So I was a regular user for most of last year of mephedr be and stopped its use. Then this past Thursday to Saturday I had over a gram of mdma over the course of those days. I went to a and e twice was told I was have normal signs of "MDMA" overdose but nothing serious. I wasn't dehydrated or subjecting to serotonin syndrome. So went home and slept all of Sunday then Monday morning about 2 am I started looking online and found that mdma can cause liver toxicity and cirrhosis. His started me panicking. Majorly panickingn. I could start to feel some discomfort in my right side abdomen. Also have had really dry lips and mouth and had also been constipated for 4 days at his point. I've been to the doctor and spoke to him openly about everything. He said im not jaundice, my eyes are still White. I'm not nauseous or vomiting. My urine is either weak or clear so he has no worries and this is just the comedown. So went back home and slept most of the day then woke up still feeling something in my right side. I've eaten properly and drink plenty of water and orange juice for vitamin c. Went to the toilet and my constipation is relieved but my stool was a little greedy yellow with a bit of yellow liquid/ mucus with it but not much. So this has stared me panicking again. I'm worried I might have early signs of liver damage although I could just be panicking myself. I want to go to the doctor again tomorrow and ask him about it and to take my blood for liver function. Am I right to worry and panick or should I stay calm until the signs show for liver damage/failure.
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MDMA &
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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)
- Thread starter JWills20
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letstalkaboutthis
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2015
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The chance that youre still experiencing comedown now and the panic and anxiety is part of that (it can be masked by being 'focused' on something like potential liver damage) is much, much higher than you having actual liver damage. abstruse pressure feelings all over the body can also be part of it. unfortunately if i'm right neither my nor the answer of anyone else could really help you all too much with that panic and obsessive circling about this single topic, because well, its part of the comedown, so time is more important than anything.
I think I'm just panicking but on the off chance I want to catch it quickly if there is damage so it can be prevented before anything more. Everything else seems pretty normal for a comedown. I can feel something on my lower right side. But the doctor had a look as well. Again said there nothing swollen. But I'm getting paranoid he's over looked it.
Strangestuff
Bluelighter
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- Oct 26, 2014
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Yes I still feel off but thats just about it. I have low motivation but I am able to function at a decent level at school.
Its more than just getting to the right levels though. After that happens I need to be on the treatment still in order to stabilize and allow the neurotransmitter/hormone receptors to rebuild themselves. The hormonal treatment has indirect effects on DA and 5-HT as well.
The main thing I've been dealing with is that my perceptions of myself are really off. I don't think I have DP or DR but I feel a huge sense of disconnect between my life pre LTC and life now. I keep questioning "Who am I really", etc and these thoughts generate a lot of anxiety. Like I keep worrying if I will get a sense of continuity back. But I can function. Just this sense of disconnect in time really really bothers me.
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Question:
Do you ever feel your ability to concentrate gets worse during the day when doing activities that requires focusing? Or when dealing with stress? Examples could be: Studying, working, going to meetings, being social and being "quick-witted".
I am not far away from month 4 and my situation has improved remarkably since day 1, but my ability to concentrate haven't changed as much as I had hoped. Therefore I am wondering if this really is a LTC or if I am "burnt-out" or mentally exhausted.
Do you ever feel your ability to concentrate gets worse during the day when doing activities that requires focusing? Or when dealing with stress? Examples could be: Studying, working, going to meetings, being social and being "quick-witted".
I am not far away from month 4 and my situation has improved remarkably since day 1, but my ability to concentrate haven't changed as much as I had hoped. Therefore I am wondering if this really is a LTC or if I am "burnt-out" or mentally exhausted.
JasonGreece
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- Mar 2, 2015
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Guys,i never would have imagined it would have worked,but it did.Drink daily a glass of water with salt.Mornings and Evenings.Homeopathy.It took away the anxiety almost magically.
I know you will be really suspicious on this,i was too,but please try it,never believed it could have actually worked,but it did!Took off my anxiety completely!
Hope it helps you too.
