MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

[coderbrah]

No not pleasurable in any way whatsoever. It was basically like a constant bad XTC trip. My depressive feelings were so intense and so bad I was lying on the ground hysterically crying at least 2 times a day.

 

[Ifeel4U]

My update... all good pretty much

My brain fog/cloudy feelling is gone.!!!! It took sometime but let you guys said... All it takes is time.. 7weeks for me

The only set back is 2.5 weeks ago i have developed a high pitch ringing in my ear that is 24/7.. Not sure what cuases it bc i didnt go to any concerts or clubs .. I think it was all the stress and aniexty that caused it or low seratonin still...I believe its called tinnitus .. I hope it goes away then i will be back 100%!!! Thats for the help advice and wise words ...

Cheers! Here's togetting over the ringing and almost to the end of the road!!

 

[ro4eva]

So I'm thinking of trying a bit of wine and shisha (just tobacco) on seperate ocassions and without benzo use. How has tobacco and alcohol treated you guys as far as symptoms?

Personally, when I was on an SSRI, mixing it with alcohol (vodka and Pepsi or Coke) resulted in a drunken stupor, the likes of which I've never experienced. And it wasn't pleasant at all.

Even worse was the hangover, which lasted about 5 days. In other words, I was still feeling residual hangover effects 5 days afterwards. They were mild, but still there.

I've heard from others that SSRIs seem to lower alcohol tolerance for some reason. I'm not sure if that's entirely true or not, but based on my experience, it certainly seems like it.

Personally, I wouldn't recommend it, but obviously it's your choice.

Ethanol (Alcohol) is neurotoxic, hepatotoxic, and cardiotoxic (among other things). It's really not as risk-free as our mainstream society seems to think.

Who knows though - you may react differently than me. I only hope and pray it doesn't undo your hard work of recovery.

Good luck my friend, and take care

Edit - I just wanted to add for the record that I'm not trying to vilify the consumption of alcoholic beverages in any way. It's your body, your choice, none of my business (and I don't judge people for their choice of intoxicant). Cheers ;-)

 

[ro4eva]

My update... all good pretty much

My brain fog/cloudy feelling is gone.!!!! It took sometime but let you guys said... All it takes is time.. 7weeks for me

The only set back is 2.5 weeks ago i have developed a high pitch ringing in my ear that is 24/7.. Not sure what cuases it bc i didnt go to any concerts or clubs .. I think it was all the stress and aniexty that caused it or low seratonin still...I believe its called tinnitus .. I hope it goes away then i will be back 100%!!! Thats for the help advice and wise words ...

Cheers! Here's togetting over the ringing and almost to the end of the road!!

That's fantastic, I am so happy for you! I'm actually tearing up reading this :'-)

If you feel that any of us helped you in any way to recover, I hope that if you happen to come across another person who is experiencing a LTC, that you may try to help him or her in some possible way.

Wonderful news.

 

[ro4eva]

How does everyone here that's recovering still react to alcohol or other substances? After 2 pints my heart starts to really pound in my chest regardless of how anxious I really feel - it probably reaches about 120 bpm, then 2 pints later it starts to settle down again, not really sure what to think of that. It's like I have physical not mental anxiety, my subconscious seems to reject any mind altering substances and release a wave of adrenaline.

Well, apparently alcohol affects dopamine (indirectly AFAIK) and gamma aminobutyric acid (directly AFAIK) receptors in the brain. Dopamine receptors when artificially stimulated by recreational drugs typically results in a stimulatory effect (increased heart rate). On the other hand, GABA receptors tell the body to slow down, meaning that your heart rate goes down when they are modulated by drugs.

Edit - The reason why the uncomfortable awareness of fast heartbeat goes away as you drink more alcohol is that its mechanism of action is mainly on the GABA receptors, rather than the dopamine. Therefore, the sedative effects end up "winning" over the stimulatory ones as more booze is ingested.

I react EXACTLY the same way as you when I drink booze. My heart rate speeds up at first, and I can feel it, and it's not pleasant at all. In fact, it makes me panic at times. As I drink more, my heart rate slows down and I can't really feel it anymore.

The hangover is horrible though, which is part of the reason I stopped drinking.

 

[coderbrah]

Personally, when I was on an SSRI, mixing it with alcohol (vodka and Pepsi or Coke) resulted in a drunken stupor, the likes of which I've never experienced. And it wasn't pleasant at all.

