The initial weeks on SSRI's are hard on anyone. I don't know what you've been hearing in terms of side effects; I mainly slept a lot, and felt a little dizzy/loopy. It was totally worth it. YMMV.
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Welcome Guest! -
MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)
- Thread starter JWills20
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The initial weeks on SSRI's are hard on anyone. I don't know what you've been hearing in terms of side effects; I mainly slept a lot, and felt a little dizzy/loopy. It was totally worth it. YMMV.
This sounds like a success story to me! All reading, please don't be afraid to try an SSRI. You can stop any time you want!
I was totally scared to start an SSRI. The first 3 weeks I was lethargic, dizzy, sleepy. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Sleeping 12 hours a day? No big deal. I was out of work, and my brain probably needed it anyway. Nowadays, I sleep on a totally normal schedule. I eat better. My moods are better (not balanced - but better). All thanks to daily Zoloft.
I don't think we have sensitive brains. No one is meant to use as much MDMA as we have. I don't care who you are.
I agree.
Is your blurriness clearing up nicely? Light sensitivity isn't a big deal. I've had that all my life. But visual snow can fuck right the fuck off.
I used MDMA hard for several months (I posted my usage stats early in the thread). Methylone sent me over the edge into full blown DP/DR. I was walking dreaming for almost two months. Now, I'm pretty loopy, but I'll only fully dissociate from my body for a few hours at a time. My symptoms (I posted a long symptom list also) clear up and/or narrow out one thing at a time.
I used lots of pot, salvia, and alcohol in my teens through young adulthood.
I've done coke and psilocybin like 5 times each, DXM a few times, but I consider that stuff negligible. The MDMA and M1 did me in. No question.
The gym would go a LONG way for you, my friend. It might even solve all of those problems in one fell swoop.
Are you medicated?
Eating right?
ro4eva
Bluelighter
No. No lasting/long term side effects at all. At least, nothing that I can notice.
I've also had yearly physicals, many blood tests, medical imaging, and so forth performed on me since, and again: nothing/negative.
Umm, there was an initial concern that once I stop using the medication, I would be unable to maintain an erection, but that is definitely not the case.
I did experience what is known as "SSRI Withdrawal Syndrome" or "SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome," but I was expecting it, plus, the effects were only temporary (about 4 weeks).
After beginning treatment with 50mg / day for 2 weeks, I went up to and remained on 100mg O.D. P.O. (Once Daily) until it was time to come off, after which I dropped back down to 50mg / day for the last week.
Certain individuals - including a couple which I've known personally for about a decade - have apparently experienced a more difficult time than myself when trying to stop their SSRIs for good, yet, I'm not certain whether their withdrawal symptoms or mine (which were less severe in general) are considered the norm. At least they too did not experience long term side effects long after stopping their meds.
MindOverMatter1
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@Tommy Vangelis
What antibiotic are you taking for bronchitis?
What antibiotic are you taking for bronchitis?
ScaredFirstTimer
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- Dec 15, 2013
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I'm afraid it isn't that simple man, but thanks for the tip. Up until the 10 month mark in my comedown I continued my training as it had been for the last few years, and added cardio.
This is how i trained this summer for instance: Strength 3-4 times a week, 5k run 2 times a week + shitloads of hikes in the mountains every week. I did 15 strict pullups, and 5x3 with 20kg in a weight belt almost every workout. About 1.5 months ago I suddenly couldn't even do 10... My body is just totally burnt out. My condition forced me to stop training for a while, not the other way around.
I've been fit for many years, and I still was up until a couple of months ago. I still am to some extent, I've started strength training again now as my fatigue has improved somewhat.
My diet is good, but I've had periods during my LTC where I ate shit for a while not noticing a correlation with my general condition at all. Still, I do eat healthy because it's been a lifestyle for me for many years.
hey. maybe some of you know, but i am also suffering from a longtermcomedown right now. i am in month 4 and my anxiety is getting worse because everyday i have it longer, i lose the hope that it will go away.
to my story. i was drunk but did not extremly much mdma that night. some friends took the same stuff and are fine.
my symptoms are no positive emotions, excitement, euphorie; having dp/dr mostly at the beginning, brain fog, anxious, bad sleep like i do not get in deep sleep state.
visited a neuro doc and they made mri and eeg but everything is ok. he thinks I should take ssri but most of the people on bluelight who suffer from this think this is not the right treatment.
do you think it is just a mental problem or did fucked up some serotonin axons? or is it possible that it is "just" depersonalization"? because on dpselfhelp.com the people are talking about the exact same symptoms.
i noticed most of the people who suffer from the ltc get this from doing molly for their first to fifth time. so isnt it possible that we just overanalyze the whole thing? that we just were very anxiety about the long comedown and so our mind went on safe mode? but how will i get back?
