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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

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chingon said:
Hi, all. I have two questions (and I hope they are appropriate):

1) Do those who get inflicted by LTC usually have a history with anxiety? I have read most of this thread and several separate ones, though not the previous MDMA recovery thread, so I guess this question goes to those who might have formed an impression based on years of reading about LTC here.

2) To those who have recovered and say they enjoy happiness again: How would you compare this happiness with your most euphoric experiences on MDMA?

PS. The quality of the posts in this thread is remarkable. Thanks, guys, and please keep it up!
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1) no, and if i had , not even close to this LTC anxiety.
2) along my recovery i felt times of pure happiness like before, exactly the same. from now the most euphoric experience was on MDMA, but i'm saying euphoric, not happiest. When you are in a LTC you learn to separate euphoria and happiness, i was euphoric on MDMA, but not happy. I thought the whole formula serotonin = happiness , how wrong i was! i had moments full of anxiety and but someway i felt happy hugging my family, or friends or watching documentaries about quantum physics (i love that stuff seriously) even with my empty soul during the LTC.
 
hi guys. Jenn here saying that it gets better as time goes. I hit the 6 month. I would never ever ever think I would ever see the day. I would say I'm at 85 percent on a really good day. it varies. but nothing compared to the beginning. hell noo. I have a concert to go to in one month. and that'll be a test if I can go through it. main and only problem is anxiety!!!!! nothing else. I freaked out at a concert didnt even go inside and went home in tears but I was at 3 months. so i can do it!! :) I still have seconds of panic but they go in and leave my brain quickly. I have more control of it. no meds. no caffeine. no therapy. no DRUGS. Happy holidays! !!! there is hope.
 
after 4 years since my last MDMA i can say i have partially recovered. the areas i have most difficulty with are abstract reasoning and picturing things in my head, which is extremely sad since im an artist
has anyone found something to help particularly in these fields??
 
ro4eva said:
Hey rphilli72, haven't spoken with you in a while; been thinking about you with respect to your quality of life due to the present circumstances, and how you're holding up.

And if you don't mind me asking, I'm wondering whether there has been a definite improvement overall in your severity/frequency/number of symptoms in the past couple of months?

Or, would you say you've hit - what seems to be - more of a bumpy plateau and are struggling to progress further up the 'recovery ladder?'

Or have things been going mostly backwards of late (hopefully not)?

For what it's worth, I'm keeping you and other BLers suffering from these tormenting symptoms in my thoughts and prayers. Maybe it'll do some good - who knows?

I really wish you all the best buddy - take care.
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Anytime I am not on here, it's usually a good sign...lol. I am at about 10 months and I am mostly in the clear. Most days I don't even think about the LTC and I am interviewing for jobs currently. So, I'm basically moving on. That does not mean I NEVER have a symptom flare up because I do especially if I am tired or lacking sleep. I also drink again on occasion with no problems whatsoever although I don't particularly enjoy drinking that much anymore.

For all of those out there still suffering in the more chronic stages, IT GETS BETTER! Time is basically the answer to almost every question. Time measured in months if not more. That's just the way it is. And, I highly suggest not trying to determine whether you're brain damaged or not - nobody in here can say definitively one way or the other because nobody knows the answer. And, does it really matter? Recovery is the only thing that matters and you WILL recover.
 
Only anxiety left here. CONFIRMED. Did like 200 backflips and off the balcony at my cottage and did not notice any motion sickness or dizzyness! Hope people ! much love!
 
To the person who asked about rolling again. I did that exactly 12 months after triggering my ltc (a few months after deciding I was recovered).

I triggeref bad DR which lasted about 4 days after but I kept calm about it and applied the lessons I learnred from the first come down and cbt. It went away much much quicker and after about 2 weeks I was back to 100%. This episode confirmed that my LTC was anxiety based. I have now rolled 10ish times since my LTC with absolutely no problem. I will feel a bit zonked for a few days and sometimes experience mild DR but I have learned to accept DR as a mild temporary symptom of anxiety and it never lasts more than a day before i feel fine. Ghe worst part of the comedowns for me now is being hungover and dehydrated and exhausted.
 
Short update,
after a nasty setback I feel a lot better again.:) Seems like things go for good again. Only thing is the thought of getting crazy/schizophrenic. That bothers me since a few days.
I know its bullshit, but the scenario of having strange thoughts(what was one symptom during LTC for me, and still sometimes is) which arent no more controlable and come out of the nothing makes me a bit scared. I even asked myself if the all day thinking isnt a bit schizo like, I mean if you try to make a decision you are pondering with some kind of second opinion. Im so to say a bit scared of my own inner voice, even if I know its absurd.

Well, as always it is probably just anxiety making my mind shaky.
 
Im seeing people here saying that they are experiencing a LTC after 1 ecstasy pill. OMFG PLEASE. Dont ever touch drugs again and never come back. My god.
 
^i got this one my first pill. One drop. One hand gesture that changed 9 months+ of my life.
 
i am pretty sure we all have an anxiety disorder called depersonalization/derealization. it is typical to get this disorder from drugs. a lot of people also have this from smoking weed.
why i think this is our disorder and no long term comedown. it doesnt depend how much mdma you have done or how often before you have done it. some get this on their first time, some on their 500.
all the symptoms we are suffering from are the same that the guys from dpselfhelp.com write about: anxiety, no feeling of positive emotions, low sex drive, tinnitus, brain fog, occasional thoughts, depression, fatique,...
so im pretty sure there is no long term comedown and no brain damage. it is a chemical brain imbalance, yeah but not real a damage.

the only good is that the disorder is nothing to worry about because nobody gets crazy. but it is not easy to overcome it and that scared the shit out of me. i am super anxious about living my whole life feeling like a zombie and everyday permanent anxiety.
what do you think?
 
