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Meditation not medication.

mydrugbuddy

mydrugbuddy

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Feb 14, 2011
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My counselling course is almost over. I have mixed feelings about it. Some times it felt like a bit of a chore, but i attended every week and completed all the work, to what turned out to be quite a good standard, it actually helped take my mind off bupe w/ds, and has helped me a lot in my personal development, with confidence and self awareness and prejudice issues and values and beliefs and things like that.

I was buzzed to fuck on a natural high after last nights lesson. Theres two people that i have kind of graviitated to and spoken to more than the others, allthough everyone has been very pleasant, supportive and non-judgemental, and the whole group has been wncouraged to keep switching their triads and partners so they get to know everyone.

Last nights triad was perfect, as it had my 2 favourite people in it. The 2 people i had spoken to most.

One of the guys was on about meditaion, and how it can physioligally change your brain so that you become calmer, less angry, and happier. Noah Levine was the guy he told me to look up on you tube for his 90 minute presentation. His father was deeply into mediation and only gave his son the life instructions "be happy". Noah went off the rails, got sent to prison numerous times, got addicted to drugs, etc. But then he took up mediation and it has tansfromed him. This presentation is no pie in the sky bullshit its a real person with real issues that mediation helped overcome. I think this could be particularluy useful for me when i start reaching the tail end of my etiz taper.

One of the other guys comes from a poor African country. When he arrived in the UK he was amazed at the high rates of depression over here. I didnt entirely understand his point but it was along the lines of some of the population were dying for lack of food and clean water, and the other guy reckoned depression is created by capitalism, materalism, and the life expectations tha the media impose on you. He's a fuckin clever guy that bloke, i love listening to him talk, he does talk a bit too much though, so its a bit frustrating sometimes when you cant get a word in edgeways.

Ive not watched the Noah Levine film yet but its on my to do list.

It needs another 3 years of study to become qualified as a counsellor and then a year of volunteering. I cant face that right now unfortunately.
 
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yeah, in my first session, i was the counsellor i simply had to paraphrase what the 'client' had said. It was amazing how just doing that gave him a new insight into his issues. I feel i could do the job, buts its traditionally a middle class occupation, where often there is a lot more financial backing to be able to afford to take 4 years off work; 3 for study, and one for voluneering. Drugs workers etc dont require the same length of training, and my course will also be relevant to that.
 
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Youve hit the nail on the head with the paraphrasing - most people are reasonably insightfull when it comes down to it and just require a long look in the mirror to gain a bit of perspective - i was worked as an RMN for 8 years prior to my losing my job through the gear and alot of my practise simply revolved around facilitating the individual to find there own solutions but as it probably goes without saying I have never been able to take my own advice - at this stage i could really do with an experienced professional third party to tell me what a stupid cocksuck i am
 
if you're in the UK you can get free person centred counselling through a GP referall, i didnt get offered that until my drugs problems had spiralled out of control though. Maybe if theyd offered me that earlier i wouldnt have got into such a mess to begin with. Whether or not that is true i have to take responsibilty for my own actions.

Youre not a stupid cocksuck lol, but it is so helpful to get a clearer reflection of yourself.
 
Ive got absolutley no excuses - as well as nursing the mentally ill i used to deal with alot of drug and alcohol detoxes so of course at the age of 22 I knew it all and thought myself above the situation when i first started using to kill off rave hangovers

10 years later i have lost my registration, the majority of my friends and my gf but still continue to cycle through dependence without ever really moving on
 
Thats a shame man, i dont really know what to say. Im obviuosly gonna have to make sure im totally clean before i start applying for drugs workers roles, i believe they have to 'sponsor' recovering drug/alcohol addicts as part of their qualification for a few months, and they are then open to apply.
 
You really sound like your heading in the right direction tho - i take it your opiate free and just have the etizolam to deal with now then - my problem is ive never done a structured detox ive only ever CT'd it from the gear when ive run out of money - my benzo use was getting out of control at one point but the one blessing in disguise is that i lost my free and easy access to them when i lost my nursing job
 
not quite opiate free, just 1 more step down to take, before i jump off bupe. I will probably take that final step down next week. I have a mammoth task, or long term task in reducing my etiz consumption. I did find though last time i tried it was easy to get down quickly from a crazy high dose of 25mg to 8mg pretty quickly. I started taking it slower from there, to allow time for my brain and tolerance to adjust.
 
mdb, I may grill you a little about the course if a meet ever gets arranged. It definitely sounds interesting. :)

One question though - in that line of work, what's the usual stance on the counsellor/advisor/worker being a current drug user? Generally accepted or frowned upon?
 
mydrugbuddy said:
I have a mammoth task, or long term task in reducing my etiz consumption. I did find though last time i tried it was easy to get down quickly from a crazy high dose of 25mg to 8mg pretty quickly. I started taking it slower from there, to allow time for my brain and tolerance to adjust.
Click to expand...

Cant you get a health professional to swap you over to diazepam or another long acting benzo? would be alot easier and safer plus with stuff like diazpam and chlordiazopoxide you can reduce in smaller increments as well
 
you have to be clean, though some organisations welcome applications from people that have been through and conquered mental health / substance misuse issues, particularly in the drugs peer workers sectors.

I break the etiz into quarters as the taper progresses, but you're right, towards the end id be better off with a more long lasting benzo. Thats about 6 months away though. :\

Drs will not help me one bit with my benzo issue, i have asked, and it was a clear NO FUCKING CHANCE SON. I might get some of that flubrowhatsit as thats meant to have a good long half life.
 
Aye, it's more the drugs worker side of things I'm interested in, but suspect I'd find most jobs a bit preachy which is why I'm not seriously considering it at the moment. What's the definition of "clean"? Completely drug-free, not addicted, or not into gear/crack?

Keep perservering with your etiz taper, anyway. You'll get there. :)
 
I guess itd have to be complete abstinence, not even weekend stim binges would be allowed. Ive heard so many tales on this forum though about how half the drugs workers have drugs problems themselves.

Its not preachy atall, totally the opposite, the CBT group leader was an ex smack head openly talking about his 'grafting' and time in prison etc, no one judges, they just try to get you to use CBT thinking on things like short term versus long term regarding drug use. There can be no arguing with that one, but some of the other sessions, like "Just Once" - then they say just once leads to addiction, crime, prison, hospital, death. That one didnt convince anyone, everyone said fterwards bollocks, i can do something just once without all that happening. Some of the CBT 'lessons' are much better than others.
 
Ah, that's interesting, cheers - possibly not the line of work for me, then! (Although I'd probably get away with it, but I presume they do regular testing.)
 
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