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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)
- Thread starter BlueBull
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Yeah cotcha one of my buddies also got derealization from weed when he was younger for him it lasted about a year. It goes to show that derealization really can happen from a lot of different drugs even light ones.I think part of the problem is some people get really scared that they did some real damage to themselves because the derealization was caused by a hard drug and not weed and that is what caused a lot of the anxiety. I mean I can't speak for anyone else but if I got derealization from weed instead of ecstasy then I would feel a lot better about my recovery . Does anyone have allmost a constant numb feeling in there feet and hands. For me it's way more my feet that I notice. It's driving me crazy and I don't notice it to much if I'm busy doing things but when I sit down I notice it the worst. I don't know if numb is the right way to describe it but that's the only thing I can think best describes it
Adubbs that's really wierd that you have bad reaction to fish oil whenever I take fish oil I literlally feel no difference like it doesn't effect me at all. Just goes to show that everyone is going through different problems and what helps one person won't necessary help the other. Everyone just had to find what works for them
LawyerLife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2016
- Messages
- 164
Very uplifting post!!!
I get numbness in my hands and feet, it was killer in the beginning... Felt like someone was pushing pads of needles into my extremities.
Yeah if it's just one or 2 fish oil pills its fine... But when I take a bunch with other supplements it screws me up.
Yeah if it's just one or 2 fish oil pills its fine... But when I take a bunch with other supplements it screws me up.
Yeah I live in the hills and have a family cabin in the mountains....I don't have a real problem focusing....Sometimes I focus on the floaters.... Especially sitting in front of a computer screen. I often think if I had a physical job I'd be a lot better off with this LTC, versus just sitting in front of a computer .
I've been getting this crazy periodic twitch on the back left side of my neck....It'll like spasm for a minute every like hour....Doesn't hurt or anything but it's weird.....Hmmm.
I've been getting this crazy periodic twitch on the back left side of my neck....It'll like spasm for a minute every like hour....Doesn't hurt or anything but it's weird.....Hmmm.
Cotcha Yankinov
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2015
- Messages
- 2,952
Probably a benign fasciculation, very common with musculoskeletal issues, sleep deprivation and stress.
Nambo
Bluelighter
Yes I had the same sensation. It was horrific.
Nambo
Bluelighter
The night of the consumption it felt like millions of fuses blowing. The day's thereafter its best described as a concussion, hazy together with bad brain sun burn.
Hey guys,
I hit the 6 month mark a few days ago. I'd like to share some of my experience so far for those that are just starting the journey and for my own posterity. I consumed what I believe to be close to 300 mg over the course of a night of pure mdma. I didn't hydrate well and I didn't sweat that night which was weird. I was also on a low dose of Paxil. But, I felt OK. Around 5am or so, I had a really bad thought. The thought was that I was actually a really bad person at heart. I have had addiction issues in the past which has been taxing on my friends and family. And the thought was like "you are bad and have always been bad, that's why nobody likes you." Something like that.
About an hour after this thought, it felt like my brain was flushing like a toilet. I also noticed that my beard had turned blonde OVERNIGHT. The panic set in. Severe panic attack that lasted all weekend. I had to walk around my neighborhood drinking water and puking in the street. When I get panic attacks, I have restless leg syndrome so I have to walk. Then after the weekend I was fine for a week, 100 percent normal. I was taking 5htp with my usual SSRI of Paxil. This combo is also a big no no. I didnt know that was a bad interaction. After the week of normalcy, the LTC HIT HARD.
I was on the train and it felt like someone put a weight on my head. I drank alcohol to get through the first day. The next two months were fucking insane. I was trying to hide it from my folks. So I would take the train into the city, walk around the city, puking, drinking water, puking, every day for two months. I also got rashes on my legs. At this point though my vision and hearing was fine. I just had DP/DR and light head pressure.
After two months, I started to feel better. Just light dp/dr. So I thought I could drink coffee. I thought wrong. I drank four cups over the course of one morning. And then all hell broke loose again. It was a two week cascade of being back to square one plus a new locked feeling around my head. People describe this as head pressure. For me it's like someone took my brain, locked it away, and threw out the key. I also experienced "ego loss" as people say around here. The lack of feeling. Like I didnt care if I watched a car crash in front of me. I would just keep moving. The DP was also much heavier.
