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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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zebrafish said:
Yeah, I also noticed that many people in recovery seem to wake up one day and things seem drastically different. From that "turning point" recovery progresses very quickly.

One theory is that various brain functions rely on discrete networks of neurons. Rather than the specific brain function be a continuous function of the number of viable neurons in a network, all the neurons in a network must be functioning along with their respective synaptic connections for the brain function to intact.

If what we experienced is true neurotoxicity, then the damaged axons must first fully degenerate, new axons must then sprout to their destinations, new myelin sheaths must form around these axons, and new synaptic connections must be made, before a new network corresponding to a quantized brain function can start to work again. Maybe this is why there is minimal progression for a long in some people, and then suddenly once these new networks are solidified and synaptic transmission restarts again, is when noticable improvements suddenly occur.
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A very interesting theory - it's hard to argue with your logic with the admittedly limited knowledge base that I (and we all) have to draw from. I would add to your reasoning the fact that the physiological aspect of recovery is inextricably bound to our psyche as well. A sudden change in ones psyche (e.g. okay - i'm going to meditate and learn to control these negative thought loops) may kickstart further neurogenesis (through removal of mental clutter, for instance)/ rewiring of the brain in a positive direction. Conversely, like you said, sudden solidification of networks may lead to sudden positive, qualitative changes in ones psyche. Further understanding of this relationship, an issue that has vexed people for sometime now, will help our cause.

At the end of the day, and rather ironically, though, our simple human minds can only reduce and oversimplify a beautifully complex system. But psuedo-science is fun and an attempt to understand, however basic the level understanding, can definitely lead to rewards. Let's hope scientists one day come closer to hacking this complex phenomenon we have collectively endured.
 
I am DJ so I keep track on my music responsivity.

I lost appreciation for music :

- the following day a MXE use (feeling detached from music)
- when overly anxious/depressed, drug or not (music seem annoying, brainless sound)
- in my two 4 month episode of depersonnalization from cannabis/salvia some years ago (music seem meaningless/can't find personnal connection to it)
- for 3 week after a really bad 3mmc comedown (music seem only sound with no attached emotion)

It have always gone back.
 
dpd_mnk92 said:
(in both those with damage and those with anxiety issues)
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I'd love for someone to explain the difference? Symptom wise
Edit: And what does "damage" entail exactly? Can one have a couple of months of anxiety and bad sleep without it necessarily indicating damage?
 
I agree with dpd 100%. I thought I was pretty much back to normal and took a .2 dose. The next day I fell of a cliff mentally right back to all those old symptoms. They're finally starting to clear up now after months of hell.


I know I can't prevent anyone from choosing to roll but before you do make that decision, reflect on how much pain you went through, ask yourself if a couple hours of fun is worth potentially going through it all over again.
 
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123woody123 said:
I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post yet. But I have a success story.
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Anyone is welcome to post any time as long as they follow the Bluelight User Agreement and the MDMA & Empathogenic Drugs forum guidelines. Share away, we love success stories! :)
 
ScaredFirstTimer said:
I'd love for someone to explain the difference? Symptom wise
Edit: And what does "damage" entail exactly? Can one have a couple of months of anxiety and bad sleep without it necessarily indicating damage?
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Everyone seems to have a different theory on this.

Here's a good, easy-to-read theory based explanation of MDMA related damage/ neurotoxicity: http://dancesafe.org/drug-information/ecstasy-and-neurotoxicity

Some appear to suffer anxiety as a result of a temporary chemical imbalance (mainly low serotonin levels or slight serotonin down-regulation), rather than damage to any of the actual neuronal structures (synapses, receptors etc). This anxiety can manifest itself in many ways. Some people may even worry new problems into existence. These anxiety-based problems can continue long after the neurochemical balance in the brain has been restored as certain patterns of thinking (aka negative thought loops) have become established during this period, and can become hard to snap out of. Meditation, which I would highly endorse for all, would be especially helpful for people who fall in this camp.

There's no easy, clear-cut way to distinguish between the two though. Science hasn't revealed much about MDMA damage (and especially not MDMA related anxiety) at this point. The above is (in my opinion only-lol) a brief summary of the opinions of a lot of people on this board.

And yes, don't worry. The huge majority of people who go through this have not caused irreversible damage. If those are your only 2 symptoms (don't go adding more to the list haha), then you are going to be fine in no time. Look through some of the recovery threads for suggestions about how to restore your serotonin levels (5-htp vs high tryptophan diet debate, exercise, sunlight etc).
 
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So like besides the emotional thing about music. I kinda realized last night that watching an action movie didn't really give me that adrenalin feeling from certain scenes. I guess that's the emotional part I'm missing. Its more than just music its across the board.

anyone can relate? And who no longer has that problem?
 
