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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

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Hi,

After taking MDMA one time and really feeling depressed for a month, started reading about alternate antidepressants. After what i had read, there was simply NO WAY i was going to take the prescription meds offered by doctors, and the side effects seemed horrible. Considering i was not too far gone, i could put up with day to day activities without needing something. But there was definitely something wrong...anyway....long story short, a friend of mine the USA gave me a couple pills and said he used them for his SAD. The rest of that day i felt normal, the first time i have felt normal in a while. Fond out he had given me Stablon (Tianeptine). Not sure if anyone is interested, but i have now started getting if from eBay, and it works. Can anyone tell me if they know a cheaper place to get it? Thanks
 
About 2 weeks on Tianeptine here. It has flown by. On citalopram (SSRI) I was counting the days every day felt so rough and I felt so icky. Tianeptine is EXACTLY what I was looking for, no horrible side effects, generally puts me in a better mood and stops negative thoughts. For the first time since my LTC started (and perhaps even before) I am living a balanced lifestyle, I get up in the morning, go to college, spend the day doing work and socialise in the evening. I still have nasty heart palps but I really don't care about them anymore and just do what I want. Not depressed or derealized at all now which is fantastic. Remaining symptoms:
- Muscle twitching
- Heart pounding / skipped beats
- Jaw / facial troubles resulting from teeth grinding (really thanks for this LTC.)
 
Hmm really seems like this Tianeptine is a wonder medication. It really sucks that it isn't available legally in the USA.

Seems like it hits the glutamate system.
 
It isnt available in my country either, but my doctor wrote me a prescription so that i could import it myself legally.
 
Can you tell me for what tianeptine is helping?
How you feel better and what symptoms become better?
 
ShortTermExpert said:
And as for the weird dark episodes of existential despair and terror, maybe the end of the year. And maybe I'll have them forever.
Click to expand...

I spent 6 months thinking that, most every second of every day. But no, you won't. I'm telling you that right now with utmost confidence. Keep your focus toward the light at the end of the tunnel. If others can recover, so can we.
 
The hellish torture of dread, despair and anxiety was what recovered first for me. The indescribable (!) dread/mental torture/death left me completely after 2-3 months. Anxiety left me completely after around 8 months.

For over a year what I feared most was the feeling that stayed with me for longer and shorter periods during the first 2,5 months. I don't know how to describe it but it's been the symptom I've feared most during my ltc. I haven't experienced it for over a year, and now I doubt I will ever experience it again. Thank goodness. Compared to that feeling every other symptoms is really a breeze.
 
Tpchan85 said:
About 2 weeks on Tianeptine here. It has flown by. On citalopram (SSRI) I was counting the days every day felt so rough and I felt so icky. Tianeptine is EXACTLY what I was looking for, no horrible side effects, generally puts me in a better mood and stops negative thoughts. For the first time since my LTC started (and perhaps even before) I am living a balanced lifestyle, I get up in the morning, go to college, spend the day doing work and socialise in the evening. I still have nasty heart palps but I really don't care about them anymore and just do what I want. Not depressed or derealized at all now which is fantastic. Remaining symptoms:
- Muscle twitching
- Heart pounding / skipped beats
- Jaw / facial troubles resulting from teeth grinding (really thanks for this LTC.)
Click to expand...

Good to hear that you're feeling better. While I've never touched Tianeptine, I did do some reading up regarding its MOA - interesting stuff.

Re. your muscle twitching and really bad sounding palpitations (heart pounding / skipped beats): would you consider trying to use an Omega 3 + Magnesium supplement combo for a few weeks? The Magnesium supports bone health and muscle function, while the Omega 3 is said to aid in Cardiovascular health and Brain function.

In fact, Omega 3 seems like such a beneficial polyunsaturated fat that I read somewhere about the FDA supposedly recommend to whom it may concern that Omega 3 be added to Infant Formula.

