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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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herenow14 said:
PMZ i've been following your posts for a long time. I vote don't do it. Once you put something in your body you can't take it back. I also believe that people suffering from these MDMA induced comedowns suffer from a state of hypochondria much more powerful than anyone can quite comprehend. It's engrained in our subconscious. A simple example - you take acid, the next day you're a bit worn out from the concert, you think that perhaps the acid has brought back some adverse side effects from the beginning of your comedown, you have a panic attack, panic attack snowballs into new side effects, and so forth. When in actuality, perhaps you could take the acid and be 100% fine, this is sort of beside the point for the mind of someone that has been through the trauma of these comedowns.

I'm on my second long term comedown. The first was just scalp pressure. I actually used shrooms and was fine. I took .1g of MDMA and now have all these crazy terrible symptoms. Who knows what's in my head and what is actually a physical symptom. Point is is that I shouldn't have risked it.

Just my two cents. Not trying to be a fear monger. I just firmly believe from where I stand now that the desire to take drugs after a comedown isn't because one wants to take drugs - it's because one feels that if they can take drugs and be 'fine' then they are cured. Don't fall into the obsession. I know how it goes. You dwell on it day in and day out, try to rationalize it, try to make up excuses that transform into facts in your psyche.

It's one of the inherent problems with seeking refuge for MDMA induced trauma on a drug forum. You're constantly enveloped by the idea of DRUGS. You're clicking on the 'recovery' threads, but wishing you were clicking on the 'cuddle puddle' threads or whatever they're called.

I had that same craving to try drugs again, and now I am where I am now. On the up-and-up after 7 MONTHS I'm pleased to report. But I'll never (i'm not afraid to say it) touch drugs again. Social drinking is enough for me.
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I know what you are saying. I just feel like im totally over the panic attack mode. I understand that more molly would never be a good idea for me. But ive never felt shitty from shrooms or adic the next day and even like you said, you took shrooms and was fine. I plan on waiting a good while once I recover to try any drugs. It would have to be at a time when this whole thing is behind me. I would of course start by smoking pot again and seeing how that effects me. If I can successfully do that with no negative side effects then i would like to try some mushrooms eventually again. Mushrooms ive done a number of times and am extremely comfortable with. Im not sure the hypocondriac thing will bother me too much in regard to shrooms. but who knows. Molly is a no no. but I think once im a state where this is all just a memory, I dont see things hurting me.



Have you even smoked pot again at all?

and also how long after your first come down did you take more molly that caused a second come down?
 
hey pmz, I'm on like month 7 of my comedown from a .6 of some untested, most likely cut, MDMA. You probably just feel really confident because you feel normal again. Think about how you felt about drugs on your first month. Would you want to even risk having to go to hell and back again? Just my personal opinion, you should probably start clean. Since I can't smoke pot anymore because of the awful anxiety it gives me, I'm going to suggest the same thing I plan to do. Start off small, smoking pot, then maybe ease your way into other, harder drugs after about a year or so. In other words, test the water.

Going back to the long term comedown, I have a few questions that I would love for anybody to answer. I stopped having daily panic attacks at around month 3, but now I just have non stop symptoms. Throughout every hour of the day, I have shortness of breath. It's not really scary or anything, but very frustrating. Obsessive thoughts and depression on the other, are petrifying. I just want to know how anybody who recovered felt as they were recovering. I've read many posts where people claimed they simply woke up one day feeling normal. I can see where they are coming from because once every month or so, I get a horrible panic attack with well over a weeks worth of crippling anxiety that follows it. Then, all of a sudden, I feel significantly better than I did before the panic attack. Has this happened to any of you guys? Oh and do the mental symptoms go away as well? It's fucking annoying laying in bed pondering about the point of life. Cheers guys!

-Necrotyx
 
its so weird, its like its slowly coming back that music feel. But its so slow and so annoying.
 
