I had a pretty major problem caused by taking a street Xanax bar that was dosed at 4mg (lab tested) but I had never taken it before I was not fully aware of the dangers, I knew it was dosed too high, so I was careful and only took half, but I know in a moment of not thinking I took the other half and then went into a Xanax blackout, the main danger about blacking out at that moment was because I had a fairly large amount of Xanax and MDMA in my house.
I think I did induce temporary PTSD from the experience, which has gone now, but I feel like my mind set was shaken so much that it's now kind of stuck in an anxiety loop because certain symptoms remind me of what happened.
Basically I have a fairly constant buzzing sound in my head, I know it's very likely nothing to worry about, (probably just tinnitus) but when it starts it reminds me of what happened 14 months ago, then I get tense and I start to worry.
I take responsibility for what happened, after blacking out on Xanax I then took a huge amount of Xanax and MDMA without knowing what I was doing.
I realised when I opened my eyes many hours later, what had happened. 24mg of Xanax was gone, and 16 MDMA pills had gone, they were dosed at around 250mg each.
(They were lab tested good quality MDMA pills, pressed by Q-Dance)
It's practically unbelievable that I could take that amount of those two substances and still be alive today to write this.
(I think that's one of the things/thoughts that keeps going around in my mind)
I try not to worry about it, because it's been over 1 year now, but it seems to have stuck with me unfortunately, and it often causes uncomfortable tension and anxiety.
I think if I'd just taken 24mg of Xanax I likely would have died from respiratory failure, and if I'd just taken the 16 MDMA pills I also very likely would have died.
but because I had both in my system at the same time, I didn't die because they balanced in each other out if you get my meaning?
I think one stopped the other from killing me.
I think one reason why my mind set was so shaken up was because I didn't sleep at all after what happened for 10 days and 10 nights, and in that time I was basically in a state of constant tension,
and having a constant anxiety/panic attack.
The first 5 days and nights it was intense brain zaps that were stopping me from sleeping, I could feel myself falling to sleep and just at the point of going to sleep, it was like my finger was suddenly connected to the electric wall socket, and it felt like a very intense jolt of electricity would run through my brain causing me to jolt awake, and this constantly kept happening at the point of falling to sleep, so it was just impossible.
I went to the doctors and told them what had happened and what I had done, and they said it was just anxiety running though my head, and wrote me a prescription for an anti depressant,
she said the anti-depressant had a side effect that would cause drowsiness and that might help me sleep, I thought that was ridiculous tbh, and I asked if I could have a few Valium instead which I knew would be far more effective and she refused. (The anti-depressant didn't do anything) I only took one, because I knew it was not the right thing to prescribe for that situation.
I kept going back to the doctors each day after this because each night I couldn't sleep, the anxiety just got worse and worse, until I was practically going out of my mind and then sleep deprivation really started to kick in,
on the 10th day I started having sleep deprivation hallucinations, when my eye's were closed I could see words flying around everywhere, and when my eye's were open I could see one word on everything, and this is quite strange the word I could see was (live) I could see it everywhere, even in the air, like I looked up at a cloud in the sky and in the cloud in big letters I could see the word LIVE written across it.
Then a very scary thing happened. I was laid on my bed trying to sleep on day ten and my body suddenly jolted up, my arms shot to my sides like I couldn't control what was happening, and every muscle in my body started quite violently shaking, I felt like I was sat in a bright white light as my whole body went into something like a seizure, I know it wasn't a seizure, I think it was basically just my body going into a kind of state of shock because I hadn't slept for so long.
At this point I had enough and called an ambulance which took me to hospital, by this time certain muscles in my body were locked in place,
my left arm was kind of locked to my chest, and I couldn't walk very well because my left foot felt like it was bent upwards.
Well, it was bent upwards, so I had to drag it across the floor,

and I had a tick in my head... my head kept twitching in different directions. (God I can't believe I messed myself up so bad tbh)
Basically I was in a complete mess, in hospital I finally spoke to a doctor who knew what Xanax was, and thought what has happening was side effects from taken such a high dose.
I'm not joking when I say every other doctor I spoke to, about 4 or 5 did not know what Xanax was (uk)
I had to explain it to them, one doctor said to me 24mg of Xanax is a very low dose isn't it?
Basically I knew what I needed and that was Valium, only temporarily to get me through that period and they didn't understand.
The anxiety was increasing because I wasn't sleeping, and the large amount of Xanax I had taken I think had heavily affect my GABA levels,
I needed a short course of Valium to help with that state, I feel this is something I understood and they didn't.
Finally speaking with a doctor that I feel did understand in hospital, he gave me 10mg of Valium and the relief was indescribable, every muscle in my body one by one started clicked out of tension into a relaxed state.
I started laughing... just thinking thank God for that I'm going to be ok... then I started crying, and finally I fell to sleep.
They sent me home and I slept for 17 hrs.
I called a doctor the next day and he knew what Xanax was too, he said I think you've given yourself a very big scare,
and the muscle spasms he said were likely caused by the side effect of such a large dose of that drug leaving my system.
he told me not to take the anti-depressant that the other doctor had given me (at least 3 other doctors also told me that)
The doctor prescribed me 6 more Valium, this helped me to sleep over the weekend, and my anxiety started to reduce, not just because of the Valium, because I was able to sleep,
and because of this my mind, soul and body started to come back into harmony... that's what it felt like to me.
The next 2 months I didn't take anything, it was hard, most day's I could feel panic running though my body for about 10 minutes at a time but I was ok with that, because I knew what it was.
In the state I was in before, I thought I might not return to normal, like I'd have to be checked into a psych ward, because I might have caused neuro damage that was stopping me from sleeping.
I think that was a possibility, but thankfully it was not the case, or was only temporary.
I think I did damage my serotonin neuro receptors, I don't think it's possible not to have caused some damage with that amount of MDMA in my system.
Finally after 2 months and I know this was a risky decision I started to take 1 10mg Valium per week, and was very careful not to go over this, but it did increase to 3-4 per week.
After about 8 months of doing this I'm slowly weening down, I went down to 5mg instead about 2 months ago, and now I only take the white 2mg ones now.
I think in a few weeks I should be able to completely stop, but it's not easy.
I know I've taken them longer than I should, but I haven't abused them, which is good, and I think I'll be ok, and will be able to stop taking them because the dose per week is only very low now.
I think anyone on this thread who has taken MDMA, like a far lower dose of 200-500mg or something along those lines, you honestly do not need to worry, in time you'll be ok.
I took around 4000mg that night and 24mg Xanax, and I know I'm recovering, it's been a slow quite bumpy road but I am getting there now.
Sorry for the long post, I feel like writing it has helped just to get some thoughts out of my mind.
Take care everyone.