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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

thr0w436 said:
Since January 2019, I've rolled about 20 times. I'll usually take 200mg and then redose 200mg at the 2 hr mark. For longer events/festivals i'll keep redosing. Most of my rolls are 400mg-600mg total, but I've done an entire gram in a night like 4 times. At my worst point of abuse (November - January), i was crying every single day. After my roll january 24 i nearly killed myself and went to a psychiatric hospital which is when i decided that I must lower my usage.

I went from January to early April without rolling and i felt better than i had in so long. I wasn't extremely depressed anymore, and I finally thought the dark part was behind me. But then I fucked up the first week of April. I took 150mg and had a VERY magical roll that lasted 6+ hours. I had no crash whatsoever from this roll. I interpreted the extreme magic, long duration, and no crash as "oh my brain must be in great condition "

So then i really fucked up 3 days later and did 400mg molly. I had a horrendous crash from that which lead me to ensue into cocaine and ketamine abuse , which lead to me fucking up AGAIN and taking 2 ecstasy pills.

I've now been clean from MDMA for 1 month and 20 days. I've been clean from ALL drugs for 19 days (longest in over a year). I also recently started a healthy vegan diet and daily exercise. I'm also going to an ayahuasca retreat in 2 weeks with the hopes of reversing some of this MDMA damage.

Do you guys think it's too late for me? Will I ever be "normal" again? I'm only 19 years old and i just feel so hopeless. I don't feel like a 100% retard but i definitely feel like my cognition is significantly impaired. I even had to take a break from college because of this. I've accepted now that long-term MDMA abuse is NOT sustainable , and I will NOT be rolling anytime until 1 year after my last roll (possibly longer). When I do resume, I will never go above 200mg/session and always wait 3 months. I really am just hoping that I'm not like this for the rest of my life. I feel like I used to be so intelligent and had a really bright future but now I've just thrown that all in the garbage. I'm depressed, have debilitating anxiety, and my IQ has definitely lowered lots.

I'm hoping to hear stories from others who have abused as bad or worse than me and made a 100% recovery. I'm really just terrified because I read many people go overboard on molly ONCE and are still suffering months or years later.
Click to expand...

why the fuck are you talking about doing mdma again if you feel this badly and don't know if you'll ever feel okay again? especially after it hit you like a freight train from just one use after you had recovered before? probably shouldn't do mdma anymore buddy boy. yes, you will probably feel better eventually. could take 1 year, could take 3 years. who knows. treat your body well. sounds like you could probably benefit from antidepressants and a therapist if the psychiatric hospital didn't hook you up already.
 
Mystery10 said:
Holy macaroni. Ok. No wonder it's taking 3+ years. Hopefully you can get over it. I think you will!
Click to expand...

Yeah, exercise is improving my short-term memory. Think if I workout intensive for few months it will be as good as before. At least I hope so
 
thr0w436 said:
Since January 2019, I've rolled about 20 times. I'll usually take 200mg and then redose 200mg at the 2 hr mark. For longer events/festivals i'll keep redosing. Most of my rolls are 400mg-600mg total, but I've done an entire gram in a night like 4 times. At my worst point of abuse (November - January), i was crying every single day. After my roll january 24 i nearly killed myself and went to a psychiatric hospital which is when i decided that I must lower my usage.

I went from January to early April without rolling and i felt better than i had in so long. I wasn't extremely depressed anymore, and I finally thought the dark part was behind me. But then I fucked up the first week of April. I took 150mg and had a VERY magical roll that lasted 6+ hours. I had no crash whatsoever from this roll. I interpreted the extreme magic, long duration, and no crash as "oh my brain must be in great condition "

So then i really fucked up 3 days later and did 400mg molly. I had a horrendous crash from that which lead me to ensue into cocaine and ketamine abuse , which lead to me fucking up AGAIN and taking 2 ecstasy pills.