what do you think about that article. it triggers my anxiety a lot. do you also think that i fucked my serotonin system and now i am suffering through the ocd (that i will never be the same)
http://www.anxietycare.org.uk/docs/illegal_drugs.asp
i need some encouragement guys that it is just anxiety and no damage and that everything will be close to normal and that i will fell happiness again in my life.
maybe from guys who have recovered or making big steps forward.
to my story. i was drunk but did not extremly much mdma that night. some friends took the same stuff and are fine.
my symptoms are no positive emotions, excitement, euphorie; having dp/dr mostly at the beginning, brain fog, anxious, bad sleep like i do not get in deep sleep state.
visited a neuro doc and they made mri and eeg but everything is ok. he thinks I should take ssri but most of the people on bluelight who suffer from this think this is not the right treatment.
do you think it is just a mental problem or did fucked up some serotonin axons? or is it possible that it is "just" depersonalization"? because on dpselfhelp.com the people are talking about the exact same symptoms.
i noticed most of the people who suffer from the ltc get this from doing molly for their first to fifth time. so isnt it possible that we just overanalyze the whole thing? that we just were very anxiety about the long comedown and so our mind went on safe mode? but how will i get back?
what do you think about that article. it triggers my anxiety a lot. do you also think that i fucked my serotonin system and now i am suffering through the ocd (that i will never be the same)
http://www.anxietycare.org.uk/docs/illegal_drugs.asp
i need some encouragement guys that it is just anxiety and no damage and that everything will be close to normal and that i will fell happiness again in my life.
maybe from guys who have recovered or making big steps forward.
Deltronpedro
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2014
- Messages
- 203
Short and to the point - yup. That's what I think we do. Once you learned it to not overanalyze things get better. So does your anxiety.
Coping Strategy
The first thing you have to realise is; a panic attack can’t kill you. None of these symptoms can. It’s a natural response to stress. The worst thing that’ll happen is you’ll feel quite tired afterwards. Perhaps a helpful side effect if you’re having trouble getting to sleep!
When you experience panic or anxiety symptoms, the natural response is to try to fight it. Bad move! Think about it; if you’re fighting it you’re only becoming more stressed. You’re releasing more and more stress hormones that, in turn, deepen and perpetuate your anxiety!
An analogy I heard was to imagine someone is holding a gun to your head and saying “If you panic, I’ll shoot you”. Obviously, in that situation you’re going to panic, so how can you avoid being shot? This is the hard part, but the most important principle to master. It goes against human nature, but you must train yourself to ignore your symptoms. Reacting to anxiety, feeds it more. Studying it, especially when you’re having regular panic attacks, also increases your anxiety. Even though it’s counterintuitive; the sooner you learn to pretend it’s not there, the sooner your anxiety symptoms will lessen. quote:http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?p=814602
Written by a dude who recovered from MDMA induced anxiety
Have a good one kracke
Deltronpedro
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- Joined
- Jul 14, 2014
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- 203
@ scaredfirsttimer:
Allready started taking the Tianeptine? Im curious about it.
Allready started taking the Tianeptine? Im curious about it.
ok. very interesting thinking. thanks deltronepo. especially the thing with the man and the gun.
i don't have any panic attacks, only anxiety symptoms which are very different. sometimes really strong, but sometimes (very rare) i forgot it completely for some minutes.
but as mentioned, what me scares most is the fact, that i dont feel happy since that day of the ltc. no excitement or happiness. have you also had such problems? i think thats my biggest fear that i destroyed somehow my serotonin system which is responsible for happiness. maybe i could overcome the anxiety if i can be sure that my serotonin system is fine but can it be tested or scanned?
i don't have any panic attacks, only anxiety symptoms which are very different. sometimes really strong, but sometimes (very rare) i forgot it completely for some minutes.
but as mentioned, what me scares most is the fact, that i dont feel happy since that day of the ltc. no excitement or happiness. have you also had such problems? i think thats my biggest fear that i destroyed somehow my serotonin system which is responsible for happiness. maybe i could overcome the anxiety if i can be sure that my serotonin system is fine but can it be tested or scanned?
Deltronpedro
Bluelighter
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- Jul 14, 2014
- Messages
- 203
You can calm down. I got that one also and it went away for good 
So no destroyed serotonin system
You have to manifest the thought that your "sickness" is no permanent damage and you are trapped in a really nasty anxiety cycle, which makes these symptoms insist.
Once you made this step it becomes easier and easier.
"i don't have any panic attacks, only anxiety symptoms which are very different"
I came across this one, too. Maybe panic attack is here a bit overstated and could be misunterstood. I think fighting with symptoms which are affecting us the most at that moment, triggers a panic reaction. We have panic, worrying how this all will continue. Loosing the hope and beeing unable to do something against it triggers the worst panic Ive ever had. And panic(or how ever you wanna call it) keeps the anxiety machine running.
