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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)

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Yeah I'm also know that gym is helping but I just don't have motivation for that. But damn dude it's hard to believe that you take it only once and you suffering so long. My doses was crazy I was taken from 2-3 pills at night or more sometimes..I know that I'm fucked up my brain..but you take it only once..life is unfair sometimes
I struggle to believe that this is my new reality just due to one night. Problem was I drinking a lot when I took the pill and believe my friends gave me more but have no memory. So also probably took 3 strong pills first time! That's how I fucked myself up.
 
I struggle to believe that this is my new reality just due to one night. Problem was I drinking a lot when I took the pill and believe my friends gave me more but have no memory. So also probably took 3 strong pills first time! That's how I fucked myself up.
My first time was also with 3pills at night. And others night I also taken a pills and mixed with alcohol this was stupid idea..
 
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Reading this, I feel so very lucky I live in Holland where pretty much all pills are harmless and if that wasn't enough, can be lab-tested legally and for free...

What a blessing. I fucking love my country. I hope these practices spread out to other parts of the world.
 
Blurred vision, spaced out, brain fog, memory problems, feal totally numb and as if my personality has gone, disconnected, feel as though I have lost my soul, libido and erection problems, no motivation, just dead inside

man i can relate to that definitely ...
-feel totally numb...no personality, no sense of humour and no soul =[...disconnected to people, things and environment. Motivation is shit, but i just force myself to get things done when possible...like you said we are 'dead on the inside'...

I dunno how we carry on to try to live normal lives, its truly is like hell on earth, but i still retain hope that 1 day you will open your eyes after a good nights rest and feel better
 
I told myself I would post here when I beat the LTC.

Took MDMA first time at a festival. Not going to go into heavy detail but I ate much more than i would ever want to. Next day felt as if I ate mushrooms. That funny feeling. Later on could not sleep, jolted awake, pins and needles on my neck, unable to hold a train of thought. Told myself, give it a few days it will pass. It didn't. Felt a multitude of symptoms most folk on here explain. An existence one would not wish on their worst enemy.

Weeks went by. Then months.

My brain must be fucked right? I destroyed my dopamine receptors right? This is my life now and blowing myself away doesn't seem like a horrible idea.

How do I even explain what I did to myself to anyone? At this point even if I did, even if they understood, it would change nothing.

I literally felt like I was now in a constant loosing battle with reality.

Eventually I said enough. Trying SSRI's is not a fate worse than suicide. I was still skeptical anyway. I thought there was NOTHING in this world that could shake my new terminal existence. Same thoughts everyone has. Will it change me? Will I loose my sense of self?

Finally around 9 months I went to my doctor.
I explained my previous 9 months and the cause of my tragedy. She explained to me that it wasn't necessarily the drug that caused all of this directly. She believed it triggered and amplified something I was predisposed to; That my chemical balance in my brain was precarious to begin with.

It was said to manifest into a Generalized Anxiety disorder.

So I started the Zoloft. Within one week I started noticing positive effects. Within 2 weeks I felt better than I ever had since it occurred. After a month it seemed like a distant memory and I was actually able to joke about the experience. The constant anxiety, depression, feelings of doom, and fatigue faded. I started to feel the way I did when I was a kid again. Happy, empathetic, energetic, ect. My cognitive ability was completely restored.

It feels as if Zoloft was something I needed even before my MDMA episode.

I can't believe i'm saying it but I'm actually glad it all happened.

I'm now in my senior year in Engineering and have the ability to give college my undivided attention.
The future now looks bright and my previous bleak existence is now replaced with enthusiasm and confidence.

I know how much it helped me to read positive outcomes stem from such a horrible experience and promised myself that if I vanquished it I would come to help others and give hope as they had done for me.

You will get past, I guarantee it.

Feel free to message me! =D
 
A cant go this anymore my memory is so fucked ive honestly done myself damage

Hang in there man, drugs are known to fuck with the long-term potentiation at NMDAR and AMPARs.

I had a friend and his memory was shot to bits by his daily 2-3 gram weed habit. He thought he was permanent fucked, so he accepted it and just tried his best. After 2-3 years he realised his memory started coming back, and now he says its not noticeable because his memory is restored at least 90%. Point is, for the first 2 years, he had to carry papers and a pen and write down important information.