Even worse was the hangover, which lasted about 5 days. In other words, I was still feeling residual hangover effects 5 days afterwards. They were mild, but still there.

I've heard from others that SSRIs seem to lower alcohol tolerance for some reason. I'm not sure if that's entirely true or not, but based on my experience, it certainly seems like it.

Personally, I wouldn't recommend it, but obviously it's your choice.

Ethanol (Alcohol) is neurotoxic, hepatotoxic, and cardiotoxic (among other things). It's really not as risk-free as our mainstream society seems to think.

Who knows though - you may react differently than me. I only hope and pray it doesn't undo your hard work of recovery.

Good luck my friend, and take care

Haha yeah I forgot I'm not supposed to mix them with SSRIs. Luckily I never drank any alcohol anyway so its not like im abstaining from anything I wasnt already.

 

[ro4eva]

except for me . Dawglaw or ro4eva are you familiar with comedowns that got progressively worse over time? I'm barely able to stand up right now I haven't felt this bad yet and im four months in. I've had a few good weeks but always quickly relapsed. Have you guys seen such a case before? How did they end?

When I first got sick from my bad roll, as the days began to pass, my symptoms gradually increased in intensity and severity.

So after the first few days of my LTC, I was feeling sick as hell, but as the days and weeks passed, it got worse and worse.

I don't remember when it stopped getting worse, but I do know that the only thing that ended up helping in any way was medication.

Unfortunately, I didn't have anyone at the time to talk to on Bluelight, or in real life, as no one understood what I was experiencing. In fact, I was viciously accused of malingering by a doctor in the local ER. I think he was fired afterwards.

Anyways, if you feel that you're getting sicker and sicker by the day or week, I urge you to please consider seeing a doctor. There is no shame in this. And I understand if you hate going to a doctor's office, because I do too, but it may be necessary in order for you to recover.

Please, don't put it on hold for too long, because you may get to a point where you'll feel so distressed by your condition that a tragedy may occur, God forbid.

Also, if you're presently using any recreational drugs, they may be contributing to this (including the legal stuff - alcohol and tobacco/nicotine products).

Please dude, don't delay - get some medical attention. Hell, I'd pay for you if I could.

I know what you're going through (at least I think). It's hell, I know. I understand you're suffering severely. We understand you're suffering severely. I know that may not help you to feel better, but, perhaps the path that a few of us took to recover (medication) may be the answer.

Also, please be careful with herbal supplements, as up to 40% of them have been found to either be adulterated, or, to contain none of what the bottle claims, which in many cases turned out to be nearly fatal to certain customers.

You sound like you have no energy - it reminds me of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Perhaps a medication such as a Wellbutrin or Vyvanse may help you.

I will shut up now, sorry for writing so much, but I'm not sure what else to say other than the medical attention recommendation.

I wish you well buddy

 

[PJ2]

No not pleasurable in any way whatsoever. It was basically like a constant bad XTC trip. My depressive feelings were so intense and so bad I was lying on the ground hysterically crying at least 2 times a day.

That's interesting to me because at my worst I had an almost absence of feeling like I wished I could just cry and get some emotional relief, but I couldn't.

 

[imabicycle]

Well guys thanks for all the kind words. I'm feeling a bit more positive cause despite all this I have actually managed to pass every test (some in second instance but still) and finish every subject succefully despite my current situation. I'm actually quite proud. Right now imma go to Italy and have no internet for a month. Im telling because if anyone would be kind enough to worry about my absence, there's no need. See you in a month! And Ro4eva if by a tragedy you mean suicide you don't have to worry I'm stronger than that.

 

[PJ2]

I'm not sure how much longer I can stay on Paxil. My brain has certainly changed because I've taken Paxil before with zero side effects. I think I've proven I did cause axonal damage on some level not that I didn't already think that although I didn't realize how much progress I was making until I started on Paxil.

Now, I'm sick as shit again and my head aches 24/7 sorta like before, but slightly different. And, the nausea is what is really getting to me. I can't do shit! I've been in bed all day. I can't give this too much longer and I can't take Xanax every day with it either. A bad sickly day. Ugh!!!