One night I decided to take trazadone and I slept really well and felt better the next day. So I kept taking it and I kept feeling better. What I did notice though was that my vision was slipping into HPPD. So I developed visual disturbances. They were fine at first and then it continued to worsen. It has sort of plataued now. I think. So I knew I had to stop the trazadone becuase this may have been a factor. Who knows.
Fast forward about a month now. This is like month 4. The LTC is a cycle so you'll get a week sometimes where it's back to square one. I could feel a bad week coming on so I decided to take a 5-HTP so see if that would fend it off. Holy fuck. This ONE pill threw me down the staircase to hell. It was so fucked up. Two weeks of worsening symptoms again. The world was like a 2-D picture. My body and brain locked up further. This weird type of dizziness took hold. Along with some new agoraphobia. Also, tinnitus in my ears started. I was back at square one pius some. I talked to the suicide hotline, cried constantly, really some messed up stuff. It was like, how much pain can a human being endure?
Now I am at month 6. And I feel like I am at about 50 percent back to normal. Its hard to give a percentage now because my consciousness feels like I am sideways kind of. Hard to explain.
I am calm, but my vision is messed up. I would probably be diagnosed with HPPD at this point. I dont really remember what it was like to see normally. My tinnitus is there but I notice it less and less. If you guys have it, it will calm down and then you notice it less. DP/DR is still pretty heavy. I have gotten some feelings back. Like I actually care about things now. I am "functioning" althought I am a shadow of my former self. I am still not very afraid to die, which worries me a bit. When I hear about people dying, I sort of wish I was them.
I have a lot of impatience for street lights, waiting in line, listening to people, and I can't keep focus for very long. My sleep is doing ok. I get about 5 to 6 hours a night. I used to get 2 hours or maybe 30 minutes in the beginning. For you guys that are starting out and suspect brain damage of some kind, there is a lot of advice on these forumsthat you need to follow becuase your life could depend on it.
My advice for you to take or leave: For the first six months, you need to not take any drugs, caffeine, nicotine, anything. No 5htp at all for the love of god. Maybe some vitamins, fish oil. Try to get your nutrition from food, do no fap, try to eat healthy. Excercise helps but not too much. Maybe even like 20 minutes max. You need to live like a 12th century monk. I think light benzo use when abosultely necessary is fine. There are some medications that I use that seem to be pretty benign. I take clonidine for sleep at night. Also, I use propranolol for panic attacks as benzos don't work for me.
Your goal in life will be to avoid HPPD. HPPD affects vision and its very hard to get rid of. It works on Seratonin so it's best not to mess with anything that will unnaturally affect your levels. This is for the first six months. The early stage is about absorbing pain and playing it safe. If you dont feel better by then you can reevealute but I think most people will. This is just my opinion and people may tell you otherwise. If I had followed this advice I believe I would be 100 percent at this point. Thank you for reading this guys, I hope that everyone is doing well. Happy New Year!!
I hit the 6 month mark a few days ago. I'd like to share some of my experience so far for those that are just starting the journey and for my own posterity. I consumed what I believe to be close to 300 mg over the course of a night of pure mdma. I didn't hydrate well and I didn't sweat that night which was weird. I was also on a low dose of Paxil. But, I felt OK. Around 5am or so, I had a really bad thought. The thought was that I was actually a really bad person at heart. I have had addiction issues in the past which has been taxing on my friends and family. And the thought was like "you are bad and have always been bad, that's why nobody likes you." Something like that.
About an hour after this thought, it felt like my brain was flushing like a toilet. I also noticed that my beard had turned blonde OVERNIGHT. The panic set in. Severe panic attack that lasted all weekend. I had to walk around my neighborhood drinking water and puking in the street. When I get panic attacks, I have restless leg syndrome so I have to walk. Then after the weekend I was fine for a week, 100 percent normal. I was taking 5htp with my usual SSRI of Paxil. This combo is also a big no no. I didnt know that was a bad interaction. After the week of normalcy, the LTC HIT HARD.
