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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Macenroe said:
How are you doing man? Fully recovered? Still on medications?
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definitely not fully recovered. the symptoms still come in waves, or cycles, whatever you want to call it, but the good days seem to be getting more frequent than the bad days at least. i'll have about a week of feeling bad and then a couple weeks of feeling good since getting up to 225mg effexor a few months ago. (symptoms are head/neck pain and pressure, ears ringing, dizzy, hard to focus eyes, muscle twitching, sexual dysfunction, etc)
 
anon1644 said:
definitely not fully recovered. the symptoms still come in waves, or cycles, whatever you want to call it, but the good days seem to be getting more frequent than the bad days at least. i'll have about a week of feeling bad and then a couple weeks of feeling good since getting up to 225mg effexor a few months ago. (symptoms are head/neck pain and pressure, ears ringing, dizzy, hard to focus eyes, muscle twitching, sexual dysfunction, etc)
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Are you almost symptom free when you feel good?
 
Macenroe said:
Are you almost symptom free when you feel good?
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for the most part. but it always feels like there's a slight pressure or something in the background just waiting to come back. almost like a virus or something that's always slightly there. maybe i just notice it more because i'm always used to it coming back in waves. i dunno
 
ZeroLuck said:
Consider yourself lucky. Hope you have the strength to stop. The anologies of "many people got away with more" isn't working at all. Some people here got messed up from as little as 150mg once! Really the 3-4 hours if feeling good isn't worth it for the 3-4 years if feeling like shit. You've mentioned you have stressful lifestyle, that's another possible factor to unlock severe anxiety disorder to fight for life. You need your brain chemicals in check and balanced to face your everyday challenges. The few hours of MDMA won't do anything for this.
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Yo I got messed up from just one time on one point.
 
Mystery10 said:
Brain fog comprising poor working memory and memory in general, stuttering, loss of vocabulary, tip of the tongue phenomena. I got a little emotional and angry on my 4th month of the LTC.
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No anxiety or derealization, panic attacks?
 
Mystery10 said:
None. Been trying to understand what derealization meant. But I've been in real life ever since taking the MDMA. No Panic Attack either. How much did you have to take?
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Your symptoms are indentical to mine, derealization hit me a month later. Didn't have panic attacks or brain zaps either or any physical symptoms. The brain fog was horrible tho
 
Mystery10 said:
Yeah. How long has it been for you??
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3 years and 4 months, the only cognitive issue left is the bad short-term memory... Think I need to rebuild this one from scratch.

However in the beginning I had horrible concentration, feeling overwhelmed to take simple decisions, low-key confusion... Unfortunately I still have hard time to recall yesterday for an example what I've done...

Focusing on the bright side, anehdonia is nearly gone if not gone, I'm excited for stuff now. If I address the short-term memory I'll be good as new.
 
ZeroLuck said:
3 years and 4 months, the only cognitive issue left is the bad short-term memory... Think I need to rebuild this one from scratch.

However in the beginning I had horrible concentration, feeling overwhelmed to take simple decisions, low-key confusion... Unfortunately I still have hard time to recall yesterday for an example what I've done...

Focusing on the bright side, anehdonia is nearly gone if not gone, I'm excited for stuff now. If I address the short-term memory I'll be good as new.
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Holy shit. How much did you have to take? I felt like Omega 3 fatty acids from salmon, mackeral, or sardines helped.
 
Since January 2019, I've rolled about 20 times. I'll usually take 200mg and then redose 200mg at the 2 hr mark. For longer events/festivals i'll keep redosing. Most of my rolls are 400mg-600mg total, but I've done an entire gram in a night like 4 times. At my worst point of abuse (November - January), i was crying every single day. After my roll january 24 i nearly killed myself and went to a psychiatric hospital which is when i decided that I must lower my usage.

I went from January to early April without rolling and i felt better than i had in so long. I wasn't extremely depressed anymore, and I finally thought the dark part was behind me. But then I fucked up the first week of April. I took 150mg and had a VERY magical roll that lasted 6+ hours. I had no crash whatsoever from this roll. I interpreted the extreme magic, long duration, and no crash as "oh my brain must be in great condition "

So then i really fucked up 3 days later and did 400mg molly. I had a horrendous crash from that which lead me to ensue into cocaine and ketamine abuse , which lead to me fucking up AGAIN and taking 2 ecstasy pills.

I've now been clean from MDMA for 1 month and 20 days. I've been clean from ALL drugs for 19 days (longest in over a year). I also recently started a healthy vegan diet and daily exercise. I'm also going to an ayahuasca retreat in 2 weeks with the hopes of reversing some of this MDMA damage.

Do you guys think it's too late for me? Will I ever be "normal" again? I'm only 19 years old and i just feel so hopeless. I don't feel like a 100% retard but i definitely feel like my cognition is significantly impaired. I even had to take a break from college because of this. I've accepted now that long-term MDMA abuse is NOT sustainable , and I will NOT be rolling anytime until 1 year after my last roll (possibly longer). When I do resume, I will never go above 200mg/session and always wait 3 months. I really am just hoping that I'm not like this for the rest of my life. I feel like I used to be so intelligent and had a really bright future but now I've just thrown that all in the garbage. I'm depressed, have debilitating anxiety, and my IQ has definitely lowered lots.

I'm hoping to hear stories from others who have abused as bad or worse than me and made a 100% recovery. I'm really just terrified because I read many people go overboard on molly ONCE and are still suffering months or years later.
 
You're going to be fine at 19 so long as you stop the brain abuse. Seriously. Recovery takes time, and it's easy to lose hope in the temporality of that, but it really will come.
 
Ayahuasca won't do anything physiological for you. Your cognition could be impaired, but your way of writing and structuring the posts is pretty nice. At 19 I can imagine nice recovery, but if you don't stop you'll f*ck up this opportunity. Also expect slow recovery.
 
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