MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

[ro4eva]

I have definitely cut ties with the friend who introduced me to MDMA. The only reason I even took it in the first place was because everyone at the party was and I was totally clueless on what MDMA actually was and what harmful side effects it can have. I am not a heavy drinker by any measure and only drink on a weekend basis in a social setting.

I see.

I know you might consider my symptoms milder because I'm specifically focusing on head pressure but when you work in a stressful job like mine it's hard to focus when you got head pressure. When you hear about a few individuals on this recovery thread who have stated that they are still suffering from this specific system 1 year out it's really worrying.

I apologize if I came across as insensitive.

I understand you've been suffering from this for a long time now, and I know it can be very frustrating to not know exactly what the cause of all this is. And then you try to identify with others and they have no idea what you're talking about, which can be very frustrating and/or depressing (mostly manifested as a severe feeling of hopelessness).

It won't be mentioned again from me.

I was going to the gym before this incident and continue to do so even more after it. I'm just taking a multivitamin and amino acids at the moment. Would someone recommend I start taking 5HTP, could my serotonin levels being low be the cause of this?

Possibly, yes, but I'm not so sure about that.

This is all theory, but I think the Serotonin Transporter (SERT) may be still switched in the opposite direction (due to MDMA, or some mimic research chemical use), or, Serotonin Axons might be damaged and unable to release / reuptake 5-HT into / from the corresponding synapses.

Someone please feel free to correct me if this is wrong:

If it's the former (issue with SERT) then perhaps an SSRI would help, as it binds to SERT (last I checked) and may 'flip' it back in the proper direction.

If it's an issue with entire Axons, then the stimulation of neurogenesis may be the best option - perhaps along with something to try and treat the LTC symptoms if severely affecting the patient's quality of life and/or ability to function.

Re. 5-HTP: Personally, I don't trust it. I've used it extensively for a couple of years and it never seemed to help with anything. Also, after I read about how as much as 40% (IIRC) of supplements containing adulterants, it left me rather upset and without further trust towards supplements in general.

Seeing a neurologist at this point wouldn't be worth it as a few posters on here have posted that MRI results came back clear. It's concerning when you get head pressure with no explanation or clue as to what's specifically causing it. I'm just trying to make sense of all this and breakdown what's exactly happening in the brain that leads to prolong head pressure. The neurologist don't know the answers and were all left to pick up the pieces ourselves.

MRI most likely won't find anything. I've had my brain 'MRI'd' many times since my LTC started (and ended) and nothing was ever found.

PET on the other hand, may very well, if it's even in use where you presently reside. I wish it was available here, but last I checked, it still isn't.

That being said, you do what you feel is the correct course of action.

Again, anyone else who's suffered from head pressure and has fully healed please don't be shy to post as it really gives hope to myself and other individuals who are suffering.

For what it's worth, I used to experience (among other things) this symptom when I was sick. The only time that it would lessen in severity would be when I'd lay down my head on a pillow, but even then it wouldn't be completely gone.

I hope you have a wonderful day

 

[ro4eva]

By the way, hello bluelighters!

I've been away for weeks now. I can see why people that have recovered move on and never post again. If you feel good and these things are no longer consuming your life, why bother, right?

I'll just say I'm seriously looking to start my career again after being too sick to work for at least 6 months. The SSRI's have me feeling better than before the whole LTC ordeal. Like I've stated previously, I've always had issues with depression and I think it runs in my family although most are too dumb or stubborn to get treated for it. This time I'm trying to treat it with the respect it deserves as in I got an appointment with a psychiatrist in a couple of weeks to discuss what I'm taking and whether or not I should take more or maybe try a combo that works.

Currently, I have windows of happiness that I didn't even know existed. I want to feel that way or better always not just in short spurts. We'll see how it goes.

As for the LTC, the only thing that pops up on occasion is the damn "head tightness/pressure" and it's really no big deal anymore. I can think. I have energy. I have no fatigue issues. My sleeping problems are gone. I don't have any anxiety. I'm good.

Within the past few weeks, I've done coke once, took a few hits off a joint once, and have had a few beers on a few occasions. I think the coke caused a delayed headache that lasted a few days. It wasn't exactly pleasant, but it wasn't anything debilitating. I haven't had any problems while doing the drugs whatsoever. No anxiety. No panic. No nothing. Like I said, I think the coke caused a headache that appeared a couple days later and lasted for a while. That was the worst of it.

Anyways, hang in there. Time will heal you!

Cheers!

Hey rphilli72, I'm glad to read that you are seemingly feeling much better - it's great news!

