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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)

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I dunno, man... maybe take SSRI for depression, and aspirin for headache... or am I being too conventional now...
 
Head pressure afaik is pretty common in SSRI-withdrawal/MDMA-ltc. I have it too, and it's slowly but surely improving. I'd wager it has something to do with serotonin, so SSRIs could help, but they might be a risk to your recovery. Check this thread; I believe most found SSRIs helpful, but some found they worsened their ltc.

For me it's been 2 years and 3 months now, and finally I sometimes feel reasonably close to being a normal person and don't cringingly have to pretend to be ok. The ltc-baseline, at least for me, really does improve every week. It almost feels as if I'm getting better faster than say a year ago. It's just that anxiety/depression often makes you think otherwise. Sports, holidays, supplements or friends are great, but temporary fixes and you'll return to baseline soon after. The only real fix I found is (a lot of) time.

At the start of the ltc, I believed I had permanent brain damage, but permanent turned out to be 'just' several dark, arduous years.
 
idontknow_ said:
Head pressure afaik is pretty common in SSRI-withdrawal/MDMA-ltc. I have it too, and it's slowly but surely improving. I'd wager it has something to do with serotonin, so SSRIs could help, but they might be a risk to your recovery. Check this thread; I believe most found SSRIs helpful, but some found they worsened their ltc.

For me it's been 2 years and 3 months now, and finally I sometimes feel reasonably close to being a normal person and don't cringingly have to pretend to be ok. The ltc-baseline, at least for me, really does improve every week. It almost feels as if I'm getting better faster than say a year ago. It's just that anxiety/depression often makes you think otherwise. Sports, holidays, supplements or friends are great, but temporary fixes and you'll return to baseline soon after. The only real fix I found is (a lot of) time.

At the start of the ltc, I believed I had permanent brain damage, but permanent turned out to be 'just' several dark, arduous years.
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What where your symptoms ? .. I'm goina give an ssri a go I think
 
For me ssri citalopram didn't helped it just was worst,then I stoped I got severe whitdrawall effects...I don't know if ssri didn't help me..who else can help me..I guess NOBODY I'm stuck with this shit damage permamently..
 
ryan23 said:
What where your symptoms ? .. I'm goina give an ssri a go I think
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I had huge problems with thinking/functioning, major social anxiety, depression, my left arm was weak and numb, tinnitus, and I still get eye-wiggles as if I was rolling - that and some more. I took a huge dose of 5-MAPB, which isn't MDMA, but quite similar, after a lot of drinking.

In some SSRI forum they wrote about ltcs too. The symptoms they describe are very very similar to what you can read in this thread. Makes one wonder if our ltcs do actually have something to do with serotonin. I'd imagine SSRIs could help some of us, it seems like a very mixed response. But I'd very careful to only take a small dose and also wane off them very slowly. We have proven to be easy victims of serotonergics.
 
ryan23 said:
What where your symptoms ? .. I'm goina give an ssri a go I think
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I think it could go either way with antidepressants...

If you decide to take them, i hope they help. Make sure they don't negatively interact with any other supplements you may be taking.
 
Londonscouser said:
I think it could go either way with antidepressants...

If you decide to take them, i hope they help. Make sure they don't negatively interact with any other supplements you may be taking.
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I've got nothing to loose this is all I talk about I need to change before I loose everything
 
ryan23 said:
I've got nothing to loose this is all I talk about I need to change before I loose everything
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Same here too be honest with you :(. Some days i spend hours searching the internet for answers, reading other users posts, experiences and recovery stories. But i also realise this is bad because we are
basically obsessive over our recovery. There have been many days where i've thought suicide would be appropriate ....

I dunno what to say man, apart from maybe wait a few more months ? anyways whatever you decide to do, i wish you luck Ryan.
 
nightElf said:
Benga Gets Real About Mental Illness and the Risks of Club Life
"Nobody wants to come clean, let alone an artist."
An interest interview, regarding mental health issues that could be caused/worsen by the constant use of drugs
https://news.beatport.com/benga-gets-real-about-mental-illness-and-the-risks-of-club-life/
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Good link, But since he's a DJ (I know I shouldn't make assumptions but I'm going to anyway lol) I'd be willing to bet my money that he abused the shit out of these drugs at least once a week minimum.
 
