Nah. You're not an idiot. Can be unbelievably hard to stay away from drugs like peev. The fiend is strong with such things. Very strong
But if you know that peev is causing problems in your life and adversely affecting loved ones it may be best to try to stay away from it. Much easier said than done, I know...
At least it was "only" 500mg - could've been worse - and you sound pretty lucid considering how quickly you got through it. You just need to take each day as it comes and try not to order more on a whim. If you feel the urge try to talk to people before making an order - the urges tend to pass surprisingly quickly and maybe getting some perspective from others will help to remind you of why you should maybe stay away from the stuff. Maybe not permanently (who knows what will happen) but given how recently it was that you had all that trouble with it it may well be too soon to be getting back on it even just for a day given how it went last time.
On the plus side, at least you aren't waking up as an inpatient this time and no knives were involved. And it sounds like your girlfriend might still be willing to take you back if you can show her that you really are serious about staying away from the stuff this time. As long as you really are serious about staying away from the stuff that is...
Do you know why you ordered again? Did something in particular make you want it or was it just general craving?
Thanks Shambles and Ben, I will try to avoid it as my best now, but it's so damn hard..
I have very hard controlling myself, with many things, old gambler, old drug abuser with lots of drugs, beer, old player and so on.
But mdpv man, the cravings the thinkin of how next time would be, how much I should take, how much I should fuck etc etc, it's drivin me insane
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Didn't get so much visual hallucinations like im used too, but okay amount of audio and a lot of smell this time, first I saw the rotten crabs growing up from the garden again, there I knew, Ok this going to be a evil time. It sure did, after gf was gone (after the first 12 hours or so) I was doing more and more, was even close just put it all up the nose in one sniff, glad I didn't think there was like 300mg back.
Suddenly my legs gone very weak was sitting down, then my legs got grabbed on like 2 hands. Then I started smelled gas, I heard a car come just before the gas smell was there, I stand up walking around a little in my crib, then I got very dizzy, falling on the floor, the smell got even worser, my hard pumpin like a fuckin crazy, sweat all over me, paranoia panick attack like crazy, couldn't breath, then I took a glimse outside, was nothing, so finally I got myself to believe it just was the Psychosis , but I was trying to get air, couldn't breath in fuckin 5 hours allmost, and I was havin my head in the pillow all the time because though people/neightboors could her me trying to get air and they maybe thought I was a nasty wanker.
And still I kept dosing till I run out, getting some audio with people playing loud music knockin on my door and screaming. it did get better but when it did I only had a little back, so only good(still bad though, very bad!!!) was when just laying enjoying the porn and so horny.
Im an idiot.
they way ahead of you mon --------- look up 