The reason I ask is because, well, I tried using it, and felt that it did a good job of aiding my cardiovascular system and brain function in the long run, but unfortunately I don't have any objective evidence to prove it.

I've dealt myself with a bad case of what I called "an uncomfortable awareness of [my] heartbeat." It used to drive me nuts whenever I'd try to get some rest because I'd be unable to fall asleep. It was also the last symptom to continue to affect me due to my former so called 'LTC.' And um, there were times when my heart would skip a beat and I'd be able to feel it, and unfortunately it would almost always result in a great deal of anxiety, as well as a panic attack early on, but I digress, good day :)
 
ScaredFirstTimer said:
For over a year what I feared most was the feeling that stayed with me for longer and shorter periods during the first 2,5 months. I don't know how to describe it but it's been the symptom I've feared most during my ltc. I haven't experienced it for over a year, and now I doubt I will ever experience it again. Thank goodness. Compared to that feeling every other symptoms is really a breeze.
Click to expand...

I've really been giving this feeling you're a re talking about some thoughts lately - As you know it was kind of similar with me. I've no idea what it really was. After the first three months of hell, there was no doubt that what I experienced afterwards was anxiety and a minor depression - feelings I can still relate to sometimes, even though I no longer consider myself anxious or depressed. But that weird feeling the first 2-3 months is just impossible to describe really. Going back to my former posts both on this forum and others, it's really hard to make any sense of what I was experiencing, and today it's all so blurry and unrelatable.

Anyways, hope you're doing good Scared !
 
ro4eva said:
Re. your muscle twitching and really bad sounding palpitations (heart pounding / skipped beats): would you consider trying to use an Omega 3 + Magnesium supplement combo for a few weeks? The Magnesium supports bone health and muscle function, while the Omega 3 is said to aid in Cardiovascular health and Brain function.
Click to expand...
I have been taking 200 - 400mg of Mag. citrate before bed for some weeks now, it actually seems to help greatly in calming my palpitations but doesn't get rid of them fully. When I rigidly stuck to 400mg daily for a few weeks my skipped beats actually went away completely but as soon as I stopped taking that much they came back! I will try omega 3 and also am considering trying some Taurine. I am seeing a second cardiologist tomorrow to rule out any kind of heart valve related cause of palpitations. If he can't find anything then it's a case of continuing on the same path minimising symptoms and treating anxiety.
 
Delfin said:
I've really been giving this feeling you're a re talking about some thoughts lately - As you know it was kind of similar with me. I've no idea what it really was. After the first three months of hell, there was no doubt that what I experienced afterwards was anxiety and a minor depression - feelings I can still relate to sometimes, even though I no longer consider myself anxious or depressed. But that weird feeling the first 2-3 months is just impossible to describe really. Going back to my former posts both on this forum and others, it's really hard to make any sense of what I was experiencing, and today it's all so blurry and unrelatable.

Anyways, hope you're doing good Scared !
Click to expand...

Yeah man, I am doing good. A few days after my last update on here most symptoms seemed to fade and the last 2 weeks have been the best weeks of my entire LTC :). Hope you're doing good too brother, we'll have to catch up on skype one of these days.
 
Tianipine is legally available in the USA, you can get it online. It is an amazing medication.

I have never taken it myself, but it has done amazing things for one of my friends who did not want to deal with SSRIs but wanted some help with their mood.
 
By the way everyone---another test that you should do and might have done already is a simple Lipid Panel to check for low cholesterol levels.

Yes low cholesterol levels have been linked to a predisposition for anxiety/depression. High cholesterol isn't as bad as people make it out to be. Cholesterol is involved in steroidogenesis and also functions in the brain as part of the myelin sheaths.

My theory (not verified) is that perhaps it is possible that the low cholesterol may have caused the issues with recovery of some of the neuroendocrine systems after MDMA.
 
hoketus said:
I spent 6 months thinking that, most every second of every day. But no, you won't. I'm telling you that right now with utmost confidence. Keep your focus toward the light at the end of the tunnel. If others can recover, so can we.
Click to expand...