Also there are potential nootropics that aid memory, one of these is called piracetam. I would suggest taking ginko biloba as well
 
Guys before 45 days I consume mdma.I had drink 20-50ml of a 500ml water bottle with 500mg mdma(maybe lower)inside it.My 3 friends drink all the other shit with alcohol and 1 of them redose 500mg more+alcohol without after effects...(I never used drugs before,only alcohol).

Nowadays I can sleep better (7 hours without wake up or vivid dreams)
Lower anxiety not even noticeable sometimes
I want to go out and work rather than stay at BL or thinking wtf I have
I want to play video games
I have some bad days that anxiety is more but is normal(1-2days per week)
My tingling at hands vanished
I have that stupid "light hands"sense but my doctor told that it will disappear
I have a bit trembling at hands when I have anxiety but not noticable at day work and a bit at jaw that lowers...

But I have big problem with drinking alcohol,it doesn't give me happy so much...
yesterday I was in a party (I push myself to go there because my family wonders wtf is going with me and didn't want to see my mother crying)I drank 5 cups of whine but it doesn't give me so much happiness,maybe my body need more serotonin...


Today my anxiety is a bit more but I slept that night 7 hours without wake up

1. I wonder guys if my anxiety come back

2. I fear that I destroy all my good work
I read somewhere that alcohol destroy the new serotonin axons but in higher doses like 6-10 beers
3. I wonder if I lost serotonin axons from so little mdma
I didn't redose the only bad thing that I did was that I drink a cup of vodka after 4 days because I was going anxious reading mdma stories.

I know is stupid but need some support :)

When mdma hits me I felt dizzy for 2-3 minutes and wanted to vomit but after I was in euphoria for 40 min max
4. Was that a serious serotonin syndrome?

@I hope all of you guys become better,I can't forget the day that burning sensations from anxiety left me,I had them 6 days...I was running outside and breathing like free human and thanking jesus...so I lay at grass smiling with my dog :-)
 
I told myself I would post here when I beat the LTC.

Took MDMA first time at a festival. Not going to go into heavy detail but I ate much more than i would ever want to. Next day felt as if I ate mushrooms. That funny feeling. Later on could not sleep, jolted awake, pins and needles on my neck, unable to hold a train of thought. Told myself, give it a few days it will pass. It didn't. Felt a multitude of symptoms most folk on here explain. An existence one would not wish on their worst enemy.

Weeks went by. Then months.

My brain must be fucked right? I destroyed my dopamine receptors right? This is my life now and blowing myself away doesn't seem like a horrible idea.

How do I even explain what I did to myself to anyone? At this point even if I did, even if they understood, it would change nothing.

I literally felt like I was now in a constant loosing battle with reality.

Eventually I said enough. Trying SSRI's is not a fate worse than suicide. I was still skeptical anyway. I thought there was NOTHING in this world that could shake my new terminal existence. Same thoughts everyone has. Will it change me? Will I loose my sense of self?

Finally around 9 months I went to my doctor.
I explained my previous 9 months and the cause of my tragedy. She explained to me that it wasn't necessarily the drug that caused all of this directly. She believed it triggered and amplified something I was predisposed to; That my chemical balance in my brain was precarious to begin with.

It was said to manifest into a Generalized Anxiety disorder.

So I started the Zoloft. Within one week I started noticing positive effects. Within 2 weeks I felt better than I ever had since it occurred. After a month it seemed like a distant memory and I was actually able to joke about the experience. The constant anxiety, depression, feelings of doom, and fatigue faded. I started to feel the way I did when I was a kid again. Happy, empathetic, energetic, ect. My cognitive ability was completely restored.

It feels as if Zoloft was something I needed even before my MDMA episode.

I can't believe i'm saying it but I'm actually glad it all happened.

I'm now in my senior year in Engineering and have the ability to give college my undivided attention.
The future now looks bright and my previous bleak existence is now replaced with enthusiasm and confidence.

I know how much it helped me to read positive outcomes stem from such a horrible experience and promised myself that if I vanquished it I would come to help others and give hope as they had done for me.

You will get past, I guarantee it.