I've now been clean from MDMA for 1 month and 20 days. I've been clean from ALL drugs for 19 days (longest in over a year). I also recently started a healthy vegan diet and daily exercise. I'm also going to an ayahuasca retreat in 2 weeks with the hopes of reversing some of this MDMA damage.

Do you guys think it's too late for me? Will I ever be "normal" again? I'm only 19 years old and i just feel so hopeless. I don't feel like a 100% retard but i definitely feel like my cognition is significantly impaired. I even had to take a break from college because of this. I've accepted now that long-term MDMA abuse is NOT sustainable , and I will NOT be rolling anytime until 1 year after my last roll (possibly longer). When I do resume, I will never go above 200mg/session and always wait 3 months. I really am just hoping that I'm not like this for the rest of my life. I feel like I used to be so intelligent and had a really bright future but now I've just thrown that all in the garbage. I'm depressed, have debilitating anxiety, and my IQ has definitely lowered lots.

I'm hoping to hear stories from others who have abused as bad or worse than me and made a 100% recovery. I'm really just terrified because I read many people go overboard on molly ONCE and are still suffering months or years later.
Click to expand...
after a hefty dose there's no point on redosing tbh.
 
Hey guys, I’ve had ltc for about a year and a half now and have just been watching this forum ever since.
What made me decide to post is that fact that I’ve discovered EXACTLY what is wrong with each and every one of us. This is after a year of research and speaking with neurologists.

To be clear for all of you. Taking this drug did not give you mercury poisoning. And (this is the worst one I hear) this DID NOT bring out an underlying disorder.

When you took however much during a specific period, you damaged the 5HT2A Axons which are the nerve endings of the brain cells that give signals from serotonin.
Axons undergo LONG TERM recovery and has been proven to do so in mice over the course of 3 months. The mice didn’t show full recovery in those 3 month but they still showed remarkable progress.

Part 2
MDMA is unique to other drugs/serotonin in agonists in which it affects the 5HT2A receptor which is different from the typical serotonin receptor involved in depression, 5HT1A.
So essentially we have an entirely different form of depression than most people.
this link below shows everything you need to know about 5HT2A and you will notice when reading the “negative” side effects are eerily similar to LTC.

selfhacked.com

5HT2A Receptors: Link to Anxiety, Fatigue & Sleep Problems? - SelfHacked

The 5-HT2A receptor has been linked with anxiety, pain, insomnia, and the psychedelic effects of LSD. Find out which factors decrease it here.
selfhacked.com selfhacked.com

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART:

because most depression treatment is aimed towards repairing 5HT1A, most of us are trying to recover the wrong way which could lead to prolonged recovery. The biggest example of this is the use of SSRIS.

Another study has shown that the use of SSRIs or antipsychotics will upregulate 5ht1a but HEAVILY down regulate 5HT2A. So to end the life long ltc debate, SSRIS will make LTC worse and longer. Here’s the source:

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Regulation of central 5-HT2A receptors: a review of in vivo studies - PubMed

Numerous investigations have studied in vivo regulation of central 5-HT2A receptors. The majority of pharmacological studies point to non-classical regulation of this site. Serotonergic denervation does not modify 5-HT2A receptor density or second messenger responses (phosphoinositide...
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

however the article also says 5ht1a activity modulate 5HT2A. In essence, taking a LOW dose of any serotonin acting supplement can help.

CBD has also been shown to enhance 5HT2A receptor activity for the better.