 

[coderbrah]

Push through my man. It doesn't confirm brain damage, you're just in a different mental state than you were the previous times youve used it.

 

[PJ2]

I'm trying. Just going through a lot of shit right now. I respectfully disagree with the "damage" comment, however. Or, at the very least my brain is not physically handling the drug like it used to. It's not just a mental thing. The drug makes me physically sick now, which didn't use to be the case. So, obviously there have been changes there that aren't for the better. I'll put it that way. I'm ok with it regardless. I've come to terms with that aspect of my recovery. I just want the recovery to continue and I was feeling better physically before I starting taking Paxil. I was trying to alleviate the depression somewhat and I don't even know if that has occurred yet.

Day 11.

 

[ro4eva]

I'm not sure how much longer I can stay on Paxil. My brain has certainly changed because I've taken Paxil before with zero side effects. I think I've proven I did cause axonal damage on some level not that I didn't already think that although I didn't realize how much progress I was making until I started on Paxil.

Now, I'm sick as shit again and my head aches 24/7 sorta like before, but slightly different. And, the nausea is what is really getting to me. I can't do shit! I've been in bed all day. I can't give this too much longer and I can't take Xanax every day with it either. A bad sickly day. Ugh!!!

Hey buddy, sincerely sorry to hear you're not well.

Wanted to let you know that I had to do a process of trial and error when I turned to medications for help.

For example, when I was started on SSRIs, the first three that I was prescribed or put on by my psychiatrist were Paxil, Prozac, and Celexa.

All of them caused such severe side effects that I stopped using them after a few days for each.

After that, I reluctantly agreed to try Zoloft as well, and it was much gentler in my case - gentle enough in terms of side effects that I managed to stick with it until my body became tolerant to them. And I'm so glad that I did because I eventually saw a very subtle (in terms of progression) but overall huge improvement (after about 10 months since bad roll) in many of the debilitating symptoms I was experiencing, such as DR/DP, brain fog, feelings of hopelessness, thoughts of suicide, unwillingness to do anything but lay in my bed all day, and more.

My point being that you may need to do this process of trial and error as well. Coderbrah was fortunate, it seems, in that he was able to tolerate the side effects enough to stick with it, but we all react differently, right?

Also, try to not be concerned about the Paxil causing brain damage, as it's not neurotoxic, thus, it shouldn't make matters worse in the long term. And I'm willing to stake an arm and a leg on that.

My sympathies may not help, I know, but know that we understand how badly you're suffering, and that it will pass, I promise.

You know, it could turn out that SSRIs are not for you. It may be Wellbutrin that does the trick, or something else, but I leave that between you and your doctor.

Lastly, if you have been on the SSRI for less than 3 weeks, try to stick with it until then, but don't feel pressured to not stop if you feel it's doing you more harm than good.

Trial and error was what saved my ass, fortunately. It may be something which you may need to go through as well to recover.

Please remember to be cautious of herbal supplements as they don't always contain what's written on the bottle, and they can interact with Rx meds.

I apologize for repeating myself - hang in there bro, you'll experience some bumps down the road to recovery (as we all have experienced, I could tell you some crazy stories in my case), but they are (temporary) bumps and nothing more

 

[PJ2]

I realize Paxil isn't the problem necessarily it's whatever has changed in my brain. I stopped taking Paxil about 3/4 years ago, but at one point I took it for a few years straight with no side effects besides maybe mild sleepiness at times.

Now, I even had mild hallucinations off of Paxil yesterday. Like I said, before starting on Paxil, I was getting pretty symptom free or at least the remaining symptoms were pretty mild in nature and I was having some really great days. I certainly had gotten way past the 24/7 headache/head pressure, nausea, and DP/DR. All those symptoms have returned. I'm giving it one month. If the side effects don't subside in a month, I'll have to stop and reexamine my options.

 

[Tpchan85]

Does anyone relate to any of these symptoms:
- Ear ache
- Dizzy / feint spells
- Pressure in one sinus that comes and goes
- Muscle twitches all over
- Tingling in fingers on one hand
- Chest pain
I'm trying to work with my doctor to figure out what is LTC related and what isn't. Last night I got really worried, after feeling feint for an hour I had a loud pop in my right area followed by a piercing ringing, after 10 seconds it subsided, not the same ear that aches. I'm not really worried or anxious anymore I just cant believe that all of this is LTC related 5 months on.

