MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

[ro4eva]

If anyone wants to know my full regimen I'm happy to post it.

Sure, I wouldn't mind to take a look (not for critique purposes, I promise)

 

[kracke]

https://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25637
trigger alarm. this article let my confidence about recovery be very small
i am so afraid to fucked up my serotonin receptors and wont be happy my entire life. can someone give me some motivation to dont believe it is brain damage?
do you know good recovery stories?

 

[ScaredFirstTimer]

https://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25637
trigger alarm. this article let my confidence about recovery be very small
i am so afraid to fucked up my serotonin receptors and wont be happy my entire life. can someone give me some motivation to dont believe it is brain damage?
do you know good recovery stories?

These users on this forum have inspiring stories. Do a search here and look through their posts to find the recovery story:

user names:

justsomeone (only has 6-7 posts)
happy_dude (one of his first posts)
cope (one of his last posts)
dawglaw

Edit:

i am so afraid to fucked up my serotonin receptors and wont be happy my entire life. can someone give me some motivation to dont believe it is brain damage?

My 2 cents on this. If you find the evidence for brain damage too compelling, the only thing you can do is to accept that fact. People get brain damage every day man. Soccers player, football players, boxers, etc. Brain damage is not the end of the world by any means. You will not feel like this forever. If you read a compelling explanation of MDMA neurotoxicity, then just accept that something unfortunate has happened to your brain, and do what you can to give yourself the best opportunities for recovery. Brain damage can heal, and your brain can compensate, but it will take time.

 

[ro4eva]

https://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25637
trigger alarm. this article let my confidence about recovery be very small
i am so afraid to fucked up my serotonin receptors and wont be happy my entire life. can someone give me some motivation to dont believe it is brain damage?
do you know good recovery stories?

Re. 5-HT Receptor Damage - Aerobic Exercise (jogging, eplitical training, etc.) has been shown to stimulate neurogenesis, which is the creation of new brain cells.

Also, as ScaredFirstTimer said, people kill large amounts of brain cells whenever they happen to bang their heads against hard surfaces and/or each other. And this is especially true and frequent in the sport of hockey.

One of the most brain damaging injuries happens with alarming frequency in the NHL - I speak of concussions.

NHL Players who have suffered concussions have almost always complained of long term cognitive issues such as brain fog, depersonalization, and derealization.

Another sport which is notorious for this is boxing (obviously). By the time a champ retires from the ring, he's considered lucky if he's not mentally retarded due to decades of punches to the head.

I understand that you have an almost obsessive desire to browse the net in the hopes that you'll manage to stumble upon a definite diagnosis of what exactly is wrong with you, and also perhaps a scientifically proven treatment which will get you back to normal (whatever your normal was) in no time. I know because I did exactly the same thing for several months. Unfortunately, you're probably just causing yourself more and more distress, and with little to no benefits. It's your choice obviously, but I think it would be best if you stop.

Do you have a hobby that does not require a lot of physical and mental exertion?

Now would be a good time - in my opinion - for you to start watching a long running TV series or something which you've always wanted to see. It will help you get your mind off of your symptoms. This is what I resorted to in order to not lose it due to obsessing over my LTC symptoms.

I know things must really suck for you right now - I've been there; it was easily the most difficult time of my life. ~19 freakin' months of the same shit.

Keep your mind busy and away from worrying about your LTC symptoms if you can. I found it was easier for me to do so when I would lay down on my couch. And if you live in a noisy home, some noise cancelling headphones will further help to keep your mind focused on something else.

 

[hoketus]

Who says its damage?

I would call it imbalance but not damage.

It's the same thing. I don't care what anyone calls it.

 

[hoketus]

Gonna start Tianeptine this week.

Is there a reason you chose a TCA over an SSRI?

 

[hoketus]

Sure, I wouldn't mind to take a look (not for critique purposes, I promise)

1) Medications and natural supplements:

Zoloft 150mg/day, Clonazepam 1mg/day, Zopiclone 5mg/night

This keeps me balanced, prevents panics, helps HPPD, and I sleep like a baby


Vitamins: Multi, B6, B12, D, Magnesium

Supplements: Lion's Mane Mushroom, L-Theanine, Alpha Lipoic Acid. I don't know if these actually do shit, to be honest. I don't really believe in most naturopathic medicine, but I was desperate.


2) Therapy - the right type for YOU.