Now guys we all know this really sucks and I’ve been reading all of your posts for so long. But honestly I’ve been doing so much better, I feel like I’ll only need a few more months before I’m 100. But for those of you that’s just starting or is still in the shit for a bit longer, here’s my story and what has helped me:

-Fell into ltc November 2018
-felt absolutely horrible overnight, like hell on earth
-smoked weed for 6-7 months straight trying to avoid the pain
-November 2019 finally stopped all drugs/alc saw improvement by January on depression but anxiety and horrible cognitive dysfunction still there
-stayed drug free will small improvements, quit my SSRI in March with much larger improvement today
-now jogging everyday and keeping brain active.
-a lot of symptoms not half as bad, cognitive dysfunction and anxiety shown rapid improvement, but self esteem still very low

Top things that held me back
1. Weed
Okay guys we know weed is a “medicine” but when you get high off any medicine for that matter, it’s just a recreational drug like alc. don’t lie to yourself, weed is making you worse. Cut that, cut alc, cut juul/cigs(I know this ones hard) and cut coffee. When you quit all that then your brain can START recovery.
2. SSRIs
I took remeron almost all of my time thinking it was helping me. When I found out the truth a little back and quit I saw a small increase in anxiety but followed by a BIG leap in my emotional stability. Y’all need to go natural
3. Psychological Problem Vs Medical Problem
This one hits the closest to me. When your serotonin axons are damaged like this, your brain can’t possibly understand what’s going on. So it assumes things external to you are the problem. You have to remember that’s not the problem. For so long the cornerstone of my LTC was thinking it was because people didn’t like me or thought I was a stupid. I know this isn’t true because before LTC I had small thoughts like that but they NEVER affected me and this was still confident. I notice whenever I’d finally work out a problem mentally I’d feel good for a minute or so and then start worrying about something else.

^the best advice I can give to cope with that is to remember, you don’t have to be happy and joyful all the time.You don’t have to have perfect emotions. Just remember that all of your problems and emotions are completely SECONDARY to living a good life and recovering. If you woke up, took a long jog,hopped on a brain training app, got a lot of work done, shoot some hoops, make a gooddinner, read a book, and maybe watch yourfavorite show,, it doesnt matter at all how you felt that whole day, it matterswhat you did and that will give you good solace at the end of the day even if you still don’t feel good.

Things that did help me:

1. keeping the brain active
This should be supplemented with exercise. The best things to get the brain(especially the parts of the brain that were damaged) running for me was playing sudoku, crosswords, and brain training apps like Neuronation. Also learning a new sport will help too. I’d recommend basketball since if you don’t feel like playing with others you can practice you shot alone. Before ltc I couldn’t shoot for shit but now I’ve got a crazy jump shot that I’ll be using a lot more when I’m 100%.
2. Exercise
Exercise is the best brain supplement. Real supplements help but exercise is king because it enhances neurogenesis, BDNF, and growth hormone.
3. cold shower following a run
This is good because it helps your body naturally produce CBD which will help your seratonin Axons in a more natural way. I used to take a hundred supplements but we don’t have any research in dosage / combos and it’s best to stay on the safe and natural side by take a minimal amt .
4. Supplements I take
-Fish oil(ofc) this is a given, if ur not taking this then boo
-creatine (I run in the morning, get all my work done, then take creatine in the afternoon before a real workout) it’s supposed to facilitate hippocampal repair during stress as well
-B-complex (every now and then, not every day)
-lions mane before bed

I’ve also been considering rhodiola. From the research I’ve done, it looks like a great choice as it modulates nuerogenesis, increases 5ht1a seratonin, and is an adaptogenic that lowers cortisol levels.

sorry if this post was messy, I’m writing on my phone and didn’t reread anything. I hope I helped some of y’all tho. I didn’t want to post at all on here but some of this needed to be said. Hopefully now that we know exactly what’s going on we can stop worrying about it and start focusing more on recovery. We gota LONG life ahead of us so let’s not think rashly/close minded if you know what I mean. I know it sucks especially since you have this huge problem that no one in your life can really understand. Just remember when your better you’ll be normal with ALL this experience (my work ethic has never been better) and things will be better than you can even imagine. Love you guys.
 