 

[ScaredFirstTimer]

Does anyone relate to any of these symptoms:
- Ear ache
- Dizzy / feint spells
- Pressure in one sinus that comes and goes

During my LTC I've had episodes that has consisted of almost all of the typical LTC symptoms that is reported.

I had a period of 2-3 weeks, actually a few months into my comedown, where I felt as if I was on the verge of feinting 24/7. I would wake up, feel fine for 30-60 minutes, then it would hit me and last the entire day. I am extremely thankful that it only lasted for a few weeks for me. Another comedowner had intense dizziness such as I described for 7 months straight.

During that time I got a slight "pop" in my left ear a few times, with tinnitus lasting a few minutes following the pop. I would also get sudden changes in hearing perception that is hard to explain.

I've also experienced weird pressure in my nose, and some weird sensations in my sinuses but this has been so rare that I wouldn't really consider it a symptom of mine. Definitely LTC related though.

 

[coderbrah]

I can remember the first few weeks where I would lay down on one ear and when I stood up or turned around my ear wouldn't pop open unless I did it with my finger lol.

Also I get episodes during the day where it feels as if there's a whirlwind inside my head. Like I'd be sitting down and I will feel blood rushing in a circular motion through my brain and I feel as if I could fall down any moment.

 

[ro4eva]

Hallucinating on an SSRI warrants immediate medical advice, and perhaps ER attention.

I realize Paxil isn't the problem necessarily it's whatever has changed in my brain. I stopped taking Paxil about 3/4 years ago, but at one point I took it for a few years straight with no side effects besides maybe mild sleepiness at times.

Now, I even had mild hallucinations off of Paxil yesterday. Like I said, before starting on Paxil, I was getting pretty symptom free or at least the remaining symptoms were pretty mild in nature and I was having some really great days. I certainly had gotten way past the 24/7 headache/head pressure, nausea, and DP/DR. All those symptoms have returned. I'm giving it one month. If the side effects don't subside in a month, I'll have to stop and reexamine my options.

If you've already done so then please disregard this, but if you are experiencing hallucinations, then, as it states in the patient leaflet, you should call your doctor immediately or get emergency medical treatment (click here for link to entire patient leaflet info).

Some side effects can be serious. If you experience any of the following symptoms or those listed in the IMPORTANT WARNING section, call your doctor immediately or get emergency medical treatment:

blurred vision

seeing things or hearing voices that do not exist (hallucinating)

fainting

rapid, pounding, or irregular heartbeat

chest pain

difficulty breathing

seizures

fever, sweating, confusion, fast or irregular heartbeat, and severe muscle stiffness or twitching

abnormal bleeding or bruising

tiny red spots directly under the skin

peeling or blistering of skin

sore throat, fever, chills, cough, and other signs of infection

uncontrollable shaking of a part of the body

unsteady walking that may cause falling

sudden muscle twitching or jerking that you cannot control

numbness or tingling in your hands, feet, arms, or legs

difficult, frequent, or painful urination

swelling, itching, burning, or infection in the vagina

painful erection that lasts for hours

sudden nausea, vomiting, weakness, cramping, bloating, swelling, tightness in hands and feet, dizziness, headache and/or confusion

hives

skin rash

itching

swelling of the face, throat, tongue, lips, eyes, hands, feet, ankles, or lower legs

hoarseness

black and tarry stools

red blood in stools

bloody vomit

vomit that looks like coffee grounds

bone pain

tenderness, swelling, or bruising of one part of your body

 

[ScaredFirstTimer]

rphilli72, could you elaborate on your Xanax usage? How many times have you taken Xanax since your comedown started, how is your doses, do you take it consecutively for a while, like multiple times a day or on consecutive days?

Have you noticed a tolerance increase during this period? The reason I want to know is that I've started ever so slightly to dabble with benzos myself, and I know you're doing them on an inconsistent basis.

 

[ro4eva]

I don't know if this will help in any way, but I'll share it nonetheless:

A co-worker of mine started hallucinating pretty badly about a week after he was started on Paxil, and he has never used any illicit substances other than some Cannabis Sativa (weed).

He then stopped using the Paxil, and it took his body a few days to eliminate most (if not all) of the active ingredient(s), at which point, he wasn't seeing/hearing things anymore.