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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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An update.

Since my symptoms are so severe I have asked for professional help. I have been a total vegetable for almost 4 months now. I have shown some progression and I do have hope for a full recovery but I think it's irresponsible of me to suffer so much while there are plenty of avenues of help to be explored. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist and she wants to treat me and help me pull myself out of this mess.

I have been given some antipsychotics (a low dose, olanzapine 5mg) to help with some of my hyper-alertness, auditory hallucinations/hppd and confusion which I'm going to start tonight. Then at the end of the week I'm going to start a low dose (5mg) of Lexapro.

I'm posting my experienced because others that are reading this thread might be interested in trying this route out.

I have to say I'm scared shitless though lol, but then again- I popped an XTC pill like it was a piece of candy.

Good luck - hopefully it'll help.

I'm sure you've been told by your doctor, but I just wanted to reiterate regarding the SSRI that the positive effects tend to be subtle and also contingent on you giving the medication a few weeks to work.

Personally, I had to try three different SSRIs before I found one which I could tolerate.

I find that usually the first dosage of any mind-altering drug (whether it has a lot of recreational value, or zero of it) tends to be the most intense with respect to CNS effects, as the body hasn't had a chance to build any kind of tolerance to it. But don't let this discourage you, as the body will adapt.

Be well and take care :)
 
Hello BL...I am knew to this sight and in my 3rd week. Initially it was anxiety and panick attacks. Also permanent pressure In my head. And now full blown severe depression that I can't even shake for 5 minutes. I can't eat, sleep, think. Does anyone know if the depression stays consistently? Or will it subside at some point?

It will go away. You have to be proactive about it. Sitting there thinking about how your brain is fried is not going to help you. It is going to suck but you have to stay positive and do as much as you possibly can to protect your fragile mental health. Anxiety and depression can feed off of each other and you can get stuck in a nasty loop.

As hard as it sounds, you have to 1) accept the fact that you triggered some depression/anxiety/temporary change in your neurochemesrty, 2) know that things will get better 3) know that you are not alone 4) wait it out while trying to live as normal of a life as possible.

Bluelight can be an incredible tool to share stories and find support but it can also hurt more than it can help. There is a debate about the root cause of these post MDMA symptoms. Some feel it is brain damage while others (myself included) tend to believe that the symptoms, while real, stem from psychosomatic trauma.

From my experience, treating the comedown as drug induced anxiety/depression via mindfulness and possibly CBT if you can afford it, is the best way to go.

The first time I took MDMA after my comedown had subsided, I experienced terrible DP/DR over the next few days. Instead of panicking, I used my past mindfulness exercises and my comedown was completely gone in a few days. To me this meant that my problems were rooted in anxiety, not permanent neurological damage.

Anxiety is a real motherfucker and manifests itself in some very real ways.

Best of luck.
 
Okay so I tried the Zyprexa yesterday before bed. I had a panic attack because it made me very spacy. I slept a good 11 hours afterwards and I'm still feeling very drowsy. Also very depressed and my DP/DR is through the roof. I'm not going to take this anymore. I am still open to SSRIs though so I will try that once I get them prescribed to me.
 
It will go away. You have to be proactive about it. Sitting there thinking about how your brain is fried is not going to help you. It is going to suck but you have to stay positive and do as much as you possibly can to protect your fragile mental health. Anxiety and depression can feed off of each other and you can get stuck in a nasty loop.

As hard as it sounds, you have to 1) accept the fact that you triggered some depression/anxiety/temporary change in your neurochemesrty, 2) know that things will get better 3) know that you are not alone 4) wait it out while trying to live as normal of a life as possible.

Bluelight can be an incredible tool to share stories and find support but it can also hurt more than it can help. There is a debate about the root cause of these post MDMA symptoms. Some feel it is brain damage while others (myself included) tend to believe that the symptoms, while real, stem from psychosomatic trauma.

From my experience, treating the comedown as drug induced anxiety/depression via mindfulness and possibly CBT if you can afford it, is the best way to go.