Thanks man, appreciated. I think deep down I know that, it's just hard to stay focused sometimes.

In fairness I'm not getting them very often nowadays anyway. In fact, my mood has stabilised MASSIVELY in the past couple of weeks. Hopefully it stays that way.

Remaining issues for me: palpitations (albeit much reduced) unrelated to anxiety, flat libido, and I'm still a bit shaky sometimes, again, much reduced.

Sort of counting the days until I hear back from my bloodtest which was done on Wednesday. I should know by Wednesday next week. She's checking basic blood count, thyroid function and testosterone. I think between them I'll have a fairly comprehensive overview of anything that's amiss.
 
i told myself last weekend i wouldn't roll again, i had amazing time rolling & dancing last weekend. then i rolled yesterday was weak but had me dancing. now i feel like crap again.
 
trancetasy said:
i told myself last weekend i wouldn't roll again, i had amazing time rolling & dancing last weekend. then i rolled yesterday was weak but had me dancing. now i feel like crap again.
Click to expand...

"What goes up, must come down," unfortunately, but I digress.

========================================

What I'd like to briefly touch upon has already been brought up a few months ago (IIRC), but I'll repeat it regardless because it really helped me with respect to LTC-related anxiety, panic attacks, and insomnia. And perhaps those of you who missed it the first time around may end up benefiting from its use.

I'm speaking about a supportive / augmentative practice known as 'Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response' or 'ASMR' for short.

There is some evidence that certain sounds can help reduce symptoms associated with mood disorders (Anxiety, Depression, etc.) just by choosing to listen to them. And LTC sufferers may also benefit.

If you currently own, or, if you can get yourself a decent pair of noise-cancelling (over-the-ear) headphones (to block out potentially bothersome ambient noise), and then hook them em up to any electronic device which can playback (free) 'ASMR' YouTube videos, you may find that it helps you to relax - maybe even to significantly lower LTC-related symptoms such as anxiety, insomnia, heart palpitations, and so forth, although I cannot guarantee anything since we're all wired a little differently.

Again though, give it a try if you wish, and you may be (pleasantly) surprised with the results, good day :)
 
after a home made milk shake of strawberry, mango, banana, lemon and coconut almond milk. my body felt better and then i had some hot soup. off to sleep had three of the weirdest dreams ever.
today at work was a little rough but i made it.

now i'm listening to
 
ShortTermExpert said:
Thanks man, appreciated. I think deep down I know that, it's just hard to stay focused sometimes.

In fairness I'm not getting them very often nowadays anyway. In fact, my mood has stabilised MASSIVELY in the past couple of weeks. Hopefully it stays that way.

Remaining issues for me: palpitations (albeit much reduced) unrelated to anxiety, flat libido, and I'm still a bit shaky sometimes, again, much reduced.

Sort of counting the days until I hear back from my bloodtest which was done on Wednesday. I should know by Wednesday next week. She's checking basic blood count, thyroid function and testosterone. I think between them I'll have a fairly comprehensive overview of anything that's amiss.
Click to expand...

Thats good--just know that the dr may tell you its all normal even though it may not be so you should for sure ask to take a copy of the results. For example, in your 20s, the T should be in the 600s-700s. For thyroid function, TSH isn't enough and you need to get free T3/total T4 checked.

For most LTCs cortisol is likely involved. It has to be logically--cortisol is involved in pretty much every single mental health issue in some way. Its more complex than just a blood test and has to do with the circadian rhythm or metabolism being disrupted in some way most likely. That is why a reputable saliva test 24 hr is best.

For example-- noise senstivity, light sensitivity, poor response to stress, palpitations, etc can all be issues related to cortisol
 
I keep asking myself if I can actually die from this. This is my biggest fear. If I knew for a fact that its a 100% no, then I would be at peace.
 
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