Hey Nambo,

I totally understand what you're going through. This past year was full of binging on MDMA(weekend roller with ridiculous doses. sometimes dropped few times a week, with a few decent breaks though) and I can honestly tell you that I have had THE WORST COMEDOWNS anyone could ever have, from major brain zaps, crippling panic-attacks, horrible anxiety. Through all that, I did give myself some time to recover and it honestly is all in the mind. I know that a chemical imbalance in the head makes the situation more difficult but you just have to get your mind out of the mindset you are in. Think positive. Find a hobby, go socialize with friends, exercise, etc. As soon as I got my mindset out of the "omggg im having so much anxiety and i feel so e-tarded blah blah blah" and started living my normal life, then things do get better. Trust me man, you'll get through it
 
I noticed since the pills in my area became mostly MDA, the brain zaps stopped. I thought it was strange because I've been rolling pretty regularly and a lot of people here say MDA is more neurotoxic but I'm not aware of any scientific studies that have said that
 
Just curious. For those who had a lobg term issue, how long did it take for everyone to get all their emotions back
 
This summer i just abuse of Cocaine and MDMA, after two months taking lot of grams of coke and a good dose of MDMA, my mind was fucked up. i was nervous and so sad. I was thinking my whole life was a failure, i was crying all days.
NOW i definitively stopped with Cocaine forever, i was going to a nervous breakdawn!
I reviewed my goals and the next year i'm strarting the university.
the drug kills the emotions of those who don't know to use it.
it would be necessary a long period but you'll be okay.
Be happy!
 
pmz said:
no I dont, I would say around a month or 2 ago. its hard to recall exactly
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So how many months was that *with* anxiety? 3-4?

Edit: Dude, I just read some of your old threads. You seem to have improved IMMENSELY!
Is your sleep good now?
Do you still have that reading problem? (Words getting replaced)
 
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severely etarded said:
I noticed since the pills in my area became mostly MDA, the brain zaps stopped. I thought it was strange because I've been rolling pretty regularly and a lot of people here say MDA is more neurotoxic but I'm not aware of any scientific studies that have said that
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That's an interesting thing to note... I honestly never had the brain zaps when I was going on binges with MDA pills. It wasn't until I started getting clean MDMA that I began to have them. On the same token though, there's no telling how much MDA was in each of the pills I was getting. I'm fairly confident the MDMA pills were 80-90mg or so and the MDA were likely 50-60mg. When I got pure MDMA, I was dropping 150mg bombs so there's a usage pattern difference there. I used to eat 6-8 of the MDA pills in a night. Assuming those had 60mg of MDA in them, I was getting 480mg in an 8-10 hour period. If the MDMA pills were even 80mg, I was still eating 8 of them in a night so that would be 640mg over the course of 6-8 hours. When I had pure MDMA, I had times where I would eat it for days... So yeah. I think that since MDA was much more likely to make me retarded than MDMA, I abused MDMA more.
 
ScaredFirstTimer said:
So how many months was that *with* anxiety? 3-4?

Edit: Dude, I just read some of your old threads. You seem to have improved IMMENSELY!
Is your sleep good now?
Do you still have that reading problem? (Words getting replaced)
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I have improved alot. I would say a good solid 6 months with anxiety

Sleep is better some weeks, crappy others, but alot better

Reading has improved immensely. almost normal now.
 
Is it normal to have fluctuating symptoms during recovery?

I felt very good for 2 weeks, was convinced that I was very close to a full recovery. Then out of the blue I got hit with severe anxiety again. I'm guessing it's gonna be a ride of a few good weeks, a few bad weeks? The weird thing is that I couldn't even imagine having anxiety during the good weeks, then i fucking fell into the abyss again. Maybe because I was unprepared.
 
When I nearly died in 2005 after eating a bad pill, it did a lot of damage to my body, and it took about 2 years to almost fully recover (with the help of intensive therapy). Don't remember how many times I had suicidal thoughts during that period. Was forced to spend a week in a psych ward at one point.

I also promised myself and other important individuals in my life that if I recovered, I would never again touch any recreational drugs, including booze, tobacco, even coffee (I used to regularly use caffeine products to try to potentiate stimulants, or to counter the sedating effects of ethyl alcohol and on rare occasions, opioids).

After two years of recovery, I hit a wall. I had recovered to about 95%, but stopped there. I patiently waited another 8 months for further improvement, which didn't come (and I don't think it will). I have been left with one of the symptoms I was experiencing: an uncomfortable awareness of my heart beating. It has improved dramatically, but I still feel it sometimes - mostly right after exercising. I've had countless testing done on my heart and other important parts of my cardiovascular system, but it appears that there's nothing physically wrong.