I have another question pertaining to recovery.

This is a quote I found some time back while googling this shit(from another forum I think):

3 to 5mg of melatonin taken regularly every night before going to sleep has shown some remarkable effects on the neuro-psychological regenerative processes during sleep.
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Can someoe elaborate on this? Anyone tried it with success?
 
no way in hell. I will smoke weed however and drink. That's good enough.
 
pmz said:
So like besides the emotional thing about music. I kinda realized last night that watching an action movie didn't really give me that adrenalin feeling from certain scenes. I guess that's the emotional part I'm missing. Its more than just music its across the board.

anyone can relate? And who no longer has that problem?
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I can definitely relate, i was at a festival and ingested around .6 of MDMA over around 18 hours. After this I went to this 'house party' thing they had which was basically awesome DJs with lots of bass. I just couldn't dance, my body didn't move with the music, and I have taken MDMA in small amounts since and found that during the comedown or just when the roll is starting to get more speedy, music doesn't interest me anymore. Definitely strange, but it comes back with abstinence.
 
I've lost appreciation for music but it came back the next day. and I had been listening to music all day so I think I was just mentally tired of music lol.
 
ScaredFirstTimer said:
I have another question pertaining to recovery.

This is a quote I found some time back while googling this shit(from another forum I think):



Can someoe elaborate on this? Anyone tried it with success?
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Well, melatonin is a hormone produced naturally by the pineal gland and is essential for getting to sleep and getting good sleep. Light inhibits melatonin production, which is a problem for most humans in the age of artificial lighting (e.g. we all make the mistake of brushing our teeth right before bed - this involves standing in a bright room for 5 minutes with lights on).

Since sleep is a time for the body and mind to repair, recuperate etc, it makes sense that melatonin supplementation would work well for most. Also, I have read something about orally active melatonin being a powerful antioxidant, but do not know much about this.

Despite melatonin being considered relatively safe, and it is compared to most medical solutions, people should recognise that there are possible drawbacks. We don't know what long term melatonin supplementation does to the body. Because it is naturally produced, supplementation may subdue the pineal gland with long term use (in the same way steroids, artificial testosterone, might subdue the testes, which produce testosterone, for instance).

I found melatonin to be extremely helpful during the first few months of my comedown experience as my body clock was non-existent. It helped me to get to sleep and regulate my patterns somewhat.
 
ScaredFirstTimer said:
I have another question pertaining to recovery.

This is a quote I found some time back while googling this shit(from another forum I think):



Can someoe elaborate on this? Anyone tried it with success?
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3mg should be the max amount of melatonin to take.

I found it did little for me, but taking 1500mg of organic ashwagangda before bed helped me sleep better than anything else.
 
Like Ive really been thinking about taking acid lately. Like a half dose to see what happens. I wanna know how I will respond.

Ive been feeling amazing lately. No anxiety, head is soooo much clearer. Mood is great. Even music is starting to sound good again.

In going to a show (adventure club) this weekend and really wanna take a dose. I wouldnt smoke, I just wanna try to take a very small dose. Im so curious. Would this be a really bad idea?
 
PMZ i've been following your posts for a long time. I vote don't do it. Once you put something in your body you can't take it back. I also believe that people suffering from these MDMA induced comedowns suffer from a state of hypochondria much more powerful than anyone can quite comprehend. It's engrained in our subconscious. A simple example - you take acid, the next day you're a bit worn out from the concert, you think that perhaps the acid has brought back some adverse side effects from the beginning of your comedown, you have a panic attack, panic attack snowballs into new side effects, and so forth. When in actuality, perhaps you could take the acid and be 100% fine, this is sort of beside the point for the mind of someone that has been through the trauma of these comedowns.

I'm on my second long term comedown. The first was just scalp pressure. I actually used shrooms and was fine. I took .1g of MDMA and now have all these crazy terrible symptoms. Who knows what's in my head and what is actually a physical symptom. Point is is that I shouldn't have risked it.

Just my two cents. Not trying to be a fear monger. I just firmly believe from where I stand now that the desire to take drugs after a comedown isn't because one wants to take drugs - it's because one feels that if they can take drugs and be 'fine' then they are cured. Don't fall into the obsession. I know how it goes. You dwell on it day in and day out, try to rationalize it, try to make up excuses that transform into facts in your psyche.

It's one of the inherent problems with seeking refuge for MDMA induced trauma on a drug forum. You're constantly enveloped by the idea of DRUGS. You're clicking on the 'recovery' threads, but wishing you were clicking on the 'cuddle puddle' threads or whatever they're called.

I had that same craving to try drugs again, and now I am where I am now. On the up-and-up after 7 MONTHS I'm pleased to report. But I'll never (i'm not afraid to say it) touch drugs again. Social drinking is enough for me.
 
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