"sometimes really strong, but sometimes (very rare) i forgot it completely for some minutes."
How could you forget something (even if it lasts only for some minutes) which is absolutely permanent? Know what i mean?
It's a very harsh struggle we have with our anxiety.
You could get rid of it by taking meds, the right one will work for you.
But you can do it without, too.
Stay strong
PM me if you are in need
So no destroyed serotonin systemYou have to manifest the thought that your "sickness" is no permanent damage and you are trapped in a really nasty anxiety cycle, which makes these symptoms insist.
Once you made this step it becomes easier and easier.
"i don't have any panic attacks, only anxiety symptoms which are very different"
I came across this one, too. Maybe panic attack is here a bit overstated and could be misunterstood. I think fighting with symptoms which are affecting us the most at that moment, triggers a panic reaction. We have panic, worrying how this all will continue. Loosing the hope and beeing unable to do something against it triggers the worst panic Ive ever had. And panic(or how ever you wanna call it) keeps the anxiety machine running.
"sometimes really strong, but sometimes (very rare) i forgot it completely for some minutes."
How could you forget something (even if it lasts only for some minutes) which is absolutely permanent? Know what i mean?
It's a very harsh struggle we have with our anxiety.
You could get rid of it by taking meds, the right one will work for you.
But you can do it without, too.
Stay strong
PM me if you are in need
That was exercise alone - but what about exercise compounded with meds?
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Permanent damage? No. Some damage? Yes. Serious damage? Maybe.
There's no quick fix for this recovery. You're going to need a LOT of rest and a LOT of time.
Whether these afflictions are drug induced or not doesn't really matter anymore, since we're all quit drugs (right?). Stop dwelling on your drug abuse days. You don't have a drug problem. You have a mental health problem.
There's a 6 point system used to treat depression & anxiety problems (depression & anxiety really are chemical cousins, and it's very rare to have one without at least a bit of the other)
The points are:
1) Medications and natural supplements - the right ones for YOU.
2) Therapy - the right type for YOU.
3) Proper sleep - at least 8 hours. And go to bed at a reasonable time.
4) Proper nutrition - this is a no brainer.
5) Exercise - total no brainer for anyone with or without mental afflictions
6) Live! Set goals & accomplish them. Get out of the house. Interact with people. Make the best of it.
Anything you want to put on top of this (meditation, qi gong, mindfulness) is totally cool and up to you! I do all three
If anyone wants to know my full regimen I'm happy to post it.
ScaredFirstTimer
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2013
- Messages
- 317
Gonna start Tianeptine this week.
Last edited:
Horrible comedown
Greenlighter
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- Dec 6, 2014
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- 3
First, a bit about me:
I am an extremely healthy (at least physically) 22 year old male. I never had major signs of depression or anxiety before mdma use. I am a professional dancer so I am CONSTANTLY pushing myself physically on a day to day basis and I am very "in-tune" with my body.
Drug history:
a have taken ecstasy pills a total of 6 times now (no bad effects first 4 times)
one time it was also half a pill with a following redose of pure mdma (no bad after effects)
before this previous weekend, I suffered what I believe to be a MILD "long term comedown" 3 months ago in August.
I had taken 3 pills in the course of two nights in a row... I felt "normal" again after 2-3 weeks however I believe the experience traumatized me in a way. I had anxiety, depression, DP/DR and some panic attacks the few weeks following. Unfortunately that did not seem to traumatize me enough to not try mdma again after some months. (biggest regret of my life!)
Also, I started taking a low dose of St. Johns Wort this September (300mg once a day). Not really because I felt much depression and no anxiety at all, but more of as a precautionary (after reading more about effects of SSRI's now I wish I hadn't). I didn't plan to take it for very long and wasn't even sure it was having any effect.
I wanted to try ecstasy again with my partner to see if I really was sensitive to it or it had been a fluke last summer. A week before the roll, I tapered off the SJW and went five days before the roll without taking it at all.
Now back to the present:
9 days ago I took half a pill of ecstasy (on pill report this half should contain about 100mg of MDMA, also no bad reports of it out of the three I read)
an hour and a half later did not feel any kind of "rush" or come up. I then took a small pinky dip of MDMA (we still need to test it but others have also tried it with no adverse effects like me). I then felt the high but not any kind of rush as usual (I have panicked on the come up before). It was more of a gradual high that I came to realize and enjoy.
Over the next hours I took two very small pinky dips of the MDMA. I had a great relaxing high and was extremely happy and full of energy. I was drinking LOTS of water throughout and peeing constantly (over-hydration?)
It was like all my nerves were on fire (in a good way) and extremely sensitive during the high (especially my scalp).
After about 5 hours of dancing and enjoyment my partner and I left the party and went for a long walk because I had so much energy.