I'm willing to bet that, should you decide sometime in the near future to wean yourself off the SSRI, that the LTC symptoms won't return. Just be sure to cross this bridge when you feel the time is right, and not when someone else does. You obviously know yourself better than anyone, so yeah...

Well, I'm gonna go now, I hope you have a good day and a prosperous future, see you later buddy

 

[MindOverMatter1]

@Dynamo2013 I'm a little over 10 months out from doing E and still have tingling in my scalp also. I'm not a doctor but I've pinpointed this nerve tingling to peripheral neuropathy (look it up and it could be what you are suffering from also). I can't speak on the head pressure symptom you have because I haven't gone through that. To make the tingling go away (if it's neuropathy) you need to do three things - Stop taking all drugs (especially nerve stimulants like caffeine and nicotine). You don't want anything in your system that is acting on your damaged nerves. This could re-damage those nerves and make repairing them take longer or even cause non-existent recovery if you keep doing damage on those nerves. For example, my tingling went away for myself but came back when I drank caffeine. Then it felt healed again, I took valium, and now I'm three months out from taking valium and the tingling is back although it is getting much better again. From reading many different sources it looks like the consensus is that drug-induced neuropathy does get much better and full recovery is possible but it means taking away damaging agents to those nerves. Secondly, you need to give it time. Nerves heal slowly, very slowly. This means it could take years for the nerves to heal. You have to have patience. Also, an important note is that just because the tingling goes away does not mean the nerve(s) are fully healed. You need to make sure there is no tingling and give it many months or even a year after the tingling is gone to ensure the problem doesn't pop up again. Finally, it's ideal to give your nerves supplements to aid in the healing process. I recommend a good B-12 vitamin (try a high potency sublingual B-12 cyanocobalamin), a good multi-vitamin, and do research on acetyl l-carnitine/alpha lipoic acid (they have shown in research studies to help regenerate nerves and they did help me with my nerve pain) Have you noticed any sort of recovery or is the nerve pain just as bad as it was when this all started?

@pmz I know you're going through a rough time but you need to get your mindset straight. Doing drugs during a recovery as bad as yours is playing russian roulette with your already fragile brain. It's such a high risk for whatever little reward you could get out of it. The fact of the matter is that you need to maintain a drug-free lifestyle for many years or at least until you are sure you are fully recovered. Adding drugs into the mix especially hard ones with the hell you are going through has very high chances for exacerbating the problem you are dealing with. Being sober for a long time has a 100% chance in making you feel better and even full recovery. Eat healthy, continue to meditate, exercise, and pick up new hobbies that will help keep your mind off of your symptoms and especially keeping your mind off adding drugs into the mix. I played a lot of video games during my recovery. It's not the most productive thing to do with my time but it did help keep my mind off of things.

 

[fucked94]

When you are still in the initial recovery stages, which you should be coming out of soon if you haven't already, any drugs or alcohol cause problems as they all are effecting your brain that is trying to heal. Nicotine is a drug and a stimulant on top of that. So, with anxiety being one of the prevalent symptoms, adding a stimulant isn't helping matters.

I'm still recovering. I started Escitalopram 5 mg three months ago, which my doctor wants to me stop taking, and the panic attacks stopped once I started taking it, but I still have a long way to go.
Ive given up alcohol, weed, caffeine, but cigs are so hard to stop considering I have no other vices left.
It makes sense that I should though.

 

[fucked94]

@rphilli72:
Im glad to hear this man!Thanks for your update.

@fucked94:
Im still smoking cigarettes, too. Im 5 months in and I made a good progress even if I smoked all the time. I dont want to say its good for recovery but maybe it is just ok.
How is your progress? If there is none i would consider stop smoking but if you are improving, i think there is no problem smoking alongside

My panic attacks stopped about three months ago when I started my meds (which im about to get off of) and some days are better than others, but I'm still not recovered, I still don't get any breaks from this hell. The progress is very very slow, it's also hard to tell because I'm constantly thinking about how I feel today that it's hard to remember exactly how I felt when it started.

 

[Deltronpedro]

The progress is very very slow, it's also hard to tell because I'm constantly thinking about how I feel today that it's hard to remember exactly how I felt when it started.

Wow, that bothers me, too!!! I know this too good. What about sports?
Since I started to do sports 5-6 times a weak I feel much better.

 

[augustaB]

Sorry to hear your story.
Your friend has had an unpleasant experience and is traumatized.
In my view it was probably not the mdma that triggered the bad times but the cannabis.
I had a bad experience in my twenties that caused me a lot of problems in my life (I'm now in my sixties)
Your friend will recover slowly as the memories fade. Avoid becoming too reliant on alcohol it can be a very treacherous friend.
Probably the best way for her to recover would be some kind of therapeutic programme with one-on-one sessions with a therapist.
By the way we don't use SWIM on bluelight.