Weekly or bi-weekly CBT with a C. Psych who specializes in anxiety and has extensive experience with drug abusers. We work on anxiety, overcoming agoraphobia, overcoming derealization, and generally taking small steps to help me integrate myself back into society.


3) Proper sleep - at least 8 hours. And go to bed at a reasonable time.

See above with Zopiclone. Works like a charm. Clonazepam also makes me tired so I can grab a nap here and there. I sleep 8-10 hours a night.


4) Proper nutrition - this is a no brainer.

I eat clean, mostly. I ate ketogenic for 8 months. Now, I sneak in some bread, bagels, oatmeal, but not a whole lot of grain. For anyone reading eating tryptophan doesn't increase brain tryptophan, so you can stop with the daily white meat (I used to think this)


5) Exercise - total no brainer for anyone with or without mental afflictions

I haven't got on top of this yet as I'm still fresh in recovery. But I understand hard cardio is the way to go.


6) Live! Set goals & accomplish them. Get out of the house. Interact with people. Make the best of it.

Small goals! I went out today and had brunch with a friend before my therapy session. We talked about what we'd been up to and what the future holds for us professional and artistically (we're in a band together). I didn't think about DP/DR once. I didn't think about HPPD once. He knows full well I'm in recovery. He didn't ask, and I didn't tell.

I head up the road for a weekly meditation class. It gets me out of the house and moving. NA once a week also - despite the fact that I'm not an addict and as such I don't really need it - it's nice to be able to talk to others in recovery and get some things off your chest.

See your friends. Even just go out and have coffee (decaf please!). Take in a movie. Whatever. Life doesn't have to stop entirely because you're sick.

 

[hoketus]

do you think it is just a mental problem or did fucked up some serotonin axons? or is it possible that it is "just" depersonalization"? because on dpselfhelp.com the people are talking about the exact same symptoms.

Post your usage please. Doses, and frequency. Along with full list of symptoms. Omit no detail.

do this and we'll be able to tell you more.

 

[hoketus]

My 2 cents on this. If you find the evidence for brain damage too compelling, the only thing you can do is to accept that fact. People get brain damage every day man. Soccers player, football players, boxers, etc. Brain damage is not the end of the world by any means. You will not feel like this forever. If you read a compelling explanation of MDMA neurotoxicity, then just accept that something unfortunate has happened to your brain, and do what you can to give yourself the best opportunities for recovery. Brain damage can heal, and your brain can compensate, but it will take time.

My psychiatrist describes drug abuse as a 'chemical concussion'. Concussions heal. They take a long time, but they do.

 

[hoketus]

Other than that, unless you can manage to book a brain PET scan for abnormalities in relation to Serotonin neurons, you might find you're wasting your time.

This might even just confirm what you already know.

I too tried lots of Melatonin, Valerian, Chamomile, Passionflower, and Kava when I was dealing with severe insomnia (shortly before I became ill with LTC symptoms) and it just didn't cut it. You might need a prescription, such as a Benzodiazepine, and I don't say that lightly because I'm aware such a drug can cause a severe physical dependency and possibly even a psychological addiction to form.

The OTC drug Diphenhydramine (Benadryl) may work for you, but after about 3 nights in a row, it usually stops working.

I'm the same way - melatonin, valerian etc. does shit all. But there are much safer routes to go than benzos. Rx sleep meds like Zopiclone, Lunesta, even Ambien (though this one can cause strange behaviour in some people.. use with caution).

Be careful combining St. John's Wort with 5-htp or L-tp because you could get Serotonin Syndrome if I recall correctly, because St. John's Wort has been shown to be an MAOI (again, IIRC).

If you did combine them in the past, it might have been a bad idea in the long term, but I'm not certain.

Correct. DANGEROUS. SS can kill you.

For ~8 months I took a combination of Zoloft (Sertraline) + Xanax (Alprazolam), and somehow this caused 16 of my 20 symptoms to completely resolve. And to this day, they have not returned.

What were you doses and was the Xanax daily?

That said, if I was able to recover after eating well over 1000 untested ecstasy pills over several years...

That must be a record for this forum. If this crazy mf-er can recover, I have to believe we all can. Congrats, by the way.

 

[hoketus]

https://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25637
trigger alarm. this article let my confidence about recovery be very small
i am so afraid to fucked up my serotonin receptors and wont be happy my entire life. can someone give me some motivation to dont believe it is brain damage?
do you know good recovery stories?