We returned to our apartment and laid in bed talking. (as a side note my junk was what they refer to as "speed dick" very small and hard... sex was not an option)
I took a melatonin and two 5HTP (200mg in total)- this could have possibly done more damage than good?
I made the mistake of trying to sleep and relax while obviously still quite high...
the first symptom I noticed was I felt paralyzed from my body (being a dancer this is literally one of my worst nightmares)
my arms and legs were completely numb. It also felt like my blood circulation had gone bad (like when your arm or leg falls asleep)
I was getting a tingling shocking sensation every now and then in my hands and feet.
My hands and feet also were extremely cold yet I believe my body temperature was warm... I was too much in a panic to notice.
My heart was beating rapidly but it seemed to go faster when I moved. My partner felt my pulse and thought it was fast but normal (we compared with his which seemed just as fast if not more).
I would also break out into a sweat every now and then. I was experiencing such a feeling of PANIC.
My partner was not getting any of the same reactions but he had more of pill and less of the pure MDMA. He is also very tolerant to drugs.
I did not sleep at all that night. I was so restless and kept making sure my legs could still move. (paralysis lasted a few days after)
Throughout the entire night I was peeing CONSTANTLY (every 30 min to an hour) with lots of liquid going through me.
The next morning after no sleep my eyes were still dilated and I still had "speed dick" as well as the constant peeing. I kept drinking water to stay hydrated and FORCED myself to eat yogurt and bananas that day. My partner told me to go on a walk which was almost impossible for me to do I was so out of it.
My vision was very blurry and I my brain activity was dead. I curled up in bed the rest of the day drinking fluids (also took a multivitamin) and trying to sleep. I don't believe I truly slept but I was so exhausted it was just hard to keep getting up to pee. My temperature was fluctuating all that day (from sweating to chills). I have never had such bad physical symptoms after use of MDMA.
I had very bad anxiety and paranoia throughout as well.
the second night I believe I "slept" 1-3 hours of very light sleep. I could still feel my heart beating which was uncomfortable and had the paralysis. My mind was in a bad place and had a buzzing feel to it in my brain. I thought I had gone crazy.
The next morning I had to catch a plane back to my city (my partner and I live separately at the moment due to work). This seemed almost impossible because I was so spaced out by then but I somehow managed to get on a 2 hour plane ride while controlling my feeling of panic and out of body experience. (I was able to eat yogurt and banana still as well as stay hydrated through this time).
I immediately went to the doctors from the airport who didn't offer much help (big surprise) but said to wait it out and gave me four valium pills. I took one immediately at home and it calmed me down and I was able to sleep a few hours. I kept drinking fluids (and taking vitamins!) and that night took another Valium and had a great 10 hour uninterrupted sleep (finally!).
I made the mistake of trying to go to work the next morning... I was still very spaced out but thought I could force myself. As a dancer you have to stretch before, as I was doing this I knew I wouldn't make it. My legs felt numb and I was very disconnected with my body (DP/DR?)
I told work I was not feeling well and went back to the doctor (again no help).
The other nights on Valium I was able to get lots of sleep but my feelings of anxiety and depression were still bad. I forced myself to go on long walks over the next two days and had was managing forcing myself to eat three small but healthy meals a day. (I also took my usual multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Fish oil, Magnesium, and zinc)
I was drinking orange juice, chamomile tea and water whenever I could.
I tried to return to work again on Thursday (I love my job usually and always feel guilty when I have to miss it). I made it through about 30 minutes of dancing before I had to leave again. My heartbeat would speed up and I would feel very out of my body after the outbursts of exercise (panic attacks?).
I returned to my doctor who AGAIN didn't help at all and only took my blood pressure and checked my pupils (all fine). No mention of other tests or seeing a specialist which is what I was asking for.
I had finished my Valium and didn't want to become dependent on it. The next few nights were hard to fall asleep because I believe I was experiencing vertigo and my body just did not want to go to sleep! (I managed to get on average 5-7 hours). My dreams were panicked and I would wake up and fall back asleep often. Side note: I started taking 5mg of melatonin as well as valerian root before bed these nights.
Its been nine days since I ingested the MDMA. I have told my close friends and family of what it's done to me so far. I have noticed improvements but to me they are so slow and I have realized I may be in for the long-haul after looking up many stories and articles online. (did I mention I might have become a bit OCD about this?)
My appetite seems to be improving but I find my body isn't telling me when I'm "hungry" as much as it used to. I can eat fairly large portions now and I have not experienced any nausea. My sleep has been affected greatly... I used to be a great sleeper and go most all nights with 9 hours and not waking up. I find I can fall asleep without vertigo and dizziness but I wake up all of a sudden early in the morning.
My dreams are less panicked now though.