 

[fucked94]

Honestly, right now the most I can do is walking, and doing like squats, push ups, stretching, and core exercises. I think any kind of sport would be too much for me to handle even though i am in my 6 month of recovery.

 

[Deltronpedro]

Honestly, right now the most I can do is walking, and doing like squats, push ups, stretching, and core exercises. I think any kind of sport would be too much for me to handle even though i am in my 6 month of recovery.

Well, than try this on a regular base. What about running for 20 minutes in a very soft tempo?
I discovered running as a huge benefit for me.
What exactly hinders you from doing other exercises if I may ask you this.

 

[myr]

No SWIMming, read the forum rules!

Also, read this. Not joking, READ IT!
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/657228-Six-Simple-Rules-To-MDMA

 

[flooksta]

Comedown lasting 2 weeks

Hey guys

Thought I'd share my first post here about my comedown since I've found the threads on here really supportive.

I don't take MDMA that much, but usually the comedowns were minimal or unnoticed at all. This would be my 4th time and its taking a lot longer than expected to recover. About a month ago I took about 2 powder capsules (half of one that was brownish, then 1 and a half of white) and felt great. The day after was just tiring but nothing uncontrollable.

2 weeks later, I decided to try the brownish stuff I had last time (i was told it was pure), but this time just one whole capsule. I did not take any alcohol within these periods. I know the stuff shouldn't have been bad since my other friends recovered fast and have done it before.

This time, The days after were horrible; anxiety, unmotivated, depressed, unfocused, waking up 2-3 times a night and night sweats, and stressed out from all the exams, work, and my busy schedule (which I think worsened the comedown by a lot). Few days ago I started taking 50mg of 5-htp right before bed and multivitamins and started feeling a little better, but I don't like the idea of taking supplements to make myself better and I'm scared that once I stop taking them the symptoms would be back. I've been going to the gym 3-4 times a week but I've been going through a ton of mood swings so a lot of times I don't have the greatest appetite.

12 days later, I still feel grumpy in the mornings, some anxiety, still blurry vision, but the night sweats got better. Often taking a nap in the afternoon makes me go back to my normal happy state, but it sucks because the symptoms come up again in the morning.

Its just weird that I'm taking so long to recover because I did not take a large dosage and all my other friends recovered within a matter of days. Keep in my mind that I still have exams to go through and that hinders my recovery since I don't have too much time to just relax..

Is there anything else I can do at this point but wait?

Thanks guys

 

[mb-909]

Well it takes around a month to be nearly on the same level as before. You shouldn't take it if you have important things to do: You need serotonin for a lot of stuff, like sleeping, resting, thinking and recovery. Don't do weight's, do some running (> 30 minutes ). That is way more important and eat a lot of nut, especially walnut's. They are good for your brain.
And just to make sure how important it is to take long breaks: After 1 month you can think normally again, after 6 months you are mostly recovered and after 18 months you should be totally recovered. This is usually the time space where improvements can be noticed. After these 18 months recovery can still happen, but it is unlikely. That is the reason to take long breaks to see how you are handling the come down's, because MDMA changes your brain chemistry (doesn't mean that brain damage happened) and you don't want to be on antipsychotic's to get better.

 

[Erikmen]

Do you have withdraw from meth?

 

[flooksta]

Well it takes around a month to be nearly on the same level as before. You shouldn't take it if you have important things to do: You need serotonin for a lot of stuff, like sleeping, resting, thinking and recovery. Don't do weight's, do some running (> 30 minutes ). That is way more important and eat a lot of nut, especially walnut's. They are good for your brain.
And just to make sure how important it is to take long breaks: After 1 month you can think normally again, after 6 months you are mostly recovered and after 18 months you should be totally recovered. This is usually the time space where improvements can be noticed. After these 18 months recovery can still happen, but it is unlikely. That is the reason to take long breaks to see how you are handling the come down's, because MDMA changes your brain chemistry (doesn't mean that brain damage happened) and you don't want to be on antipsychotic's to get better.

Yeah its just that all my friends take a few days or less than a week to "recover" and its odd that mine is taking so long.. I do regular lifting too, so maybe I should stick with cardio for a bit?

Do you have withdraw from meth?

