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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

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Hey, I found a supplement called CoQ-10 that someone on here recommended and it seemed to improve my symptoms. Could just be a coincidence because I was three weeks in and maybe I was past the initial shiiete phase.

It definitely won't hurt - and I think it's good.
 
Will be 3 years in this November. Things are still pretty bad. Nowhere near as bad as the first 6 months but still bad. Any miracle cures around since I last checked in on here?

Before MDMA I'd rate my state of mind 9/10. At my lowest was probably 1/10. Right now after nearly 3 years, I'd rate myself at 4/10. I'm nowhere near the person I used to be. Depressing just writing this.

Symptoms:

Constant depression
Anxiety - gets worse throughout the day
Light headed - hesitant to go out in evenings for fear of feeling faint / dizzy
Spend most days at home - luckily have a job that allows me to work from home most of the time otherwise I'd be unemployed
Weight gain

Things I've tried:

I tried SSRIs earlier this year but didn't make it past 5 days. Bad panic attacks and no sleep. A few guys saying 14 days before progress but I dunno if I can do that again.
Rhodiola was good for a month or two last year but has no effect anymore.
Try to exercise when I can. Not always easy with the light headed problems.

Unfortunately I think mindfulness meditation and cardio will still be the mainstays of treating many issues with drugs for years to come - I really recommend cardio for the lightheadedness issues. If you're not too young or if you were a heavier user, at some point an echocardiogram to check your heart valves is warranted. There is also autonomic dysregulation such as POTS or orthostatic hypotension that could account for longstanding lightheadedness without heart issues. Your rate of breathing is important as well, respiratory alkalosis can result in many symptoms, and is frequent in those with anxiety. Too much oxygen really is a bad thing.

It's amazing how important bloodflow to the brain is. If you get lightheaded standing up, it's important to realize that's happening subliminally all the time even when not standing. Do your best with the exercise and eat lots of protein if you exercise so you get all the benefits that you can get from your efforts.
 
Does it make a difference if the protein is coming from meat/food or from powder like in a smoothie?
 
Does it make a difference if the protein is coming from meat/food or from powder like in a smoothie?

Whey protein essentially has a shorter half life than meat - meat would be good to sustain plasma protein levels while sleeping or if there is going to be more than a couple hours between meals. Other than that whey is great if you can take it 3-4 times a day. Soy protein is good as well and I believe lasts longer than whey.
 
The moment when you feel normal, 100% must be such a euphoric moment for people. I think for some people it happens in an instant or overnight. The happiness they must feel...
 
I've heard of overnight recoveries but for me it took much time and sleep, and an "attitude" change (a different way of navigating my thought patterns and influencing my thought patterns to be more relaxed, and less thoughts and talking to myself in my head and such) that was only possible with mindfulness meditation.

If you find yourself constantly lost in thought I can't recommend mindfulness enough.
 
I've heard of overnight recoveries but for me it took much time and sleep, and an "attitude" change (a different way of navigating my thought patterns and influencing my thought patterns to be more relaxed, and less thoughts and talking to myself in my head and such) that was only possible with mindfulness meditation. If you find yourself constantly lost in thought I can't recommend mindfulness enough.
Is meditation your only tool for mindfulness practice?
 
The moment when you feel normal, 100% must be such a euphoric moment for people. I think for some people it happens in an instant or overnight. The happiness they must feel...
Returning to being normal will not make you happy, it will only allow you to feel this response during appropriate moments. Also it does not happen overnight and never will, it is a gradual process with constant improvement which will not give you any kind of sense of euphoria so relax and embrace the ride because when you are done with it you will not be back to your old self, you will become something more.
 
Is meditation your only tool for mindfulness practice?

Good scenery definitely helps. But meditating on the breath is my favorite style. It can take some concentrated time (sessions of 15 minutes a couple times a day) before you can really try to apply mindfulness successfully while doing day to day things.

Its easier to be lost in thought in some circumstances and you'll have to figure out what those circumstances are for you as an individual I think - once you start paying more attention to your "mind chatter" I think it will become more apparent what circumstances are more pro-mindfulness. Gotta shut off them thoughts sometimes. Try not to get frustrated if you're not successful.
 
I'm 31 months into my last touch of Mollie. I overdosed on 1.2 g of pure moon rocks. It was an event I don't even remember but I know I took way too much and was intoxicated to boot. I blacked out and woke up 20 miles away from where I last remember. I'm sure I overheated a bit but I know was being outside in the freezing cold for a lot of it. At least that what I was told. Anyway,I'm lucky to be alive. The weeks and months following were brutal and even though I told my shrink I had od'd and wanted medical advice on what to do he said he didn't know of anyone that could help me and that I was probably fine. I knew I wasn't fine but did mange to pull myself out of the hole a bit. But suffered a bad concussion which didn't heal very well and then horrific trauma all within 6 months of my OD. I then tried getting off of benzodiazepines and had an unsuccessful and relentless withdrawal after reinstating. Then further cognitive decline and back to getting off of benzos again a year later in treatment where I was told I was lucky to have survived detox. It's been six months of pure hell where I lost most cognitive function and doing a lot to regain it. I still suffer from dp and dr as well as horrific depression. Crushing fatigue as well. Aside from my OD I had only rolled about 20 times in 3-4 years and abused the drug maybe 6-8 times. I'm looking for encouragement and help as I'm thinking life just gets worse and worse and I will never see recovery. I think I have not recovered well because of the many insults to my cns.
 