I had been getting pressure and sometimes headaches (not as painful as others describe on BL) for the past two days but today it doesn’t seem to be here. maybe it will come back though?
I feel good after a long walk and I have started some light jogging in between but my heart rate seems to go up just from that (or i'm being too paranoid about it?)
physically my body feels exhausted which is not like me at all... I was in the best shape of my life before this and working out all day everyday is my actual job! I haven't had a full on panic attack again but a general feeling of de-motivation and depression has taken its place. It fluctuates throughout the day.
I have taken another two weeks off work because I am not sure how long this could last. I am ready to take more time off if need be. The problem with my job is you need to be in top physical form both mentally and physically to be there.
I have noticed my brain function is slower as well. Forgetting things, inability to multi task now... however my concentration has somewhat improved. I can read again and watch tv, write, have a normal conversation with people.
I haven't noticed much lack with my vision. (maybe a bit of this visual snow people refer to but nothing too overwhelming about it).
Also my sex drive... oh how I miss it! I have been able to masturbate once a day recently but it is not the same. I'm more forcing it to happen and I notice is can't stay as hard as it used to.
So the obvious thing to me is my serotonin is seriously depleted:
Hence loss of the feeling of appetite, sex drive, my usual happiness (I was always happy!), motivation, pleasure, and SLEEP!
now what the big question I guess for everyone is how much damage or imbalance have I caused... obviously no one can tell which is so frustrating to me.
SO HERE ARE MY QUESTIONS TO YOU:
1. Obviously I am experiencing some kind of damage or trauma... what would you advise be my next step? I am eating a healthy and balanced diet, exercising (although still lightly), talking to the ones I love everyday, TRYING to get as much sleep as possible, taking vitamins and keeping hydrated.
2. Should I make the appointments with a better doctor and receive a full body exam and tests? I know so many people here have done this to no results but maybe I should just for peace of mind?
3. Should I increase my melatonin intake or result to a sleeping aid? I take 5mg of melatonin now... I believe sleep is one of the best healing processes and since my body is making it hard to sleep this is delaying that process. Maybe another short round of benzos?
4. I have taken 50mg of 5htp for two nights and haven’t noticed any major differences... I also have L-tryptophane (100mg) pills. Should I alternate each night between a low dose of those two in case it helps?
5. Do you think because I had been taking St. Johns Wort (300mg) for three months prior to this roll it made the situation worse? Should I start back up with St. Johns Wort now or stay off it?
6. Piracetam worth for me to try?
Any help would be amazing. I am willing to take whatever time I need. I am the kind of person who won't go down without a fight! (Although the fight in me seems weaker now)
*side note: I notice my digestion is not so bad... no weird feelings in my stomach although it can make more noise now than usual after eating. (I know serotonin is in the gut, so obviously another sign)
my bowel movement is normal and regular (sorry if its too much info!)
I am currently living back with my partner because being alone was not helping this situation. I have another two weeks off work and willing to take more (or even change lifestyle and job) if need be. My health and happiness is that important to me. (Hence, the sometimes feelings of despair when I remember "how I was" before this incident).
I am an extremely healthy (at least physically) 22 year old male. I never had major signs of depression or anxiety before mdma use. I am a professional dancer so I am CONSTANTLY pushing myself physically on a day to day basis and I am very "in-tune" with my body.
Drug history:
a have taken ecstasy pills a total of 6 times now (no bad effects first 4 times)
one time it was also half a pill with a following redose of pure mdma (no bad after effects)
before this previous weekend, I suffered what I believe to be a MILD "long term comedown" 3 months ago in August.
I had taken 3 pills in the course of two nights in a row... I felt "normal" again after 2-3 weeks however I believe the experience traumatized me in a way. I had anxiety, depression, DP/DR and some panic attacks the few weeks following. Unfortunately that did not seem to traumatize me enough to not try mdma again after some months. (biggest regret of my life!)
Also, I started taking a low dose of St. Johns Wort this September (300mg once a day). Not really because I felt much depression and no anxiety at all, but more of as a precautionary (after reading more about effects of SSRI's now I wish I hadn't). I didn't plan to take it for very long and wasn't even sure it was having any effect.
I wanted to try ecstasy again with my partner to see if I really was sensitive to it or it had been a fluke last summer. A week before the roll, I tapered off the SJW and went five days before the roll without taking it at all.
Now back to the present:
9 days ago I took half a pill of ecstasy (on pill report this half should contain about 100mg of MDMA, also no bad reports of it out of the three I read)
an hour and a half later did not feel any kind of "rush" or come up. I then took a small pinky dip of MDMA (we still need to test it but others have also tried it with no adverse effects like me). I then felt the high but not any kind of rush as usual (I have panicked on the come up before). It was more of a gradual high that I came to realize and enjoy.