The first time I took MDMA after my comedown had subsided, I experienced terrible DP/DR over the next few days. Instead of panicking, I used my past mindfulness exercises and my comedown was completely gone in a few days. To me this meant that my problems were rooted in anxiety, not permanent neurological damage.

Anxiety is a real motherfucker and manifests itself in some very real ways.

Best of luck.

Thank you for your insight. Any support I can get gives me SOME relief. CBT sounds like a good start. I did see a psychiatrist yesterday who explained to me it was not a good idea to be put on any SSRI's due to the fact my symptoms were drug enduced. I am going the natural route for now with the exception of vitamins, supplements and exercise. And Blue Light every now and then. I will keep in touch....Thank you for responding!

P.S. Xanax also worked for me with the anxiety and was the ONLY thing that helped me sleep. I have them jic to use sparingly.
 
Hey, just updating on how I'm doing. I still suffer physical symptoms which at this point I'm not sure if is related or not to my LTC. Left sided muscle spasms, abdominal pain and skipped heart beats (cardiologist confirmed no cardiac pathology causing them). Anxiety wise, I'm pretty much fine, I think pressing on with normal life was certainly the best thing for me. I still have minor anxiety but I only really notice it when I'm alone and bored. Same for any depression I have, only when alone and bored. In all honesty I started using drugs because of social anxiety problems and even throughout the worst of my LTC I still felt better on that front, I have MDMA to thank for that. I had a few tokes on a joint the other day and felt great, no anxiety at all but I will never get as stoned as I used to. As for caffeine, I still can't touch the stuff at all, not that I miss it hugely but it's frustrating to have a cup of tea and then half an hour later get palpitations and anxiety. As for alcohol, it goes down fine but I have little waves of anxiety where I get all quiet and feel a bit odd - I guess this is just getting used to the feeling again.


What I wanted to ask though, was how does everyone else feel about revisiting the life that got them in this place in the beginning? A few days ago I went to an all day music festival where everyone was on pills and I couldn't help but feel a little bit uneasy. I used to be the one going nuts at the front on all sorts of drugs at these kind of events and now I just feel... uneasy. I'd like to be able to enjoy MDMA again in this sort of setting, in moderation of course but not sure if I ever will. I'm wondering how other drugs would affect me though such as how I would handle a small amount of K, has anyone tried this? Probably a silly question but I guess I just feel a little bit kind of lost now that I've been forced to totally change my lifestyle...
 
Yeah those physical things could well be symptoms of your comedown. They are not alarming but are definitely stress related.
 
yeah is like to be surrounded by people drinking and you cant booze cause your medicatin of because you want to look just healthy. its because you are not one with everyone like you used too. i felt it too, but get used to it, and sometimes even i can find somebody in parties that doesnt give a fuck about drugs and just enjoy the music, then i dont regret to be in the scene again :)


about physical symptoms, yes they seems to remain more time than psychological ones. i had them still but i can say i feel better so maybe they slowed down in some point. im still struggling with some of them. but as i asked everyone my hope is that they will fade one day.
 
HA! I knew someone would ask, I didn't roll, as the pill was tested but I didnt feel like it. I still have it and I split it in two. I sat there on the couch thinking and said fuck it, swallowed 120mg vyvanse and hit the dancefloor for 10 hours and had a blast.

I'm feeling so good but the only thing that annoys me is sprinkles in the blue sky and that feeling when you look at a screen and your eyes feel squeezed. Also noticing my heartbear way too well turned me down from rolling. I got scred i would notice the increase and freak out! IM ALIVE :)
 
HA! I knew someone would ask, I didn't roll, as the pill was tested but I didnt feel like it. I still have it and I split it in two. I sat there on the couch thinking and said fuck it, swallowed 120mg vyvanse and hit the dancefloor for 10 hours and had a blast.

