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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

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Guys I overdid it on friday.
I was so drunk that I got a black out. A budy of me told me I smoked some weed with other dudes.
Yesterday I just had an hangover, but today Im worrying about I made a huge mistake.
Dunno what was first: The anxiety or the thought of going back to square 1.
Once this thought manifested everyting went pretty bad.
Damn it. I hope this is just a short setback.
Anyone of you guys who recovered had a point where you thought you have might ruined your progress?
 
I don't think setbacks is a thing. Here's what I think is the most logical explaination for this shit we have:

I think what we have, whatever it is, chemical imbalance or whatnot, will revert itself in a slow curve. Whatever is it, this existing or unknown problem we have, creates anxiety. We all have anxiety here. And as we learn to control the anxiety, the symptoms should and will fade little by little. I have taken enormous risks by using my adhd meds to see if it would set me back because of the induced amphetamine anxiety, after being nearly recovered. ANYTHING that rises anxiety, will make it seem like you are getting worse. I could writte a book about this with the data I collected. Its very long to write and I wont do it, but anxiety is the major factor here.

What we have creates anxiety, and feeds on it. So drinking alcohol is good, but if you do so in a way that you are so drunk that it makes you anxious during the experience or the day after, its not worth it. I'm kind of having a idea salad in my head right now and im having issues writting it down with my poor english skills. But don't give up, victory COULD be just a few days ahead. Just gotta wait.
 
I know it might sound unmanly but i dont care. Most of the day i've been crying seeing as i cant work and i might not even be able to visiting my family over christmas due to my symptoms.
I feel that to much stimulus (sounds,people) makes my symptoms temporary worse. My self asteem is at rock bottom, and the feeling of hopelessness is killing me slowly.
I live in a city all alone where the only comfort i get is from my therapist. I regret that i overdid it that night. I regret that it cost me my job and my good income that i worked 8 years
to get and that i completly destroyed in 1 night. Seeing that theres nothing i can do more then wait and pray that i will get better is so damn hard. I know its not a long time.
Ive had this shit for 6.5 weeks. Im so scared and weak and dont know what to do. I just wanted to share what im going through as not even my doctors seem to care/understand.

The symptoms that i have follows:

* "Dizziness" (as if my eyes dont sync) from the moment i wake up to i go to bed. This has lessened compared to week 1-2 when this all started.
* Dizziness feeling in the head as if im on a boat.
* Blurry vision. My near-sigh is fine and feels quite normal. I struggle some reading texts on the web.
Beyond a few meters nothing that i see looks sharp. Ive never had any eye problems before.
its like my eyes can focus.
* Pressure behind my eyes.
* Halos arround light/starbursts. Streetlight and christmas decorational light is the worst.
* Headaches that come and go quite frequent.
* Tinnitus that i manage to deal with most of the time.

New symptom that started 4-5 days ago:

* Visual snow. Ive had this shit all my life in a mild/unnoticeable form that never affected me. But last few days its gotten intense.
While some of my symptoms start to get slowly better is been replaced with this issue. Its worst in the morning and everything looks really
grindy. For people who dont know what it is heres a good example: Visual snow
* My eye adaptation to darkness is nearly non excisting.
 
hey inzania,
you made 6.5 weeks allready. The worst time are the first 2 months. Keep fighting on. You will make this. Just be patient.it will get better soon !
 
Here is my LTC theory:

So the day after MDMA you often feel the typical comedown symptoms like anxiety/depression. These symptoms are caused by a temporary physiologic disturbance in the serotonin system as well as dopamine, NE systems to some extent. Additionally, your HPA axis gets thrown off balance as well due to the massive cortisol release MDMA causes. If you start stressing over the initial comedown, then you just create more problems since you aren't allowing these systems to recover on their own and thus create a gen anxiety problem....
 
Strangestuff said:
Here is my LTC theory:

So the day after MDMA you often feel the typical comedown symptoms like anxiety/depression. These symptoms are caused by a temporary physiologic disturbance in the serotonin system as well as dopamine, NE systems to some extent. Additionally, your HPA axis gets thrown off balance as well due to the massive cortisol release MDMA causes. If you start stressing over the initial comedown, then you just create more problems since you aren't allowing these systems to recover on their own and thus create a gen anxiety problem....
Click to expand...