Over the next hours I took two very small pinky dips of the MDMA. I had a great relaxing high and was extremely happy and full of energy. I was drinking LOTS of water throughout and peeing constantly (over-hydration?)
It was like all my nerves were on fire (in a good way) and extremely sensitive during the high (especially my scalp).
After about 5 hours of dancing and enjoyment my partner and I left the party and went for a long walk because I had so much energy.
We returned to our apartment and laid in bed talking. (as a side note my junk was what they refer to as "speed dick" very small and hard... sex was not an option)
I took a melatonin and two 5HTP (200mg in total)- this could have possibly done more damage than good?
I made the mistake of trying to sleep and relax while obviously still quite high...
the first symptom I noticed was I felt paralyzed from my body (being a dancer this is literally one of my worst nightmares)
my arms and legs were completely numb. It also felt like my blood circulation had gone bad (like when your arm or leg falls asleep)
I was getting a tingling shocking sensation every now and then in my hands and feet.
My hands and feet also were extremely cold yet I believe my body temperature was warm... I was too much in a panic to notice.
My heart was beating rapidly but it seemed to go faster when I moved. My partner felt my pulse and thought it was fast but normal (we compared with his which seemed just as fast if not more).
I would also break out into a sweat every now and then. I was experiencing such a feeling of PANIC.
My partner was not getting any of the same reactions but he had more of pill and less of the pure MDMA. He is also very tolerant to drugs.
I did not sleep at all that night. I was so restless and kept making sure my legs could still move. (paralysis lasted a few days after)
Throughout the entire night I was peeing CONSTANTLY (every 30 min to an hour) with lots of liquid going through me.
The next morning after no sleep my eyes were still dilated and I still had "speed dick" as well as the constant peeing. I kept drinking water to stay hydrated and FORCED myself to eat yogurt and bananas that day. My partner told me to go on a walk which was almost impossible for me to do I was so out of it.
My vision was very blurry and I my brain activity was dead. I curled up in bed the rest of the day drinking fluids (also took a multivitamin) and trying to sleep. I don't believe I truly slept but I was so exhausted it was just hard to keep getting up to pee. My temperature was fluctuating all that day (from sweating to chills). I have never had such bad physical symptoms after use of MDMA.
I had very bad anxiety and paranoia throughout as well.
the second night I believe I "slept" 1-3 hours of very light sleep. I could still feel my heart beating which was uncomfortable and had the paralysis. My mind was in a bad place and had a buzzing feel to it in my brain. I thought I had gone crazy.
The next morning I had to catch a plane back to my city (my partner and I live separately at the moment due to work). This seemed almost impossible because I was so spaced out by then but I somehow managed to get on a 2 hour plane ride while controlling my feeling of panic and out of body experience. (I was able to eat yogurt and banana still as well as stay hydrated through this time).
I immediately went to the doctors from the airport who didn't offer much help (big surprise) but said to wait it out and gave me four valium pills. I took one immediately at home and it calmed me down and I was able to sleep a few hours. I kept drinking fluids (and taking vitamins!) and that night took another Valium and had a great 10 hour uninterrupted sleep (finally!).
I made the mistake of trying to go to work the next morning... I was still very spaced out but thought I could force myself. As a dancer you have to stretch before, as I was doing this I knew I wouldn't make it. My legs felt numb and I was very disconnected with my body (DP/DR?)
I told work I was not feeling well and went back to the doctor (again no help).
The other nights on Valium I was able to get lots of sleep but my feelings of anxiety and depression were still bad. I forced myself to go on long walks over the next two days and had was managing forcing myself to eat three small but healthy meals a day. (I also took my usual multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Fish oil, Magnesium, and zinc)
I was drinking orange juice, chamomile tea and water whenever I could.
I tried to return to work again on Thursday (I love my job usually and always feel guilty when I have to miss it). I made it through about 30 minutes of dancing before I had to leave again. My heartbeat would speed up and I would feel very out of my body after the outbursts of exercise (panic attacks?).
I returned to my doctor who AGAIN didn't help at all and only took my blood pressure and checked my pupils (all fine). No mention of other tests or seeing a specialist which is what I was asking for.
I had finished my Valium and didn't want to become dependent on it. The next few nights were hard to fall asleep because I believe I was experiencing vertigo and my body just did not want to go to sleep! (I managed to get on average 5-7 hours). My dreams were panicked and I would wake up and fall back asleep often. Side note: I started taking 5mg of melatonin as well as valerian root before bed these nights.
Its been nine days since I ingested the MDMA. I have told my close friends and family of what it's done to me so far. I have noticed improvements but to me they are so slow and I have realized I may be in for the long-haul after looking up many stories and articles online. (did I mention I might have become a bit OCD about this?)