I know you will be really suspicious on this,i was too,but please try it,never believed it could have actually worked,but it did!Took off my anxiety completely!
Hope it helps you too.
Hey all.
Just updating on myself. Its now been just over 12 months. I'm doing pretty good, when my symptoms first started I went to stay with my parents and essentially sat around not doing much waiting for my symptoms to lift, it was here that things got really awful. I've noticed that no matter how bad I think I feel forcing myself to move back to college and get on with daily life helps loads. I'm scheduled to see a cardiologist again to be absolutely certain there is nothing like mitral valve prolapse causing my remaining palpitations that continue to be a problem. After speaking with a psychiatrist and disliking a few SSRIs I've taken things into my own hands. I now have a small supply of Etizolam for when anxiety gets overwhelming, beta blockers for when palpitations are bothering me and today I started tianeptine for general mood. So far so good.
I think they key to breaking anxiety is actually NOT to ignore it. If you find yourself say sitting on the sofa battling an oncoming panic attack, the worst thing you can do is sit there for hours trying to mentally battle it. Before I was scared of taking something to counteract it but actually I feel like stopping it at its roots is conditioning my brain to relax instead of being on high alert all the time.
I'm fully aware of benzo addiction and currently take etizolam no more than once a week.
Infact I'm still going to raves, I obviously don't take anything, I just have a few beers and dance for hours. I'm actually amazed at how easy it is to rave and have a great time without MDMA. I've had some of the best nights of my life at raves during my LTC.
Anyway, I would urge you all to stop looking at this situation as glass half empty, i.e stop speculating about neuronal damage and odd symptoms. Get on with your life as much as you can and if you need an antidepressant to do it then don't be afraid of doing so.
Just updating on myself. Its now been just over 12 months. I'm doing pretty good, when my symptoms first started I went to stay with my parents and essentially sat around not doing much waiting for my symptoms to lift, it was here that things got really awful. I've noticed that no matter how bad I think I feel forcing myself to move back to college and get on with daily life helps loads. I'm scheduled to see a cardiologist again to be absolutely certain there is nothing like mitral valve prolapse causing my remaining palpitations that continue to be a problem. After speaking with a psychiatrist and disliking a few SSRIs I've taken things into my own hands. I now have a small supply of Etizolam for when anxiety gets overwhelming, beta blockers for when palpitations are bothering me and today I started tianeptine for general mood. So far so good.
I think they key to breaking anxiety is actually NOT to ignore it. If you find yourself say sitting on the sofa battling an oncoming panic attack, the worst thing you can do is sit there for hours trying to mentally battle it. Before I was scared of taking something to counteract it but actually I feel like stopping it at its roots is conditioning my brain to relax instead of being on high alert all the time.
I'm fully aware of benzo addiction and currently take etizolam no more than once a week.
Infact I'm still going to raves, I obviously don't take anything, I just have a few beers and dance for hours. I'm actually amazed at how easy it is to rave and have a great time without MDMA. I've had some of the best nights of my life at raves during my LTC.
Anyway, I would urge you all to stop looking at this situation as glass half empty, i.e stop speculating about neuronal damage and odd symptoms. Get on with your life as much as you can and if you need an antidepressant to do it then don't be afraid of doing so.
I had been through the same exact thing. You are fine, you gotta stop obsessing about your body.
It turns out I had a floating piece of cartilage at the bottom right side of my ribs that broke free from playing football in highschool. I would lay on my couch when I was hungover and feel a very dull pain and then I would touch it and it would pop around. I freaked out and thought I was going to die. I didn't die. I would have never even known about it unless I was in a anxiety induced hypocondria state searching every inch of my body for something that was on the cusp of killing me.
Stop looking at your pee and poop, it is very natural to have wild variations. When I was dealing with my heightened anxiety from the LTC, I was sure I had liver failure from the drugs or drinking. I didn't, my body is normal - sometime my pee would foam because I am a guy and everyones pee foams when you stand and pee. Sometimes I would get the shits that were off color, that was because I drank a bunch of nasty booze and ate pizza at 3am.