I fucked up my brains and my health dunno what to do

Hi guys my story verry long,but I will try to explain it. First of all sorry for my grammar it isn't my nattive language. So in 2013 I started to use mdma pills first time I taken 3pills it was awesome and I wanted more..then I started taking from 3to 5 pills at night my record was 7 or8pills but I didn't felt anything maybe it was not real mdma or I was to much addictive to it dunno. When I didn't get mdma we taken amphetamine also at high and stupid doses like half or 1gram at night on one person. I Did this from 2013january til 2013may. When I stopped something awfull happened to my brain I was felt like strongest pain sensation all day or a few days with some blue light hard to explain some people say that it's brain zaps..but I'm not sure because it was verry strong pain I even scream it. And when my hell started until today more then 2years after I'm still suffering. My symptoms are almost 24/7 for 2years : visual disturbances like an old movie blinking or shimmering all the time my eyes are fine. Head pressure,heavy head back of the head numbness,eyes hard to focus feel like drunk or high. And my heavy head and presure feels like after smoking marihuana but the thing that I'm not smoking it for 2years. Also vibrating shaking ground, feels like walking on a boat all the time or bouncing. Tiredness exhaustion everyday I don't have energy my muscles are weak strange symptoms all the time. And one more thing sometimes when I drink alcohol I cannot feel drunk because of this head pressure I can drink ton of alcohol and nothing my body is drunk but not my brains and I'm not addictive to alchol I drink verry rare. Why it's like this what kind of damage I did? I had ct, Mri scans all blood tests and all was normal execpt my cerebellum was litlle damaged but doctors said that my cerebellum works fine because I don't have balance problems only the feeling that I'm in boat. So guys what should I do? I lost a hope to be normal again I even doubt that gym and nutrition can save me,everybody seems recover verry fast but me even afte 2years no improvement,is it permament? If I'm feeling like this now (I'm 22years old) so how I feel after 10years guys? I'm desperate...and tired..
 
hardlife123 said:
Hi guys my story verry long,but I will try to explain it. First of all sorry for my grammar it isn't my nattive language. So in 2013 I started to use mdma pills first time I taken 3pills it was awesome and I wanted more..then I started taking from 3to 5 pills at night my record was 7 or8pills but I didn't felt anything maybe it was not real mdma or I was to much addictive to it dunno. When I didn't get mdma we taken amphetamine also at high and stupid doses like half or 1gram at night on one person. I Did this from 2013january til 2013may. When I stopped something awfull happened to my brain I was felt like strongest pain sensation all day or a few days with some blue light hard to explain some people say that it's brain zaps..but I'm not sure because it was verry strong pain I even scream it. And when my hell started until today more then 2years after I'm still suffering. My symptoms are almost 24/7 for 2years : visual disturbances like an old movie blinking or shimmering all the time my eyes are fine. Head pressure,heavy head back of the head numbness,eyes hard to focus feel like drunk or high. And my heavy head and presure feels like after smoking marihuana but the thing that I'm not smoking it for 2years. Also vibrating shaking ground, feels like walking on a boat all the time or bouncing. Tiredness exhaustion everyday I don't have energy my muscles are weak strange symptoms all the time. And one more thing sometimes when I drink alcohol I cannot feel drunk because of this head pressure I can drink ton of alcohol and nothing my body is drunk but not my brains and I'm not addictive to alchol I drink verry rare. Why it's like this what kind of damage I did? I had ct, Mri scans all blood tests and all was normal execpt my cerebellum was litlle damaged but doctors said that my cerebellum works fine because I don't have balance problems only the feeling that I'm in boat. So guys what should I do? I lost a hope to be normal again I even doubt that gym and nutrition can save me,everybody seems recover verry fast but me even afte 2years no improvement,is it permament? If I'm feeling like this now (I'm 22years old) so how I feel after 10years guys? I'm desperate...and tired..
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Merged with the recovery thread
 
colin681996 said:
Good link, But since he's a DJ (I know I shouldn't make assumptions but I'm going to anyway lol) I'd be willing to bet my money that he abused the shit out of these drugs at least once a week minimum.
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Some people here did the same thing :)
 
Hello bluelight community, this is my first post after obsessively reading the forums in search of answers....