My appetite seems to be improving but I find my body isn't telling me when I'm "hungry" as much as it used to. I can eat fairly large portions now and I have not experienced any nausea. My sleep has been affected greatly... I used to be a great sleeper and go most all nights with 9 hours and not waking up. I find I can fall asleep without vertigo and dizziness but I wake up all of a sudden early in the morning.
My dreams are less panicked now though.
I had been getting pressure and sometimes headaches (not as painful as others describe on BL) for the past two days but today it doesn’t seem to be here. maybe it will come back though?
I feel good after a long walk and I have started some light jogging in between but my heart rate seems to go up just from that (or i'm being too paranoid about it?)
physically my body feels exhausted which is not like me at all... I was in the best shape of my life before this and working out all day everyday is my actual job! I haven't had a full on panic attack again but a general feeling of de-motivation and depression has taken its place. It fluctuates throughout the day.
I have taken another two weeks off work because I am not sure how long this could last. I am ready to take more time off if need be. The problem with my job is you need to be in top physical form both mentally and physically to be there.
I have noticed my brain function is slower as well. Forgetting things, inability to multi task now... however my concentration has somewhat improved. I can read again and watch tv, write, have a normal conversation with people.
I haven't noticed much lack with my vision. (maybe a bit of this visual snow people refer to but nothing too overwhelming about it).
Also my sex drive... oh how I miss it! I have been able to masturbate once a day recently but it is not the same. I'm more forcing it to happen and I notice is can't stay as hard as it used to.
So the obvious thing to me is my serotonin is seriously depleted:
Hence loss of the feeling of appetite, sex drive, my usual happiness (I was always happy!), motivation, pleasure, and SLEEP!
now what the big question I guess for everyone is how much damage or imbalance have I caused... obviously no one can tell which is so frustrating to me.
SO HERE ARE MY QUESTIONS TO YOU:
1. Obviously I am experiencing some kind of damage or trauma... what would you advise be my next step? I am eating a healthy and balanced diet, exercising (although still lightly), talking to the ones I love everyday, TRYING to get as much sleep as possible, taking vitamins and keeping hydrated.
2. Should I make the appointments with a better doctor and receive a full body exam and tests? I know so many people here have done this to no results but maybe I should just for peace of mind?
3. Should I increase my melatonin intake or result to a sleeping aid? I take 5mg of melatonin now... I believe sleep is one of the best healing processes and since my body is making it hard to sleep this is delaying that process. Maybe another short round of benzos?
4. I have taken 50mg of 5htp for two nights and haven’t noticed any major differences... I also have L-tryptophane (100mg) pills. Should I alternate each night between a low dose of those two in case it helps?
5. Do you think because I had been taking St. Johns Wort (300mg) for three months prior to this roll it made the situation worse? Should I start back up with St. Johns Wort now or stay off it?
6. Piracetam worth for me to try?
Any help would be amazing. I am willing to take whatever time I need. I am the kind of person who won't go down without a fight! (Although the fight in me seems weaker now)
*side note: I notice my digestion is not so bad... no weird feelings in my stomach although it can make more noise now than usual after eating. (I know serotonin is in the gut, so obviously another sign)
my bowel movement is normal and regular (sorry if its too much info!)
I am currently living back with my partner because being alone was not helping this situation. I have another two weeks off work and willing to take more (or even change lifestyle and job) if need be. My health and happiness is that important to me. (Hence, the sometimes feelings of despair when I remember "how I was" before this incident).
Deltronpedro
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2014
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ro4eva
Bluelighter
- Try to take some time off of work or school if you can because it usually increases stress levels, which can undermine any recovery.
- Make yourself as comfortable as possible when home by keeping yourself concentrated on something which doesn't require a lot of physical and mental effort, such as watching a movie. This is only until you recover.
- Distance yourself from any "bad" friends/acquaintances who may tempt you to buy/sell/use drugs, alcohol, and/or tobacco/nicotine products, as they can make your LTC symptoms worse.
- Avoid any caffeine-containing products or supplements, as they can contribute to your anxiety levels and panic attacks.
- Try to remain optimistic in general (I know it's not easy), and remember that we are here for you, and that we know what you're dealing with - you are not alone.
- Be careful with any supplements (especially herbal) as they can make your symptoms worse, and can also interact with medications. Also, there was a recent study published which found that as little as 1 in 4 of these products contain what the ingredients listed on the bottle, and only those ingedients, as well as the right amount.
When I was sick, going to any doctor was an exercise in futility. I was repeatedly x-rayed, CT scanned, MRI'd, poked with needles for various blood tests, asked to provide urine samples, ECG'd, EEG'd, and so forth, and it all came back "negative" or "normal."
I would say for you to go and have a full spectrum bloodwork done if you haven't already, just to be sure that - for example - your liver and kidneys are functioning properly.