Real liver problems are generally painless until the very late stages. If your skin and eyes are yellow and you have other very noticeable symptoms (which I am not going to list here because it is easy to obsess over them), then you are fine.
Life is far too short to spend it worrying about if you are going to die. Just remember, the #1 cause of death is being born.
Little update on Tianeptine for anyone interested. I think this drug is great for derealization issues. It gives me a feeling of clarity, like my brain is really appreciating its surroundings. Walking around today I felt outwardly focused really appreciating the world around me rather than being lost in my own head. For those that don't know Tianeptine is an unconvential antidepressant that has nearly the opposite effect that SSRIs have (it is an SSRE), this means you don't have to worry about messing with your serotonin system, there are no nasty withdrawal brain zaps etc and no sexual side effects. What is most interesting about Tianeptine is it effects both NMDA and glutamine receptors - the very areas where derealization is said to stem from. Ketamine hits the NMDA receptors which is why you feel like you're in a dream on a decent dose. Another interesting property is it supposedly promotes neurogenesis of the brain, it helps the brain reorder and repair the areas damaged by chronic stress.
So far my experience has been positive although it is not a carte-blanche for anxiety and negative emotions like SSRIs. Mood brightener is the perfect term I've seen used to describe it so far.
So far my experience has been positive although it is not a carte-blanche for anxiety and negative emotions like SSRIs. Mood brightener is the perfect term I've seen used to describe it so far.
Strangestuff
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2014
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Not planning to get on it and it may help others out but it seems like Tianeptine is not available in the US? What would one do to have to get prescribed that legally and obtained legally in the US?
Also I talked to my dr and these LTCs often have a neurohormonal component to them usually. Psych meds serve to balance this out and act on the HPA axis indirectly. I plan to do a 4x cortisol test now to see how my recovery is going. Its been like 4-5 months since the last one.
I do want to emphasize that this stuff is not considered 'brain damage'--it is a functional disorder and not an organic one--this is why any neurologist is useless. Until the field of psychoneuroendocrinology blows up its going to be tough to understand this stuff.
Also I talked to my dr and these LTCs often have a neurohormonal component to them usually. Psych meds serve to balance this out and act on the HPA axis indirectly. I plan to do a 4x cortisol test now to see how my recovery is going. Its been like 4-5 months since the last one.
I do want to emphasize that this stuff is not considered 'brain damage'--it is a functional disorder and not an organic one--this is why any neurologist is useless. Until the field of psychoneuroendocrinology blows up its going to be tough to understand this stuff.
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camelrider
Greenlighter
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- Mar 7, 2015
- Messages
- 3
I'm new here so pardon any rule-breaking or improper ettiquet but here is my story.
My whole life, I have been deemed "popular" or "cool" and have always been a well-liked person. I was always a member of the "cool crowd" growing up in school and always did extremely well academically, athletically, and socially.
Last year, I graduated high school in the top 1% of my class and am now at what can be considered the number one school in my state.
When I ventured off to school and moved out of my house, my girlfriend of four years broke up with me. I was in love, i was confident and had always been confident that we were going to get married and have a family.
Me, the popular kid that everyone thought had all of his shit together, broke down.
I started using cocaine recreationally with my fraternity brothers, a few times a month, almost right when I got off to school. Then when my girlfriend broke up with me, I became severely depressed and started using upwards of a gram a day almost instantly, then more and more and more and more.