I am close to have researched the whole internet looking for social anxiety issues coming from a LTC but can't seem to find that almost any of them. Is there any one here who has been experiencing social anxiety? Like having difficulties speaking (physically) to people, making eye contact etc. and almost feel like you're going to die when doing so? I am starting to believe that I have developed a social anxiety disorder as a side effect of my LTC... So soon I will meet with a psychologist. Currently I am 6 weeks in to my LTC.
 
does anybody of you guys have the link to the free pdf from "at last a life" from paul david?
 
Brain zaps, visual snow, longterm comedowns.

So I started doing MDMA last year at university, first time was probably around this exact time last year actually. And the third time I did it I actually suffered a longterm comedown, which lasted from Easter last year, all the way to the end of the summer this year, effects being Anxiety, and derealization, no depression at all or anything like that.

Although i did potentially over do it that night, and I think I actually did some the night before, but diddent feel anything that night, but felt really weird the day after, shortness of breath was actually present, and I still did MDMA that night. And then I had I a longterm come down.

Yes, before you say, I know I did it too much, I was new to MDMA and was potentially naive. So between that night I must of gave it about a 6month break to my next roll. Start of Uni this year I did it every fortnight for two months, with one back to back week in there, one month later I foolishly did it 3 times in one week, with a day in between, but these were all not planned and actually offered. After that 3 in a week binge, the last roll gave me my first proper come down, lasted for about two days and was depressed etc, but nothing I couldn't handle.

Anyway, gave it a month after that and did a quarter of a gram, standard dose for me, but this time it felt different, I came up just as hard, but It lacked the empathy, and diddent last as long, as well I came down really fast, BZP Mabye? I don't know.. also, I took alpha lipoic acid every hour of the roll, probably about 600mg in total, and 3000mg of vitamin C throughout the night, so I was prepared.

That night I got about an hours sleep if that, as I had a presentation at Uni, haha yeah I know, fuck that, while on a comedown, which was potentially the hardest thing I've ever done. But I put feeling shit mainly down to lack of sleep. Anyway felt fine since then, but strangely one month after that night I poped a 5-HTP and some of the symptoms have from my longterm comedown came back, anxiety, I'm noticing visual snow a lot more, but these are all far far more manageable and mild compared to the actual long term comedown symptoms. I've been taking fish oils omega 3 and vitamin c and Alpha lipoic acid since those symptoms and they are going, Mabye it's my brain healing itself proper after all this time? The only thing which I'm intrigued about is this sort of occasional warm tingling sensation I get in my head occasionly throughout the day, I've heard about brain zaps and everything, but these don't feel electrical or particularly unpleasant, just a bit weird.. Anyway, just be interested to know if anyone here has any simmiliar experiences, oh and I'm planning on taking MDMA about 2 months from now, do you think that's Ok, that would make it a 3month break.

Thanks ???
 
What do you think is a good medication against the anxiety except benzos? It is hard to handle at the moment?
 
Binsmokey said:
So I started doing MDMA last year at university, first time was probably around this exact time last year actually. And the third time I did it I actually suffered a longterm comedown, which lasted from Easter last year, all the way to the end of the summer this year, effects being Anxiety, and derealization, no depression at all or anything like that.

Although i did potentially over do it that night, and I think I actually did some the night before, but diddent feel anything that night, but felt really weird the day after, shortness of breath was actually present, and I still did MDMA that night. And then I had I a longterm come down.

Yes, before you say, I know I did it too much, I was new to MDMA and was potentially naive. So between that night I must of gave it about a 6month break to my next roll. Start of Uni this year I did it every fortnight for two months, with one back to back week in there, one month later I foolishly did it 3 times in one week, with a day in between, but these were all not planned and actually offered. After that 3 in a week binge, the last roll gave me my first proper come down, lasted for about two days and was depressed etc, but nothing I couldn't handle.

Anyway, gave it a month after that and did a quarter of a gram, standard dose for me, but this time it felt different, I came up just as hard, but It lacked the empathy, and diddent last as long, as well I came down really fast, BZP Mabye? I don't know.. also, I took alpha lipoic acid every hour of the roll, probably about 600mg in total, and 3000mg of vitamin C throughout the night, so I was prepared.

That night I got about an hours sleep if that, as I had a presentation at Uni, haha yeah I know, fuck that, while on a comedown, which was potentially the hardest thing I've ever done. But I put feeling shit mainly down to lack of sleep. Anyway felt fine since then, but strangely one month after that night I poped a 5-HTP and some of the symptoms have from my longterm comedown came back, anxiety, I'm noticing visual snow a lot more, but these are all far far more manageable and mild compared to the actual long term comedown symptoms. I've been taking fish oils omega 3 and vitamin c and Alpha lipoic acid since those symptoms and they are going, Mabye it's my brain healing itself proper after all this time? The only thing which I'm intrigued about is this sort of occasional warm tingling sensation I get in my head occasionly throughout the day, I've heard about brain zaps and everything, but these don't feel electrical or particularly unpleasant, just a bit weird.. Anyway, just be interested to know if anyone here has any simmiliar experiences, oh and I'm planning on taking MDMA about 2 months from now, do you think that's Ok, that would make it a 3month break.

Thanks ������
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Welcome to bluelight!

Going to merge this into the MDMA recovery thread. You'll find people with comparable experiences and stories to share in there, I've seen some fantastic support given there to people that need it. This is not permanent, it never is. Try to go on with your life as best as you can and it will pass in time. Other bluelighters more knowledgeable than me on the subject will be able to offer you better advice
 
I Won't recommend any GABA agonist, benzos, chamomile, valerian...instead try Glutamate antagonist.
 
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