Dudes and whoever I feel for you as it seems like you are experiencing symptoms of post-acute withdrawal from a hard drug and years of abuse like heroin but it seems to happen overnight.
Like obviously in that case, you fried your brain for lack of better words just got super baked and pretty sure I have memory recall issues...
Anyways, the problem is not that you fucked your head up. It is how you deal with the stress of that because if you can then you will recover. If you allow it to destroy you, I don't know, you could end up something like me. After using an ounce of Md I became far more interested in hard drugs, I don't think I ever would have been exposed to them or interested at all if I never rolled.
It's weird though because the high, like just from the feeling of it, it's so damn good lol but you know like that shit has got to have repercussions. What I found personally is that the side effects came out within about a year after I stopped using it.
Anyone ever trigger symptoms of BPD using it? I mean, like going from a mellowed out stoner to cutting your wrists and chain toking bong trying to escape before finding some heroin that is pure enough for your standards to snort. Sort of scared to look up my nose thse days too..
What about symptoms of chronic pain? Low serotonin alone and neurotransmitter imbalance could easily have contributed to the onset of my ongoing 8 years of spinal agony. I think I mainly developed chronic pain from depression, I was depressed before Mdma though so would all of this have happened anyway? Probably, in one way or another. I was out to hurt myself over some pretty stupid reasons in hindsight. Hated myself. Fucking social anxiety man it's honestly a killer.
Last time I used Mdma was early this year but it was a lot of it. I realized that I can no longer control any drug other than weed after being a real drug addict and continuing to struggle. Or who knows? Maybe it's the emotional instability, volatility, and impulsivity I've experienced after heavy Mdma use long term? I feel like it is hard for a fried brain to evaluate itself. I mean, what if you felt like the way you do at your worst and there was a tiny little line that would make you feel like your good old self. That's what it was for me, but chronic physical agony was involved.
Only thing I'm certain of is the benzos have fucked my life up a lot more... but like for fucks sake. Why did I randomly pick up a panic disorder at 25. Would it have happened if I had never abused drugs to escape a couple problems that were torturing me. Probably. I'm probably just a little dumber now from the Mdma but who knows, it could have corroded a quarter of my brain away for all I know. Just keep a healthy lifestyle up (when you are fucked up I know this is really hard to do, take basic care of yourself can be a huge challenge like even eating three healthy meals a day and sleeping should be seen as an accomplishment)
- and you def will recover I'm tryna to say that you'll never know. The Mdma could have triggered an emotional problem you already had and had been ignoring, leading to physical and mental distress and also thinking it was from a night out on drugs and then the distress feeds on itself and grows and becomes more powerful over time. Both cases are possible. The Mdma might have been like, really hard on your body and just enough to take you over the brink into overstress. The brain damage could be affecting you but like alcohol is neurotoxic. Sure it could have been an impurity as well, there is no way of knowing if it was that one bad pill that time trust.
10 months off opiates and I am at the prime of my life and feel twice my age. I'm suicidal.