) sponsee out of a dozen or so & he has never given up on any of us. Unfortunately the recovery rooms are like outside & you won't get on with, like or respect everyone there. That sponsor sounds like a guy I know who has 15+ years abstinence but has not done one days recovery & it shows in their actions.

 

[Stevenski]

The fellowships as well as peoples experiences are a mirror image of life.. there a a few great, some good, a bunch ok, a few bad, and a couple terrible.. as in any place where a person is vulnerable there are wolves there to take advantage.. but in the general sense there a soooo many more good than bad.. also the practice of keeping a using member at more than arms length is totally normal, we are addicts and if we tried to plunge in and pull every active addict out of the teeth we would all fail.. an active addict that has been to the fellowships already knows the path they have to take and it is their responsibility to begin to make their way down that path, the members who shun an active addict will usually welcome them back with open arms when they make the necessary effort to regain sobriety.. "an addict personal sobriety comes first" and it is the responsibility of the active addict to put the necessary effort into climbing far enough out of the whole for it to be safe for the addict in recovery to lend a hand.. that being said allot of gossip permeates the fellowships, imo that is everywhere, and the "whats said in these rooms stays in these rooms" , is at best wishful thinking, thouigh it is usually kept to addicts and their partners.. kinda just like the drug scene the sobriety scene gossip moves just as fast.. that being said the benefits far outway the negatives, although you may be vulnerable and will need to expose yourself to strange people, lower your walls but keep your wits.. the steps are amazing as they can cripple an addiction if done well or even ok.. I do them and attend meetings, but this is just one weapon , I like to live a really good life but I also watch for wolves in the midst of SOOO many good people in the fellowship..

Well that makes my previous post redundant . I found hope for the hopeless within the rooms & it helped me to evolve as a person.

 

[Ozekat]

Does anyone have any advice or tips for more than likely PAWS associated INSOMNIA???

 

[Mehm]

Stop using kratom if you want to finish the opiate withdrawals. By continuing to use opiate agonists you are only prolonging the misery. Beyond that there are a whole battery of psychiatric drugs, supplements, and herbs that induce sleep.

 

[Ozekat]

You really think kratom is prolonging the recovery process? I actually would have to agree with you so far, seems every time I dose it sets me back, although for the duration of the dose I am "happy" or whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean.

Fuck.

 

[Mehm]

An opiate addict gets happy when they use opiates....weird........

Have you gone to a meeting yet? In my opinion its go to meetings, get a sponsor, and work the steps. Until you are willing to go through that process you will most likely not find relief from your suffering. Good luck man, we are rooting for you

 

[Ozekat]

Thanks Mehm. Wouldn't you agree that kratom isn't as bad as legit opiates though? I know it might be grasping at straws but I'd like to believe that I am still making forward progress. I don't do kratom every day.

Ahhhhh......when one takes a good hard look at oneself all the flaws become apparent.

Yeah I need to get my ass to some meetings, all kinds of em. I really didn't like the NA meeting I went to though. The AA one was ok, I think the NA one was BS because they said it was their first meeting or something along those lines.....people were cussing and yelling and crying it was fuckin drama central, totally opposite of the AA meeting, that was chill and friendly.

 

[Ozekat]

Oh yeah, Mehm dude I really do not think there is any chance of me getting off kratom until I move out of my dads house. He always has it and almost always gives me some when I ask. And the same with beer. Its always around, so I eventually will always get to it. And what is fucked is that we are broke and go hungry a lot but we always have something to get high on. Now that is lame! Honestly......its just a fucked up thing to live here still, I need to move out but I'm broke.