I totally agree
Thats why this "LTC" happens to people who took it for their first time, a unfamiliar high dosage, or if the product isnt clean and causes a harsh comedown.
 
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^^^^^^this theory is legit as fuck. If you look at all the clues. Many people here got this from their first use. My best friend got a huge panic attack after his first pill last month and i knew if i didnt help he woukd go in ltc so I talked to him for hours and he was at peace. He never got into a tlc afterwards. This makes alot alot alot alot of sense since I get well overnight from the use of alcohol. How would you stop the anxiety circle?
 
He could be correct. I still can't say for sure that I damaged my noodle.

Edit - About a year after I recovered, I stopped even bothering with respect to trying to find a definitive reason why I became sick for ~19 months. It was actually more detrimental to my health than beneficial, because I'd repeatedly have these episodes after reading certain forum posts where I'd become really depressed and anxious (while I was still sick, that is). And that's why I encourage others to not bother with the research, or, at the very least, to take it easy, because it could just make things (symptoms) unnecessarily worse. Yeah...
 
Hey guys I did some research and the results were retardedly surprising. Before talking that pill I ate bad. Hydrated poorly, didnt exercise at all and thook VYVANSE 40MG daily. Amphetamine product for people unfamiliar. Ive found threads of people not even on mdma, juste vyvanse, who experienced brain fog and etc due to cortisol levels. I cant help myself but to say that the chronic high cortisol levels being uncontrolled may very well be the root of this shit. Anyone has any input on this?
 
Cortisol could very well be an important part of this, considering how MDMA influences cortisol acutely and how it may or may not damage the hypothalamus or pituitary gland in some way, or throw the HPA off balance, or exhaust the adrenal glands in the long term.

Some LTC'ers have had very good results by medicating with hydrocortisone orally.
 
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ScaredFirstTimer said:
Cortisol could very well be an important part of this, considering how MDMA influences cortisol acutely and how it may or may not damage the hypothalamus or pituitary gland in some way, or throw the HPA off balance, or exhaust the adrenal glands in the long term.

Some LTC'ers have had very good results by medicating with hydrocortisol orally.
Click to expand...

Yea--this is why I suggest people here go to the doctor and get hormones checked out: Pregnenolone, Cortisol, DHEA-S, Testosterone, Free T3, TSH. I had testosterone issues and now im 70% recovered--just came off a med so my body needs to adjust but once that happens I am supposedly going to be 100%

Also, you have to realize that you can't stress about recovery if you want to recover. Meds like SSRIs will only help take the edge off but in the end its your body which will recover.
 
Has anyone here experienced severe chronic short term/working/spatial memory loss from the extensive use of MDMA/Ecstasy and Cannabis?

I'm currently in month 5 of my LTC and my memory is frightening to say the least. I cannot recall much from the day besides the main points (in which take much longer to recall than before). My working memory is nil, to the point where I can not even keep up with a thread on BL because I can't associate with who said what. Doing any tasks that require working memory (cleaning room, cleaning car, cooking etc) is hopeless as I constantly get distracted or forget what step I'm up to/what I'm doing).

To say the least, I would now be the worst employee, and doubt I could do any of my previous jobs adequately, all in which I used to excel at.

Another example is that I booked myself into ER two weeks ago because I was freaking out.. and then got sent home and told I'm all good... The next day it didn't even feel like I had been to the ER the day before, It's as if nothing registers in my memory.. Originally I would refer to this as 'Brain Fog' but as time has gone on I've come to the conclusion that it's short term memory.

I constantly re-read the same threads/posts/ every day because they all feel some-what novel, even though I get de-ja-vu and know I have read them many times before...
 
thefinalpush said:
Has anyone here experienced severe chronic short term/working/spatial memory loss from the extensive use of MDMA/Ecstasy and Cannabis?
Click to expand...