I told my parents about my problem and they were understanding and had me see numerous psychologist and psychiatrists, where i was put on so many different medications over the next 3 months, including paxil, zoloft, prozac, abilify, trazadone, wellbutrin, buspar, klonopin, xanax, ambien,and probably some more that i can't even remember.
these medicines did nothing, and i always ended up using cocaine again. i didn't even use cocaine to get high; cocaine was simply the only anti-depressant that worked.
after i found out that my ex-girlfriend was with someone else, someone that she hung out with a lot while we were still dating, i went on a 4 day cocaine binge, ingesting probably around 6-8 grams of cocaine. no sleep, no food, probably no water.
after i finished up the rest of my coke and my roommate left, i decided that i didn't want to live anymore. i wrote out a long letter to my family and friends, then proceeded to take a bottle of 60 1mg klonopin and a bottle of 30 10mg ambien, chewing them all up, then drank some whiskey and put a plastic bag over my head with a rubber band around the base so that i would eventually pass out and then suffocate.
my roommate happened to forget his keys so when he came back into the room to grab them, he found me and ripped the bag off of my head and called 911.
i was hospitalized, 1013'd, and sent to an addiction/mental health institution for 7 days.
after i was released, i was put on more meds, but none of them worked. i continued to use cocaine pretty regularly. i withdrew from school for the rest of the semester and moved home, still using cocaine regularly.
then the spring rolled around and i went back to school. me and my girlfriend got back together, and i managed to pull my self together and stop using cocaine as much. i still had such a craving for it, and I still did it pretty regularly. like just thinking about it would make my nose water and my mouth salivate. but i managed to slow it down considerably.
i had never tried acid before, but had heard of people having profound life-changing experiences from it.
one of my friends got his hands on some blotter sheets (i guess thats what they're called) and i decided id try it with a few friends.
it completely changed my life. there is no other way to describe it besides saying that it made me realize what life is and what life isn't; whats important and whats not; etc. it made me think about things in a completely different way and appreciate what all i have.
after the first time i did LSD, i have not had the desire to do cocaine ever again. not saying this will happen to you, but it happened to me.
I've since then been conducting extensive research particularly on LSD and MDMA (I'm a psychopharmacology major).
Tonight I tried MDMA for the first time. I thoroughly enjoyed it, albeit not being able to sleep too well and some hallucinations that I wasn't expecting.
I have read through this forum hoping to know what to expect for the brutal comedown, but I fear that I read all of this too late. Obviously I am predispositioned to depression. Even though I have always appeared to have the perfect little life, I've been severely depressed most of if.
Because I attempted suicide while coming down from coke with 100% intentions of killing myself (not doing it for attention or a cry for help) I'm afraid that this comedown from this MDMA may be so severe and cause me to do the same, especially because it is going to last a helluva lot longer than a coke comedown.
I am still prescribed 60mg Prozac, 5mg abilify, and 300mg Wellbutrin but I no longer take any of them because I don't think they work and I don't like the thought of my entire well-being being dependent on an unnatural man-made pill.
I have to avoid this MDMA comedown. It hasn't started yet but I'm afraid that it might kill me; literally.
I have read through and got some good advice like 5-HTP, exercise, eat healthy, etc. but i really have to do everything in my power to avoid LTC. I know I know, I'm a psychopharmacology major and I knew what I was getting into when I dropped E, but I need more advice.
In school I am researching a chemical called Tianeptine, which is marketed as a prescription drug called Stablon overseas in EU and it is sold online In powder form here in the USA. It is a serotonin reuptake enhancer, the exact opposite of an SSRI. I have ample amounts of pure crystallized tianeptine powder and am hypothesizing that due to the reverse mechanism of an SSRI vs MDMA, this tianeptine that is an SSRE could possibly alleviate the LTC. From what I have studied, tianeptine has a relatively short half life of around 3-4 hours and is very "moreish" meaning after the effects wear off you desire to take more and more and so on.
Depending on how bad the comedown is today/tomorrow, I may experiment with the tianeptine as an LTC preventative. I will take small doses to avoid serotonin syndrome (shouldn't be a problem since I'm depleted of serotonin right now) or any other neurotransmitter problems, 12.5mg three times throughout the day. If this fails and I become severely depressed, I don't know what I'm going to do. The only thing I can do is try more conventional methods as you all suggested but if even that doesn't alleviate the depression, I will either have to continue to roll once/twice a month to make myself enjoy life or start using cocaine again to alleviate the depression. God I don't want to get back into cocaine because I've been clean for so long but it truly is the only working anti depressant as long as you have a large enough/endless supply.