I'm feeling so good but the only thing that annoys me is sprinkles in the blue sky and that feeling when you look at a screen and your eyes feel squeezed. Also noticing my heartbear way too well turned me down from rolling. I got scred i would notice the increase and freak out! IM ALIVE :)
Hopefully this can relax you.. those sprinkles in the sky are 100% normal. I think your anxiety just made it stand out to you more.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_field_entoptic_phenomenon
 
I have this as well. So does this mean it will go away, goes our eyes have reduced blood flow?
I also have them PMZ, to a noticeable degree too. What I'm trying to say is when the anxiety dies down, and you stop doing bodily checks (including your eyes), they'll diminish and your brain will block them out automatically I like to imagine. Just don't focus on them, they're safe.
 
I also have them PMZ, to a noticeable degree too. What I'm trying to say is when the anxiety dies down, and you stop doing bodily checks (including your eyes), they'll diminish and your brain will block them out automatically I like to imagine. Just don't focus on them, they're safe.

Yeah I've had them all my life. It has never even bothered me. My eyesight is pretty bad though.
 
I also have them PMZ, to a noticeable degree too. What I'm trying to say is when the anxiety dies down, and you stop doing bodily checks (including your eyes), they'll diminish and your brain will block them out automatically I like to imagine. Just don't focus on them, they're safe.
Yeah it don't bother me anymore. It just notice it. What does annoy me. That my general vision is very spacy and weird. My overall perception has changed. Maybe it's just the spottiness that's causing my vision to look all weird. But thing are definitely off. Its makes me feel like I'm not looking through my own eyes. I think it's called derealization.
 
Yeah it don't bother me anymore. It just notice it. What does annoy me. That my general vision is very spacy and weird. My overall perception has changed. Maybe it's just the spottiness that's causing my vision to look all weird. But thing are definitely off. Its makes me feel like I'm not looking through my own eyes. I think it's called derealization.

What do you mean with perception change? Like things seem bigger or just look 'off'? That would be derealization yes. It's what I'm currently struggling with the mostx10
 
What do you mean with perception change? Like things seem bigger or just look 'off'? That would be derealization yes. It's what I'm currently struggling with the mostx10

Yeah. Things just look off. Dream like sort of.
 
I noticed lots of chest ''pains'' or ''discomforts''. Noticable heartbeat, heart squeeze if you know what I mean. Is this fruit of the brain just putting too much attention to it or my heart really got altered by the LTC. Is there any underlying heart condition that can be verified? My ECG revealed perfect above average heart... I'm stressed about rolling cuz I associate these heart discomforts with incomming heart attack or heart whatever lol...
 
I noticed lots of chest ''pains'' or ''discomforts''. Noticable heartbeat, heart squeeze if you know what I mean. Is this fruit of the brain just putting too much attention to it or my heart really got altered by the LTC. Is there any underlying heart condition that can be verified? My ECG revealed perfect above average heart... I'm stressed about rolling cuz I associate these heart discomforts with incomming heart attack or heart whatever lol...

Arrythmias are pretty harmless most of the time. Serotonin plays a large role in your heartbeat. I wouldn't worry about it.
 
Me2point0 the first time i had a bad reaction to mdma i used to get terrible chest pain, to the point where i went to the er a few times thinking i was having a heart attack. However, the second time i had a bad reaction i was having chest pain and a panic attack which is when the Dr/dp started. Ever since the Dr/dp started my chest pain has pretty much gone, which proves it was anxiety related and my brain is protecting me from it. The Dr/dp is better than it was (still bad though) and as a result i'm starting to get chest pain again because that barrier isn't as strong as it was. This would also explain why it has worsened/appeared recently for you, if that's the case
 
Oh sorry you wrote chest pains, I thought you were talking about arrythmias.

I also had horrible chestpain in the second month. Especially while running. A few times I thought I was going to have a heart attack as well. But I started to notice a pattern that I would always worry about it when it was present but then later that night I would've already forgotten about it.

Also guys, I just got 5mg Lexapro and a limited supply of 0.025mg Lovotril to help with initial anxiety. I will keep you guys updated on my progress with this (I'm going to give it a full trial of a month).
 
Woke up today, completely refreshed. Head is full of clarity and I've got no worry at all right now. Plus it's crazy nice day. TIME TO USE TODAY TO MY FULL EXTENT!
 
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