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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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imabicycle said:
I actually was at benzos in start but doctor wouldnt give me anymore cause im dutch and theyrr strict here. Which is a good thing cause looking back i wouldve become addicted. Also right now i dont even want them for occasionsl use cause im afraid theyll only slow down healing. Dont you? Apart from that starting tomorrow i have holiday, and im just gonne sport everyday avoid all stressors and than go to Italy. Im hoping this will fix me up. Learning exams may have put some strain on me. I admit im whining a bit in my posts. Also I promised my parents id go cbt if I dont heal over holiday. I really feel like I should over come this myself if possible. Dont like idea of cbt. Should be able to with loving familyvat home I feel it just takes so long. Cheersctnx for heling u an daglaw are heroes. Typed this on iphone with rly tense muscles :p
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Hey man I'm dutch as well. I know going to a psychologist/psychotherapist might seem like "giving up" on trying to overcome your issues by yourself, but it's actually a very mature and couragous decision. The way I see it is about you admitting you want help with a problem you don't know how to tackle yourself. Besides- therapy is still you overcoming your own troubles, you're just given a sort of coach/guidance.

? (ignore this smiley, Im on my phone and I cant remove it)
 
I went to a psycholigist. I had nowhere else to turn. I actually didn't feel that stressed or upset before my LTC manifested. It was more background stress that I was apparently putting off into the corner and one crazy weekend released it and put me in a hell hole for nine months.

I don't know if working through my issues helped me recover but I do know that by working very hard on my happiness and staying positive has made a tremendous impact on my life post recovery.

I am not the same person I was prior to my LTC, I am much happier and more confident now.
 
Disregard what I wrote about me drinking alcohol earlier while suffering the LTC. I've tried it 3-4 times, and it has been all right, but with bad hangovers from even 3 beers.

Now I can't drink. I get DP after 1/2 a beer, and moderate anxiety after the "high" wears off. After 1 beer I get super tired, full DP, and just want to leave wherever I am.

I am now worried, and almost convinced, that I will never be able to drink alcohol again in my entire life. Can someone please convince me otherwise? I know you drink like a motherfucker Dawglaw, but I don't think you experienced what I am experiencing during your comedown? 1 beer literally fucks me up immediately, and for the day after.

Who has experienced this and recovered with respect to this issue particularly?
 
ScaredFirstTimer said:
Disregard what I wrote about me drinking alcohol earlier while suffering the LTC. I've tried it 3-4 times, and it has been all right, but with bad hangovers from even 3 beers.

Now I can't drink. I get DP after 1/2 a beer, and moderate anxiety after the "high" wears off. After 1 beer I get super tired, full DP, and just want to leave wherever I am.

I am now worried, and almost convinced, that I will never be able to drink alcohol again in my entire life. Can someone please convince me otherwise? I know you drink like a motherfucker Dawglaw, but I don't think you experienced what I am experiencing during your comedown? 1 beer literally fucks me up immediately, and for the day after.

Who has experienced this and recovered with respect to this issue particularly?
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I had this in like my first month when I stupidly drank 2 bottles of wine on a night out hahaha... but I just came back from a Skrillex concert, drank a good amount of beer (7 or something) and I feel absolutely fine! Sounds psychosomatic to me. Good night nonetheless!
 
ScaredFirstTimer said:
It is not psychosomatic. Anyone else?
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Just giving a little hope through my personal experience. Perhaps you should see the doctor about this, could be something linked to the liver or stomach? Wouldn't blame this one on the LTC if so, as I haven't seen anyone have issues with alcohol from this anxiety.
 
It's not psychosomatic but it is psychological stress. You freaked your brain out and it is extremely sensitive to any minute changes.

DP/DR is a reaction to emotional or psychological trauma.

The more you think you have brain damage the more you r brain believes it and correlates anxiety symptoms with neurological damage.

It took me 9 months and thousands of dollars of medical expenses and psychology sessions to figure that out.
 
Didnt try to increase dosage, doc just didnt want me becoming dependent. Do you feel like ur ltc is really over or that you are medicating it away? Also i dont wanne be on benzos all the time, it makes me feel so dazed.
 
Well alcohol IS quite a drug. It impacts so many areas in your brain as well as activates and deactivates a lot of neurotransmitters. I highly doubt you will never be able to drink alcohol again, but it will definitely take a while.
 
Have you tried to have a beer during this Coderbrah? You have the same symptoms as me, only much more severe.

Edit: Caffeine is absolutely fine for me to drink now, and a full cup of coffee is very stimulating and a bit euphoric for me.
 
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ScaredFirstTimer said:
Have you tried to have a beer during this Coderbrah? You have the same symptoms as me, only much more severe.

Edit: Caffeine is absolutely fine for me to drink now, and a full cup of coffee is very stimulating and a bit euphoric for me.
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No I haven't, I'm even too scared to touch caffeine. But I never drank alcohol anyway. I had two sips of a cocktail two weeks before rolling (first alcohol in 6 years) and I got a panic attack. Ironically taking XTC was a way for me to get over my phobia of drugs. Funny how that works out huh.

Anyway I'm on an SSRI now anyway and I heard SSRIs+alcohol dont mix.
 
Dawglaw said:
The more you think you have brain damage the more you r brain believes it and correlates anxiety symptoms with neurological damage.
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This was my case! After my first drink (2 beers) from the LTC I had a panic attack. My only panic attack, just because I was so stressed. Didn't drink for weeks and weeks after that, but it got better when my stress levels went down. I still believe you should go check with the doctor just incase you've got something up in your stomach. It won't hurt.
 
Does anyone ever feel a bit like a freak? Like I was just in the store with my usual dp/dr, weird ass anxious/drunk feelings and intrusive thoughts and I just felt so detached and weird that I felt like a freak. Whenever somethings on the news about a scizophrenic or someone snapping and doing something crazy I also feel as if I'm the kind of person they're talking about. Can anyone relate?
 
When I imagine social situations I often imagine doing really weird shit though not that radical. When im not alone its all fine though. Form of social anxiety I guess. It will pass when u get better most likely. Cheers.
 
Im in my 5th week my comedown.. 3 pills over 3 days and i did drink beers. Untested..My aniexty and panic attacks have pretty mich stopped..

My main concern is my dull/burning foggy brain feeling.. I just dont feel myself and "chipper" anymore.. Has anyone else come across this pain in the brain feeling after so long? And how long it lasted for them? It driving me mad..

I feel like i could almost be there is the fire/foggy feeling went away i just dont know if it stress and aniexty that making me think about it
 
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So I just did one of the things I feared the most since this LTC began: go to the cinema.

As funny as it may sound this is a huge milestone for me, being the severely agoraphobic I am now. I felt like shit the entire time I was there but atleast I did it!
 
Well done dude (: even though you didn't enjoy it that's still progress, before you know it you'll actually find yourself enjoying it! As a last minute thing I'm going to holi one festival in London this weekend, i wasn't going to because it's awkward to travel to and a really long day for someone as fatigued as i am (plus i have work the next day) but I've always wanted to go to holi one and i don't have to get drunk, I just won't stay late or drink too much. There's no use worrying about how my symptoms will impact the day or next day, and the fact that i even want to go says something.
 
Lol I'm going holi one tomorrow as well, same plan as you India, not drinking much and not staying too late
 
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