nightElf
Bluelighter
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- Mar 13, 2015
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Some people reports an improvement/regaining the magic after a treatment with PIRACETAM. Search in the forums, perhaps it's something you can try
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MDMA &
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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)
- Thread starter BlueBull
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Some people reports an improvement/regaining the magic after a treatment with PIRACETAM. Search in the forums, perhaps it's something you can try
colin681996
Bluelighter
Man no offense but you have taken it way more than me, and my problem isn't just losing the magic, its the effect its having on my sober life. Most of the other guys here have a lot of physical symptoms (which I don't have, except for floaters sometimes)
colin681996
Bluelighter
Hopefully man. Sick of this shit, can't believe everyone else got out of it unscathed and I get dealt the short straw once again in life..... Load of fucking bullshit
Klaasvaak
Greenlighter
Yo men, for me its also more than just losing the magic. Like I said it affected my feeling of happiness in sober life, dont get sattisfaction out of stuff I used to like. I still laugh about a good joke but it feels more like a automatic reaction then a true feeling. And for physical effecs its almost none, except having problems with bright light and fast processes. For example: if somebody is doing a clean and jerk I cant tell you afterwards if his technique was good, before I could. To be honest I think a part of my problem is also axienty, a lot of university friends have gone a lot further without reporting problems. @ nightelf, maybe I will try piracatam, but my plan is to stay of for mdma for at least a couple of years, maybe forever. Another roll after a long time thats not working will probably only feed my thaught that something is completely wrong with me.
And Collin I know we are in different situations, 3 time versus +- 17 times using. But if I understand it right, we both got our complaints since we used pills while drunk. So thats why i am curious to more stories about mdma+alcohol(drunk & not 2 beers). Maybe its neurotoxic for some people, like you and me, but not for others. I know some people who dropped once or twice while drunk because of faded boundaries and/or fuck it feeling. They still got the magic, and still are normal in sober life. I also know some who ended in clinics because of depression following mdma abuse. I know this because I talked with others about my feelings on this subject. But because of my continued usage from the drunk experience in 2012 till last may +- 10 times and without alcohol, I cant say of it will stay for a long time. I will know that in a couple of years, until then I will try my best to not think about it and just finish uni.
And Collin I know we are in different situations, 3 time versus +- 17 times using. But if I understand it right, we both got our complaints since we used pills while drunk. So thats why i am curious to more stories about mdma+alcohol(drunk & not 2 beers). Maybe its neurotoxic for some people, like you and me, but not for others. I know some people who dropped once or twice while drunk because of faded boundaries and/or fuck it feeling. They still got the magic, and still are normal in sober life. I also know some who ended in clinics because of depression following mdma abuse. I know this because I talked with others about my feelings on this subject. But because of my continued usage from the drunk experience in 2012 till last may +- 10 times and without alcohol, I cant say of it will stay for a long time. I will know that in a couple of years, until then I will try my best to not think about it and just finish uni.
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Klaasvaak
Greenlighter
Hi nnzo, I'm sorryt to hear that. I couldn't find in your post history how you ended up in this situation. But i could see that you don't have any mental issues anymore, only physical. That''s good to see. I've on friend who started abusing this shit when he was 16, aside of the mental problems he still really has the only other problem that still exists for him is heart beatings(don't know the english word) All the others dissapeared. And he really abused the shit out of it( 4 years usage with times doing it every weekend and 4 pills on one evening were more norm then exception). Only his problem cant be directly navigated to mdma, because he was also using alcohol, coke, speed and in the beginning weed in the same time.
dmtmixalis
Bluelighter
Mdma and weed can send you west! I had to stop taking all uppers due to not being able to hack the comedown. Even with clean mdma I'll still be depressed/anxious for a week afterwards. Really sucks. Although I'm lucky not to have picked up any physical ailments...
dmtmixalis
Bluelighter
I notice you mention floaters and light sensitivity. These are pretty intrinsic symptoms of derealisation, which stems from anxiety. I found that once you experience your first panic attack, it's pretty hard to conceal the disease!
I've got loads of floaters it's constantly there and light sensitivity does it ever go away ?
dmtmixalis
Bluelighter
I spent months dwelling on them and they stuck around. As soon as I stop wasting my energy on dwelling, they disappear. However I do still get them, but only when I think about them. It's a self fulfilling prophecy! But I find knowing it's all in your head does help you overcome the obstacle.