A couple more things:
Axons regeneration article

Error - Cookies Turned Off

onlinelibrary.wiley.com onlinelibrary.wiley.com

AndLTC makes you medically have low self esteem, not because of who you are or what you have/have not done. You’re emotions right now are bullshit because of the brain damage, so put them to the side and get better:)
 
ZeroLuck said:
3 years and 4 months, the only cognitive issue left is the bad short-term memory... Think I need to rebuild this one from scratch.

However in the beginning I had horrible concentration, feeling overwhelmed to take simple decisions, low-key confusion... Unfortunately I still have hard time to recall yesterday for an example what I've done...

Focusing on the bright side, anehdonia is nearly gone if not gone, I'm excited for stuff now. If I address the short-term memory I'll be good as new.
Click to expand...
Try gingo biloba supplement
 
Best thing I found for short term memory was the peak app feature “wizard brain training” it’s a game developed by Cambridge to improve impaired short term memory. You gotta play it 3 times a day for a little while, but I’ve noticed my short term memory has gotten way better and in turn my general mood
 
thr0w436 said:
Do you guys think it's too late for me? Will I ever be "normal" again? I'm only 19 years old and i just feel so hopeless. I don't feel like a 100% retard but i definitely feel like my cognition is significantly impaired. I even had to take a break from college because of this. I've accepted now that long-term MDMA abuse is NOT sustainable , and I will NOT be rolling anytime until 1 year after my last roll (possibly longer). When I do resume, I will never go above 200mg/session and always wait 3 months. I really am just hoping that I'm not like this for the rest of my life. I feel like I used to be so intelligent and had a really bright future but now I've just thrown that all in the garbage. I'm depressed, have debilitating anxiety, and my IQ has definitely lowered lots.
Click to expand...

No it's not too late for you, and yes you will feel normal again. 400mg is a huuuuuggggge dose and 2 months is a blip in time.

It took me 9 - 12 months before the DR/DP I induced with MDMA began to lift. It can't be rushed, it'll just pass with time. But you'll be fine :)

Avoid MDMA from now on :)

Take my word for it, I've done it 4 times, 2 of which induced long term anxiety loops where I was convinced I wouldn't return to normal and had damaged my brain. Both lasted 9 months+ before I got back on track. They where 10 years apart and I had forgotten all about the after effects I triggered.

I have a natural predisposition to anxiety, and hadn't given myself brain damage. I just couldn't cope with the normal after effects of MDMA which led me into a strong anxiety loop triggering DP/DR, when I moved on in life, I fully recovered.

Avoid drugs + alcohol until recovered, keep a diary noting how strong your symptoms are and what you've done each day, force yourself to socialise (Very hard I know, but for me this had the biggest effect in helping me move on), exercise and step back from life and don't beat yourself up/ wish you could turn back time. You'll be fine with time.

Avoid this website, obsessing on how you've ruined your life and trawling through endless posts to find an answer won't help.
 
Last edited:
Anybody else is used to thinking about the human exist or something scary things because these fucking shits are always torture me.
 
Subban10 said:
After a 4 month abuse I quit mdma and I have some day I feel very good like normal and some very shitty with head pressure just want to drink alcool for ease the pain. Do anybody here have this symptom of head pressure with depression tough after mdma abuse ? It’s been 27 month now since that abuse
Click to expand...
Try sauna it easies evrything
 
thr0w436 said:
Since January 2019, I've rolled about 20 times. I'll usually take 200mg and then redose 200mg at the 2 hr mark. For longer events/festivals i'll keep redosing. Most of my rolls are 400mg-600mg total, but I've done an entire gram in a night like 4 times. At my worst point of abuse (November - January), i was crying every single day. After my roll january 24 i nearly killed myself and went to a psychiatric hospital which is when i decided that I must lower my usage.

I went from January to early April without rolling and i felt better than i had in so long. I wasn't extremely depressed anymore, and I finally thought the dark part was behind me. But then I fucked up the first week of April. I took 150mg and had a VERY magical roll that lasted 6+ hours. I had no crash whatsoever from this roll. I interpreted the extreme magic, long duration, and no crash as "oh my brain must be in great condition "

So then i really fucked up 3 days later and did 400mg molly. I had a horrendous crash from that which lead me to ensue into cocaine and ketamine abuse , which lead to me fucking up AGAIN and taking 2 ecstasy pills.