I'm not sure about Cannabis Sativa, however with respect to the consumption of ecstasy/MDMA, I don't recall anyone who has posted here - regarding currently ongoing LTC symptoms - not complain about significant issues with short term memory. And I can confirm that I was also severely affected during my time - as if I had begun to also experience the beginning of ADD.

I clearly remember struggling to read one page out of a favorite novel, as if my mind suddenly wandered off into the clouds. That's just one example of but one category out of a near-countless amount of STM issues during my so called 'LTC.' Thankfully, I'm doing much better now.
 
Do you also have the same problem as me to feel like shit after wacking up in the morning. I can sleep full 9 hours and if a stand up in the morning it feels like i hardly got any sleep.
So feeling tired and fatique.
What can i do against that. Do you think it is brain fog?
 
kracke said:
Do you also have the same problem as me to feel like shit after wacking up in the morning. I can sleep full 9 hours and if a stand up in the morning it feels like i hardly got any sleep.
So feeling tired and fatique.
What can i do against that. Do you think it is brain fog?
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Do you snore during your sleep? And/or are you overweight?

You could try to go to a sleep clinic to be tested for Sleep Apnea and/or other sleep disorders.

That said, I too used to wake up feeling like complete shit during my LTC. And paradoxically, the more hours I would sleep, the worse it would be, as if the problem was due to some auto-immune illness, but I have no proof of this, and I can't say I care too much since it's been resolved.
 
Civic Si said:
Hey Everyone,

I need some advice as I feel I'm barely holding on at work. My head pressure is just sucking the life out of me and I'm in a demanding job. I don't know what to do and I'm honestly scared. I made a stupid mistake by taking that MDMA garbage which I've only done twice in my entire life and now feel I've ruined my future. I don't know what to do, I feel like no one can understand what were going through except the people who are suffering. Any advice or tips that helped would be appreciated because I'm honestly losing hope. I worked so hard to get to where I'm at and feel like I am gonna lose everything because of one stupid mistake. I took a stupid MDMA pill and now feel like I'm trapped in this mental jail with no end in sight.

Sorry for ranting but I'm lost and need some guidance and hope.

Thanks.
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I don't know what to tell you. The head pressure seems to be the last symptom to go and even then it's the one symptom that will rear it's ugly head again on rare occasions even after it finally disappears. Time is all that can heal you at this point or you could possibly try a SSRI if you get desperate. Or, actually, I think xanax took care of this symptom as well. The head pressure is basically because your/our brain chemicals are all out of whack.
 
Has anyone looked into a non SSRI med for this? I'm just curious-not planning to go on any since im almost there at 70%.

Like gabapentin? It seems similar to but safer than a benzo.
 
Strangestuff said:
Has anyone looked into a non SSRI med for this? I'm just curious-not planning to go on any since im almost there at 70%.

Like gabapentin? It seems similar to but safer than a benzo.
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Tianeptine. I started a week ago. Will give a report when it has settled.

Do some research on it. It does not work like a traditional TCA so don't compare it with those. Multiple LTC sufferers have tried it, some with good results.
 
rphilli72 said:
I don't know what to tell you. The head pressure seems to be the last symptom to go and even then it's the one symptom that will rear it's ugly head again on rare occasions even after it finally disappears. Time is all that can heal you at this point or you could possibly try a SSRI if you get desperate. Or, actually, I think xanax took care of this symptom as well. The head pressure is basically because your/our brain chemicals are all out of whack.
Click to expand...

Hey rphilli72, haven't spoken with you in a while; been thinking about you with respect to your quality of life due to the present circumstances, and how you're holding up.

And if you don't mind me asking, I'm wondering whether there has been a definite improvement overall in your severity/frequency/number of symptoms in the past couple of months?

Or, would you say you've hit - what seems to be - more of a bumpy plateau and are struggling to progress further up the 'recovery ladder?'

Or have things been going mostly backwards of late (hopefully not)?

For what it's worth, I'm keeping you and other BLers suffering from these tormenting symptoms in my thoughts and prayers. Maybe it'll do some good - who knows?

I really wish you all the best buddy - take care.
 
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