Feel free to message me! =D
Tried to reply to your PM but your inbox is full
 
Tried to reply to your PM but your inbox is full
I can only sleep for about 6 hours I'm honestly so fucked ! My head is agony vision is messed up just don't feel myself atall so depressed.. My head is agony and I don't remember anything from the weekend my memory is fucked. I honestly don't know what to do i just want to be normal for my family ive made a huge misstake man probs cause I was already depressed now Ive fucked my brain up !! Is there anyway out this ? Been given ssris not took them yet been told good and bad story's I just don't know what to do
 
Finally around 9 months I went to my doctor.
I explained my previous 9 months and the cause of my tragedy. She explained to me that it wasn't necessarily the drug that caused all of this directly. She believed it triggered and amplified something I was predisposed to; That my chemical balance in my brain was precarious to begin with.

It was said to manifest into a Generalized Anxiety disorder.
This is EXACTLY how I interpret my LTC in hindsight now. Good to hear an actual doctor is thinking along the same lines. Because no doctor ever told me this, I inferred it myself after I recovered.

Of course, every case is unique. But please, people who are desperate here -- keep this explanation in mind. Because at the time, I was 100% sure something was messed up with my brain. But it was just anxiety / depression, self-perpetuating and generalizing to all and everything. I'm 100% positive.
 
This is EXACTLY how I interpret my LTC in hindsight now. Good to hear an actual doctor is thinking along the same lines. Because no doctor ever told me this, I inferred it myself after I recovered.

Of course, every case is unique. But please, people who are desperate here -- keep this explanation in mind. Because at the time, I was 100% sure something was messed up with my brain. But it was just anxiety / depression, self-perpetuating and generalizing to all and everything. I'm 100% positive.
Did you try ssris ?
And also did you have pressure on your head and feel confused I feel confused and light headed constantly
 
Quote Originally Posted by Drunkdancer
After examination and telling me hes had experience in dealing with this issue before he told me to begin taking immediately 300mg a day of co-enzyme Q10 which includes vitamin b1. He told me it is usually prescribed to people with migraine issues and it will help to break down any bad molecules still in your system, give you energy and really help your brain and nervous system recover.

I tried CoQ 10 + B-Vits at 50mg a day and it's helping a lot. My brain seems to work much better, thoughts flow more easily and my libido is increased. While going to sleep after coming home from a bar, I got flashes of quite vivid CEVs, like shapes, animals, or even cities, then I drifted into some sort of clear-dream like state. I have some vision disorder from the ltc, but the CoQ 10+a bit of alcohol turned those into a mini-trip. Hope the visuals aren't a bad sign. Though CoQ 10 is naturally occuring in the body, so getting visuals from taking it could mean you were deficient to start with.

Anyways, thanks for the tip!
 
No, never took antidepressants in my life.

Yes, confused and light-headed. Also headaches. Not necessarily "head pressure" though, but I guess the exact description is personal.
 
My life changed after Extasy to the worse [Please read and Help]

Im not quite sure if I post in the right section, if not Im sorry for that.

Anyways my story: Ive taken maybe a total of 3 blue ghosts which you can see here:
http://www.pillreports.net/index.php?page=display_pill&id=34216

About 2 pink grenades
http://www.pillreports.net/index.php?page=display_pill&id=34119

And about 2 of these yellow smileys
http://www.pillreports.net/index.php?page=display_pill&id=19080

And about 1 (quite sure it was an untested extasy) extasy pill, which had no sign on it, I asked the guy and he said it was a Rockstar, im not sure.

I knew nothing about extasy before, and I hanged out with bad people this time, I was awake 2 days maybe 2 times when I rolled, and I drank quite some alcohol maybe 2 times when Ive rolled, all whitin a timeframe of maybe 2-3 months.

Ive never used any drugs before in my life, I never smoked before in my life either, Ive always been healthy working out and so on, I didnt drink often before either, I dont do it now either, but this period I went extremly hard and when I asked my friends if it was dangerous they just said, no you just realese the serotonin and it comes back, and I was dumb and believed it and I was kind of out of control this period, and now about 12 months after I still dont feel quite normal.

How I used to be:
I'm a good looking guy, I was very confident with a really good self esteem had no problem talking to people, and were the most social guy in the room, almost all the time.