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Anyone had constant head pressure/sinus pressure (especially behind the nose and eyes) for a long time after abusing MDMA? It's been 7 months after I used MDMA for the last time and I still have this constant pressure that doesn't go away, along with the HPPD.
 
I'm 31 months into my last touch of Mollie. I overdosed on 1.2 g of pure moon rocks. It was an event I don't even remember but I know I took way too much and was intoxicated to boot. I blacked out and woke up 20 miles away from where I last remember. I'm sure I overheated a bit but I know was being outside in the freezing cold for a lot of it. At least that what I was told. Anyway,I'm lucky to be alive. The weeks and months following were brutal and even though I told my shrink I had od'd and wanted medical advice on what to do he said he didn't know of anyone that could help me and that I was probably fine. I knew I wasn't fine but did mange to pull myself out of the hole a bit. But suffered a bad concussion which didn't heal very well and then horrific trauma all within 6 months of my OD. I then tried getting off of benzodiazepines and had an unsuccessful and relentless withdrawal after reinstating. Then further cognitive decline and back to getting off of benzos again a year later in treatment where I was told I was lucky to have survived detox. It's been six months of pure hell where I lost most cognitive function and doing a lot to regain it. I still suffer from dp and dr as well as horrific depression. Crushing fatigue as well. Aside from my OD I had only rolled about 20 times in 3-4 years and abused the drug maybe 6-8 times. I'm looking for encouragement and help as I'm thinking life just gets worse and worse and I will never see recovery. I think I have not recovered well because of the many insults to my cns.

How is your sleep doing? The most important component to your well being and recovery is sleep. You can seem pretty hopelessly "damaged" when you're chronically sleep deprived, or deprived of REM sleep in the case of benzos.
 
What's the issue with antihistamines again? Looks like Remeron is one but it's helping me sleep, granted I'm groggy in the AM but that usually wears off after a couple hours.
 
I'm 31 months into my last touch of Mollie. I overdosed on 1.2 g of pure moon rocks. It was an event I don't even remember but I know I took way too much and was intoxicated to boot. I blacked out and woke up 20 miles away from where I last remember. I'm sure I overheated a bit but I know was being outside in the freezing cold for a lot of it. At least that what I was told. Anyway,I'm lucky to be alive. The weeks and months following were brutal and even though I told my shrink I had od'd and wanted medical advice on what to do he said he didn't know of anyone that could help me and that I was probably fine. I knew I wasn't fine but did mange to pull myself out of the hole a bit. But suffered a bad concussion which didn't heal very well and then horrific trauma all within 6 months of my OD. I then tried getting off of benzodiazepines and had an unsuccessful and relentless withdrawal after reinstating. Then further cognitive decline and back to getting off of benzos again a year later in treatment where I was told I was lucky to have survived detox. It's been six months of pure hell where I lost most cognitive function and doing a lot to regain it. I still suffer from dp and dr as well as horrific depression. Crushing fatigue as well. Aside from my OD I had only rolled about 20 times in 3-4 years and abused the drug maybe 6-8 times. I'm looking for encouragement and help as I'm thinking life just gets worse and worse and I will never see recovery. I think I have not recovered well because of the many insults to my cns.

Hey, keep your head up. I am about 7 weeks in. So nowhere near your time but my brain felt like it was cooking for the first two weeks. I'm at about 70 percent (for the past three days) and a lot of my symptoms have lessened. I know I'm not out of the woods but here is my regimen:

Excercise - 30 mins per day, Every day. Daily walks.

Diet - lots of leafy greens, fruits and vegetables, tons of water, try to stay away from sugar and junk but not being too hard on myself.

Vitamins - Cq10, fish oil, multi-vitamin, melatonin for sleep

No Fap - makes me feel better in general.

Meditation - mindfulness

Feel free to PM me anytime.
 
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Hey, keep your head up. I am about 7 weeks in. So nowhere near your time but my brain felt like it was cooking for the first two weeks. I'm at about 70 percent (for the past three days) and a lot of my symptoms have lessened. I know I'm not out of the woods but here is my regimen:

Excercise - 30 mins per day, Every day. Daily walks.

Diet - lots of leafy greens, fruits and vegetables, tons of water, try to stay away from sugar and junk but not being too hard on myself.

Vitamins - Cq10, fish oil, multi-vitamin, melatonin for sleep

No Fap - makes me feel better in general.

Meditation - mindfulness

Feel free to PM me anytime.

How's your sleep? Any brain zaps?
 
So ive been posting on here on and off now for the last year ... I'm on month 13 of brain zaps and have a few questions:

1) could all this LTC stuff all just be 100% in our minds ? It's just become sort of hard wired into our thought patterns and we just need to somehow change the way we think ?
2) how much does alcohol slow down the healing process ? I now only drink about once a week and no more than like 10 units (4-5 beers). I didn't drink for a month but didn't notice much difference so eased back into it.
3) is walking a good exercise for the brain ? Which is the best form?
4) is this it now for my drug days ? I'm 23 and obviously this is really bad lasting this long, has anyone ever gone back to abusing (maybe not as hard as before) after they recovered from their ltc? What happened ? Cheers
 
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