I was on the train and it felt like someone put a weight on my head. I drank alcohol to get through the first day. The next two months were fucking insane. I was trying to hide it from my folks. So I would take the train into the city, walk around the city, puking, drinking water, puking, every day for two months. I also got rashes on my legs. At this point though my vision and hearing was fine. I just had DP/DR and light head pressure.
After two months, I started to feel better. Just light dp/dr. So I thought I could drink coffee. I thought wrong. I drank four cups over the course of one morning. And then all hell broke loose again. It was a two week cascade of being back to square one plus a new locked feeling around my head. People describe this as head pressure. For me it's like someone took my brain, locked it away, and threw out the key. I also experienced "ego loss" as people say around here. The lack of feeling. Like I didnt care if I watched a car crash in front of me. I would just keep moving. The DP was also much heavier.
One night I decided to take trazadone and I slept really well and felt better the next day. So I kept taking it and I kept feeling better. What I did notice though was that my vision was slipping into HPPD. So I developed visual disturbances. They were fine at first and then it continued to worsen. It has sort of plataued now. I think. So I knew I had to stop the trazadone becuase this may have been a factor. Who knows.
Fast forward about a month now. This is like month 4. The LTC is a cycle so you'll get a week sometimes where it's back to square one. I could feel a bad week coming on so I decided to take a 5-HTP so see if that would fend it off. Holy fuck. This ONE pill threw me down the staircase to hell. It was so fucked up. Two weeks of worsening symptoms again. The world was like a 2-D picture. My body and brain locked up further. This weird type of dizziness took hold. Along with some new agoraphobia. Also, tinnitus in my ears started. I was back at square one pius some. I talked to the suicide hotline, cried constantly, really some messed up stuff. It was like, how much pain can a human being endure?
Now I am at month 6. And I feel like I am at about 50 percent back to normal. Its hard to give a percentage now because my consciousness feels like I am sideways kind of. Hard to explain.
I am calm, but my vision is messed up. I would probably be diagnosed with HPPD at this point. I dont really remember what it was like to see normally. My tinnitus is there but I notice it less and less. If you guys have it, it will calm down and then you notice it less. DP/DR is still pretty heavy. I have gotten some feelings back. Like I actually care about things now. I am "functioning" althought I am a shadow of my former self. I am still not very afraid to die, which worries me a bit. When I hear about people dying, I sort of wish I was them.
I have a lot of impatience for street lights, waiting in line, listening to people, and I can't keep focus for very long. My sleep is doing ok. I get about 5 to 6 hours a night. I used to get 2 hours or maybe 30 minutes in the beginning. For you guys that are starting out and suspect brain damage of some kind, there is a lot of advice on these forumsthat you need to follow becuase your life could depend on it.
My advice for you to take or leave: For the first six months, you need to not take any drugs, caffeine, nicotine, anything. No 5htp at all for the love of god. Maybe some vitamins, fish oil. Try to get your nutrition from food, do no fap, try to eat healthy. Excercise helps but not too much. Maybe even like 20 minutes max. You need to live like a 12th century monk. I think light benzo use when abosultely necessary is fine. There are some medications that I use that seem to be pretty benign. I take clonidine for sleep at night. Also, I use propranolol for panic attacks as benzos don't work for me.
Your goal in life will be to avoid HPPD. HPPD affects vision and its very hard to get rid of. It works on Seratonin so it's best not to mess with anything that will unnaturally affect your levels. This is for the first six months. The early stage is about absorbing pain and playing it safe. If you dont feel better by then you can reevealute but I think most people will. This is just my opinion and people may tell you otherwise. If I had followed this advice I believe I would be 100 percent at this point. Thank you for reading this guys, I hope that everyone is doing well. Happy New Year!!