It's such a pain in the arse, I really feel for you. But recovery is possible
It's such a pain in the arse, I really feel for you. But recovery is possible
dmtmixalis
Bluelighter
Plus I get scripted Zopiclone and plough through them before my refill, so I think the withdrawal brings the symptoms back to the foreground
Hi guys. my last post on here was about being afraid to leave 6 hrs away to a concert. well after all the bs and anxiety. i ended going and having a great time which i am grateful for. This week havin a lil setback. nerves are kinda high. i jus wanna wish some hope to anybody who is really struggling out there. including myself. its sad to see there are new users on here. and it frightens me to see the old ones not on here. jus becuz i think they moved on and living happy lives. and im still strugling. but you guys deserve it. we all deserve to learn from our mistake. My only and main symptom is Anxiety. i have family history of anxiety and depression. i believe it is harder for me to recover cuz im prone to it. Anyway, i believe that xtc pills wont define my life. I want to believe someday life wont be a struggle. i have to believe god has a plan for me. i hope this struggle is worth something and its apart of my journey. Its the only thing im holding on. becuz thats all i got. i dont really know why im typing this its 10pm and im jus needing some way to express how i am feeling. So excuse this post. I am going on 1 year and 3 months. And that night that changed my life still haunts me this day. I hope on year 2 itll be a fuzzy memory that i dnt think about. What happened to me that one night was uttery unfair. It was horrible event, i know i didnt deserve it. But i think it probably had to happen. That day that started my struggle with anxiety and this LTC was a subsitute of what could of happened. I could of continued my binge and probably died. i will never know. So yes anxiety is a ugly beast that lives in my head but i wont give up the fight. Atleast not now. I hope not ever. I praise those who gotten control of their anxiety. For me this is the hardest fight in my entire life.
dmtmixalis
Bluelighter
It's a hard fight, but a fight worth fighting. Hope you find peace soon.
Hello everyone, for me my LTC is now 13 months. I almost fully feel recovered. I would say 80%. My social anxiety is almost gone and the doom thought 'I have ruined my life' blah blah, i damaged my brain are completely gone. I dont believe them anymore. Sometimes i feel myself less good, but thats mostly when I dont fill in the day. Staying active really cheers up my mood. Sometimes my mood is like 9/10 or even 10/10. And sometimes it drops to 6/10, but thats normal, every human has that. What helped alot for me was getting a new gf and school, this really reduced my despression and anxiety to almost 0. I can say im back in reality, my thoughts have no longer control over me. So if I can do it, u all can! All that remains for me is the floaters and light sensitivy. Sometimes a bit dereleazition too. But im used to it and I have accepted this is a part of me. Hopefully someday it will go away though. So just keep it up everybody and dont believe u fucked ur brain, cuz its not true, it can recover!
dmtmixalis
Bluelighter
Brains are essentially plastic and all the chemical imbalances can be overcome with the correct tools.
Hi everybody,
I'm here after a long time not entering to BL or reading any posts about this situation we're all suffering.
Long story short: I had one pill of untested MDMA 15 months ago. Yes, only one pill, mixed with tons of alcohol during the day, some weed and a couple of lines of coke. It was the first time in my life doing any pills, and I did it with two well experienced friends. They took the same dose and didn't have any problems after, so first of all remember each body/brain can react very differently to the same drug.
Two days after that night, I started to have all the symptoms that most of you already know: anxiety for no reason, panic, head pressure, daily headaches, floaters, depression, derealization, obsession about brain damage, etc. I can tell you all, that at some point after several months with no improvement I lost faith in any other life but the hell I was living in. I seriously thought I was in an irreversible process that ruined my soul, my brain and my life for being dumb and try a drug without any information before about the risks. I was observing how I was feeling every day while life around me was normal and continued. The feeling of no progress was killing me. Some people here posted the "6 month mark" as a big step for recovery, others set that bar shorter and others longer. In my case, 6 months after I was clearly still messed up. As many of you I went to doctors looking for answers and nothing came clear. The only thing I heard that made sense somehow is that this reaction is an allergy, and that my body/brain was very sensitive to certain substances. I've met people that has got into bad brain/body reactions after, for example, taking an anti-biotic and having an allergic reaction (some of them with REAL damage forever). I'm not saying this is the answer or the reason why this happens to certain people, I'm just saying this is the only explanation I heard from a doctor that can make sense. That doctor also said "it will take time but you'll recover, just don't do it again if you know these are the consequences and your reaction". Well, after 15 months I can say he was right.
The big change started a couple of months ago (so a bit after one year from day D), and it was right after what I thought it was going back to the hole. After some weeks with most of the symptoms gone but some more present (specially the headaches and that awful feeling in the mornings after waking up), everything started to change for good. I've been already 2 months pretty much back to "normal" or at least as much as I can remember how it was to be normal. To me, the main indicator of that recovery is the fact that I don't think about this anymore, and I don't feel I can't enjoy because of this. I also think that most of us have become obsessed with this situation, so that part along with the real problem makes everything even harder.
Now, for whoever want it, this is my recipe to help recover:
- Don't ever take MDMA or ecstasy again (probably this applies to people with a bad first trip). If it's bad for you, doing it again is a HUGE risk.
- Stay away from reading the internet looking for a solution. You already know everything that can be said. You'll become addicted to the problem itself.
- Be patience. I know how hard it is, but YOU WILL BE BACK AND RECOVERED. It might take longer than you think tho.
- In my case, supplements only made everything harder to read and confused me even more. If thats your case, don't take anything. They did nothing for me.
- Limit drugs to weed (preferably indica) and alcohol if it makes you feel ok. Also notice they won't feel the same for a long time (for me, alcohol was like back to my teenage and happy weed was igniting anxiety).