My side effects today:
Anxiety, I feel brain frog, hard to find words (alot),Not the same motivation, I was obsessed with bodybuilding before, but now its like somedays I just chill home, but I still workout 4-5 x/week, I dont feel any euphoria after workouts which I used to do alot before, I dont feel relaxed in situations, before I feelt extremly relaxed in almost every situation(social situation) I was so chill, I feel like i lost my self steem, I dont feel confident anymore, I got hard looking people in the eyes, I feel awkward(strange) when talking to people, NOT all the time but quite alot, and sometimes with people I know, in the beginning I didnt think about extasy and so on and It was actually better but It happen i got anxiety attacks in social situations and it didnt feel "Nice" talking to people, it felt like a burden, before I always enjoyed talking to every1 but now it's like I know Im gonna get nervous and stuck when i talk.

Sometimes I can just get extremely nervous It's so damn strange I cant really control it, It has happen when Ive been with people I know, friends, even family etc, I get nervous when i got a story to tell, It's like Im stuck in my old self I always talked alot and fast,but I cant do it as well as I did before anymore and it bothers me ALOT, And i try to fix it all the time and think about it and stuff, I know this is also bad.

THINGS IVE DONE TO "CURE" Myself: Exercise daily, Eat healthy.

Supplements I i take:

Zinc,
Magnesium,
Omega 3,
Multi vitamin,

Sometimes I do feel like myself when I talk to some people, this is often when I dont look at them, when walking and so on, and some situatiosn I feel "Normal" but most of the time, I just feel so damn fixed, ive gotten nervous with my girlfriends parents Im shaking seeing them and so on.


Conslucion: I feel like myself still, but a bad version with lower self steem, and not as relaxed as I did before. I also hear sounds alot, like you see in the movies when there is sounds and you focus on it so hard and you cant help it, Im really self aware of everything I do all the time, It's like everything "Flowed" before, but now Im like a robot which analyzes every little move, If i say something strange Im like wtf, every social interaction I analyze afterwards and so on. Im going to try to meditate alot since many people have said it helped them.

P.S Im sorry If i write kinda messy I hope you guys understand what I mean, Ask me anything I'm happy to respond back to your questions, Id love to feel normal again without taking drugs to solve my problem if it's possible.

P.S 2 Im not depressed I feel happy sometimes but mostly like "Empty" like not sad but not the best either, before I felt happy/excited alot more, if somebody could help me with advice I would be grateful all my life, and I would consider you as a friend for life I would never forget what you did for me,

P.S 3. I had no panic attack etc on extasy, I felt really good and so on if it matters.
 
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Welcome to bluelight! This is the right section. I'm going to move your thread into the recovery thread. In there you will find people with similar experiences that will be able to offer you advice. I've experience similar side-effects, but not long-term (2 months max, once, after stupidly rolling 4 days in a row) so I can't really offer any valid advice, but have a read through this thread, it could hold some answers
 
Someone has recomended me this book/audio book. Could be intestesting...

A new epidemic is sweeping the country. Some people call it “ADHD,” “scatter brain,” or “brain fog.” And some people simply say they “just don’t feel like themselves”—and haven’t for a long time.
People are thinking and feeling worse than ever. Why? Because our brains are not getting the support they need to produce the essential brain chemicals that keep us energized, calm, focused, and inspired. In fact, if you look at the way that most of us live, it’s almost as though we had chosen a lifestyle deliberately intended to undermine our brain chemistry.
Fortunately, there is a solution. The Brain Fog Fix is a three-week program designed to help you naturally restore three of your brain’s most crucial chemicals: serotonin, dopamine, and cortisol. Rebalancing these three brain chemicals will, in turn, enable the rest of your brain’s chemistry to reach optimal levels. You will find yourself thinking more clearly, remembering more accurately, learning more quickly, and unleashing the floodgates of your creativity. You will also find yourself feeling more optimistic, calm, energized, connected, and inspired.
The good news is that this is easier than you think. Instead of trying to ambitiously overhaul one aspect of your life entirely with some difficult-to-maintain resolution, begin by making small and achievable changes in many different areas of your life.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Brain-Fog-Fix-Reclaim/dp/140194647X
 
Please report back with your review of this book if you happen to buy it. I'm 5 months in with slight improvement. 100% seems like miles and miles away
I keep saying it but the only way to go now is ssris I'm trying it tonight and see how this goes ! I'll give it 3 months what's the worst that could happen ! My heads In agony 24/7 ive well and truly fucked my life up
 
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