UPDATE: it's spring break for my university so I don't have access to our chemistry building to get the Tianeptine. I am thinking about ordering some and having it rush delivered, or else I'll have to wait until next week when I go back to school.
My whole life, I have been deemed "popular" or "cool" and have always been a well-liked person. I was always a member of the "cool crowd" growing up in school and always did extremely well academically, athletically, and socially.
Last year, I graduated high school in the top 1% of my class and am now at what can be considered the number one school in my state.
When I ventured off to school and moved out of my house, my girlfriend of four years broke up with me. I was in love, i was confident and had always been confident that we were going to get married and have a family.
Me, the popular kid that everyone thought had all of his shit together, broke down.
I started using cocaine recreationally with my fraternity brothers, a few times a month, almost right when I got off to school. Then when my girlfriend broke up with me, I became severely depressed and started using upwards of a gram a day almost instantly, then more and more and more and more.
I told my parents about my problem and they were understanding and had me see numerous psychologist and psychiatrists, where i was put on so many different medications over the next 3 months, including paxil, zoloft, prozac, abilify, trazadone, wellbutrin, buspar, klonopin, xanax, ambien,and probably some more that i can't even remember.
these medicines did nothing, and i always ended up using cocaine again. i didn't even use cocaine to get high; cocaine was simply the only anti-depressant that worked.
after i found out that my ex-girlfriend was with someone else, someone that she hung out with a lot while we were still dating, i went on a 4 day cocaine binge, ingesting probably around 6-8 grams of cocaine. no sleep, no food, probably no water.
after i finished up the rest of my coke and my roommate left, i decided that i didn't want to live anymore. i wrote out a long letter to my family and friends, then proceeded to take a bottle of 60 1mg klonopin and a bottle of 30 10mg ambien, chewing them all up, then drank some whiskey and put a plastic bag over my head with a rubber band around the base so that i would eventually pass out and then suffocate.
my roommate happened to forget his keys so when he came back into the room to grab them, he found me and ripped the bag off of my head and called 911.
i was hospitalized, 1013'd, and sent to an addiction/mental health institution for 7 days.
after i was released, i was put on more meds, but none of them worked. i continued to use cocaine pretty regularly. i withdrew from school for the rest of the semester and moved home, still using cocaine regularly.
then the spring rolled around and i went back to school. me and my girlfriend got back together, and i managed to pull my self together and stop using cocaine as much. i still had such a craving for it, and I still did it pretty regularly. like just thinking about it would make my nose water and my mouth salivate. but i managed to slow it down considerably.
i had never tried acid before, but had heard of people having profound life-changing experiences from it.
one of my friends got his hands on some blotter sheets (i guess thats what they're called) and i decided id try it with a few friends.
it completely changed my life. there is no other way to describe it besides saying that it made me realize what life is and what life isn't; whats important and whats not; etc. it made me think about things in a completely different way and appreciate what all i have.
after the first time i did LSD, i have not had the desire to do cocaine ever again. not saying this will happen to you, but it happened to me.
I've since then been conducting extensive research particularly on LSD and MDMA (I'm a psychopharmacology major).
Tonight I tried MDMA for the first time. I thoroughly enjoyed it, albeit not being able to sleep too well and some hallucinations that I wasn't expecting.
I have read through this forum hoping to know what to expect for the brutal comedown, but I fear that I read all of this too late. Obviously I am predispositioned to depression. Even though I have always appeared to have the perfect little life, I've been severely depressed most of if.
Because I attempted suicide while coming down from coke with 100% intentions of killing myself (not doing it for attention or a cry for help) I'm afraid that this comedown from this MDMA may be so severe and cause me to do the same, especially because it is going to last a helluva lot longer than a coke comedown.
I am still prescribed 60mg Prozac, 5mg abilify, and 300mg Wellbutrin but I no longer take any of them because I don't think they work and I don't like the thought of my entire well-being being dependent on an unnatural man-made pill.