God, you're me 3 months ago. I couldn't count on two hands how many times I asked this question to every doctor, psychiatrist, and psychologist I met.

5HT receptors regrow. Emotions return. You can go ask any psychiatrist, neurologist, or psychopharmacologist in the world. I dare you.

 

[hoketus]

visited a neuro doc and they made mri and eeg but everything is ok. he thinks I should take ssri but most of the people on bluelight who suffer from this think this is not the right treatment.

Not to knock Bluelight, because there is some good advice on here (and elsewhere on other internet drug communities) - but a lot of it is PISS poor also.

So you know what I say?

Do whatever the fuck you want.

I started an SSRI after 6 weeks. A lot of people on here would tell me that this was a mistake, that it was dangerous, that I only should have used it as a last resort.

And I had great results. So, fuck 'em. We're all different. We took different drugs in different doses at different frequencies. Said drugs affect us all differently. So do Rx meds.

 

[ro4eva]

What were you doses and was the Xanax daily?

Zoloft (Sertraline) - 100mg Once Daily

Xanax (Alprazolam) - 0.5mg Three Times / Day (Yes, it was three continuous doses per day non-stop.)

Wellbutrin XL (Bupropion) - 300mg Once Daily

That must be a record for this forum. If this crazy mf-er can recover, I have to believe we all can. Congrats, by the way.

Thanks, I guess, but I really don't deserve any praise. I was a shining example of a reckless idiot for doing what I did, and I feel very fortunate to have not passed away. And while I may have resorted to the use of mind altering substances - especially ecstasy/MDMA - in order to temporarily escape/numb my painful memories growing up, it's not like someone force-fed me any of those pills.

Also, while I certainly do not pretend to have all the answers to life's fundamental questions/issues (not even by a long shot), the least I can do now is to contribute to harm reduction in general by way of helping other BLers to avoid common risks associated with the recreational consumption of various drugs, as well as to try and offer BLers unfortunately suffering from LTC symptoms some peace of mind if possible based on my own experience dealing with the same situation years ago, and of course, to try and live my own remaining life in a healthy, responsible, and productive manner.

Survival of the fittest or not, if there's one thing which dealing with 20 LTC symptoms for ~19 months has taught me, it is to be far more compassionate, patient, and understanding towards anyone who is suffering from chronic pain; regardless if it's physical, emotional, or both in nature; and especially if I feel that I can do something to ease that suffering. Maybe others here who recover will feel the same way afterwards, or maybe not.

 

[me2point0]

I dont understand whats scary about the article he linked? When I turn my head really fast I dont get motion sickness Anymore. I dont feel a hand grasping my skull anymore. If thats not recovery than I dont give a shit what recovery is, ill take whats happening to me right now regardless of its name lol.

 

[Tpchan85]

Preface: If you suffer from IBS or other bowel problems please read my post and take it seriously.

Hey all.
So I'm 9 months in and I'm somewhere in normality. I'm going to say something controversial: for many people here drugs have little to nothing to do with our condition. We have been told constantly that MDMA is a drug that may cause brain damage etc. We get ill and we rationalise that it must have been brain damage from this dangerous drug. Hence an ensuing loop of anxiety stoked by low serotonin and fueled by the internet on threads like these begins making us dismiss any actual health problem that may exist.

Why have I come to this conclusion? Because after 8 months of being dismissed by doctors I was finally diagnosed with vitamin B12 deficiency as a result of malabsorption due to celiac disease. I notice MANY people on this thread mention irritable bowel syndrome or other bowel problems which cause malabsorption. Drugs and the raving lifestyle deplete micronutrients our body absolutely NEEDS to function correctly anyway. Even n2o balloons deplete B12.

Some common deficiencies that mimic "LTC" symptoms:

B12 deficiency
- Numbness tingling
- Severe anxiety, panic attacks
- Heart palpitations
- Chest pains
- Dizziness
- Muscle twitching

Magnesium deficiency (calcium deficiency is similar)
- Severe anxiety, panic attacks
- Heart palpitations
- Insomnia
- Muscle twitching
- Memory loss

Other deficiencies that cause problems: Iron (easily detected), Potassium, folate

You cannot treat these with a multivitamin and a bit of exercise. You need to be diagnosed and given shots / pills.
A lot of you are probably thinking your doctor has done some blood tests and cleared you so there can't be a problem - doctors dont run these tests by standard, they do not consider lifestyle, malabsorption etc and will often miss problems like these. Another issue i telling doctors you have taken drugs will stop them from running tests they should because their medical guidelines tell them drugs -> anxiety, case closed.