None. Just alcohol and the very occasional marijuana

 

[Civic Si]

Hey Everyone,

I need some advice as I feel I'm barely holding on at work. My head pressure is just sucking the life out of me and I'm in a demanding job. I don't know what to do and I'm honestly scared. I made a stupid mistake by taking that MDMA garbage which I've only done twice in my entire life and now feel I've ruined my future. I don't know what to do, I feel like no one can understand what were going through except the people who are suffering. Any advice or tips that helped would be appreciated because I'm honestly losing hope. I worked so hard to get to where I'm at and feel like I am gonna lose everything because of one stupid mistake. I took a stupid MDMA pill and now feel like I'm trapped in this mental jail with no end in sight.

Sorry for ranting but I'm lost and need some guidance and hope.

Thanks.

 

[fucked94]

Through all this I have developed serve hypochondria. If I work out to hard and my heart starts pounding, I get light headed, and i freak myself out. I can't do anything for a long time, I have to take breaks in between work outs. I'm constantly worried theres something severely wrong with me, like begged my doctor to give me a referral for an MRI (which he refused to do) so being so scared all the time, kinda pushes me back a little. but I'm trying to work on it as much as i can.

 

[Deltronpedro]

Through all this I have developed serve hypochondria. If I work out to hard and my heart starts pounding, I get light headed, and i freak myself out. I can't do anything for a long time, I have to take breaks in between work outs. I'm constantly worried theres something severely wrong with me, like begged my doctor to give me a referral for an MRI (which he refused to do) so being so scared all the time, kinda pushes me back a little. but I'm trying to work on it as much as i can.

Sounds hard, but there is no other way.
Overcoming this anxiety wont harm you, once you manifested this thought things will get better.
Nearly all of us in this "LTC" got to that point of hypochondira and over awareness, but with the right treatment it will go away, I promise.

 

[pmz]

@pmz I know you're going through a rough time but you need to get your mindset straight. Doing drugs during a recovery as bad as yours is playing russian roulette with your already fragile brain. It's such a high risk for whatever little reward you could get out of it. The fact of the matter is that you need to maintain a drug-free lifestyle for many years or at least until you are sure you are fully recovered. Adding drugs into the mix especially hard ones with the hell you are going through has very high chances for exacerbating the problem you are dealing with. Being sober for a long time has a 100% chance in making you feel better and even full recovery. Eat healthy, continue to meditate, exercise, and pick up new hobbies that will help keep your mind off of your symptoms and especially keeping your mind off adding drugs into the mix. I played a lot of video games during my recovery. It's not the most productive thing to do with my time but it did help keep my mind off of things.

See whats the messed up thing. I dont feel like its hurting me. Ive had a relatively clear head, i dont experience more brain fog from using. It sucks, that I actually get a big reward from using. Its not like im getting high just for the sake of getting high. I honestly enjoy it and I can chill and relax and be more laid back. It does not make me feel weird in any way. This is why Im so confused. Its not like its making my DP worse at all.

 

[ScaredFirstTimer]

Hey Everyone,

I need some advice as I feel I'm barely holding on at work.

I don't know what I can say other than that I relate completely.

I have a very hard time in life right now, due to a gradual worsening of my state over the last months. I struggle so much with work that I don't really know why I keep doing it. I should have quit/gotten long-term sick leave a long time ago. I guess I still have trouble accepting how damaged I am even though I feel like I'm passing out multiple times a day at work. On good days I just feel like shit continually throughout the day.

If you want motivation to keep fighting I suggest you watch The Dallas Buyers Club. Inspirational movie for people like us.

Hold fast.

 

[ro4eva]

See whats the messed up thing. I dont feel like its hurting me. Ive had a relatively clear head, i dont experience more brain fog from using. It sucks, that I actually get a big reward from using. Its not like im getting high just for the sake of getting high. I honestly enjoy it and I can chill and relax and be more laid back. It does not make me feel weird in any way. This is why Im so confused. Its not like its making my DP worse at all.

I am hesitating to respond to this post because I don't want to encourage others to do the same thing, lest they become even more ill, but the same thing happened to me, pmz.

In my desperation to escape the symptoms which had been chronically/constantly affecting me for over 4 months at the time, I bought some MDMA and used it soon afterwards.

For about 6 hours after ingesting the ecstasy pill, all my symptoms were gone. The euphoria wasn't as intense as before I had gotten sick - it was noticeably dulled, but still mostly there. I couldn't believe that using more of the drug that had apparently made me sick 4 months earlier had now made my 20 or so symptoms go away completely.

Alas, it was only temporary, and within 48 hours I was back to feeling like shit.

In retrospect, I feel that this was a very reckless move on my part. It's just that I was so desperate to escape my LTC-related symptoms - I wasn't even thinking of the possible (negative) consequences of me ingesting MDMA again.

Still though, thinking back now, it could have been worse - a lot worse.