Other than that, unless you can manage to book a brain PET scan for abnormalities in relation to Serotonin neurons, you might find you're wasting your time. And most doctors seem to believe that when they cannot find objective medical evidence to support claims made by a patient that they're feeling severely ill, that the patient must be either exaggerating or malingering. It's ridiculous, but it's reality, unfortunately.
Be aware that supplements in general have been found to be very poorly regulated in various western countries including America, Canada, England, and so forth. Many have been found to contain impurities, adulterants, and/or none of the main (active) ingredient(s) written on the label. The number is as high as 40%.
I too tried lots of Melatonin, Valerian, Chamomile, Passionflower, and Kava when I was dealing with severe insomnia (shortly before I became ill with LTC symptoms) and it just didn't cut it. You might need a prescription, such as a Benzodiazepine, and I don't say that lightly because I'm aware such a drug can cause a severe physical dependency and possibly even a psychological addiction to form.
The OTC drug Diphenhydramine (Benadryl) may work for you, but after about 3 nights in a row, it usually stops working.
Isn't it redundant to be using both 5-htp and L-tp? AFAIK, the body converts 5-htp to L-tp (or the other way around), and then to 5-ht. Please correct me if I'm wrong, as I may be.
Anyways, based on the poor regulation of supplements, and also the lack of benefits that I've personally experienced with years of 5-htp use, I wouldn't bother with it.
Be careful combining St. John's Wort with 5-htp or L-tp because you could get Serotonin Syndrome if I recall correctly, because St. John's Wort has been shown to be an MAOI (again, IIRC).
If you did combine them in the past, it might have been a bad idea in the long term, but I'm not certain.
I haven't tried it, sorry.
My recovery treatment option might not be popular, but I strongly feel it worked.
Basically, I tried to live a healthy, active, drug free, stress free lifestyle for ~6 to 7 months, but it got me nowhere, so I decided to go the medication route.
At the start of my LTC, I was experiencing about 20 symptoms - more on that soon.
For ~8 months I took a combination of Zoloft (Sertraline) + Xanax (Alprazolam), and somehow this caused 16 of my 20 symptoms to completely resolve. And to this day, they have not returned.
The 20 aforementioned symptoms were as follows:
- brain fog
- uncomfortable awareness of heartbeat
- depersonalization
- de-realization
- feeling of heaviness when standing
- sudden numbness and tingling (limbs)
- dizziness
- difficulty concentrating and/or focusing
- fatigue and/or low energy
- headache
- dream-like state
- vivid dreams
- depression
- anxiety
- panic attacks
- paranoia
- insomnia
- shortness of breath
- sudden chills
- mood swings
- suicidal ideation
- tinnitus
- digestion issues (irritable bowel, colitis)
And after ~8 months on the Zoloft + Xanax, the following 4 symptoms remained:
- difficulty concentrating and/or focusing (improved a little bit, but not completely)
- fatigue and/or low energy (fatigue was less severe, but low energy was not)
- headache (but no more brain fog, depersonalization, and/or derealization)
- depression (but far less severe)
So I stopped taking the Zoloft (Sertraline) and swapped it with Wellbutrin XL (Bupropion). It was tough for the first 4 weeks because of SSRI withdrawal symptoms, but I managed.
Anyways, for ~3 months following that, I took a combination of Wellbutrin XL (Bupropion) + Xanax (Alprazolam), and again, somehow it caused the remaining 4 symptoms to completely resolve. And again, to this day, they have not returned.
I stopped taking all medications and waited, and waited, and waited some more, and none of my symptoms returned, so I consider myself to be recovered, and in total, it took me ~19 months from the time I got sick until I completely recovered. This was a little over 7 years ago.
I'm not recommending this at all, but about 6 months after I recovered, I tried some MDMA again, but I was extremely careful with respect to purity/testing, not overdoing it, having a babysitter just in case, not combining it with other drugs, and so forth, and we went to a big rave, and I was fine afterwards - no problem.
Who knows? Maybe I got lucky, but I don't think so.
I truly believe that you, and everyone else here can fully recover if you keep at it and choose the correct treatment option, whether it's with or without Rx meds. Since we're all wired a little differently, I can't be sure of what that option is for you, and I'm sorry about that.
That said, if I - who acted like a complete and utter moron with a death-wish - was able to recover after eating well over 1000 untested ecstasy pills over several years (I'm not proud of this whatsoever), and many times in combination with other drugs, then I refuse to believe that others cannot. And if that's arrogant and ignorant of me to assume, then I'm sorry, but I still feel that way.
I'd be more specific about certain things, and I'd try a little harder with respect to grammar (sorry), but I really gotta run for now. And I sincerely apologize if I didn't provide the answers you were looking for to your questions. Perhaps someone else will help me out with that.
Have a wonderful day, and try not to think too much about the potentially negative long term implications - you could be out of this mess sooner than you think
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