I've now been clean from MDMA for 1 month and 20 days. I've been clean from ALL drugs for 19 days (longest in over a year). I also recently started a healthy vegan diet and daily exercise. I'm also going to an ayahuasca retreat in 2 weeks with the hopes of reversing some of this MDMA damage.

Do you guys think it's too late for me? Will I ever be "normal" again? I'm only 19 years old and i just feel so hopeless. I don't feel like a 100% retard but i definitely feel like my cognition is significantly impaired. I even had to take a break from college because of this. I've accepted now that long-term MDMA abuse is NOT sustainable , and I will NOT be rolling anytime until 1 year after my last roll (possibly longer). When I do resume, I will never go above 200mg/session and always wait 3 months. I really am just hoping that I'm not like this for the rest of my life. I feel like I used to be so intelligent and had a really bright future but now I've just thrown that all in the garbage. I'm depressed, have debilitating anxiety, and my IQ has definitely lowered lots.

I'm hoping to hear stories from others who have abused as bad or worse than me and made a 100% recovery. I'm really just terrified because I read many people go overboard on molly ONCE and are still suffering months or years later.
Click to expand...

I fell into this when I was 19 too. It was October 2018, I rolled 3 separate times in under a month. It wasn’t until about a couple months ago that I started to feel better. I’m not out of the tunnel yet but I can feel the progress.

Hey it’s better we got this over with and did the molly this early in our life instead of later. Our brains still grow till we 25 and I know if I hadn’t have done it then, I would have def done it sometime later. You know what they say, if you’re going to fuck up, get it out of the way early lol
 
Dirtymikeandtheboys said:
I fell into this when I was 19 too. It was October 2018, I rolled 3 separate times in under a month. It wasn’t until about a couple months ago that I started to feel better. I’m not out of the tunnel yet but I can feel the progress.

Hey it’s better we got this over with and did the molly this early in our life instead of later. Our brains still grow till we 25 and I know if I hadn’t have done it then, I would have def done it sometime later. You know what they say, if you’re going to fuck up, get it out of the way early lol
Click to expand...
I did then i was 26 soon gone be 27 so iam fucked my brain?
 
Ransom1 said:
I did then i was 26 soon gone be 27 so iam fucked my brain?
Click to expand...
Absolutely not. We just might have a speedier recovery. Most people here don’t know this but what we have is seratonin axons damage. Axonal damage is common in people with concussions. Recovery is 8months to 3 years. If you do everything right and become very disciplined in ur recovery I’m sure you can recover in even 6 months.
 
“Axons

Axons are long, slender nerve fibers that connect neurons, paving the way for brain cell communication. Neurofilaments are a major component of neuron cytoskeletons and provide structural support for axons. Concussion can cause axonal stretching and neurofilament compaction, resulting in axonal swelling and breakage.

Neurofilament compaction can occur as soon as five minutes after a head injury and continue for up to six hours. Axon damage can advance for up to six weeks after injury and can impair cognitive function for eight months to three years after concussion.<7>“
 
Dirtymikeandtheboys said:
“Axons

Axons are long, slender nerve fibers that connect neurons, paving the way for brain cell communication. Neurofilaments are a major component of neuron cytoskeletons and provide structural support for axons. Concussion can cause axonal stretching and neurofilament compaction, resulting in axonal swelling and breakage.

Neurofilament compaction can occur as soon as five minutes after a head injury and continue for up to six hours. Axon damage can advance for up to six weeks after injury and can impair cognitive function for eight months to three years after concussion.<7>“
Click to expand...
MDMA causes seratonin axonal damage. This is a well researched thing and you will all be okay in time
 
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