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Yeah man HPPD is just the worst. Probably the most annoying of my symptoms, my eyes trip out looking at anything, such as a radiator, a carpet, if I stare at something for long enough the whole room morphes and changes colour. Being in the dark really sucks because everything is moving all over the place. I get so dizzy now , stops me from doing the simplest of things. My life is very hard and unpleasant. MDMA is a fucking joke of a drug, life is so short, go out and look at the sunset, stars in the sky, listen to some music. There really is so much more to life than drugs. I wish to high heaven that I'd just come across this board beforehand, I wouldn't be the mess I am today. As a person that doesn't even like drugs, and had only ever used drugs a few times, I'm so upset that I'm in the position.
Yeah HPPD is a bitch and the last symptom to reside....If ever in some cases. I'm struggling still from my relapse with the kava and the green tea a week ago....The last few nights have been rough....And my brain zaps right before bed have come back. Byfar the worst symptom to come back is the never ending tightness and overall shakiness in my whole body.... It's like my body can NEVER relax....And please don't attribute it to anxiety....This feeling was going away after my relapse But now it's back....So it's not that. I'm done struggling like this with my insomnia..... MILLIONS of people take sleep aids....And the VAST majority don't get PAWS or months and months of sleep issues.... Except for years long benzo use.
Good write ups Fnono and HPPDOFF....Good advice. My advice to anyone is stay from all drugs and supplements (except for maybe some vitamins) for a while. I had an OD and felt waaaay better a week later....3 weeks later I was feeling good, sleep overall was great....No anxiety...No physical symptoms. My only remaining symptoms were one floater and one night a week I'd wake up in sweats and shaking. I didn't take this as seriously as I should be....So I drank and smoked weed heavily for 2 nights....And all the symptoms of my OD hit me again except more severe...They went away mostly a week later but then I fapped it and all HELL broke loose a few days later. Honestly his would have likely passed in a few weeks but I read on this forum that taking fish oil, curcumin, and all these other supplements would "really help" you're recovery....I for one now know the curcumin was a bad idea. How do I know? Well I stopped taking it for a couple months and started to feel better....Then I took it one night and I was shaking, puking, twitching, sweating all over again and it set me further back.
I had a similar reaction to kava tea and valerian root capsules (combined - I've had them separately and they were fine).
So basically my advice is if you're early in this stay away from everything including coffee and anything remotely psychoactive, including fapping, for a few weeks and see how you feel. My life sucks right now and it could have all been avoided if I just stayed away from even seemingly benign activities.
I will note I went on Remeron for a few months and although I think it made my HPPD a bit worse it did help get my sleep on track.
Happy new year everyone! I hope and pray that next year at this time that If we're not recovered.... We're at least mentally we are in a bigger state....After all this is the state that really matters.
Good write ups Fnono and HPPDOFF....Good advice. My advice to anyone is stay from all drugs and supplements (except for maybe some vitamins) for a while. I had an OD and felt waaaay better a week later....3 weeks later I was feeling good, sleep overall was great....No anxiety...No physical symptoms. My only remaining symptoms were one floater and one night a week I'd wake up in sweats and shaking. I didn't take this as seriously as I should be....So I drank and smoked weed heavily for 2 nights....And all the symptoms of my OD hit me again except more severe...They went away mostly a week later but then I fapped it and all HELL broke loose a few days later. Honestly his would have likely passed in a few weeks but I read on this forum that taking fish oil, curcumin, and all these other supplements would "really help" you're recovery....I for one now know the curcumin was a bad idea. How do I know? Well I stopped taking it for a couple months and started to feel better....Then I took it one night and I was shaking, puking, twitching, sweating all over again and it set me further back.
I had a similar reaction to kava tea and valerian root capsules (combined - I've had them separately and they were fine).
So basically my advice is if you're early in this stay away from everything including coffee and anything remotely psychoactive, including fapping, for a few weeks and see how you feel. My life sucks right now and it could have all been avoided if I just stayed away from even seemingly benign activities.
I will note I went on Remeron for a few months and although I think it made my HPPD a bit worse it did help get my sleep on track.
Happy new year everyone! I hope and pray that next year at this time that If we're not recovered.... We're at least mentally we are in a bigger state....After all this is the state that really matters.
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