I have to avoid this MDMA comedown. It hasn't started yet but I'm afraid that it might kill me; literally.
I have read through and got some good advice like 5-HTP, exercise, eat healthy, etc. but i really have to do everything in my power to avoid LTC. I know I know, I'm a psychopharmacology major and I knew what I was getting into when I dropped E, but I need more advice.
In school I am researching a chemical called Tianeptine, which is marketed as a prescription drug called Stablon overseas in EU and it is sold online In powder form here in the USA. It is a serotonin reuptake enhancer, the exact opposite of an SSRI. I have ample amounts of pure crystallized tianeptine powder and am hypothesizing that due to the reverse mechanism of an SSRI vs MDMA, this tianeptine that is an SSRE could possibly alleviate the LTC. From what I have studied, tianeptine has a relatively short half life of around 3-4 hours and is very "moreish" meaning after the effects wear off you desire to take more and more and so on.
Depending on how bad the comedown is today/tomorrow, I may experiment with the tianeptine as an LTC preventative. I will take small doses to avoid serotonin syndrome (shouldn't be a problem since I'm depleted of serotonin right now) or any other neurotransmitter problems, 12.5mg three times throughout the day. If this fails and I become severely depressed, I don't know what I'm going to do. The only thing I can do is try more conventional methods as you all suggested but if even that doesn't alleviate the depression, I will either have to continue to roll once/twice a month to make myself enjoy life or start using cocaine again to alleviate the depression. God I don't want to get back into cocaine because I've been clean for so long but it truly is the only working anti depressant as long as you have a large enough/endless supply.
UPDATE: it's spring break for my university so I don't have access to our chemistry building to get the Tianeptine. I am thinking about ordering some and having it rush delivered, or else I'll have to wait until next week when I go back to school.
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camelrider
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2015
- Messages
- 3
Wow! I didn't realize tianeptine had already been brought up! I guess you beat me to it! Please do keep me updated with the progress and possibly side effects. From my work in school with tianeptine, I know that it is very addictive and you shouldn't really take it more than 3-4 days a week. Be careful and don't take huge doses either. It's easy to want to take big doses when a medicine actually works and does what it is supposed to do.
Well, close. We all have anxiety disorders, which cause depersonalization/derealization.
My DP/DR and brain fog still present, but are clearing. It took 6 months. The first 2-3 were the worst. A special kind of hell on earth. I, like many others, considered taking my life.
The visual snow remains. No real change, at least I don't think. This one still drags me down, every single day. If anyone can send me some hope regarding my eyesight, I'd really appreciate it right now.
Totally.
Nausea
Paraesthesia
Digestion problems
Low/no appetite
High heart rate
Shakes/tremors (these were AWFUL)
Brain zaps
Actually, come to think of it, the first few months weren't too far off the mark from delirium tremens:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delirium_tremens
Whereabouts are you? I'm in Toronto.
I had awful floaters. They were MASSIVE. Every single day. They have subsided. I haven't noticed one in months.
The snow however, really kills me. I can't convince myself that it will ever stop. I get so frustrated sometimes I feel I could gouge my own eyes out.
Zoloft/Sertraline.
Sorry for the late reply. Yes, MUCH worse in the mornings. Especially the first 10-15 mins after waking up. Not really sure what this means.
The V.S. and photosensitivity haven't really changed. My other HPPD symptoms (floaters) did clear. I guess that's something.
I feel for you immensely. I took 4 months off work and barely left my bedroom. I was convinced my life was over and I'd have to move in with my parents and be some sort of shut-in/vegetable. Getting back into it was quite scary, and I'm only part-time now (as opposed to FT before), but I'm a 'functional' human again. Albeit less active and social than before. But I have a job. My own place. A girlfriend. A band. It's very hard to balance it all - and I do lose my shit and break down into a crying fit or panic attack at times - but I am doing it.
Anyone reading this knows that truer words have never been spoken. Please stay strong.
SSRI's. But, I don't think anxiety is something you can just throw pills at. You need to live well, eat well, sleep well, keep busy, meditate.
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