Shambles I have not posted to these forums before...
OK well that is a lie, yes I have, but it was under a completely different name several years ago. Back then I confined myself to PD since psychedelics were my only interest/passion at the time (pre 2007). I never posted much either. Definetly not enough to have generated any sort of reputation. Never anything about pv, either, as far as I can remember; I was mostly a Lurker back then.
Now, I was somewhat of an active member at thenook a few years ago. However, I haven't logged in over their in ages... under a completely different name though...
Also in reference to Shambles post:
For what's its worth, I had to go through a pretty hellish honey moon phase with pv before I got to a point where I am now.
For about three to four years I nearly destroyed myself and my family. During this time i also lost a job/career, had several mental hospital stays (some voluntary some not so voluntary), run ins with law enforcement, etc. My wife was ready to leave several times.
This wasn't one climatic building of events either. I sobered up and fell back into using many many times despite how severe the consequences had already gotten and were going to get. The devestation that each relapse had on my wife is something i still have trouble with to this day (coupled by the guilt of still using).
Periods of sobriety during this time ranged anywhere from the time when I would flushing the last of my stash until the time the next order would arrived as their was almost always another order enroute at any given time. A few times my attempt at sobriety ended because I had suddenly rediscovered a hidden stash or found an old used lightbulb/foil strip with a leftover pv puddle still inside.
My greatest attempt at staying off of pv/drugs lasted almost a year and a half during those three to four years. Consequences had finally gotten severe enough but I knew it was only temporary because I thought about using constantly. It got so bad that after almost 18 months I felt I couldn't take it anymore; after a year and a half of constantly thinking about it I let my addict self trick my sober self into thinking that using again was the only way to finally move on. Im sure most of you know what happened the minute I took that first big hit of pv after a year and a half... lets just say I was anything but ready to move on.
Eventually I decided to stop fighting with pv. I relaxed and gave in/up. Instead of being something special that I would try to secretly binge on, I decided to try using it more like a maintenance med (think opiate replacement therapy). I stopped vaping and started insuffilating since I knew half the problem was a fixation on the ritual of vaping .
So I started this new routine of regular moderated use towards the end of a very heavy binge of vaping that ended horribly wrong. I had no troubles eating, sleeping, etc while using because I already had a hefty tolerance. This made for an easy transition to normalcy while still allowing me to continue using on a regular basis. I was able to use and live normal since I was already heavily tolerant. It also helped to keep my urges to vap in check (this took time/work/determination to get right though).
It was like a miracle. My life finally came back together... or as back together as a functioning addict can manage. I hit many speedbumps (lost control) in the beginning but eventually I got to the point where that happened infrequently enough that it wasn't a limiting problem.
Since then I've had my sensitivity to the paranoia and anxiety effects from vaping grow to astronomical porpotions. I can eat, snort or plug doses that I would consider dangerous to a novice without much effect but if I vap the tinnest speck suddenly pv radio is broadcasting on every channel and shadow creatures lurk in every nook and cranny. So I pretty much can't vap these days which helps me considerably in keeping my shit together (again... as well as an addict can anyways).
I'm not advocating my method. Its stupid and reckless and probably very dangerous. But, for me anyways, it was the lessor of two evils by a thousand miles.
Edit: wow I was a bit wound up yesterday. Sorry to ramble.