- If you get depressed, take the ride and hang on. Cry, listen to music, go to the street, do whatever it takes but always remember: Things get better, I SWEAR.
- Exercise: I hate the gym, but sports are a great way to work out, socialized and forget about this crap for a while. Exercise is a great way to burn adrenaline and get you tired.
Again, this is what has worked for me so far and after a loooong time. I'm not saying there aren't faster or better ways for others, this is only my experience.
I've learned the leasson and it has been hard, very hard. But remember, even when life is very hard or challenging, there's a way out. YOU WILL RECOVER FULLY, faster or slower, but you will. The fastest you take this obsession out of your mind, the fastest you brain will start healing faster, and one day you'll be writing your last post here and the nightmare will be over.
Last, I want to truly thank everyone here that is helpful, patience, informative and nice enough to use the right words when others come with desperation looking for answers. Probably we all need to be here first to not feel alone and get some hope, and for that this the right place.
Peace to everybody and FIGHT to recover your life. I promise you will and this horrible experience will only make you stronger.
Wishing you all the fastest and best recovery!
Fidelio
I'm here after a long time not entering to BL or reading any posts about this situation we're all suffering.
Long story short: I had one pill of untested MDMA 15 months ago. Yes, only one pill, mixed with tons of alcohol during the day, some weed and a couple of lines of coke. It was the first time in my life doing any pills, and I did it with two well experienced friends. They took the same dose and didn't have any problems after, so first of all remember each body/brain can react very differently to the same drug.
Two days after that night, I started to have all the symptoms that most of you already know: anxiety for no reason, panic, head pressure, daily headaches, floaters, depression, derealization, obsession about brain damage, etc. I can tell you all, that at some point after several months with no improvement I lost faith in any other life but the hell I was living in. I seriously thought I was in an irreversible process that ruined my soul, my brain and my life for being dumb and try a drug without any information before about the risks. I was observing how I was feeling every day while life around me was normal and continued. The feeling of no progress was killing me. Some people here posted the "6 month mark" as a big step for recovery, others set that bar shorter and others longer. In my case, 6 months after I was clearly still messed up. As many of you I went to doctors looking for answers and nothing came clear. The only thing I heard that made sense somehow is that this reaction is an allergy, and that my body/brain was very sensitive to certain substances. I've met people that has got into bad brain/body reactions after, for example, taking an anti-biotic and having an allergic reaction (some of them with REAL damage forever). I'm not saying this is the answer or the reason why this happens to certain people, I'm just saying this is the only explanation I heard from a doctor that can make sense. That doctor also said "it will take time but you'll recover, just don't do it again if you know these are the consequences and your reaction". Well, after 15 months I can say he was right.
The big change started a couple of months ago (so a bit after one year from day D), and it was right after what I thought it was going back to the hole. After some weeks with most of the symptoms gone but some more present (specially the headaches and that awful feeling in the mornings after waking up), everything started to change for good. I've been already 2 months pretty much back to "normal" or at least as much as I can remember how it was to be normal. To me, the main indicator of that recovery is the fact that I don't think about this anymore, and I don't feel I can't enjoy because of this. I also think that most of us have become obsessed with this situation, so that part along with the real problem makes everything even harder.
Now, for whoever want it, this is my recipe to help recover:
- Don't ever take MDMA or ecstasy again (probably this applies to people with a bad first trip). If it's bad for you, doing it again is a HUGE risk.
- Stay away from reading the internet looking for a solution. You already know everything that can be said. You'll become addicted to the problem itself.
- Be patience. I know how hard it is, but YOU WILL BE BACK AND RECOVERED. It might take longer than you think tho.
- In my case, supplements only made everything harder to read and confused me even more. If thats your case, don't take anything. They did nothing for me.
- Limit drugs to weed (preferably indica) and alcohol if it makes you feel ok. Also notice they won't feel the same for a long time (for me, alcohol was like back to my teenage and happy weed was igniting anxiety).
- If you get depressed, take the ride and hang on. Cry, listen to music, go to the street, do whatever it takes but always remember: Things get better, I SWEAR.
- Exercise: I hate the gym, but sports are a great way to work out, socialized and forget about this crap for a while. Exercise is a great way to burn adrenaline and get you tired.
Again, this is what has worked for me so far and after a loooong time. I'm not saying there aren't faster or better ways for others, this is only my experience.
I've learned the leasson and it has been hard, very hard. But remember, even when life is very hard or challenging, there's a way out. YOU WILL RECOVER FULLY, faster or slower, but you will. The fastest you take this obsession out of your mind, the fastest you brain will start healing faster, and one day you'll be writing your last post here and the nightmare will be over.
Last, I want to truly thank everyone here that is helpful, patience, informative and nice enough to use the right words when others come with desperation looking for answers. Probably we all need to be here first to not feel alone and get some hope, and for that this the right place.
Peace to everybody and FIGHT to recover your life. I promise you will and this horrible experience will only make you stronger.
Wishing you all the fastest and best recovery!
Fidelio
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