Il write my own personal story below.

 

[Tpchan85]

My "LTC" story:
I have suffered from bowel problems since the age of 16, every doctor told me it was irritable bowel syndrome and there was nothing that could be done. About 2 years ago I started abusing MDMA and amphetamine. I used amphetamine daily on and off for periods of months and took MDMA roughly once every 2 months. In february I began to develop panic attacks when using amphetamine so I stopped taking it. In March I went on a night out and took an entire gram of tested MDMA. There was no terrible comedown, no sleep issues, no brain zaps. 3 days later after taking some 5-htp my heart jumped out of my chest and started skipping beats, cue terrible panic attack and hospital visit. The doctors sent me home with a telling off about drug abuse and some normal tests.

Over the next 2 weeks I got drastically worse not better, I had panic attacks 3 - 4 times a day that would send my heart up to 200 bpm, my heart skipped beats noticably about 10 times a day. I told the doctor everything and he ran basic tests, said I had drug induced anxiety and sent me home with beta blockers. I lived on beta blockers for 2 months before seeing a cardiologist. The cardiologist confirmed my heartbeat was irregular but again put it down to drug induced anxiety. I started to worry like many of you about damaged serotonin axons etc etc, FirstBadComedowns histrionic posts scared the shit out of me.

For 4 months or so I retreated into a state of acceptance and severe suffering. New symptoms came, terrible muscle pains and twitching, derealization that I can never forget, anhedonia. I would never wish that sort of suffering on anyone, I was scared I had lost it and I would go crazy and commit suicide. I kept going by sitting inside killing time playing video games and hoping something would change.

It wasn't until I was urged by a friend to get a paper copy of my blood test results that I noticed something was wrong. My blood cells were very large, just barely within the normal range. Researching led me to B12 which led me back to the doctor which led me to specialists for more tests and eventually I got diagnosed and treated for B12 deficiency. It took 4 days of treatment for the derealization to go away and 4 months for the other symptoms to start to go. Recently they also found magnesium and potassium deficiencies. I have since been diagnosed with malabsorption secondary to celiac disease.

Where am i now:
I get drunk, I smoke pot again and I'm considering rolling again. I live a normal life with no deficits. A lot of anxiety has remained with me but it isn't my default state anymore, I feel very scarred by the whole experience.

 

[Erikmen]

If you keep using you will get sick earlier in life. Lots of us have problems way too early on our early 30s máx.
That is pretty much what happen with any drug users. It will happen to you if you keep on doing it.
I know from my experience and from watching this over and over and over again. But who cares, right mate?!
Every one chooses the face they will have. Something like this..

 

[me2point0]

^cant wait to hear the story/results.

i was never convinced with the brain damage theory. We all think one pill will fuck us over but the truth is, the studies indicate that brain damage shows itself progressively is a gradual curve with drugs induced everyweek nonstop on the subjects. Many people like me only thook 1 pill even on their first time amd ended up here. I thought my adhd medication that is amohetamine-based caused my condition, but I thought of all my friends that did speed after molly so many times without ended up here. IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING ELSE. Even if its not his vitamin theory.

for those who are covinced that your little neuros are burned and stuff like that, knowing my story should convince you otherwise, it should give you hope. I was healthy, not on any drugs that could interact, I thook ONE pill and ended up here. Have we ever seem one mdma pill burn an entire brain like that? Not even close. Dont link brain damage articles if you dont know for sure you have it. Real brain damage people dont end up like us overnight.


I sincerelly hope this post will change the way this thread thinks and posts their ideas on this. Let's stop with the broken brain theories, and head anorher way

thanks,

-guy who isnt brain damaged

 

[Deltronpedro]

:D Thanks Felix

 

[ro4eva]

Where am i now:
I get drunk, I smoke pot again and I'm considering rolling again. I live a normal life with no deficits. A lot of anxiety has remained with me but it isn't my default state anymore, I feel very scarred by the whole experience.

Considering (if I understand correctly) your diagnosis of Celiac Disease, and your issues with the absorption and/or deficiency of Cobalamin and Magnesium (and perhaps other vitamins and/or minerals), are you sure it's a good idea to be consuming alcoholic beverages?