Anyways, after waiting those 8 months for further improvement, and noticing none, I cautiously decided to use some (real and tested) ecstasy at a rave, and I braced myself for the worst, but alas, I felt fine during and after the roll.

Since then, I've rolled another 7 or 8 times, and not always spaced out. However, the batches of MDMA shards I've used were always tested and researched online before ingesting them. Since 2009, I do not touch ecstasy pills anymore - only MDMA shards.

It's more expensive, but worth it in my opinion.

Lastly, I don't bother supplementing with supplements anymore like I used to. Instead, I get my vitamins/minerals/etc. from foods and juices.
 
Scaredfirsttimer: I understand. For me it's different every day though. I have good days followed by a bad day. I can only say that you are getting better because at the beginning of this awful comedown I only had bad days. I'm at 3 months so I'm not even thinking about touching any drugs/alcohol anytime soon. As everyone else advises just stay positive. Eat right and exercise. Good weeks are a great sign, trust me.


Ro4ever: was your bad comedown strictly anxiety related or did you have cognitive issues and head pressure as well?
 
Badroll7 said:
Ro4ever: was your bad comedown strictly anxiety related or did you have cognitive issues and head pressure as well?
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When It Started, I noted the following symptoms and their severity:

- Severe Brain Fog
- Moderate to Severe Fatigue
- Mild to Severe Intermittent Tingling Sensations In My Extremities
- Mild to Severe Muscle Pains & Aches
- Mild to Moderate Feelings of Heaviness (Like I Was Constantly Carrying Someone On My Back When Standing and/or Walking)
- Severe Short Term Memory Impairment
- Severe Difficulty Concentrating
- Mild to Severe Depersonalization
- Mild to Moderate Confusion
- Mild to Moderate Dizziness
- Moderate to Severe Pressure & Tension Headaches
- Moderate Depression (Feelings of Hopelessness, No Energy, Emotional Outbursts, Very Passive Personality, Very Passive Behavior, Poor Hygiene, Suicidal Thoughts)
- Moderate to Severe Anxiety (Nervousness, Feelings of Impending Death, Paranoia, Dysfunctional Social Life, Low Self Esteem, Fear of Not Fitting In Or Being Accepted)
- Severe Panic Attacks (Dry Mouth, Numb Limbs, Chest Pain, Trouble Breathing, Fast & Pounding Heartbeat, Severe Dizziness, Very Emotional, Intense Feelings of Terror)
- Mild to Severe Uncomfortable Awareness of my Heart Beating

Only when I decided to seek help from my psychiatrist at the time, did I notice that that I was slowly getting better.

Ever since this has happened, I continue to wonder whether I damaged critical parts of my serotonin, dopamine, and GABA receptors - and whether Rx medications I decided to try aided in my recovery by augmenting my brain's ability to either adapt, or repair itself. Because, only after I decided out of desperation to stay for an extended period of time on a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (Zoloft 100mg), Dopamine-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor (Wellbutrin XL 300mg), and a Gamma-Aminobutyric Acid Modulator (Xanax 0.5mg) did I almost completely recover. Furthermore, during this very difficult time, I went on disability, and tried my best to avoid any outside sources of stress in this fast-paced society. And I feel that it significantly sped up my recovery as well.

I am now off the Zoloft for many years, and the Wellbutrin XL, but still on the Xanax, as I continue to experience occasional unrelated panic attacks when I'm very stressed out, and it still helps calm me down at the same dose. Plus, I don't find it recreational at all, so my doctor decided to keep me on it.

Again I say, I don't think I would have made such a remarkable recovery if I wouldn't have been willing to try medication.

The difference how I feel now compared to late 2005 is like night and day. I thought I was a goner for sure.
 
So I unknowingly drank a drink spiked with 100mg of tested mdma last night. I was pretty pissed when my friends told me what happened but instead of freaking out, I just rolled with it and had a good night.

I feel fine today minus a minor alcohol hangover. I also have really worked on the things in my life that caused me anxiety Bach when I had my comedown a year and a half ago.

I'm in a great place mentally and emotionally. I don't think I will have any comedown symptoms from this.

This again is more anecdotal proof that my experience, while traumatizing, was all mental.
 
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