I am starting month 4 of my MDMA "LTC." The first two months were an absolute nightmare - panic attacks, dp/dr, and mind-bending headaches everyday, along with about 15 other symptoms.

The drug usage leading up to my LTC was this:

I rolled at the end of May on 150mg MDMA. Was a normal night, no unusual comedown symptoms.

Then about 2 weeks later I went to a show and went through .5 grams of very high quality blow. This was twice the amount I would normally do in a night. I took about 30 mg hydrocodone over the course of the next day to help with the comedown. Big mistake! I had the worst coke hangover that lasted about a week and felt like the front half of my brain was filled with concrete. I had my first panic attack a few days later and had major anxiety for a few weeks. This is where I should have stopped....

I thought I had recovered from the coke hangover and planned on going to a concert with my friend on June 25. Didn't plan on rolling but I was pretty drunk and my friend convinced me. Ended up taking only about 125mg. Normal roll. My LTC began the next day when I woke up with extreme dp/dr and anxiety.

I have recovered from the worst of it, however I have this general brain tightness across my forehead everyday that just wont quit. This is my current worst symptom (I also have cognitive issues). The intensity varies throughout the day, but it's always there. It's just a matter of how bad.

However, If I take even a tiny amount of 5-HTP at night - like 10mg, I sleep like a dead man and wake up feeling like the tightness is much less. The relief usually lasts until about noon until the tightness comes back. I don't like to take it, because I fear receptor down-regulation. I am taking loads of supplements and vitamins as well including probiotics along with exercise.

Has anybody experienced this lingering brain tightness? Did it go away? How long did it take? Does anybody have any recommendations for helping with cognitive issues? I find it much harder to learn things now, and even to follow the plot in a movie.
 
Shit... reading along in this thread just gives me the creeps. I'm about to do MDMA again 2 weeks from now, I'll sure as hell restrain myself.

But I don't understand... I've never had any of these symptoms -- well, for like a single day, but that's it... And some of my MDMA use could be labeled as "binging" I think...

Am I just lucky???

And smoking a little weed gave me a huge LTC experience years ago.

So many people use and abuse MDMA all the time, and feel fine. You guys don't deserve this, that's for certain.
 
smash016 said:
Shit... reading along in this thread just gives me the creeps. I'm about to do MDMA again 2 weeks from now, I'll sure as hell restrain myself.

But I don't understand... I've never had any of these symptoms -- well, for like a single day, but that's it... And some of my MDMA use could be labeled as "binging" I think...

Am I just lucky???

And smoking a little weed gave me a huge LTC experience years ago.

So many people use and abuse MDMA all the time, and feel fine. You guys don't deserve this, that's for certain.
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That's true we don't deserve this..it's a hell I use mdma only 4months and now I will have to suffer probably the rest of my life..
 
hardlife123 said:
That's true we don't deserve this..it's a hell I use mdma only 4months and now I will have to suffer probably the rest of my life..
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I agree. Trying to put up a fight for my family but it's too hard this is so fucked up and there's nobody out the understands
 
But you have to face it, there's no other option. Because people who get ill for no reason, or disabled in a traffic accident or whatever, they don't deserve it either.

You have to make the best of it, and perhaps find hope in the fact that according to most accounts, LTCs ARE in fact temporary, not necessarily short-lived, but transient anyway. Mine was, too.

And I still believe that "letting go" is key to recovering... but yeah, like... trying hard to let go, that's like the most difficult task one can get in life...
 
smash016 said:
But you have to face it, there's no other option. Because people who get ill for no reason, or disabled in a traffic accident or whatever, they don't deserve it either.

You have to make the best of it, and perhaps find hope in the fact that according to most accounts, LTCs ARE in fact temporary, not necessarily short-lived, but transient anyway. Mine was, too.

And I still believe that "letting go" is key to recovering... but yeah, like... trying hard to let go, that's like the most difficult task one can get in life...
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You are 100% right mate But being so fatigued and memory problems and impotence Etc iss very hard to deal with all at the one time and with other symptoms aswel
 
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